Why do people deny that lookism (discrimination based on looks) exist?

[Anonymous]

I'm constantly get ignored or treated coldly by most people on a daily basis, despite the fact I'm a very polite person, dress, act normally and can hold a conversation. In all my social interactions, when I ask people either about directions, or information or stuff related to class (in college), the majority of people will either ignore me or answer very coldly in 2-3 words. I also get ignored by the staff in stores. It is pretty obvious that the reason I get treated with contempt is because I don't meet society's beauty standards and am ugly. Because I've never insulted or done anything to hurt anyone.

Yet the few times I've spoken to someone about it, they will tell me "I'm sure it's your imagination" or that "it's all in your head", assume I must behave in an awkward way (although this isn't the case at all) and need to be more confident and be dismissive. Why is that?

Updates

1 mo

To the people in the comments that say discrimination based on looks doesn't exist: there have been many studies that suggest that that good looking people enjoy a range of preferential treatments in life and vice versa unattractive people get treated worse than others.

www.betterhelp.com/.../
medium.com/.../cognitive-bias-attractiveness-bias-f892f81727ed

[Flatmanlewis]

Well, I don’t think anybody could deny it. It’s plain as day and just a unchanging part of the human condition. All through human history it’s been this way & probably always will be.


More to your point however. There is a scent of self depreciation in your question and I have to wonder what kind of persona you are projecting. For example, on the rare day where I’m tired, grumpy, or just plain not feeling it I notice my interactions with people from the bookstore to the coffee shop to on my commute are brief and pragmatic. Yet, the very same me in a happy, optimistic, and good mood and I can travel the same path and have great conversations with half a dozen people. If you are projecting sadness, neediness, or self-doubt, people will steer away from that. On top of all that, one of the most important things I’ve ever learned in my life is this: Every single person you know (no matter how well you think you know them) is going through something you know nothing about. People are sometimes just having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you.

[Asker]

I don't disagree with the things you said, however it has happened to me even at times, when I'm in a happy, optimistic and good mood and leave the house full of energy, but people will still answer me coldly or avoid me altogether

[Flatmanlewis]

Okay. So, fair point. Why do YOU think it is? Where do you live? While I’ve never been I have been told NYC is not a good place for random friendly encounters. Yet, some small town may be more kind. Do you wear your politics on your sleeve? Maybe have a fringe fashion taste that creates strong opinions?

[Finchie40]

Because most people in today’s world are assholes. People that think their shit don’t stink , that honestly need to look themselves in the mirror and realize they are a nobody and realize they are in for a rude awakening , when they realize being an asshole on this planet, will get them no where , because they are nothing , put your phone down and look at the world around you , us people are nothing on this planet , we are a size of a peanut on this planet , so my advice to you, is to just be who you are and treat people the way you want to be treated , eventually you will find friends that like you for you, when you find those friends , keep them close to you as much as possible and distance yourself from people that are rude and disrespectful and negative toward you. Understand they mean nothing. Don’t change who you are as a person, to try to appease anyone else. Not everyone on this planet is going to like you, so you don’t have to like any of them either. When you learn not to give a fuck what other people think or say your life will feel much more at ease because it isn’t your problem , it’s theirs.

[Asker]

Thank you
I wish there were more people in the world and I had friends like you

[Finchie40]

Well you have a new friend right here , nice to met you , inbox me

[Nightblade23]

I say it does exist because I've seen how people tend to get treated the world is cruel sometimes people judge a book by its cover that's not nice the saying goes treat people how you want to be treated and that's what I go by I stay kind even if someone is mean to me because it's the right thing to do violence doesn't get you anywhere I believe in standing up for yourself but not in a violent way to me everyone is beautiful inside and out no matter what they look like I'm going to be friends with everyone I don't care about looks your all beautiful and handsome people who deserve love, friendship, courage, and positive energy I'm your lives your all wonderful amazing people who deserve to be appreciated no Matter what you look like

[RoseySarah]

Cause it is against the internets woke culture!

This exists so much but people deny it cause you can't be against the woke culture even if you can't be canceled.

[Asker]

Maybe they do it, because they don't wanna be rude or hurtful. But gaslighting or invalidating one's feelings does more harm

[RoseySarah]

Way more harm

[pianogirlmeow]

I think a lot more people see it now, and i’m sure they’ve been studies which prove it as well. Its a shame on one should be treated like that just because others doesn’t find them attractive. I hope you are able to be fully confident in yourself.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It exists surely but you will also find someone or a group of friends who will understand and cherish your friendship and love.

Sometimes it's just being ugly or attractive it's just the surrounding.

College is tough place and people are immature

What I found myself is that outside college and when you start to work , people start to respect you based on behaviour and conduct.

It works out well in the end you find your groove eventually and naturally.

[Anonymous]

Its not serious for the world enough so its easier to say that it does not exist and just say that the person is egoistical if he/she thinks that

[Asker]

So true... It is only a minority of people, who experience this treatment, so they don't care. I hope some day in your this changes and people become more empathetic

[DannyUk2017]

They don't deny they just "lying" to themselfs and you... simple...

[Nifrayu]

Some people only see what they want to believe.

[CaliAttorneyGuy]

Stop caring about what others think and worry about improving yourself instead. Go to the gym. It’ll make you feel better and make you feel more confident too.

[lightbulb27]

They dont like the truth but i dont think its all looks but emotional projection is major component.

[MJtheCoach]

You’re probably not attractive and or you come across very fake

[Asker]

Yes, I already said I'm unattractive myself. I don't think I'm fake at all though

[MJtheCoach]

So being unattractive is one being anorexic or overweight, and makes the matter worse, and if you have a combination of that, and you just like crap, which I’m guessing you do, will make it more unlikable..

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

For female yes
Rich guys and pretty girls have it easy

[DarkLegacy]

It does exist and those that deny it are guilty of doing it. I get the same treatment

[bornnoutisdee]

I don’t deny it

[MaxUsefull]

perhaps, but this can be overcome with sympathy for others

[Chayce]

Change your appearance.