Women Ask Where The Nice Guys Are

This is a tribute to the nice guys.

The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point.

This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support.

This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern.

This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

"This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs."
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all OK and she shouldn’t worry about it.

This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor.

This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t.

From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom.

"The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due."
I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted.

The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys:You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgment, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Women Ask Where The Nice Guys Are
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Most Helpful Girl

  • lapa5
    I don't want this nice guy you described. This sounds like a really pathetic guy with no self respect or backbone. A guy who would put up with a girl like this just because she is pretty (because she obviously has no personality) is also very shallow. Do NOT be "this nice guy", be a kind, caring and respecting guy. This also means self respecting. A guy who won't let others use him. The guy who is nice to those who deserve it. The guy who can see if they deserve it.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Subotai
    When the nice guy asks the girl out she's says lets just be friends. Its intersting people that say being nice is just being a fake friend. What are the nice guys supposed to do just walk up to a girl and grab her boobs. Its true nice guys get treated like sh*t which explains why a lot of men are assholes women trained them to act like that. the same way dogs are trained by humans reward certain behavior
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • arisato-
    Thank you. It doesn't change the fact that our romatic lives still suck, but it was nice to read.

    The part that gets me the most is girls don't even realize they do it! I bet 90% of the girls that try and say "I don't do that" or "that's not true" have been doing it for years without even knowing it.
  • behindblueeyesx
    Its nicely worded but its also rather melodramatic. A lot of ''nice guys'' end up never making any kind of a move on a girl and then somehow feel entitled to bitch about it. I'm not saying that's everybody but there's a lot of those types of ''nice guys'' out there.
    • circlebill

      You seem to be either confused or mistaken! Nice guys DO make a move. They are typically REJECTED!

  • EscapedLunatic
    Here's what I think of your nice guy: he's an idiot. Worse yet, he has no balls and deserves the sh*tty treatment he gets from girls. Furthermore, because he's willing to be a toilet with legs in the name of friendship, he encourages and facilitates the obnoxious behaviors you complain about. If you want a woman as your lover be straight forward about it, but don't offer to be her friend and then complain when she treats you like one.
  • virgininla
    I'm a nice guy. And I'm working on changing myself. I know it something I just need to work on changing. The fact of the matter is, most girls like nice guys for friends, but they don't want a nice guy as a boyfriend. There are exceptions to every rule, but the majority don't.
    • circlebill

      What you've said is the absolute truth!

  • Rahim517
    Happens every day. Hell, right now some poor, disrespected dude is listening to his girl friend (two words) drone on about the last loser she pulled out the jerkwad bin down at the club. Women constantly want to blame these guys for not asking them out, only problem is, these guys have usually asked out women with horrific results. Get humiliated enough times and it can give you quite a complex. Women need to own their actions and stop acting crudely to men who ask them out.
  • Janeight
    To all the nice guys out there--- please, pretty please do NOT change! Although I have never been a guy, I can imagine it must hard, feeling like your kindness and sweetness is underappretiated- but please be patient, you'll meet the right girl who WILL appretiate you! Do the right thing and be yourself... it'll pay off :)
    • circlebill

      Objectively, you have given wonderful advice! Unfortunately, the shortage of sensible, mature women like yourself, renders your otherwise excellent advice NEARLY USEELESS!

    • circlebill

      correction - NEARLY USELESS!!!

    • virgininla

      You give wonderful advice and I'm sure you are a very nice woman. Unfortunately most women don't think the way you do...

      Jane, this is the bottom line. I was a nice guy for many years. Being nice got me tons of female friends who told me what a great catch I would make for some special girl. Another thing it got me was years of involuntary celibacy. It was only when I ceased to be so nice that things began to turn around. That is why you see more nice guys working to change themselves and become less nice and less gentlemanly. Because most women aren't attracted to guys like this. We can say that they may have been decades ago, but that is not the case today and hasn't been for many years.

  • Bvroon
    Amen brother, you have so nailed it right on the head, I am one of a few invisable nice guys, don't look for me because true to our colors you will forever over look me as a support pillar or perhaps a whisp of mist. As to answer why girls long for a "nice guy" and then sleep with the jerks out there, well it could be a number of things, ironically enough it could be just the numbers of it, in that there are more jerks than nice guys or it could be the path of least resistance.
  • adrianereeder
    AMEN also my life, I don't undestand it. but its great to see I'm not the only one who feels like this. my former fiance is a bitch , still is a bitch. I'm trying to put a ring on her ringer but she can't commit. I'm very good to this girl. I give so much love and support. I have never cheated, verbally abused her, hit her, or anything else that guys do. I treat her like a queen. She has f***ed me up over here and I don't understand what I did wrong. I give 100% to her.
  • Hannah591
    Guys like that are highly valued but usually when they fall for that girl, they become too full on and it pushes the girl away. Or the girl sees him as a friend and always will be because he's made himself appear that way. But I think everyone exaggerates that good guys finish last, I know many nice guys who have got girlfriends and are very happy now! There's usually something the nice guy isn't noticing which is turning girls off, not his nice personality.
  • NMMan
    I saw this piece several years ago when it was first written for a publication at UPenn-Wharton. I disagreed with it then, and do just as equally today. A man who treats a woman in a "friend"-ly manner (much as the article describes), who doesn't assert himself, or doesn't convey his interest/act on his feelings has zero right to complain about it when the woman doesn't fall for him. Self-pity doesn't attract anyone, but respect, confidence, and being genuine about your intentions does.
  • shiv1990
    nice guys are an abomination. They are fearful, do not act when time requires them to, do not have an opinion, they are weak and always needing approval cos they cannot live without approval!

    Rather, be the guy of honour, strength and conviction so you could protect your family, children and your woman!
  • talloak
    Very well said! I can related too well for when I was younger and nicer. For my take on this subject see link
  • leawind07
    Um dude I understand where you're coming from but what's stoping you from asking the girl out? Why not tell her how you feel? It's time for us to stop blaming others because WE fail to act and complaining when the girl that we like goes for the other guy because we never show our true feelings
    • circlebill

      Let me explain it for you since really don't seem to know:

      "Your a nice guy, but I only like you as a friend and that's all!"

      I hope that clears it up for you!

  • lavalamp87
    nice used to mean "stupid" in the 13th century. Nice guys aren't really nice, they are manipulative. ALL those things they do are not because they are genuinely giving people, but because they want the girl to like them! They are just trying to manipulate her so they can get in her pants, and most of them are in complete self denial about it. That's why girls hate nice guys
  • ALWAYSclassy
    Well what's stopping the nice guy from asking her out? Don't blame women. If you're pretending to be her friend then that's how you're going to get treated.
    • circlebill

      Here's the basic problem that you seem to be missing as given in a typical female quote:

      "You're a nice guy, but I only like you as a friend and that's all!"

  • landoan
    I don't think it's much more complicated than 'the women in the US care 99% about money and 1% about anything else."

    But thanks for recognizing that we are out there!!!
  • kcm_05
    Lol I can relate to being the girl in this story.. I am sorry.. I knew I was doing it too.. but at least I always gave credit where credit was due..
    • virgininla

      It is good that you recognized it... Thanks so much for your honesty. You sound like a good person, we all make mistakes.

      It is human nature, nothing really can be done about it. Nice guys like I used to be, just need to change... that is the only real solution. The era of being attracted to a woman, chivalry, wanting to date her, respect her, not try to get into her pants on the first date is over and women have killed it.

  • revraidon
    First off I love having female friends. Don't quite bend over backwards for them but treat them as well as my best male friend. If you're sacrificing too much just for a pretty smile or just to be around a pair or t*ts, then I don't really respect you and I can see why most women wouldn't want to be more than friends with someone like that.

    What's happening is you're destroying your self esteem and a high self esteem or sadly a high ego is often viewed as attractive.
  • RadicalDreamer
    It sounds like you are frustrated that you didn't let this girl know you wanted to be more than friends - and are now complaining that she is treating you as just a friend - why not just let her know how you truly feel about her
  • fedex
    Amen brother! You've described the last 6 years of my life and probably the next four years of my life at college : [

    But yea you are absolutly true about everything you said.

    Like I said spot on your description! I feel a little sad now lol
  • ozlivid1991
    Bang on fella-couldnt have said it better myself. here's to us!
  • Killfest400
    First of all, quentin is right. This isn't your original work. Give credit.

    Second, I think a large part of the "nice guy" routine is misunderstood. For a true nice guy, you aren't being one so you can get in her pants. You're being one because you see how wonderful she is, and how much better she deserves than the assholes she's dating.

    Third, a lot of nice guys don't have the looks to attract. Given this, most women claim a nice personality to be a main desired trait. Nice guys use that.
  • dudegutarman
    A million kudos to you would be an insult. My friend. I shed a tear for you & hope that you use your knowledge to make the world just a little better.
  • sheandra
    Okay, I honestly think you go after the wrong girls? What's wrong with you? You shut yourself out!!!
  • Songbird
    That was quite sweet, a bit harsh on girls in general, but fair point. I liked it :)
  • kimberlyinspired
    I'm not a guy, but cheers! ( I ment that in a good way)
  • dodgypirate
    I'm a nice guy ... still I get the girls regardless.
  • dwright9224
    Lol. Most of my exes were great guys. So nice guys do exist.
  • quentin
    This Ode was originally written by Fu-Zu Jen, a student from the University of Wharton. She wrote this piece for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal. Give credit where it's due, buddy.
  • boyaskgirl1980
    Just be yourself...you will meet the right person at the right time. Don't change who you are..never!
  • FaytedEclipse
    Sometimes, Friendships can be stronger than Romance.
  • Shooster91
    I and all my nice brethren take our hats off to you sir
  • Laetron
    Brb, vomitting
  • obscene
    Look at all the girls in denial
  • Anonymous
    Nice guys deserve to be crushed, but not as much as their evil parents who turned them into the semi-men they are today.

    And women don't 'grow out of it'. They simply panic and settle. They shouldn't, though. If people had more self-discipline, we could solve the 'nice guy' problem in a generation. Nice guys simply shouldn't raise children, especially boys.