I have a lot of anger towards women (I’m not violent). This is not healthy nor productive but how can I let it go?

[Anonymous]

It’s complicated but I was raised by a very bitchy, domineering and controlling mother. Yeah mock me for having “mommy issues” but the very attitude some women have with this stupid slogan “it’s okay for me to have daddy issues but you can’t have mommy issues” is just an example of a disgusting double standard western society has.

My mother was criminally violent with my dad a few times and yet she was the one to play victim in most scenarios. I’m pissed off my dad tolerated it. He should divorced her and left. But he is an “idealist” and always wanted a strong family unit. I also learned that my grandparents had a weird complex where they brutally pushed their sons to be “extra chivalrous to women” given they lost an infant daughter to SIDS.

Anyway I haven’t spoken directly to my mother in 5 years (only superficially at family gatherings). I’m furious at her for many reasons beyond how she treated my dad. She brainwashed me at an earlier age to kiss girls asses. When I got older I saw the fallacy in this. But it has been very difficult to overcome ingrained instincts to play the “nice guy” when I shouldn’t.

She confronted me 3 years ago and humbly asked why I was doing this. I told her I wanted an opportunity to speak to her directly in private setting (with a counselor present) and I didn’t want my dad there. She initially agreed but then never followed through with it. Deep down she knows I’m right about some things but she’s afraid of the confrontation she will have with me. So it’s been this superficial holding pattern.

Anyway mommy issues aside. I just feel that there is a very real and very disgusting prejudice against average males who are just trying to make their own in society. I have met a handful of women who are aware of this. But the impressionable mainstream is being negatively influenced by feminism that treating men like shit is a way “to fight patriarchy” and I’m sick of it.

Updates

+1 y

Again this not for all women. I’ve met a minority who are decent. But I feel a sense of rage considering what I’ve experienced and observed over the years.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for everybody responses below. I’m pleasantly surprised with the maturity and thoughtful insights many of responded with.

Anyway I’m not looking for a pity party. I’m looking to improve and move on. I find that with most things in life that taking action and effort is what matters. However with relationships and women this is more tricky.

I would like to confront my mom and unload everything I’m pissed off about. But unfortunately it’s not that simple

[johanmdsn]

I understand what you're saying and I am sorry that you had to go through all of that but I guess, you really just have to keep your mind open to meeting and talking to more women and remind yourself that not all women are like that. As a woman myself, I am not a feminist, or should I say a neo-feminist simply because I believe modern feminism is all about women rights, empowerment and women leading and dominating society into the future which I dont believe in. I believe that men and women should be equally respected and represented in society, and just as not all men are bad and should not be treated like shit by some feminists in the name of "fighting patriarchy" you have to consider that not all women are bad and treat men like shit either.

I apologise in advance if I sound insensitive here, but you can't get over your anger towards women by living in the past. Treat the situation with an understanding or subjective ear, that is not to say that you should justify how your mother treated your father. That just means, realise that everyone does something for a reason, whether justified or not. It may be that your mum went through a hard time in the past or had a hatred towards men the same way you are enraged by women. Her actions are not justified, but they come from a damaged place within her. Maybe she was brainwashed by her parents or got abused or vilified by men in the past that caused her to feel and act this way towards your father and to form specific views about how a man should be. Or maybe, she has a personal issue with herself. Just as a murderer might have killed a person because he was abused in the past by the same type, race or gender and carried on that hatred.

Point is, the cycle of hatred and anger has to stop within yourself by considering why a person has done what they did. Maybe some feminists treat men like shit because they have had bad experiences with men and formed the same anger. You can't progress by continuing the behaviour that you hate from women. And you have to realise that getting angry and upset at women and remaining that way, is really just taking a toll on your mental health, time and energy needed to live a happy life.

As Henry Emerson once said, "hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat" it does nothing for you and thats when you have to find it within yourself to put you first, and stop.

[Asker]

Yes your right. I know I can’t live in the past. I’m making adjustments in my own life to grow (my own career has taken off, I travel, volunteer and I’m involved in martial arts).

I really just want an hour to speak directly to my mom and ventilate what I’m so angry about. She won’t do it though because she’s scared (because a part of her deep down knows I’m right). Instead it’s been this long term superficial holding pattern bs. She thinks I’ll eventually “forget about it” and come around. But no. I’m taking a stand like my dad should of.

[Asker]

Thank you for not being a modern feminist by the way.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you had a really crappy mom. I've had a really crappy and abusive dad and for a while did have some issues. But I learned to separate the two. I learned to want to be a better person than he was and not be abusive and not treat others like crap. I had to come to terms that not all men were selfish and in it only for sex. Some were but some weren't. But I had to not take out my problems on others and stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for my own life.. even if it was messed up. It appears that you're targeting women for issues you haven't still resolved. When you see women, you see your mother and that isn't healthy at all. Definitely counseling will help. It looks like it's deep rooted. It also looks like thats what you're doing, but it still seems like you're not progressing on those thoughts. Maybe that can be brought up at a session and finding something that works for you to resolve that issue.

[Asker]

I’ve started getting EDM therapy and that has helped a bit.

I admit I dwell in the past more then I should. I just feel like my mouth has been ducktaped in so many past incidents. I did call out one adult woman a year ago who felt like it was okay to exploit me as an orbiter. Felt good to speak my mind and walk away never looking back.

Anyway given I’m a man (and I’m tall and athletic) that makes me more “threatening” and I feel pressure to “play nice” and not fight back with the truth when a women try to pull bs on me. What’s ironically worse is Im a former pro mma fighter (I’ve never hit a woman in my life) so some women can easily say “they feel threatened by me” as a way of silencing me from standing up to their crap.

I just want to be respected. Respecting a man doesn’t mean you have to date him, have sex with him or even apologize to him (although you should if your wrong). It means you let him speak his mind without using feminine cheap shots to shut him down.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good that you speak up and are honest about how you feel. Also yes some women can be manipulative and toxic but not all of them. There are good women out there who are good listeners and do respect what others have to say. Also good on you for doing edm therapy. I have heard good things about it.

[Asker]

It’s just that as a man I usually have to take bigger romantic risks in the beginning of the relationship (90 percent of the time). I’m just so fucking sick of sticking my neck out. So sick of the ungratefulness.

[Feelicks]

I honestly think a sugar daddy relationship where the terms of the relationship are clear and open would help you.

Not because it's worth it or to worship a woman, but because it also sets a clear Dom Sub situation and I think having a submissive women would help you vent some of that anger.

Do it for a while until you feel comfortable setting relationship expectations, limits and communicating your needs and having them fulfilled.

Once you have worked out the anger and improved your confidence you can then break it off (if you want) and persue a more conventional relationship.

[Asker]

I’ve actually consider that. I’ve already had a few semi arrangements like that. Sex was great and I liked the power. But there was an empty feeling knowing that they really didn’t like anything about me besides money.

Ironically I legitimately (no money involved) hooked up with an attractive 22 year old earlier this year. Then I made a so called “mistake” of asking her to shave (she was a bit briskly but not hairy) next time we meet up. Said it tactfully. She then curtly responded with some feminist bs saying “it wasn’t my body”. Haven’t heard from her since.

That’s just one example of the bs I’m talking about. There was a split second she liked me for who I was but the feminist bs took over and just made it into a lose/lose situation.

[Anonymous]

sometimes I hate women too. even when i am able to get past it, it keeps returning when I encounter feminists, activists, sjws, woke cunts. I hate them with a passion and i hope that someome snaps and hurts them. They are ruining society and i view them as the enemy

[Asker]

Yep. You and I are being honest. But can we be happy? We should stand or ground but the same time we need to find contentment.

Anger as intoxicating (and often justified) as it is won’t make either of us happy in the long run.

[Opinion Owner]

i fluctuate between feeling like this and not hating them as much. The feminists, activists and SJWS are the worst and I will admit that if something bad happens to one of them I am delighted. I dont feel that way about average women most of the time

[Asker]

I’m like that too. But the problem is this woke feminist bs has gotten so mainstream it’s influencing impresionable women in the middle. Just recently a young woman (22) who I had a fling going with abruptly snapped at me with some feminist “it’s not your body” when I asked her to shave prior to the 3rd time we planned to have sex. I asked tactfully and politely. Haven’t heard from her since (it was a month ago).

Average women weren’t acting this way even 10 years ago. It’s insane.

[Opinion Owner]

yes, she is a stupid cunt. My reaction is to use and abuse them. If there is no likely chance that you'll find a normal female then lie to them, fuck them, hurt them and ghost them. This is what they claim men are like anyway so lets make their lie a reality.

[johanmdsn]

then you are no better than them.

[Opinion Owner]

My girlfriend is watching A handmaid's tale and I find myself rooting against the women. I know that is not good but that is how angry I am at women. I am at the point where I want bad things to happen to them

[Asker]

Yeah I just recently watched Mulan (for free NEVER ever pay a penny for that shit) on a airplane flight. They pushed the woman’s suffrage bs to a whole new level which sucked because I really liked the martial arts scenes.

[Opinion Owner]

i hope that disney is a casualty of the civil war

[Asker]

They just outdid themselves after what happened to Gina Carano.

[Opinion Owner]

i fucking hate corporations which sell out the average citizen for insane SJWs. I sold my disney stock but I am only one man

[Asker]

But you are a PRINCIPLED man. You are not the only one. Encourage others to do the same.

Conservatives need to pay better attention to this bs and quit patronizing woke businesses. It’s tough. Really tough because they are mostly the top brands.

I really wish Starbucks had a serious competitor.

[NathanDavis]

How can you let this go...
Get professional help, see a therapist.

[Asker]

Already been doing that for a few years. He says this is a burden I’m going to have to manage on my own and I’m trying. I didn’t get into all crap I’ve experienced in my own romance life. But it really comes down to being “too nice” which not an easy switch to flip. Although I can proudly say I’ve called out a few bitches in the last few years, walked away and didn’t look back. Still it’s tough.

[NathanDavis]

have the therapists mentioned the fact that you seem to focus and direct all this resentment you have towards women, but not against your dad who decided to tolerate this, or your grandfather who decided to raise sons "this way" why are you selective when it comes to this strongs feelings you have? what is the reasoning behind that?

[Asker]

My dad has been a 10 out 10 father to me and my siblings. Completely selfless and supportive. No vices, no major faults and no other ambition besides supporting his wife and family. He’s actually a tough guy outside of how he acts with my mom. Couldn’t of asked for a better father in many ways.

As for my late grandfather. I didn’t know about how he used to beat my dad over frivolous things like “not being around to protect his sisters”. I did know he was a hardass but this issue didn’t come out until recently.

The issue is my mother was very beautiful and my dad was able to land his HS “dream girl”. Unfortunately like many attractive women she abused that power to manipulate/control my dad into all sorts of unfair bs. She herself came from a family where my grandmother “wore the pants.” She thinks that’s normal.

[Asker]

Anyway my folks have talked about divorce on and off for years. They go through peaceful times for a while. But then the bitchiness builds up in my mom and eventually erupts. My dad spent two weeks over my place 5 years ago. He told me about an incident where my mom hit him over the head with a mag light flashlight once. THAT is when I hit my breaking point with her and cut off all unnecessary communication.

[Asker]

Anyway my dad knows if he divorces my mom then chances are he will die alone at his age. He’s afraid of that and it’s understandable although very unfortunate.

[NathanDavis]

if your original post, you said your mother was "criminally violent"... that sounds very different, from what you're mentioning now, being "unfair" so what did she actually do, was she physically violent towards you or your father? or... something else?

[Asker]

She was definitely physically violent towards my dad and I witnessed it when I was a kid. This was never self defense either. She initiated this crap every time. I’ve seen her kick him. I’ve seen her try to goad him into hitting her back so she could cry victim.

But when that she once hit him with a mag light flashlight that was criminally next level. That’s a weapon. Woman or man all bets are off if someone picks up a weapon. He would of been justified to breaking her fucking jaw for doing that. She’s not a delicate “harmless” female. If he even just verbally threatened to that to her she would of called the cops, he would be in jail and marriage would immediately be over.

[NathanDavis]

So... kicking, provoking, and hit with a flesh-light, those things happened you say... for real.

But do you realize that, "my father would be justified to break her jaw" and "if he said a word, he woul dbe jailed and marriage would be over" do you realize that these two things are just scenarios made up in your head, these things did not actually happe, they're not reality, they're fantasy... you're aware of this right?

[Asker]

Yes they didn’t happen. Instead my dad tolerated it and set a bad example.

The tricky part is my family looks like an all American apple pie sort on the surface. My parents (especially my mother) are very concerned about image. Very few people know about this crap.

Yes my dad should of left. He’s afraid to though. He’s an idealist and on top of that he’s afraid of being lonely. He’s not rich and if it’s tough for a guy my age to date in the USA it’s only going to be 10 times harder for him.

Anyway that’s their gig. But my mother has been harshly critical towards me well into my 30s. Whenever I have an incident with a female I she usually takes the girls side (even if she hasn’t met her). She even laughed at me once or twice when I described how a girl unfairly treated me. She puts all this guilt trip bs into me and I can count the times on one hand where she has taken my side on those things. She not surprisingly has zero comprehension of male ego given she’s never been challenged to do anything to please men (other than look good).

[NathanDavis]

Okay, since you realize those things are not true, this is one thing you could work on... you should stop creating scenarios in your head and getting, further riled up by things that never happened, because they simply did not happen, so there's no reason to actually focus on that and get this so upset.

It would be more productive if you focus only on the things that actually happened, other things that are not happening but you really like to focus on is "your father dying alone" and/or... your father having it the harderst to find another person... these are things that are not happening either.

So you unnecessarily get very upset about a past that did not happen, and a future that is not happening, too much focus and resentment towards fantasy in your head, this is something you could work on and stop it.

[Asker]

You got a good point. Thanks for hearing me out.

Truth is I want to speak to my mother directly and privately (with a counselor present to make her feel safe). I already proposed the idea 3 years ago when she confronted me wanting to know what she did to hurt me.

She initially agreed but then changed her mind and just never followed through with it. Reason being she’s scared to hear what I’m going to say. She’s not used to being in a position to having to admit she’s wrong.

I guess I could confront her again about this. But if she doesn’t want to have this talk then I don’t want to talk to her period (outside when it’s necessary). It’s not to say I enjoy this stand off because I really don’t.

by the way she has major personal issues with her own mother. But she has never been brave enough to confront my grandma on this. Ironic how’s she’s bitchy to most people except the ones that abused her the most.

[Asker]

Anyway man I don’t mean to make you “my counselor”. You aren’t getting paid lol. This is just something that haunts very often. It jumps in my mind several times a week. Very tough riddle to solve. Turning my back on it doesn’t seem to work for long either.

[NathanDavis]

It can be just a talk
and we could talk more later,, I don't mind that
there are other things we could address or that I can point out from a different perspective

[Asker]

thanks man. I really appreciate your feedback. I had to ventilate this somewhere.