DDo we sometimes try so hard to think we are special thst we end up dehumanizing ourselves?

[Anonymous]

We raise ourselvs to standards unattainable or we try to make ourselves out to be some villain or super angelic person.

[Chris7094]

I think that can be true.
Especially in relationships because some people try so hard to be the perfect partner and they lose themselves. They forget that love is something that's supposed to be natural between 2 people (Flaws and all). It isn't about pretending to be perfect, but rather being exactly who you are and your partner either loves that, or they don't.

[Asker]

Interesting do you have a specific example?

[Chris7094]

I guess I relate your question to my marriage.
I wanted her so badly that I used every single thing I had learned in life to be cool, calm, fun, attractive, supportive, patient, clean, loving, giving, and basically completely selfless in our relationship.
Meanwhile she was the kind of woman to just do whatever she wanted. She got to be human, I had to be that super angelic person you described.
In reality she grew tired of me being so giving and she wanted me to just be me. It turned her on when I would be more selfish in bed, or when I didn't treat her like she was my reason for living.
Sometimes I think I loved her even more because she was so selfish, messy, hot, and demanding.
She was human, I was usually playing a perfect character that I had crafted.

[Asker]

Oh interesting. I dont think its bad to be giving to your wife so that confuses me lol but I'm guessing you know the details so maybe we are thinking of different things

[Chris7094]

Trust me it confuses me too.
When my marriage ended I couldn't understand what the hell more she wanted. I literally gave that woman everything, and my life revolved around her and our child.
In reality she didn't really respect everything I did for her, she didn't love me as much as I loved her and I wasn't being human anyway. I was the perfect husband, but that doesn't really mean that much. Some people even get bored of that and want a change. It was good that I'm a good father (Your children are really the ones who deserve that super angelic person).

[Chris7094]

I could've been more human with her and gotten the same result.
Or who knows, maybe she would tried harder? That's why relationships are confusing.

[Asker]

I think if you are trying to be good, its best. Even if they dont meet you at the same place... Maybe it takes longer for others to reach that place. But it sounds like you did right when you were with her. I have heard of demonic type of wives. I've even seen one on youtube who teaches young women how to be selfish and get whatever they think they 'deserve' from men and their husbands. There really are crazy women out there and if you were to be bad to her, she probably would have taken offence and left or done worse by you. Just what i think based on what I've heard women like that say amongst themselves. Very entitled!

[Chris7094]

I'm not sure that she could've done much worse by me honestly. She put me through about every kind of abuse and manipulation you can.
The most discouraging thing is that I have this buddy who's a total jerk, he's basically a narcissist like my ex-wife. He currently has a beautiful wife who he treats like shit.
In turn she treats him like absolute gold, similar to how I was with my ex.
Sometimes I feel frustrated that my buddy's super angelic wife isn't my wife.
Then I wonder if she's so good because he treats her so bad?
If that what it takes to have a good partner, I give up. I don't want to treat women like shit so they respect me more.

[Asker]

If you are teating a woman badly to get respect she doesn't respect you she fears you. Its an illusion of respect that he sees. I dont understand any man who talkslike that. I've heard men say that before that they treat women badly to get what they want. I dont even have words for that. The selfishness and evilness in such a manchild is beyond my comprehension.

[Chris7094]

Then I guess I have to figure out if I respected my ex-wife or feared her or what?
She is definitely the manipulative, bullying type who controls others. It's just lucky for her that she's naturally attractive or she would probably have to act differently. Her appearance is her power.

[Asker]

Did you feel scared and bullied?

[Chris7094]

I felt lonely at times and like I was walking on eggshells.
We didn't communicate well, and everything was either her way or she would do something extreme.
I was often uncertain or afraid that she was gonna break up with me just because we had a disagreement, or she didn't get her way. She did many times over the 15 years we were together.
She was also violent when she drank, or quick-tempered, very moody, bossy, and impossible to reason with at times. I kinda think everyone is a bit scared of her (Including her family), and we all sort of caved in to trying to please her, rather than deal with a bully who's going to yell, cry, freak out, and will never take blame or apologize for anything ever.
She figured out how to get her way and control others no matter what.

[Guy13]

I think along the lines of same-sex relationships that even the mules, cockroaches, squirrels, birds, beers, etc KNOW that are against Purpose, Form, and Function. Dehumanizing, for sure...

[Asker]

I agree. Its absurd hoe many ate becoming gay. Men and women!

[Fireguy17]

We are all special in one way or another.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

[Asker]

How are you special? And i?

[Fireguy17]

Myself I somehow have the unique ability to go where people are fleeing.
We go into the gates of hell and spit in the dragons face, we rescue those that are unable to rescue themselves, put the fire out, do rescues in all sorts of places, any time any day.
Our goal is that everyone goes home, and go and do it day after day.
I don't know you, or what special traits that you have.
But I'm sure you excel at something (s) that others struggle with.

[Asker]

Ur a fireman? I admire u!

[Fireguy17]

Assistant Chief/EMT.

[Asker]

Whats assistabt chief?