Who is responsible for the death of Chivalry?

[gobsmacked3]

You are out driving on a rainy day, and in the distance you see a car on the side of the road. A woman is struggling to change a tyre as the rain comes down heavier on her head

The gentleman in you compels you to stop, but, as you slow, ready to halt to offer assistance your foot presses on the accelerator to flee the scene

Shamefully, justification is easy to embrace, as you soliloquise

' The woman would have scolded me for being sexist towards her, assuming she could not change a tyre by herself and needed a man to do it.'

Berated for opening a door for a lady, or offering your seat on a crowded train in the recent past.

Why expose yourself to further grief?

Instead, embrace a generalisation of the actions of a few representing all, all while forsaking your principles as a man.

A surreal domino train ensues...

Women judge all men by the actions of a few....

Men judge all women on the reactions of a few...

The last domino to fall is the death of Chivalry

[Anonymous]

There are three things I thought about with this article.

1) Society moved away from "chivalry". People like to find the blame, and you seem no different. Women wanted more equal treatment at multiple points in our history, and society as a whole was moving on from the traditional gender roles. So this idea that somebody somehow killed chivalry seems very silly and makes it obvious who doesn't know their history.

Women were eager to move on from the traditional roles, since it was a much larger change for them than it was for men. But men got hung up on still trying to be that knight in shining armor. We're seeing it now with further changes to society- when you shed one role, people don't know what to replace it with. So out of familiarity, they still act out the role they've always known. Men did this, and the idea of "chivalry" changed as a result to our parents generation and especially for our generation.

2) Traditional chivalry wasn't even about men catering to a woman's every need. Quite the opposite, it was about mutual support and looking after each other as a unit, A TEAM. Go to YouTube and look up "The Door Test". It's from the movie A Bronx Tale, and it illustrates what chivalry used to be (but that was lost on younger generations who never lived during it). This is why men nowadays seem to think a woman needs catered to: men got hung up on still acting that way while women no longer wanted it or expected it. So "chivalry" became the one-sided issue it is today.

3) Medieval chivalry, TRUE chivalry you could say, mentioned very little about the treatment of women. It concerned itself with honorable rules of warfare, of personal character and conduct, and unrelenting war against infidels who were not like you.

When did it become about trying to get laid by being a nice guy?

[Slavanna]

It was always fiction in the first place. When those gallant XIV century knights were home after an entire day of pillaging and slaughtering, they were just dragging their women into bed without so much as a question. What you see portrayed as chivalrous in the media is usually inspired by the "courtly love" (like Dante's for his Beatrice; the latter probably never even knew him all too closely), which was seldom consummated (many a time because both parties were actually married to other people). Women were seen as either holy virginal Marys who were to be put on the pedestal, filthy seductive whores or baby machines that pop out kids if you put the dick in the right slot. Either way, actual romantic, intellectual and emotional connection between partners was staggeringly rare before the XX century, save for the few examples like Jan III Sobieski of Poland and his darling Mary. Noble marriages were mostly political, peasant marriages were ones of crude and uneducated people, who I believe had little time or regard for the elaborate, sophisticated courting that was actually more of a pastime for the elites, since most marriages up there were more or less arranged anyway.

[Phoenix98]

People now a days don't understand that the Code of Chivalry was about much more then simply being respectful and kind towards women and honoring them. It was about honor, valor and courage both on and off the battlefield, respect, honesty, administering and upholding justice.

Respecting and obey those placed in authority above you, living for freedom, justice and all that is good, protecting those to weak and defenseless to protect themselves. Never abandon a friend, ally, or noble cause, Live to serve King and Country. ( or president in our case )

Loyalty to country, King, honor, freedom, and the code of chivalry, loyalty to one's friends and those who lay their trust in thee. And to fight injustice and destroy evil and finally to live one's life so that it is worthy of respect and honor.

And whether people, men or women like it I always act within the code, because whether people deserve it or not, is no excuse not to treat people honorably, respectfully and to be honest with them.

[crystalt70]

Very nicely said. I very much agree with you.

[Phoenix98]

Thank you.

[Findingmyway]

For me chivalry is still very much alive but its seen more with some and far less with others.. I think when it comes to the changing tire setting the increase in stranger danger and descrease in a ability to trust strangers would be my concern. I'd love to welcome roadside help. My hesitancy would come from fear of my safety from the few bad people out there who prey on vulnerable women ruining it for the many good gentlemen who truly would help. Long ago hitchhikers were plentiful, now they aren't. Because safety is a genuine concern..

In other settings I love a man who will open a building door for me, help put my coat on.. Perhaps its my age and generation, perhaps its lack in teaching young men today what chivalrous acts are still very much welcomed.. Being an independent woman and wishing to be a mans equal in some settings does not mean I wish to eliminate all chivalry or him treating me less like a lady.. My guy is chivalrous in some things and everything he does in that manner makes me feel on top of the world. I def think its very much desired but the captacity of such has changed so a new level has emerged and we as parents should teach our young men what behaviors are still very much desired and in what settings. And teach our young ladies how to be a classy young lady so her guy will want to be a chivalrous gentleman to her. And chivalry is still very much alive in the bedroom when its between two people who love each other and know what love making truly is. Ask any man if one of his main desires is to please his woman first and his answer will be yes, guys like her to orgasm first. They too love to be pleasured and fully satisfied but without question she is his focus, not himself. This of course is all JMHO :-)

[Songbird686]

This might be the only post on GaG in which I agree 100%!

[Findingmyway]

Wow.. Thank you! :-)

[M_A_X]

So what you're saying is, you want a man to take care of you and do nice things for you just because you're a woman, but you also believe in equality? THAT IS HYPOCRICY

There is a difference between chivalry (random men treating you nicely just because you're a woman), courtesy (random men/women treating you nicely because you're a person), and love (someone treating you nicely because they love you)

I'm the kind of guy that doesn't cum before I make her cum, because I'm a very loving guy, and I do believe in taking care of the people I love just because I'm strong. It's not because I'm a man, it's because I'm strong.

What you should believe in, is courtesy, and love... not chivalry. Chivalry is the sexist one.

[Findingmyway]

Let me share some examples of how I am.. I'm a very traditional woman with traditional values. I believe my man who goes to work every day and works hard should come home a hot meal when I'm home all day and able to provide it. I love cooking and its my way of providing for him. I don't expect how women to do that, ESP those who also work full time.. Is just how it is for me personally. My guy knows this of me so doesn't hesitate to pick up the check if we go out because at home I take care of the meal for him.. I don't expect any man to go out of his way to open a car door for me but should we be dressed up for a formal nice occasion I would love it if he opened the car door for me that special time, or building door for me, in that setting. It just makes me feel good. Continued..

[Findingmyway]

When I visit my guy I grab my own coat and put it on or remove and take off myself. One time I was leaving and forgot to grab my coat. Instead of him just handing it to me when he brought it to my attention he held it open for me to slip into putting it on me. I love it! I desire his chivalrous actions because he cares about me.. Not just because I'm a woman. And in my generation (take note of my age compared to you) men are gentlemen sometimes doing things for a woman because they are a woman and its what a man does. As far as equality, if you and I are equally skilled in our career or trade I feel we both deserve to be equally compensated as our salary. As noted in my original post I spoke about certain settings. I do not feel it's necessary across-the-board and always, it's about appropriate times, scenarios and settings. I was raised that being courteous to another person is also an act of chivalry. I don't want you to be kind to me and be a gentleman just because I'm a female, I want you to do it because you care about me and if I'm your girl all more special it feels.

[Findingmyway]

You're missing my point and you also don't know me personally to know how I was raised and how I act. I'm a very giving empathetic person who is not selfish. I give more then ever receiving. I've made many sacrifices to help and protect others, putting their needs before myself. And feel in general settings we should equally tend to things but in some scenarios there is nothing wrong with experiencing some chivalrous behavior.

[AleDeEurope]

Chivalry is just another word to use instead of saying "nice". If a man doesn't hold the door for a woman, it's not that his not chivalrous, he's just fucking rude. Like if he didn't hold the door for a man. If I'm opening the door and there's someone behind me, or that's on the other side, no matter what gender their are, I will hold the door open for them, it's called being polite.
I don't think "Chivalry" is dead.
So in your example, the man wasn't chivalrous because he didn't help her, what if it was the other way around? Is it acceptable for the women not to help the guy?
We need to help each other, it doesn't matter if you're a man and she's a woman, or vice versa. We need to start being more kind to each other, I don't think it's difficult. If you don't know how to change a tire, just hold your umbrella on top of the other person. There's always a way to help/be kind to someone, and in my opinion, Chivalry is just another word to describe kindness, the only thing is that it's just used on men when they act kind towards women (which I'm not saying it's wrong).

[crystalt70]

I just don't understand all of the hatred that I am reading in the comments. As a mother, I teach my boys to hold doors for women and such. As a woman, I love when a man holds the door for me. As a human being, I also hold doors for people, regardless of who they are and I teach ALL of my children to do the same. It's a matter of common courtesy. It doesn't do you well to hold hatred in your heart for someone who may not have received your kind act very well. When someone is rude to me for something like that, I just smile and tell them that I hope they have a good day. I'm still happy with myself. It will also make them think and dwell on it more than I will. Maybe they will change their attitude. As far as tires go, I do know how to change a tire. I learned how to in girl scouts. I have had to change several tires in my adult life. On two occasions, men did pull over to ask if I needed help. No, I did not NEED it, but I accepted it and I did let them know that and told them how it was appreciated. Where I am from, most people (male or female) hold doors and pull over to assist others no matter of sex, age, etc. I guess we were just taught manners and common courtesy. I will continue to teach my children the same, no matter the actions or opinions of others.

[Song4TheBroken]

Why do you teach your boys to hold the door for women specifically?

[crystalt70]

You must not have understood. I teach my boys to hold the door for ALL people, regardless of who they are. My toddler has held the door for people since he has been able to open them. He will run up to a door to open it for the people walking in front of us. He actually gets carried away with it sometimes and I have had to drag him away from doors. He will hold it for those in front of us, then for us and those behind us. There may be 30 people and there he is at the door trying to hold it for EVERYONE. I had to explain to him that when there's that many people, instead of stepping aside to hold the door for everyone, you continue ahead and hold it for the person behind you to grab it.

[crystalt70]

"As a human being, I also hold doors for people, regardless of who they are and I teach ALL of my children to do the same."

This was my statement.

[SensualScribe]

It is not dead, just has become more rare. I feel as if it is society as a whole. Women want to feel independent from men and some of them have taken it to the extreme turning down their noses at common courtesy and respect. These extremist have given feminism as a whole a bad name. I consider myself a feminist in that I believe in gender equality in the work place, but I still have old-fashioned values when it comes to interacting socially and dating, in that I want to be treated like a lady. There are still men out there, that despite encounters with these extreme feminists g about their chivalrous ways simply because that is how they are brought up and that is how they choose to live their lives. Unfortunately, there are some that have been treated poorly so many times by women like this, that they feel as if they should not bother if it is not appreciated. I can fully understand this. I feel as if children in generations following the feminist and women's rights movements are taught less and less to be chivalrous. Many chivalrous acts are just common courtesy and should be practiced by both men and women and appreciated by all, unfortunately some people are just too self-involved to realize that.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Ironically enough, feminism did more to destroy it than anything else. This is because it let itself be infiltrated by Cultural Marxists, who had the ulterior motive of destroying social norms in order to destabilize the First World's economy for the sake of their made belief in a magical utopia that will form all by itself after "the revolution" happens.

Making women proud of their femininity, and promoting contextually healthy improvements to the treatment of women, was actually making society better, rather than worse. And that couldn't be tolerated.

So they set to work, redefining words like "strong," "independent," etc. The result was women who envied and hated men and wanted to be superior to men. "Empowerment" meant becoming slaves to sexual impulse and reducing one's self to a whore. "Sophisticated" meant being a stupid pig.

When more and more women betrayed their parents' honor (as the Cultural Marxists wanted), they also set the standard for all society to an all-time low. Men who took a stand were berated and sometimes literally bludgeoned. Those who stood up for women but admitted they could make it easier on themselves if they respected themselves more were fed a bunch of horse sh*t about how "respect" (meaning, persevered flattery) is relative, and how those men were "pro-rape" for saying women could do literally anything to improve their own stations in life.

Therefore, most men simply gave up. They still had urges to fulfill, and became demoralized about chastity and chivalry. So they gave in to the "get what you can" mindset, and were reduced to animals. Just like the women before them who were sold out by ideologues.

And to this day, far too many are content to behave like barnyard animals. And to a barnyard animal, chivalry is meaningless. Like pearls before swine.

[FatherJack]

Excellent response , upvoted !! Cultural Marxism is financed by the Rothschild / Rockefeller cartel in order for them to have a tighter grip on power & get even richer !! Politicians are their little bitches !!

[bunnyy]

I think it's just a redistribution of chivalry, if a guy opens a door for me cool but If I'm walking in front of anyone I'm going to hold the door for them regardless of gender because it's the polite thing to do. I think some men use chivalry to justify expecting things from a women so women would rather avoid it so the man doesn't try to make her feel like she owes him something. As for helping people change tires I'm always tempted to help but I'm scared to because you never know if that person could be dangerous, even though my family fixes up old cars and so I am well versed in that kind of thing I'd rather avoid the risk. There are so many men who will do something nice not just to be nice but because they think it earns them something from you. Like one man who helped me gather papers I had dropped on a breezy day and then demanded my number. When I told him I had a boyfriend he said "don't lie sweetie let me take you out to lunch" even when I showed him pictures of myself and my boyfriend he kept pressing for my number and a date. If he was going to act like that I would have much rather chased down my papers on my own. He kept saying "I did a nice thing for you now do a nice thing for me honey" he was also much too old to be "flirting" with me. It made me so uncomfortable and scared he kept yelling "lying whore you don't have a boyfriend" and following me, so finally I had to call my dad to come get me because he followed me onto the train and I was terrified. Chivalry should be common courtesy that EVERYONE is expected to show not just men towards women, and expect nothing in return for. If you are being "kind" for a reward you are not truly being kind.

[MrOracle]

The thing is, what you are describing is NOT chivalry, but rather a twisted bastardization of it.

[bunnyy]

well the men who do these things THINK that is what chivalry means.

[JackixJacki]

I believe, in my humble opinion, that chivalry is not exactly dead, more like rare. You have the occasional knight in shining armor, but they're rarer than a needle in a haystack. The reason chivalry has kicked the bucket is because of the internet, racism, and multiple other aspects. Technology has warned people of scams and certain other plots that people in need have ''played' on unsuspecting people. Therefore, we consider a person in need to possibly pose a threat. Secondly, for the reason you stated. Sometimes I shy away from people because of sexuality, race, and gender, simply because I don't want to offend them. The other day an African American group of men and one woman called me out as I was walking out from work, asking me to help jump their car. I continued on quickly and ignored the suggestion. Not because I am racist, but because I fear for the worst. In conclusion, I believe that technology and posing offense to someone stifles most of the attempts at chivalry in today society.

[Anonymous]

Chivalry is such an old word. If you're stopping to help a girl change a tyre to get in there with her, you're manipulative.
If you're there to geuninely help and she berates you, you're free to leave.

A couple years ago I was driving back home and I saw 2 guys who had aquaplaned in a puddle and crashed into a bank. I stopped to help anyway because I felt it was the right thing to do.

Don't focus too hard on Chivalry, just be nice to everyone. You'll be suprised how much it means to some people that you even stopped in the first place.

[MaskedSanity]

^ Truth.

[dartmaul15]

"Chivalry is dead, extreme feminims killed it".
Quite a funny statement, and it's about to be true. But as you so kindly pointed out, we're not there. Yet.
Women, appreciate the chivalry of men, AND on the same time make it clear you're in no way associating with those viewing comon chivalry as sexism. This to make it clear to us men you don't like that crap either, and that the real women are the ones still aprreciating chivalry. On the same time, treat men right, and practice chickvalry (@kbob93 thanks for inventing that word). It's inevitable we're becoming more equal, and we men want to feel special too.
Men, stop making excuses, grow a pair, and treat the girls the way she deserve! Practice chivalry, be kind to other people, and be a REAL man! We've done it before, and i'm confident it can be done again.

So in short, women and men need to carry the burden together.

[Aztecwarrior480]

It isn't. I'm still chivalrous. However, my only issue with men's definition of "Chivalry" is how it's supposedly a "gender" thing. I never see Chivalry as a "Knight and Shining armor" thing or "Gender" norm as the vast majority of men and women do. I see chivalry more as a common courtesy thing. I don't only hold doors for women but I also do it for other gentlemen, especially if they're considerate and grateful of my gestures and not make a big deal out of a man holding a door for another man (or women).

I don't see why it has to be my obligation to treat someone else any better than the other because of their gender.

[Aztecwarrior480]

But that still doesn't mean I won't be a gentlemen to a women, who don't take my gestures for granted nor expect anyting from me.

[Aztecwarrior480]

*gentleman*, "to *women*..."

[loveisbeautiful]

I like this take and as soon as I saw it reminds me of a story my dad told me. When he was younger he was walking in somewhere and there was a lady behind him and he held the door open for her and she said "I don't need some man holding the door open for me" and my dad said "fine". Then he walked into the place and let the door close and the lady ended up walking into the door, it hit her in the face lol. I always laugh when he tells me that, it serves her right. If your going to get your panties in the twist about something like that, you deserve what you get.

That happened before my dad met my mom, so in the 60's or early 70's. Leading to the point of my story, I think chivalry has always been a little rocky. Because, there's always going to be one chick that gets her panties in a bunch about something as simple as someone being kind a enough to hold the door open for them. So, it's not just in our day and age that it's an issue. It's always been an issue with someone.

[abzence]

If we all would start treating women like human beings instead of victims needed to be saved, coupled with women stop feeling entitled to special treatment, then I think that would come a long way.

Why should a mans spider sense tingle just when a woman is in need and not a fellow man? Not every man is some super human capable of changing tires blindfolded with one arm tied behind his back. We all could need some help now and again.

I say, offer your chivalry to your fellow human being. Don't single out the women. And women, start doing this as well.

[Dargil]

The feminist movement is responsible.
"Men judge all women on the reactions of a few..."
Perhaps only a few would accept the help to get out of a jam and then claim attempted rape, but the Feminist victimhood/entitlement mentality is epidemic in Western culture and far more than a few are infected and sympathetic, even if not as aggressively. Given the opportunity, many more will bite.
We see this in Islam. Relatively few are active terrorists, but I dare say the massive majority acquiesce out of fear or passive-aggressive sympathy. The same is true with the angry, entitlement mentality and thug culture of American Blacks. Many are mostly law abiding but still carry the germ and when opportunity and disorder break out, the looting begins.

You don't know which are going to bite and which are not, and it is safest to just keep away from them. I hate these feelings. I fancied myself as chivalrous and culturally open minded. Not so much now.

[shyguy227]

That is a lie I am very much happy to be nice and have chivalry as much as the next person and have gentlemanly traits at any time I wish.

I choose to be that way out of personal choice and mutual respect for my fellow human beings.

But me being this way does not mean people have the right to walk all over me or treat me as a doormat in any way. if a said person is being lets say in a nice way a negitive, has a problem or attiude with the way I do things then I can happily stop being nice to them and so on and so forth if need be and if the said individual wishes me to remain this way with them they must show both mutual respect and if need be for the long run have earned it : )

but hey ho thats my view on this

[smilesarenice]

I think this affects more than chivalry. People in general are non-participants in life. When you see some one struggle you look the other way. When someone looks at you, you act as if your phone is so important you can't stop looking at it. A fellow human follows you into a store or building and you don't hold the door, regardless of sex. An elderly person comes into the waiting area and you avoid making eye contact for fear you would then have to give up your seat. What happened to just being courteous? I try my best, for I am not perfect, but when someone is behind me I hold the door, I give up my seat, I help the struggling. Not for a pat on the back, but because if I were in the same situation, I would want someone to help me. I will forever do this and hope the rest of the population sees that its okay to be nice. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong in so many ways

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

Chivalry isn't dead, I have lots of male friends who gentlemen and chivalrous. My bf stopped and helped two women with their cars last week, and he helped carry and old ladies parcel home, and he opens doors for people.

It isn't dead at all its just people are inconsiderate.

Maybe I'm not old enough but I don't remember a Golden Age of chivalry so I do t see why we think it's in decline suddenly.

[palomajoa]

Talking about that scenario: I would rather run because feeling that I'm about to being raped. Though I live in a place where people think like that.
In the other hand, the fault is in everyone. Chivalry is actually a way to shown respect. at least for me. So, I give respect exoecting chivalry.

[FatherJack]

I have been barged past , then kicked by a snarling little bitch... my " crime " ? merely holding a door open... I do this for ANYONE , despite my turbulent childhood , I was brought up to be a gentleman. Since then I just let the door go if it's a younger woman following. No wonder many of us men view ( especially young ) women as hate-filled & hostile , sadly so many are !!

[PiuBelloAmante]

well i help men and women indiscriminately if i saw a woman or a guy struggling on the side of the road i would help them regardless...
chivalry is dead to most but not all, i still exhibit chivalry even though i do not consider myself chivalrous
women still appreciate it, but if you try to hard it seems as though there is an ulterior motive