Let's say you have a friend with anxiety, or you don't know if they have it or not, but they get nervous all the time with things you think are silly to get nervous for.
You want to help them right?
Well, nothing is better than:
1. Telling them how silly they are for being nervous\scared.
How could they be nervous or scared from doing that thing? C'mon, it isn't this hard to do it right?
WRONG! Some people might be able to make a scientific breakthrough but they can't say imagine the possibility of talking to 3 new people at one time.
2. Wow! They're having a panic attack! Maybe i should tell them to calm down.
This is how you imagine the situation to be:
Your friend: *Is shaking so hard and can't hear anything*
You: Oh, no big deal! just calm down.
Your friend (Suddenly stop all this shaking): Really? Wow i never thought of that! Gee, thanks my friend! I am not nervous at all. i am so confident now.
and you all live happily ever after.
WRONG! Some people might not be able to hear you with severe panic attacks. other people might have less severe panic attacks and they would run away from you.
3. Getting angry when they don't talk to you.
Sadly, this time it is our fault, but we can't really help it. When you don't text first or say hi first it means to us that you hate us. so don't get offended if we see you and not say hi.
4. Forcing them into social situations that involves many many people.
hmmmm....my friend is always nervous around people and likes to spend time alone. OH! I HAVE AN IDEA!
i will say hi to them then i will bring about seventy people and talk with them all then i will let my friend jump in. pfffffff! i am sure they will do great and their nervousness will magically vanish.
WRONG! THIS IS SOOOOO WRONG! DON'T ever try to drag an anxious person into heavily social situations that involves many people. ESPECIALY if they don't know them. We have no social experience and we would probably suffer from a panic attack before the social even would happen or we might feel less than anybody and that we are nothing but unwanted insects that need to be squashed because of our poor social skills.
Maybe, however, trying to introduce them to ONE friend might help. just start things slowly. don't get them overwhelmed if you really wish to help.
5. Complaining about how shy they are.
it doesn't need explenation. We get bored of having a nag pointing out our insecurities.
6. Giving advice and not listening.
Sometimes we just simply need a shoulder to cry on, we don't need an opinion because we know the answer ourselves, it is just too hard to do it.
7. The "Just do it! :))))))" thing.
They have a huge phobia of something. They have 0 confidence and are very insecure, so maybe i should tell them to 'just do it it is not this hard'. it suuuuuuuuurely will give them confidence boost!!!
WROOOOOOOOOONG! it would make us feel silly, actually. we can't just do it.
great way to squash our confidence :)))))))
Don't you understand????? If we can just do it, then we could've done it a looong time ago, but our insecurities hold us back. we need something to help us slowly boost our courage and then we would be able to fight and face our fears. And by making us feel silly for feeling the way we do would crush our souls. also it is irritating to have a person as a reminder that your fears are ridiculess, because -it may have escaped your notice- we already know that.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:
8. PITYING US!
please don't pity us. Compassion is ok, it shows us you care or understand or feel us. But don't hang out with us simply because you pity us/ think you're doing charity.
This is exactly why some people have anxiety. They feel that people will hate them no matter what, but at the same time they fear having people pretending to be their friend ONLY because they have nobody else. They wish to fit in, and by having a person not liking us much but pitying us, it would make us feel like we are some sort of cockroach that people want to get rid of, but at the same time, some people would feel sorry for us.
Yes, it is fine to put us under your 'wing' and try to make us more social or help us, because you actually care about us
It is not OK to do it because you think we are sad little things that are less valuable than you and that we should be treated nicely, because it is a good thing to treat who are less than you nicely.
Look. i get it. you might be trying to help, but sometimes we just can't appreciate your effort with holding our emotions and trying to put ourselves up to your standards, or we just get too frustrated at ourselves because we can't just 'calm down' while having a panic attack.
Just try to listen, show us you care, and you can from time to time introduce us to a friend of yours. Just don't overwhelm us.
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Clearly done by aomeone who has expirienced anxiety! Wonderfully done especially number 4.
thank you. i do suffer from anxiety
You are not alone :)
Nice Take :)
thank you