Is it wrong that I feel bad for incels?

For those who don’t know, Incel is short for “involuntary celibate” which means some one (typically a male) who didn’t choose to be single or not married but are so because of unfortunate circumstances. These groups of lonely men can be found on sites such as r/incel and incel. me. Although they’ve had a reputation of misogyny and supporting violence and harassment against women, I’ve grew to sympathize with them. They are just men who believe that they were born with “poor genetics” and their unattractiveness is the reason why they can’t get any woman therefore, they spend their time expressing their frustration and bitterness towards women on their online forums. I don’t support their views of promoting violence against women but I just think it sucks to know that you’ll be single just because you were born to be unattractive. I also agree with them that women’s standards today are too high. They want a man that has big biceps, a six pack, having a net worth of 100k a year, and good facial features with a strong jawline. This ideal man is what they call a “Chad” and even women who range around the 6 or below rating on the attraction scale think they are entitled to have this Chad. I just find it unfair what these men have to deal with so is it really wrong of me to feel sorry for them?Is it wrong that I feel bad for incels?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think many of them are genuinely confused and lost, and often truly mentally ill – however, that doesn't excuse the incredibly toxic, hateful and bigoted attitudes prevalent in incel spaces. Incel culture isn't the solution. It just misleads them and feeds them incredibly wrong-headed notions about women and what they truly look for in a man.
    It's disheartening that these guys don’t even bother trying to improve their situation and instead blame others. I have sympathy for those who genuinely try to do better with women and relationships but fail. However, once they start shooting up schools and running over pedestrians in the name of some "beta uprising” (I can’t believe this is a thing, but it is), all bets are off.

    And it gives them a victim mentality that they then project on their archenemies, along with many other nasty attitudes. They just decide to go down a road of self-loathing, which means that they face an important choice: they can decide to spend the rest of their lives feeling sorry for and hating themselves, or they can just get on with things and strive for greater things in life. Many incels use their lack of success with sex/relationships as an excuse to give up on themselves, their careers, and their overall success in life in general.
    Like, do you want to spend the rest of your life hating yourself for something that, although important, is relatively trivial in the greater scheme of things? Are you going to use this as an excuse to completely give up on your development as a person? The choice is yours.

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    • That’s true. But the funny thing is these incels seem to be very aware of their situation but still blame women for their shortcomings. Today’s dating environment is rough and it’s near impossible for those who have some type of mental illness such as depression or social anxiety. I think another factor that we should consider is that these men think they are entitled to the “instagram model” and get frustrated when this type of woman refuses their advances. Perhaps maybe they should lower their standards and find a woman in the same situation as theirs?

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not wrong to feel bad for them, it shows empathy, but you shouldn't agree with their beliefs that you have to be superman to get a girl, that you're entitled to love, or that women are bitches because they're not attracted to you.

    You don't like team sports or you're not good at them? Doesn't matter, there is a wide range of exercise you can do - almost everyone can walk/hike, you can lift weights in your own home. Get out of the house and do something in the community, find out about local social groups, whatever they do, and pick ones because they interest you, not because you think you'll meet girls.

    Get a job, and work hard at it. Get your hair cut regularly. Shower and shave (or trim) frequently. Learn stuff, read books and magazines, read around subjects that interest you.

    Rejection is normal. It's never nice, but it happens. Just accept that it happens, and don't hang on in relationships that aren't working, it's OK to reject other people, too.

    Oh, and finally, it's not a numbers game; if women see you asking out every woman you meet, they'll know they're nothing special to you.

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    • Exactly, self improvement is always the best option but these incels just don’t see it.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I genuinely feel sorry for people who just can't seem to find a partner in their lives, romantically or sexually.

    I do not feel sorry for people who actively despise women and blame them for their own failures or lack of luck, who actively spread their anti-women rhetoric on internet forums, and who actually believe women owe them sex merely for acting (fake) polite towards them.

    And I sure as hell do not feel sorry for people who decide to go murder innocent people. I'm so sick of this focus on the perpetrators instead of the victims. I do not care how desperate they were. There are people who rob and steal because they have no food and no one even remotely tries to understand them and just wants them punished. But some sexually frustrated milk face executes inoocent people and suddenly we're supposed to talk about their backgrounds and trying to understand their situations? I refuse to do that.

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    • No one is justifying murder but we’re just trying to figure out why they did it. It truly is a tragic situation for them and the best bet for them is to either improve themselves or lower their standards.

    • Not sure if you really understood what I was saying.

  • I feel bad for them too. But the majority of them aren't really ugly (like the boys in the pictures), its their behaviour that dont attracts girls, but they think the cause is their look.
    There was a period in my life in which i thought i was extremely ugly and that i would have never find a boyfriend, and its horrible, so i understand them, but honestly i have never wanted to be violent againist other people for my situation

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  • As a former incel, I do feel bad for them but most of the times it's their personality that puts people off not their looks, or they're too entitled for their own good.

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  • Women’s standards are too low, not too high.

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    • Probably low enough to date criminals and men who disrespect but it’s not like women can help it since they’re naturally attracted to domination.

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    • I mean sexual atractiveness. Men who only rely on money are just beta provider.

    • Sexual attractiveness is only part of what makes a top man.

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What Guys Said 9

  • It's not wrong, cause it is a shame that they feel loneliness and then hopelessness on top of that.

    But it really is a shame that the only solace they can find are forums filled with hatred, that only justify hateful ideas and encourages them

    I can't feel any empathy for those like the guys in the photos who turn to violence to punish others for their misfortune though, (at least the guy on the right I haven't read much into left).

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  • I mean, I feel bad for them in a "Man, you guys really suck" sort of way. Can't actually sympathise with them since they're disgustingly offensive.

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  • I wouldn't want to be incel.
    I'd look around to meet a female incel, rather than the hottest girl of the town.
    (That's why some incels are incels: too picky).

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  • I am an incel myself too
    I am ugly not muscular even skinnny
    I never even talked to a girl in my life for more than 10 seconds :)

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  • No one is involuntarily celibate. Because you are an asshole, you are voluntarily celibate.

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