Have you seen 'murdered by my boyfriend' on BBC iPlayer? What do you think about its portrayal of DV?

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I think everyone should watch this show before getting into a relationship, it really shows how a seemingly nice guy can give off red flags early on, and how ignoring those red flags can escalate them towards violence.

Fwiw I don't think women should be paranoid about this stuff to the point they can't trust any man. Most of us don't beat/murder our girlfriends, it's just that you won't necessarily know IF we have that capability from just a first impression. This show portrays that well in my opinion, coz the guy seems so nice and shy and gentlemanly in the beginning, but soon enough you see his controlling insecure toxic side come out.

In any personal protection class they'll teach the importance of awareness and observation -- avoiding dark alleys and huddles of young drunken males on quiet streets, etc -- and that awareness should extend to noticing red flags in early stages of dating especially (considering most rapes are committed by a perpetrator the victim knows). But I think men should watch this show and others like it too, because it shows really well how *seemingly* justifiable insecurities (jealousy, over-awareness of male "competition", and the desire to modify a partner's behavior in an attempt to reconcile those insecurities) can set a seemingly "nice" guy on the escalation ladder towards violence and abuse. Again, most men do not abuse women. But for the men whose insecurities may one day feed into that capability for violence, its critical they learn to recognise that capability and get professional help for it BEFORE they do something they'll regret.

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Not suggesting it's the victim's fault for staying. I think the show does a good job of showing how difficult it can be to leave an abusive situation once its already escalated. In any case I think it's an important show that depicts the realities of DV better than any awareness campaigns I've personally come across. That it's a true story only adds to the realism

[MissBollinger12]

This short film is an excellent example of insidious abuse, and how it can escalate.

It reminds me of the saying ‘Put a frog in hot water and it will jump out, kill it slowly by putting it in tepid water and very, very slowly turn the heat up - and before it realises, it has died’.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/SVCqTcb4qkM

Pretty macabre, but goes to show that abusers are usually more covert than people realise. And agreed - abuse knows no gender - as the Johnny Depp case sadly taught us.

[Chazmatazz269]

No secret has been made of how inherently violent all men are. I’ve heard it my entire life. Most women have heard it their entire lives. Someone NEEDS to make a show that exposes female abusers and their male victims. THAT’S the story nobody wants to talk about. I was in my 30s before i realized i shouldn’t have to put up with abuse at the hands of a woman. Nobody is teaching their sons to respect themselves and nobody is teaching their daughters to not be abusive.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

That's fair, a show about a female abuser would give more balance. Two sides of the same coin. Abuse is abuse.

[Chazmatazz269]

Indeed. There are a number of videos, albeit unpopular, on utoob exposing female abusers and male victims. So i know the outrageous content is available if only for spectacle. Somehow, the mainstream media refuses to tackle a tough issue OR cash in. Curious.