My mother was criminally violent with my dad a few times and yet she was the one to play victim in most scenarios. I’m pissed off my dad tolerated it. He should divorced her and left. But he is an “idealist” and always wanted a strong family unit. I also learned that my grandparents had a weird complex where they brutally pushed their sons to be “extra chivalrous to women” given they lost an infant daughter to SIDS.
Anyway I haven’t spoken directly to my mother in 5 years (only superficially at family gatherings). I’m furious at her for many reasons beyond how she treated my dad. She brainwashed me at an earlier age to kiss girls asses. When I got older I saw the fallacy in this. But it has been very difficult to overcome ingrained instincts to play the “nice guy” when I shouldn’t.
She confronted me 3 years ago and humbly asked why I was doing this. I told her I wanted an opportunity to speak to her directly in private setting (with a counselor present) and I didn’t want my dad there. She initially agreed but then never followed through with it. Deep down she knows I’m right about some things but she’s afraid of the confrontation she will have with me. So it’s been this superficial holding pattern.
Anyway mommy issues aside. I just feel that there is a very real and very disgusting prejudice against average males who are just trying to make their own in society. I have met a handful of women who are aware of this. But the impressionable mainstream is being negatively influenced by feminism that treating men like shit is a way “to fight patriarchy” and I’m sick of it.
Again this not for all women. I’ve met a minority who are decent. But I feel a sense of rage considering what I’ve experienced and observed over the years.
Anyway I’m not looking for a pity party. I’m looking to improve and move on. I find that with most things in life that taking action and effort is what matters. However with relationships and women this is more tricky.
I would like to confront my mom and unload everything I’m pissed off about. But unfortunately it’s not that simple
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I understand what you're saying and I am sorry that you had to go through all of that but I guess, you really just have to keep your mind open to meeting and talking to more women and remind yourself that not all women are like that. As a woman myself, I am not a feminist, or should I say a neo-feminist simply because I believe modern feminism is all about women rights, empowerment and women leading and dominating society into the future which I dont believe in. I believe that men and women should be equally respected and represented in society, and just as not all men are bad and should not be treated like shit by some feminists in the name of "fighting patriarchy" you have to consider that not all women are bad and treat men like shit either.
I apologise in advance if I sound insensitive here, but you can't get over your anger towards women by living in the past. Treat the situation with an understanding or subjective ear, that is not to say that you should justify how your mother treated your father. That just means, realise that everyone does something for a reason, whether justified or not. It may be that your mum went through a hard time in the past or had a hatred towards men the same way you are enraged by women. Her actions are not justified, but they come from a damaged place within her. Maybe she was brainwashed by her parents or got abused or vilified by men in the past that caused her to feel and act this way towards your father and to form specific views about how a man should be. Or maybe, she has a personal issue with herself. Just as a murderer might have killed a person because he was abused in the past by the same type, race or gender and carried on that hatred.
Point is, the cycle of hatred and anger has to stop within yourself by considering why a person has done what they did. Maybe some feminists treat men like shit because they have had bad experiences with men and formed the same anger. You can't progress by continuing the behaviour that you hate from women. And you have to realise that getting angry and upset at women and remaining that way, is really just taking a toll on your mental health, time and energy needed to live a happy life.
As Henry Emerson once said, "hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat" it does nothing for you and thats when you have to find it within yourself to put you first, and stop.
Yes your right. I know I can’t live in the past. I’m making adjustments in my own life to grow (my own career has taken off, I travel, volunteer and I’m involved in martial arts).
I really just want an hour to speak directly to my mom and ventilate what I’m so angry about. She won’t do it though because she’s scared (because a part of her deep down knows I’m right). Instead it’s been this long term superficial holding pattern bs. She thinks I’ll eventually “forget about it” and come around. But no. I’m taking a stand like my dad should of.
Thank you for not being a modern feminist by the way.