Is it bad that I never forgive my past bullies/tormentors?

[curbin]

It's become a trend that over the past few months the bullies of my past have resurfaced to send me messages over Facebook asking if I remember them, apologizing, and asking if we could be friends. They mostly either fall under the girls who called me names, took some form of physical action against me after I disagreed with them or started rumors about me, or guys that turned bitter and sent me angry messages after I rejected them.

To be honest I'm not angry about what happened anymore, despite the varying degrees of "bad" that they did. It's just that I have no reason to be friends with them, which in a way I guess that means I don't forgive them. Not only do we not have anything in common, but now it'd be extremely awkward and I'll always feel on edge about having them around, be it IRL or over social networking. I've never responded back to them, nor do I block them, I just choose to never communicate with them.

Should I be trying to make amends with these people and forgive them, or is it appropriate to continue to ignore them? And also: What is the intention of a bully to try to be friends with the person they harassed? I find it very shady that any of these people would try to be associated with me after what happened.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Nope, i will not be friends with my bully's at all
I was a bully victim very bad in Junior , high school
i was made fun of, called names , they had nicknames
for me too, in Junior high i developed bad anxiety from them
i was out sick for in school, came back they stole my books
than another grade they glued the key hole on my locker
if anything I would take my bully's out one by one which
is wrong for me to say but i wouldn't care , i had one bully
i contacted on Facebook sent him message and told him
we had some unfinished business oh i told him off so i
don't know what he's doing with his life and I don't care
but he was a real asshole (sorry for slang language)

[ironeddie]

I was heavily bullied growing up. I've had the same opportunities to have them as Facebook friends.

It's not going to happen. I'm sure they have matured and moved well beyond that.
I have forgiven them over the years. But I will never forget. They had a lot to do with me being in the state I'm in.

My life has been hell. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. Including them. It's something I'm still working on coming to terms with. I want nothing to do with them.

[curbin]

That's perfectly understandable, and I wish that that was my answer: I've forgiven, but I will never forget.

You're definitely a better person than I am in this scenario, and thank-you for your response. :)

[CrazyCandy]

No, dont think you should be friends with them ypi can forgive and listen what they have to say but you can't forget what they did to you. Dont "ignore" them but dont really have connection. You dont have to message them or anything.

But be grateful someone actually wanted to apologize. No one has apologized me... it would be easier to forget them and move on if I got even smal apologize but no.

[curbin]

I just can't see how being friends over the internet would be a good idea. Not only does it open up my life to them, but I definitely don't trust any of them.

I'm sorry to hear that. :( To be honest I can't tell if any of the apologies that I've received are genuine. I've forgiven one of them before and they just came around to stab me in the back multiple times after I did. I don't exactly hold a grudge, I just don't trust any of them, and with good reason.

[CrazyCandy]

You can't be sure if they are genuine but it sounds like they are. Why else would they go through the trouble to send you a message when they actually have to lower their ego and apologize.

Just accept the apologies but dont be their "friends". I seems forcefull and stupid. What incommong would you have with these people anyway.

I once apologized 1 year after high school from one girl that I didn't help her when she was bullied. I was bullied too and afraid but still felt bad. But she never thought I did anything wrong

[snowangle]

Holding a grudge is toxic. Trust me. My dad tormented me for 8 years and forgiving him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. You don't have to be friends with your past bullies, but it's important to forgive them anyway. I felt so much better after I did.

Just remind yourself that what's past is past, and despite everything they did, you turned out all right.

[curbin]

I definitely agree. After reading some of these responses I've reflected on how I feel about some of the people that have contacted me, and to be honest I do forgive most of them, I just don't want them in my life since there is no reason for them to be apart of it.

However the few that I can't forgive so easily are the ones that I have tried to make amends with in the past, but they just ended up pulling the same hoopla throughout the years. I don't hate them, and I don't wish anything bad upon these select few, but I definitely want nothing to do with them and will never trust them.

[snowangle]

That's good. Nothing wrong with that. :) How you feel about these people is a sign of extreme maturity. You should feel proud.

[Annymous8]

I feel that my bullies made me who I am today. I forgave them.

[jesus0025]

You don't have to forgive its entirely your decision to forgive them or not. Of course by forgiving them you can release some pent up rage/hatred and feel more at peace. Lastly I'd like to add that don't their actions or words dictate if you want to forgive them or not if so its just them trying to get you to forgive them so they won't feel bad for bullying you. in my opinion The decision to forgive is entirely yours and yours only no one should judge you for it. In the end just do what is best for you. :)

[jesus0025]

let*

[rthomas43]

Forgive them.
They wouldn't be reaching out to you unless they felt genuine remorse. Most people do A LOT of growing after they get out of high school into the real world. You don't need to be friends with them, but it will put you and them at peace if you can find it in yourself to forgive them and be civil with them.

[kambo_trick3y]

I encountered a similar situation, but it was at a gas station and the guy tried to talk to me. I flat out told him I wasn't a fan of him back then, and I don't see any reason why I should be now. Then again, I'm a pretty introverted person, so I legitimately didn't want to be friends with him.

[Apophis]

I don't know if I would say ignoring them is the best path. They could genuinely feel remorse for doing/saying the things they did. Ignoring them just seems kind of spiteful. How hard is it to acknowledge them on Facebook?
You don't have to be friends with any of them though. That is perfectly acceptable in my book.

[curbin]

Maybe so, there are certain ones who I feel are genuinely apologizing and want to bury the hatchet. Perhaps to those few I will respond. However certain people have been nothing but harmful to me and I'm not so willing to speak to them. I'm just trying not to set a double standard, which is really difficult to do in this sort of situation.

[Apophis]

If that's the way you want to do it, go ahead. I think you're allowed to have double standards anyway.
It's kind of like when someone commits a crime. If they commit and minor crime, they get a lesser sentence. If they do a major crime and/or are repeat offenders, they stay in a long time. If they are on good behavior, they get out on parole sooner. If they break parole, they get put back in.

[Chris011]

Not necessarily. I think it would be best to not associate with them.

If it's a guy bully who is trying to contact you then it's probably because he finds you attractive and is trying to make a move or something.

[Michaelmwm19]

I would continue to ignore them, I don't want to associate with a bully, or a former bully.

[curbin]

That's how I felt about it. If it's for some form of self gratification that they attempted to right their wrongs by wanting to befriend me, then I don't want to be that person they use to make themselves feel like better people.

BUT then I told a friend about it and she told me I should give people a second chance, but to be honest I don't feel like it.

[Michaelmwm19]

Do what you feel like, don't do it because your friend wants you to.

[Tokana]

I still remember what happened 20 years ago.. except no apologizes were every thrown my way. At least they're trying.

[NoblesseOblige]

No. Fuck them all. lol.

[curbin]

Ahh, inner thoughts.

[PleaselllBeNiceNat]

Forget about them, why dwell... on it.

[Always_rightgir]

forgive N forget