Absolutely not. "Spanking" is just an innocent word for physical abuse. Like calling torture "enhanced interrogation".
It is scientifically proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that physical abuse affects children very negatively. Children who receive corporal punishments are far more likely to suffer from mental illnesses such as depression and borderline syndrome when they grow older. The humiliation they experience leaves lifelong scares. As adults, such people are less confident, less trusting and less capable of building lasting relationships.
However, that's not even the worst part.
The two worst things about corporal punishment are that it teaches children that:
1. Violence is an appropriate solution and
2. You should never question things rationally; you should always mindlessly bow your head to the authorities
Both of these things are HORRIBLE lessons to teach a child. The first of them is partially responsible for the fact that many victims of corporal punishment later become perpetrators; be it by bullying other children in school, or by abusing their own children later on.
The second one shows how idiotic corporal punishment truly is. If you simply scare a child into discipline, the motivation is purely extrinsic. This means that as soon as you take away that source of violence, the child finds it impossible to be disciplined. It has never learned any forms of intrinsic motivation. That's why, ironically, "spanking" has the exact opposite effect. It makes children LESS disciplined, not more.
Corporal punishment is counter-productive when raising children. It is a clear sign of bad parenting and helplessness. Skilled and loving parents do not need such brutish methods because they can solve problems much more productively.
First of all, it is important to make a child understand WHY something is wrong. If you want children to have values and critical thinking skills instead of blindly following an authority, you need to teach them these things. For example the "Golden Rule" comes intuitive even to children.
Secondly, good punishments should always fulfill three criteria:
1. They should be related to the misdeed
2. They should follow immediately
3. They should be adequate in severity.
By the way: the fact that you complain about antifa when there are right-wing extremists sending literal bombs to political opponents and killing innocent people in synagogues is absolutely disgusting and cynical.
There's no need to politicize this topic.
@BlueCoyote Well thought out. I agree.
@Qwertsy @xkildy @jacquesvol
Thank you very much all you guys, thank you for reading :-).
No, spanking is never a good solution. Parents that use violence toward their children would learn them that violence is a good solution at problems and that people who are bigger/stronger have the right to use violence. The society don't get less violent if violence is the norm.
There have been several studies proving that violence toward children are child abuse and that it gives negative consequences like mental illnesses and children who were spanked are more likely to hit their children too. They're also more likely to be violent and many criminals were abused by their parents, uncles/aunts and so on.
Same thing with criminals who've been sent to prison. Harsh sentences and physical punishments just made them more aggressive.
Then what would you do to train them to respect you or even officers when they are older?
If a child misbehave, you can talk to them to make them understand why they shouldn't misbehave, give them timeouts and tell them they can't play video games or watch TV if the misbehavior continues. If a child breaks the neighbors window, you can also make them work for the neighbor to make up for themselves. If the child has a mental illness, they needs to seek a psychologist. Mental illness can usually be treated and treatment can reduce their anger issues.
If a parent hit them, they learns hitting others are okay. Violence makes violent children. It's possible to make up for yourself with peaceful methods.
OK, I am a believer that if you start at an early age, as in age 1, you can teach children respect and not have to do any of the above mentioned in your reply. But, I have seen children tell their parents that they are not going to do whatever it was to punish them and that they can go "F" themselves. Now what?
No. I used to be for physical "discipline", but I'm not for it anymore. I don't have kids yet, but when I do, I don't plan to hit them.
Black and Latinos notoriously spank kids, yet we are the highest demographics to commit crimes. So I don't believe this whole "spank your kids so they'll be good people" crap.
I don't believe violence solves many issues. This is one of them. Also, psychologists seem to agree. I believe there are better forms of discipline.
If you hit your spouse, it's domestic abuse. If you hit your pet, it's animal abuse. But if you hit your child, it's discipline? No, it's also abuse.
Spankings? No. Good non-physical discipline encouraging understanding and fair consequence? Yes.
Then what are those methods? Have they worked for you?
Too many to explain here but I studied child development and many psychologists will agree, you can research those.
But yes, children need to be aware of WHY it is wrong, not just physically abused. They should be given fair choices and consequences to encourage a healthy development.
You can name a few. I’m not talking about choices. I’m saying when they say “fuck you” what do you do then?
E. g. Time out (appropriate to age a 1 minute per year of age usually) for bad behaviour. Remember children are learning and exploring the world around them, is completely natural that they push boundaries, but they need to be taught appropriately to become healthy functioning adults. But if a child has ADHD for example, then obviously these need to be tailored to the child’s needs to be effective, you can’t juat punish a child who doesn’t understand or is struggling, extra support is required.
According to certain studies, children who were physically punished tended to be more repressed and angry with reduced effective communication.
And if time out doesn’t work? I have two well behaved siblings, both have ADHD, they got spankings only when they needed it. The spankings came after time outs.
Just saw your other message. Why do you not think it’s possible to explain to them why it - not them - is wrong? Even if you have to be consistent in that reaffirmation, it will happen eventually. Don’t give tyention to bad behaviour if it’s attention seeking. What motivates them to say it? The they lacking attention so they use negative behaviours to gain any attention? Are they hurting and it expressing it in certain ways? Have they just heard it and are copying as they don’t know it’s full meaning yet?
*attention
I think it’s perfectly fine to tell them it’s wrong, I’m saying when the kid won’t listen. You always explain what they are doing wrong. The point of the spank is when they don’t care to listen.
I’d suggest you go and buy a book specifically on managing ADHD behaviours rather than asking here. I’m surprised you haven’t already but perhaps you weren’t aware.
It’ll give you a far better understanding which will provide more effective methods for you all.
I know it can be very difficult and trying at times though so I respect that, but reading up on it will provide much more support.
They are in their 20s lol
But Thank you for thoughts on the subject
I know this isn’t an article from a professional journal - I can’t share it here. But this makes some good points. See if it helps: www.google.com/.../...o-discipline-your-child.aspx
What about kids that don’t have ADHD and just like to disobey?
It depends on the the age and level of behaviour. There’s so much you can read on it you’d be better looking yourself really.
Alright I’ll do some looking
Opinion
35Opinion
No. There are other ways to teach discipline and spanking or any physical hurting is definitely not appropriate.
My mother slapped me hard when I was 7 because she caught me stealing money from her purse. That was the only time ever she did that. It was a hard slap, half on the cheek and halfway on my head, hitting my ear in between. My ear was swollen afterwards and we had to see the doctor. I still remember it and whenever I see her getting angry, I swear I get the same tingling & numbness in my head which I experienced when I was 7. I am never comfortable with that and I try hard to avoid such situations. Physical punishment is never okay with kids, because they remember. I didn't know why I used to get that uncomfortable whenever my mother got angry. Until recently when we discussed this event. She didn't want to hit me but she couldn't control her anger at that time. That's what happens when you get physical with someone. Most people don't know how hard they can hit. So there is nothing like a casual slap or spanking. Physical punishment comes with long term consequences. Millennials turned out to be outspoken for many more reasons. This is not an answer for their behaviour
Yes I do. To a point, there’s a difference between a beating and a spanking. I got spanked when I was a kid, turned out pretty good after 10 years in the service, now working in the medical industry in a prison. I will say that spankings don’t always work though, after a while to some kids it’s nothing. So you have to get creative in your ways on how to keep your children in line. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters, all were spanked. My second two youngest brothers joined the military, the other is a firefighter. My sisters work as well, one is in school. We turned out pretty descent. I can’t say spankings work for every child, but it did for us. Myself, I’ve spanked my son a few times. But if I do I always make sure to explain to him why I did it. Not simply because I’m an adult who’s bigger so I can do as I please. I will say right now at the age of 11 he’s turned out better than myself. He gets As and Bs in school, plays sports, kickboxing, music instruments. Very helpful and respectful to people in saying thank you, please, opening doors for people. This is just me, again I’m sure it won’t work for everyone. But something needs to be done. I do this because I know as a father one day I won’t be around. I need to know that he can make it w put me one day.
Yes.
Look, there are a lot of things better about the world now vs. the past.
The thing is not EVERYTHING is better. Kids not be babied so much and being disciplined when young and having to do the family chores and have responsibilities in the past wasn't such a bad thing. I mean we have these pathetic people now offended by EVERYTHING, having mob protests at college because a university administrator wore a sombrero for their Halloween costume, kids living at home until 25-26, staying on their parent's insurance until 26. Youth talking to teachers and adults with zero respect and politeness. Thinking the world owes them something.
There is a LOT wrong with many of the world's youth now in the USA and west.
Not everything is better than it used to be. Women can vote, blacks have equal rights, we have the internet, we have vaccines for many diseases... etc. There is a lot better about today's world.
Not EVERYTHING is better though.
Exactly, thank you!
Yes they do.. There is a difference in correction discipline and beating. Correction let's the child now they have done something wrong you don't sit them in the corner and tell them no no they will not learn respect that way and they will not listen they will just sit there for five minutes knowing that once they get up there crime has been forgiven.
Discipline lets them know that they have done something wrong by a physical action such as a belt or fly swatter. I was disciplined as a child and I learn respect off of it you don't tell your mother to go to hell you don't tell your dad Fu you did you got a whooping and you learn not to do it that was called respect back then now it's called you go to jail
I couldn’t say it better
If they tell their dad, they will tell an officer or public servant off
You are simply wrong.
www.psychologytoday.com/.../the-spanking-debate-is-over
Well then answer the other questions soteris how would you discipline?
Well to start with, while hitting, shouting or otherwise physically shaking them about have the immediate effect of stopping them from doing something they are currently doing it does very little to stop them from doing the same thing in the future. As such punishment itself is mostly just there to mark something as "good" or "bad" rather than getting them to stop doing it.
The way you change their behavior is by doing other things reinforcing good behavior or otherwise positively encouraging them to do the things you want. Those are things that actually sticks and makes them want to do good things.
Are you even reading what he put? He didn’t mention any of those ways to spank. Spanking is a few slaps to the bum.
What good things have you done to enforce it? What happens when they yell at you? What do you do then?
Any form of spanking is hitting and regardless it has little to no effect and carries a heavy price. If your child rebels you can impose consequences, but again those are not going to teach them not to do it in the future. Its not a joke that you can't tell children what not to do. Instead you should focus on positive reinforcement such as giving them tasks and praising them when they do well.
Spanking teaches kids to not do it again. I’ve been spanked twice for talking back when I was younger and I learned to not do it again.
Seem*
I speak from experience? I was a kid, hello? If you let your kid say “fuck you” and never do shit what’s to stop them from doing it to a cop, or worse hitting one.
The actual fuck? The earth is round.
I’ve seen enough kids hit their teachers and disrespect them, we all have.
Have you?
@Soteris so your defense is the Earth and studies of scientists who probably don't have kids?
so this guy is saying that for over a millennial since we've been on this Earth our ancestors our parents their parents their parents and their parents have apparently been doing it wrong what why is words this person speaks sure go ahead shake your finger at the kid tell him that's a No-No send them in the corner and tell him no Nintendo for you so then he goes to school later and starts to bully people you learn that he's a bully and you have to tell him what no no bullying is bad no TV for you go sit in the corner because the studies of a few scientists say that physically harming your child would diminish their physical and mental capabilities but what we have to positively reinforce their good-nature what if the child doesn't have a good nature everything this child is doing is bad
Spanking a kid corrects nothing.
@Soteris You want studies , OK. Look at this data..
www.thenewamerican.com/.../13005-delaware-law-bans-parents-from-spanking-their-kids
... Senate bill 234 was signed into law by Governor Jack Markell on September 12.-----------------------
Here is the average school shooting , before 2012---- Pay attention...
Then ---- Since 2013--- According to data --
interactive.nydailynews.com/.../
It has numbers by each state , Since then the numbers are rising... Take a LOOK
---------------------- At this video , This man is calm and collective , This is how they act when you can't correct your children... https://youtu.be/5IM1p-Tn-jA
Tell me how to solve this problem?
@Soteris , I have something a little different to display to you , while I'm building my case. So to speak , Take a look at this
www.prnewswire.com/.../...propriate-225314281.html
@Soteris Ok you can read right !!!> Im assuming you read the part that stated a certain percent of people who were not spanked as a child. End up saying its Ok at certain times.. Or did you just read the title and go yep that's all I need to know
@Soteris OH. Ok.. I get it.. your option is going to be the right one.. no matter what the DATA shows.. Got it.. OK. have fun.. I'm done. .
I don't think spanking is bad. Not every punishment should warrant a spanking the more serious situations. It should be explained as to why they are getting one and they need to explain why they are getting one also and what they can do better next time. Also spanking sho8od only be on bottom with hand. I'm sure its part a discipline problem but not totally. Parents are to busy trying to be their friend or the cool parent that they are setting their child up full of entitlements instead of earning their wants etc.
I can't imagine myself ever having children for this reason as well as others. I would never want to put my hands on a child like this. I do understand that some children act so awful that I totally get why someone would want to physically harm them to knock sense into them, but there has to be a better solution.
When I was a kid I got spanked and experienced some other forms of physical abuse from my father that I will not mention. I don't even think my behavior was bad enough to warrant that type of punishment. I either made innocent mistakes or I was standing up for myself. My parents thought that corporal punishment was the way since that's how they were raised. However, I don't think it was right because it is part of why I suffer from mental health issues and I don't have the best relationship with my parents to this day. We get along fine, but I prefer to be alone or with people who are very loving.
Spanking is a tool that may never be needed in the lifespan of a kids childhood. It should just be an option for specific children, under specific circumstances with parents who specifically know how to go about it. Some people, even if their kid needs a spanking are emotionally incapable of doing it properly themselves. It's not a one size fits all sort of thing. It's like asking if giving your kid a "time out" is required for all children. For me as a kid that literally never worked. I had/have a strong imagination and just entertained myself when staring at a wall.
I doubt spanking have anything to do with it, societies change over time, every generation has different political views than the one that came before it. It's always happened, and it always will. In terms of why we have people who whine and complain and think they deserve everything for free, one reason I heard is actually because of daycare.
Think about it, toddlers crave attention, and when you have 20 toddlers and maybe 2 or 3 people to take care of them, it's hard for them to get attention. So if they want the adults to notice them, the only way is to scream, cry, or hit the other kids. It sends a clear message to them very early on, which may stick with them into adulthood.
So give your kid attention early in life so they don't try to get it as an adult.
I think spanking parents need spankings.
Children should NOT be spanked.
It teaches them their mom and dad consider violence a good way to solve an issue.
After that , don't wonder why your society is violent.
Then answer the other questions, what are your methods?
Our son was raised without any violence.
No problem.
Okay but what were your methods?
Ifhe did something wrong, a non corporal punishment
Which was? Time out? Did he better as a teenager?
Time out or taking away a plaything. (for some time)
As a teen, there was never a problem.
He got a ph dr in math and science , cum summa laude.
No, that's demaging to the kids. And society would benefit heavily from refraining from spanking your kids.
There are many ways to teach your kids lessons and to show them consequences. Whether that's grounding or taking away privileges (all accompanied by explaining the "why" to them, by the way). If you have to resort to physical or verbal abuse, you have failed as a parent.
Only blithering idiots use "NPC" in earnest.
Every research says spankings are BAD for ALL kids. Only an uneducated person would state otherwise. If I saw my man beating , spanking our children and not feeling bad about it/wanting to change it/thinking he was in the right that would be reason enough to divorce him on the spot.
It is the memory about your parents unconditional love, protection and care that makes the small individuals strong. How can you ever be strong, trusting and forming attachments, be confident, etc if the person whi was supposed to love you and protect you, the ones you should be able to trust, were the ones hurting you the most. And I feel the same thing about parents letting their baby cry themselves to sleep.
very much so, i did. and not beating but just spanking. act bad enough need to learn that acting bad in life has bad consequence
Exactly, some people are so stupid as to think spankings are beatings and they are not.
do you have ANY proof that most millennials were not spanked? also, why are you dragging politics into this?
i Think there are better methods to discipline a child than whacking at them.
i think teaching the child to communicate their way through a tough situation is better than responding to unwanted behavior with physical violence. it just shows them to fear the parent and that violence IS a good response to a tricky situation. that's a horrible lesson.
Spankings should stay for as long as parents raise children should parents chose to. I also think the violent change in economy and income has disallowed parents the time to properly raise resectable kids. Most parents I know work their asses off. The actual quality time may not be as good as they think.
F*ck no. There are so many other methods of discipline. I don't really get why this is even a debate for so many people since there have been many studies that show spanking does more harm than good for a child. Violence isn't the way to solve bad behavior.
I think spanking should be like a last resort. And tbh I think grounding is a very bad idea for a punishment.
Cause kids have smartphones now. Hell they might even enjoy being grounded.
Anyways I'm not entirely sure who is to blame here. It's that nature vs nurture thing.
I'm not really sure if spankings or grounding works. I probably won't spank when I have children, but I'll use another method my dad used a few times, which was basically using Army Calisthenics as punishment. That being said, Antifa need a serious belt/switch/chancla beating, the holy trinity of beatings.
No. I'm 45. My dad apologized for all the times he spanked me before he died.
I only spanked a child once. I regret it. I told her not to do something, and she did it anyway. It was the wrong way to handle the situation. Thankfully, she's older now and doesn't even remember it. My opinion: abuse is not ok.
When I was young in the early 90s through beginning 00s. I didn’t deal with spankings. I had to put up with the belt, slippers, remote control, hangers, and hot wheels racing track. Couldn’t sit on the toilet 🚽 when I needed to go at school cause of the bruising.
You were abused. Sorry to hear that.
I think its all feminists fault, feminists need good spankings.
I think they needed them growing up and I think they still need them.
I think the parent child dynamic is not good for spanking, needs to be a husband wife dynamic.
I- pfft 😂
discipline sounds good.
beating won't really help tho.
..
I would think about killing of the educational system and have courses for the people who want to survive and are interested in pushing the world forward. the people who just want to project issues on others can live on the streets since they are wasting their time at being uneducated whilst someone who wants money will learn one or the other skill needed to earn money in time
,, spare not the rod,, not ground them for a month or spare not his PlayStation 4, though i, d do all of that at once if they where really bad, i didn t get enough discipline, but Disipline is going to help shape then into who they will be for the rest of their lives children are strong and sturdy they won, t break, use restraint and be firm I, d say immovable in places, all this being said i don, t have kiss so don, t take my word for it
It's much better to discipline them during the time that they're learning their limits, as opposed to in adulthood. I have an antifa kid in one of my grad classes and I'd like to rip his little head off every day.
You hate antifa because you are a fascist. Science says spanking has a profoundly negative effect. www.psychologytoday.com/.../the-spanking-debate-is-over
'"Moreover, the crucial question we must ask when educating children is not, “How do we suppress their bad behavior?” Rather, it is, “How do we teach them to forego bad behavior in favor of behaving well?” Punishment is notoriously ineffective as a tool for teaching new behaviors. And even when it works, it doesn’t work as well as reinforcement. What children are more likely to learn from the experience of being spanked is that physical might makes right; that violence is an acceptable means of imposing one’s will on others. The data indeed show that children who are spanked do not internalize a notion that their behavior was wrong. They do, however, become more likely to endorse aggression and physical means as acceptable forms of resolving conflicts."
Sounds like you're someone who endorses aggression and physical means to resolve conflicts.
THEY NEED DISCIPLINE
But spanking does not work on everyone.
I think way to many parents had it rough so they go with no punishments and those parents want to be the good guy when you have to be the law in the house.
Absolutely not. Do not blame bad parenting on lack of physical abuse.
Physical abuse isn’t the same as discipline tho
Then answer my other questions, I don’t see you putting your input or proof other than a site that is biased.
Spanking has been proven time and time again to not work any better than a proper scolding. Screaming at them has the same disciplinary effect, without destroying a child's trust in their parents.
Do not hurt little children.
multiple studies have shown that beatings do nothing but harm and the APA published a study saying children will only act good if the parent is around.
If you wouldn't hit a spouse, retard, elderly person or dog why would you hit a child?
I think kids need something that shows them the error of their ways. I was never really spanked but the idea of disappointing my parents always got to me. I guess if spanking is physically abuse then I was subject to mental abuse.
Hell no you can discipline your kid probably without having to spank them.
They don’t need spanked, they need a boot right up the arse
Millennials got them you're confusing us for generation z or x whatever they call themselves.
I wouldn't say that, they all just need more on on one attention with their parents
"One"
Not worry I always spank my fiancé
He’s a millennial
I 100% support spanking kids. My mom and stepdad and grandma spanked me and all my brothers and sister.
And not one of us is a criminal and turned out fine in life.
Anyone who says yes needs a good beating. From me😈
I think they lack discipline.
And how would you discipline them?
Proper parenting. I do believe that spanking is a tool to be used in certain situations but not as the go to. A lot of parents I've seen over the years just let their kids get away with almost anything including disrespecting them.
I agree with that. I think kids that scream at their parents especially in the store for not getting what they want need a spanks.
Few*
I am so not touching this even with a stolen account
How about we give you a spanking? You are a millennial
Im not keen on spanking, but spoiling your kids is a very bad idea, and that is the norm nowadays.
My girlfriend spanks me when I am being naughty hehe
No. That's a preposterous idea. Physical abuse teaches fear not respect.
;-).
Naughty ones need something health and safety now has gone nuts
I mean you’re a millennial so...
I’m not an NPC millennial.
NPC = Non playable Character?
Yes, I’m a free thinker. I don’t just babble and repeat everything on CNN like a sheep.
So those are the ones you want spanked. I mean not really spanking but more that they need to learn how to deal with being uncomfortable. Lol I hate the way the world is going, everyone getting butthurt and making up stuff just because they *feel* like that’s how it should be
Yeah, 97 though
Did I say that? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Read what I put, I asked if spankings would have prevented antifa and things like that? You really need to return to school if you can’t comprehend elementary English.
Lol it’s not that deep. Like I said, if they learnt how to deal with being uncomfortable then the world would be different. Of course no one knows if spanking has a direct correlation with antifa. You need to stop getting so heated, it’s unbecoming
And they learn how to be uncomfortable when people baby them and don’t discipline them. Millennials nowadays hit and scream at people for disagreeing with them. I think people need to stop accepting that and actually say something.
Yah exactly we’re on the same page
Probably because they were spanked.
Based on your age, you're a millennial too..
Well yes, but I’m one of the few free thinkers that aren’t brainwashed.
Lol right, convenient that you're the only one of us in your right mind
I think you’re too old to be one, but I may be wrong. My point being, I don’t scream and cry about shit like micro-aggressions and all of this other bullshit.
Except that you're brainwashed to disagree with scientific consensus based on putting your emotions before logic and evidence.
Oh yes they do!
Spankings would work yes. But I don't like them.
Millennials or gen z there's a difference
With a paddle
YES!
we need spankings
Oooh yeah.
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