Society & Politics

Interview with a vampire: Feminism and gender from the male perspective, featuring a guy who thinks this all "sucks".

For most of my previous MyTakes on here I have focused on what I thought were injustices in this world when it came to gender equality. After my last recent few articles, I realized that it didn't really have the full research I usually put into my writing. It was only coming from my own female perspective. It's like arguing one side of debate and not taking into full consideration the male side of things. Enter our interviewee, Ari.

I thought I would try something new for this MyTake and stretch my interviewing legs to speak with a long time friend on his point of view of feminism, gender roles, and men's current place in society. While I will do my best to keep his answers as close as possible, out of fear of having my post removed due to his lack of a filter and mostly just to make this easier to read at times, I will paraphrase his responses when I don't remember the exact wording. I will make it clear when I do and use quotes when it is a direct quote.

A little bit of background on him before I begin. I have known him since we were little and while we have different life experiences, he had a somewhat similar upbringing within a military family and a strict household. We have remained close throughout the years. We never dated or anything and keep things strictly platonic, except when gaming, where things become extremely contentious and I have to put him in his place.

"There is no place to hide from my rage, Ari. Get back here and fight like a man."
"There is no place to hide from my rage, Ari. Get back here and fight like a man."

This interview began with a bang (as was expected) with a discussion about a recent MyTake I wrote on here about women standing up for sexist rules in uniforms, censorship, and sexual assault. I also spoke about some of the responses I received. His response was...enlightening? (answers censored for some profanity).

  • Ari: Of course you wrote something like that, full well knowing exactly the kind of responses you were going to get. You want to paint this picture of a f'ing repressed female society. You do realize how much easier you have it now, right? Your mom would have never been able to sit in her room and play f'ing games and write articles about female empowerment. Your grandfather would have beat her a*s for being f'ing lazy.
  • Me: "Ok yeah, but while progress is made it doesn't mean the fight is over. We don't just get to rest on our laurels now that I can play a game and write. It just means I am not in the 1800s anymore."
  • Ari: What's your fight? Clothes on an athlete? Pick your f'ing battles. You had a point with #MeToo, so stick with that. You undermine your own argument by picking up stupid a*s battles. You aren't asking for equality in your story. You are looking for sympathy for a cause almost nobody is going to give a s**t about and bundling it with something serious. Write a true equality story. Include your #MeToo stuff, but also talk about the guys who also were falsely accused during it instead of dismissing it. Talk about the ones who were actual victims.

(Clarification: He meant the ones being raped and sexually assaulted as well on that last part)

In all fairness, he is right. There were more than just female victims and there were definitely males falsely accused. Both are extremely wrong and, as a side note, I will do a better job including more details in my writing going forward.

I am a feminist and while a majority of my focus does look at the female perspective, the message is equality for all. Maybe that doesn't come across well enough in my writing or maybe guys here just refuse to listen and bristle up at the word feminist and straight up ignore times when I have defended men. I still think, even if most people don't care, that shining a light on progress when it happens is a good thing.

"Yeah, ok I messed up. Time to go into hiding."
"Yeah, ok I messed up. Time to go into hiding."

We then started discussing the role of men and women in relationships including marriage.

  • Ari: *laughing for approximately way too long*
  • Me: "What?"
  • Ari: "Please, as a lesbian, tell me more about men's roles in relationships."
  • Me: "I don't have to be a male in a relationship to tell you what I see. I watched how my dad treated my mom and how my grandfather treated my grandmother. They were expected to do all the work around the house and serve their every need."
  • Ari: "Sh**ty people. That's not gender roles, just lazy a**holes. Male gender roles? Let's talk about HAVING to work. No options..."
  • Me: "Guys have options. They don't have to work."
  • Ari: In what world do they not have to f'ing work? How is a man supposed to look at his father-in-law with a straight face and say that he is mooching off his daughter and that sh*t is ok? A man who can do that has no f'ing pride in himself. For that matter, how is a man even supposed to look a woman in the face and say that? 'Don't worry, babe. You go bust your a*s at work and I will do the dishes between games of Call of Duty?' A woman can get away with that sh*t. Want to know why? Because a guy will want that sh*t. A woman who can take care of his place and still want to game with him? Sign me right the f**k up!

This is where I disagree with him. I think it is really toxic to say a man can't stay home and take care of the kids. Male pride, however, is a thing and I will acknowledge him on that front. It is kinda gross though that we take the simple idea of taking care of your house and the idea of a guy doing it as a full time thing is seen as weak and emasculated, but for a woman it is supposed to be a sense of pride and fulfillment in her life. Like, what? You both live there, both of you can take pride in cleaning up your dirty dishes and scrubbing a toilet. Seems fair to me.

"I am NOT feeling the pride here, Janice."
"I am NOT feeling the pride here, Janice."

That conversation lasted for quite a while and I am not going to include all of it, but the gist of it was that he believes that some gender roles have to always exist. As an example, companies can hire women to do heavy lifting, but they are going to be slower in most cases and a company has to worry about bottom line. In the reverse, women are better communicators and would do better in teaching and phone work. He did agree that women need more leadership opportunities and that people need to change their mindset about viewing female leaders. I believe his phrasing was something to the effect of:

"Stop being sexist a**holes. If a woman can run a house, hold a job and raise kids, she sure as h**l can run a business full of men who want to act like babies about her being in charge."

Sometimes Ari has nuggets of wisdom come out of that filthy mouth of his.

The final topic I will bring up from our interview was how he sees men are viewed in society. Of all the topics I think we disagreed most on this one. I guess, this is just how each of us view the world around us and I am not sure how that can be fixed, but something needs to change. I will let him have the final word on this one and wrap up my piece here as I know this MyTake is pretty long. Thank you for reading and I look forward to talking to you in the comments.

  • Me: "So you think men have it harder in society than women."
  • Ari: "Easily."
  • Me: "How so?"
  • Ari: Men are expected to carry the burden of responsibility, not just for himself, not just for his family, but for his entire f'ing gender. As a woman, you can work or stay at home. You can stay pure or you can f**k whoever you want. You can easily receive more assistance from your family when in need. You can show emotions. You can use those emotions to manipulate men. When that doesn't work, you can use your t*ts.
  • Me: "Your whole gender? Maybe you are taking on way too much responsibility. Worry about you and yours. Also, no, I can't just sleep with who I want because then I get labeled a slut by idiots."
  • Ari: That's what being a man is. Taking on responsibility for everyone else and carrying that sh*t whether you want it or not. If I stay home, I am a lazy f**k. If I don't sleep around or at least brag I am, then I am a beta male or some stupid sh*t. If I go ask my parents for help with a bill, I am seen as a failure. If I cry, I am weak. Nobody is giving me a d*mn thing if I start crying and I sure as h*ll can't flash my d**k to get out of a speeding ticket.
  • Me: "So women are to be blamed because guys think they have to let some women get away with it just because they can't control their libidos?"
  • Ari: Nah, you get the blame for knowing you have that power and abuse it when it is convenient. Don't call men out for using their advantages in society and claim there is no equality there when you use your advantages to do the same d*mn thing. Where is the equality there? You see this power men have in society. You look at men having leadership roles and making more money as something to be envious over. Let me tell you, it sucks. Being a guy f'ing sucks at times. All that sh*t sounds great until you have it and then you realize it comes with a f**k ton more responsibility.
  • Bri: "Then maybe guys should be willing to share that responsibility and let women into those roles."
  • Ari: Or maybe, as protectors and those shouldering that responsibility for so long, maybe we are trying to protect you from yourselves. We know what the burden is like. It comes with some rewards, but for those of us who aren't rich as f**k, it mostly just sucks.
Interview with a vampire: Feminism and gender from the male perspective, featuring a guy who thinks this all "sucks".
Post Opinion