Are you afraid of public speaking?

[Kulotz]

Most people dont like public speaking. Including me! How about you? Do you like public speaking? If you dont like it, how did you overcome the fear of it?

[Levin]

It's not really in my natural skill set, or everything is against me at least.

I don't have conventional ideas and some of them are down-right offensive. So I'm often scanning for social acceptability which makes me get muddled and lose my train of thought.

My brain is not good at remembering details, I'm more of a synthesiser.

I work more on the basis of flashes of inspiration rather than consistent monologues.

I'm a natural introvert.

I'm simply not interested in talking to masses of people or impressing them. I was once invited to on the spur on the moment and I literally had no interest in the opinions of 90% of the people in that space.

My natural skillset is my interpersonal skills. Namely, talking to people on a one to one basis and deconstructing them psychologically.

Although people who claim to be logical are seldom are, I'm definitely a natural feeler. My feelings on a topic are important.

However, I can talk in an inspirational manner when it's a subject I'm passionate about. I am also happy to be the centre of attention in social situations. However, I often find my ideas are not energetically aligned with 90% of the people around me.

[Levin]

Last reason, I'm English. Nuff said.

[MrOracle]

Not at all - I've been doing it since I was a kid. I was always the speaker who led ceremonies when I was in cub scouts (8 or 9 years old I think?), and I often did that for school band activities, and I started DJing at 16. There wasn't a ton of public speaking for DJs back then, even at weddings, but the DJ's role in weddings changed/grew significantly starting in the mid/late 90s and through the 2000s, with DJs having to be much more involved and directing the events and keeping things on the schedule in many cases.

But this was just something that never bothered me, at least as long as I felt that I was prepared. I have done a couple of weddings where there was supposed to be someone else doing parts of the ceremony - specifically introducing family members that I didn't know and had never met - and then at the last minute I had to do it, and THAT is nerve-wracking because I had no idea who these people were - but that's really the only time I'm ever nervous. So far, no disasters, but I don't want to screw up someone's wedding.

[Dongie]

Heh, I can't read your posts without hearing the voice of Glenn.

[Account]

I used to. A lot.
I used to lose my train of thought, or I froze and I either couldn't speak or I stuttered or I felt I couldn't breathe or I felt like the words I uttered sounded like gibberish.
I no longer do. The only thing that has helped me is to visualize in my mind that there is noone around and that I am entirely alone.
It helped me and I know I am using another "cheating" mechanism and that I am not confronting the issue directly, but it works for me perfectly and I will keep doing it.

[Bilboes]

Franky, you can solve this situation with a little practice and tricking your brain.

The more you expose yourself to it, or any uncomfortable situation, and go though it, the more you signal to your brain - I did this and I'm ok, the easier it gets.

This discomfort comes from a place where the brain thinks that we are headed towards "danger" and it tries to protect us from it. So by still doing it, we tell our brain that all is fine, and it starts to "let go" of this discomfort.

[nightdrot]

Actually, surprisingly not. I work in politics so, suffice to say, public speaking is part of the game.

However, as with anything, if you do your homework and prep a bit, public speaking becomes little different than if you were speaking just casually. Obviously, styles have to change and, if possible, it is better to have a prepared text. However, even when I have spoken extemporaneously, I have not found it that difficult.

Bottom line, if you know your own mind, you'll do pretty well and then public speaking comes naturally. At least that has been my experience.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have grown accustomed to public speaking. I am an attorney and being in court forced me to overcome my fears and concerns. Later, I served as president of my church for four years and I conducted many meetings. I have also been president of my alumni assiciation for six years and I must give public presentations frequently.

[WhiteSteve]

I’ve always been kind of a ham, I think, haha. I would crack jokes in class a lot to try to get a laugh. I think I’m an emotional leader athletically, although I can lose myself if things are going poorly, haha, but when I’m in my better moments, I’m definitely good for a pump-up speech, so that requires some public speaking confidence too.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I love it! It's one of my favorite things. I wish I could do more public speeches in front of big audiences. I want to do one every day on random topics (different one each day; don't want to repeat any of my previous speeches).

Oddly I was never afraid of public speaking even though I had a bit of a shy streak in my teens. The way I saw it is that public speaking is mostly a monologue except for Q&A. So it doesn't make a big difference whether it's private or public. You might change some things or the fly depending on the engagement of the audience but you usually only need to make small tweaks.

Like what's the worst that could happen? Maybe you get booed off the stage or something. That's not a big deal. It's actually kind of funny! You could tell, "Hey, my pubic speech was so bad that I got booed off the stage!" That's awesome and fun. So don't worry about it.

[7Phoenix7]

The never fearing @GuyAnswersGirls123 haha

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 Social fears used to be a big problem for me in my teens and I'm finding I've regained some shyness since the pandemic just getting used to talking to people again without masks. I'm also afraid of offending or upsetting people.

Yet for some reason things like public speaking and theater and singing Karaoke in front of a large group of strangers never bothered me that way. I had my shyness reversed from most people as a teen that way where I could give a public speech without any shyness and then be shy of talking to people one-on-one after.

I think it's because public speaking is more one-way; I feel entirely in control over my own performance. It's not a very two-way thing like a dynamic conversation where I have to navigate the intricacies of what the other person says, their personality, their feelings, and subject myself to possible misunderstandings. It's much, much simpler than a conversation as I see it as far as the dynamics. It can be largely rehearsed in advance.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 I think most of my biggest fears can be understood if we just reverse things a bit. For example, most people seem to be most afraid of getting hurt. I'm most afraid of hurting other people.

For example, most people would probably feel "safer" riding a larger vehicle that offers maximum protection to the driver. I would actually feel "safer" riding a motorcycle because if I make a big mistake, I'm more likely to be the only one that gets hurt.

My biggest fear in conversations is not making a fool of myself; we might even say I'm used to it by now. 😅 It's inadvertently making a fool of the other person. That's why I generally favor a very tactful and agreeable conversation style that tries to look for more ways that others could be right and I could be wrong than for them to wrong and for me to be right. I would rather make a fool of myself in most cases than them unless they're particularly belligerent and uncooperative.

My biggest fear when it came to asking girls out on dates that I had to overcome was not being rejected and hurt but causing the girl I ask out to feel awkward and uncomfortable. So I learned how to make girls smile and feel comfortable even when they rejected me and that was my main source of overcoming the fear of asking girls out (which was ultimately fear of imposing costs on the girls, not on myself).

I think that's also why public speaking made me less afraid than speaking one-on-one. It's a situation where I'm most likely to make a fool of myself (more likely to hurt myself) and not the audience. I can handle that; it won't weigh on my conscience.

It's my conscience that governs my biggest fears since it punishes me for my misdeeds more than any physical or personal emotional injury I've ever received. So that might be why I'm so absent in fears in areas people most commonly fear but also abundant in fears in areas most people don't fear.

[7Phoenix7]

Yes, you're right about that. Speaking to a crowd is more of a one way thing and easier than a back and forth conversation.

Oh right, you don't fear hurting yourself but other people. And as far as conversations go, I guess my fear is being boring or just incompatible with the person. Especially being an introvert, I don't like just talking to everyone about absolutely anything 😅. When im out in public and a random stranger starts talking about random basic things, basically small talk... I usually dread it. It feels tedious to me lol and so usually I'll try to get away, unless they actually say something interesting or they seem interesting in general.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 I've never been a huge fan of small talk either; it seems so tedious, repetitive, and boring most of the time. I like to change things up and sometimes even with the most bizarre segues:

Someone: Nice weather we're having, don't you think?
Me: Yep. Do you like sci-fi films?

My friends and wife often tell people that I say the most random things. 😅

[7Phoenix7]

Yeah, in my head I'll be thinking, "We could be talking about something much better right now."

Someone: Nice weather we're having, don't you think?
Me: Yep. Do you like sci-fi films?

Lmao That made me laugh, but I'd much prefer it if someone did that. I'd be a lot more interested in continuing the conversation, haha. It's random but fun.

Your wife is INFP I remember you said. How is/was she with talking to people and parties and stuff?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 She's the much more normal one between us, courteous and lady-like and she tends to listen more than speak to other people. She has a "big sister" vibe even to people older than her. They call her "big sister".

Something about me though makes her talk a lot more. I have a bad tendency sometimes when I talk to introverts to dominate the whole conversation to the point where I start becoming aware that I'm talking way too much and them too little and start having to ask more questions and try to get them to participate.

But with my wife, she tends to talk almost as much as I do where I can just share something, pause, then she shares, and we take turns that way. But with other people, she usually just listens and only speaks a little bit.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 I have a bad habit of always talking about myself even on dates despite knowing we're not supposed to do that. It can come across as narcissistic and self-absorbed.

But my rationale is that I can only speak confidently on subjects I know most about. When I see a Q on GaG like, "What do guys think?" Some guys take it upon themselves to speak on behalf of all men but I don't since I'm not confident that I know what all guys think. I only know what I think so I talk about myself in those cases.

So for dating I mostly learned how to make people laugh talking about myself a lot, sharing embarrassing stories, things like that so that I at least don't bore them if I'm dominating the conversation. But with my wife, something surprising happened even when we were just friends where she reciprocated more than anyone else. I share embarrassing story, she shares embarrassing story, we take turns.

So she has a very compatible communication style with me and something about me makes her speak more and listen less. But for most people, she prefers to listen more and speak less.

[7Phoenix7]

Yea I was gonna say, being introvert, there's always your friends, family, or significant other that we'll feel totally comfortable with and will resemble an extrovert when talking with them.

But yeah with others I also do more listening. I prefer it that way with strangers to because I like to get a good feel of what type of person someone is before I share a lot about myself.

Hope you're enjoying the weekend!

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 Cheers and likewise! 🤝

I always had an approach to strangers in that I never saw any difference in what I should share with a complete stranger vs. a best friend. So I tend to share things with complete strangers as though they're already my best friends. That tends to have a divisive effect. On some people, they open up just as much with my oversharing tendencies, and we really click really fast. Then I tend to unfortunately make others shut down and look uncomfortable and I take it down a serious notch as soon as I notice.

It's one of life's great mysteries to me why we have to know a person closely to start sharing the most intimate things about each other. I always found it tedious and like a formal barrier to getting down to the brass tacks and really showing and seeing the deepest nature of our hearts.

[7Phoenix7]

Thanks!

And that's because you don't really fear as much as most people lol i would say. I feel like sharing too much can backfire somehow with some people. But to be honest, it depends on the person. I don't know you in person but I get a good vibe and would probably feel comfortable sharing stuff, especially since you already do it haha.

I think that's a big thing too with INFJ's, we love listening about everyone's life more than talking about our own

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@7Phoenix7 There were times I was afraid about the sharing and it has also gotten me into trouble in the past where I shared something very intimate about myself with people who weren't very nice and tried to use it against me by telling other people what I shared with them.

Yet I found the best defense against that is to share with everyone! 😁 When we share openly with everyone, then if we share with a nasty person who betrays our trust and starts telling people what we told them, then they're like, "Yeah, he already told me that. We know already."

So the more freely we share, the less vulnerable we become as I see it. I often saw it like learning how to fight in the nude. We don't have to worry about possible kinks in our armor since we aren't wearing any armor in the first place.

It might be a bit of an extreme strategy though for most people's tastes. But that's the way I've always seen to fortify myself. If we only share with very select people, we need to trust those people not to share what we've shared. If we share with everyone, it doesn't matter whether or not they betray our trust.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I always loved it, but I was always really afraid of it.

The best thing you can do is watch people who you think are really good, and practice in front of a mirror. Start off having a conversation with yourself, practice maintaining eye contact and breaking it at moments that feel right (when you speak publically for real, instead of breaking eye contact, you just pick some other random person to hold eye contact with)

Once you feel comfortable with how you move your hands and body in the mirror, you'll feel way better in front of people.

Also, good posture will make people listen to you more. It's one of those secrets to instantly getting more respect.

Speaking slowly helps too.

Public speaking is a good example but you'll find your fear of most things starts to go away once you realize you understand how it works. And it only takes a few tries.

[NathanDavis]

yes, I was... very scared, but they still made speak, well... read in public, since I was age 4

so, I lost the anxiety about it over time... nowadays, I don't mind it at all

basically, I had no choice but to get used to it or to faint every time, lol

[naartjie]

I actually really like it. I’m not afraid of confrontation or in general talking to big groups of people. Back in high school we had to do many orals and I had been told by many teachers that I’m a great speaker.
In crowds I thrive but telling a friend I’m not happy about something they did is very hard. How strange!


I’d love to be a speaker or to teach or anything along those lines.

[msmissydc]

Generally I never had a problem with that. Neither in school, university nor in my job.
I think the biggest advise I can give, that always helped me is to remember, that if you speak about something or hold a lecture you are the person in the room with the most knowledge about that concept, otherwise you wouldn't be the speaker.

[7Phoenix7]

I used to get super nervous in school whenever I had to present something in front of the class. I think it comes down to being confident in yourself. In college I was volunteering to stand and explain things. I was sure of myself and not worried about how i was being perceived. At work I had no problem standing up and speaking to all of the staff about issues I thought were present and needed solving etc. I think it comes down to self esteem and learning to be confident.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Sometimes in life you have to step out of your comfort zone & when it comes to public speaking although I prefer life behind a microphone or camera there were times I did have to public speak & it was different.

Am I afraid of it? Not anymore.
Do I get nervous? Of course I do.

[molonski2]

I had crazy fear of this stuff , but I was kinda forced into it and had no choice , to overcome the incredible fear , knowing your topic helps a lot , and just keeping a push on your comfort zone , just put yourself out there..

In the end , I was pretty dam good , and always my audience commended me , and they used to say " But you can do it " , they had no idea what I had been though to get to that point.

[At3mis24]

Oh, yes! It gives me a monster jitters, gives me stomach aches, ties my throat sometimes; that’s why I prefer to avoid talking in public, using subterfuges: emails, messages, letters, and if it’s a case, a plea full of terms used by lawyers.

Yet I did theater during my university studies, but it just served to develop my self-confidence, without more

[mobiusforniner]

No. But it wasn’t always that way. Public speaking requires two things: Practice and self confidence. One must be comfortable being in uncomfortable situations; not worrying about what others think of them. And like most skills, it is honed with repetition. Combine the two, and public speaking becomes a skill and art form. It is not something just easily mastered.

[RavVid]

I have needed to but it is not something enjoyable to me. I am told I am a natural speaker. I will make up my mind what to say on the spot having thought about it before.

No notes. It is important to the emphatic on the key points.

[Fireguy17]

not at all.
It turns out that I know stuff from doing my job for so long, so I do some traveling and give talks at conventions, banquets.
I like it.
And, if I can help just 1 get through their career pretty much unscathed it was all well worth it.

[AlexEfron]

Do I like it? No.

Do I have stage fright? No.

I overcame it at a very young age, when I was in 4th standard. My school teachers helped me with it. It was my first on-stage event - a debate. After that I participated on multiple on stage events, including anchoring of events, giving speeches. I've had to do impromptu public speeches, so I got comfortable with it.

[yourmancallsme]

I’m terrified of public speaking because I have anxiety. I don’t care what people say it’s the fact that I expect myself to be perfect so I’m scared that I’ll mess up which causes me to purposely stumble on words. But I do enjoy public speaking as it’s a way to push myself out of my comfort zone even though my chest gets tight and ears get hot when I do it. The only thing that I need to improve on is stuttering and projection.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

Time is your greatest professor. But if you want the short cut on how to be calm and collected: add a barrier. A podium will instantly disassociate you from the crowd, however you still have to practice your hook, inflections, and message. For those attributes - you need experience.

[menina]

I can't say that I'm an expert but I got better. When I was in college I had to do oral presentations often, so I had to learn how to speak in front of many people. So now I feel more comfortable with public speaking.

[jshm2]

Of course not, public is probably afraid of me, as I am the type who would be like this on stage in the setup.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/-Cji_T28ybk

[IslaTheWitch]

I was AF. Social situations are nightmares for an autistic person like me, lol

with time, I learned my own strategy... and now I give talks at conferences

[TommyMountainFigure]

It doesn't bother me. It use to, but I realised it's all about the content you have.

I write my own speeches and learn them in advance, and maybe ad-lib a joke or two if it's going well!

[Anonymous]

HELL NO LMAO!

4 or 3 times though I was forced to Public speak in my life, and out of nervousness and pure fear, I winged it. Pretended it wasn’t happening and it came out perfect 😆😆😆😆

[JacobJordan]

Always a bit nervous when I have to do it. Nervous because I don't do cards or cheat sheets I memorize my talking points. And nervous I forgot something.

[Dongie]

I'd as soon take a shit before them as speak. I get like claustrophobic. I did overcome it in 2002 when my dad died and a couple disgruntled sisters contested his will. But it came creeping back several years later.

[electromagnetic]

Nope. I’ve already wrote my speech for the Waldorf Association when I’m an old fart and they’re looking for a key note speaker.

[blueonblack22]

I’m not at all despite being 2/3rds introvert.

[supercutebutt]

I don't like it. I'd rather engage in public coitus.

[BCRanger10]

Not really. I don't do it all that often, but the idea doesn't worry me.

[FreyaRed]

No. I'm extrovert I can make a good show if I have time to prepare.

[andreasderjuengere]

Afraid: not at all.
But I don't seek stage spotlights. So I keep it to a minimum... where I can't avoid it.

[SolitarySolace]

Yes, I’ve always been afraid of public speaking. I’m glad I’m no longer in school where I’d have to deal with public speaking.

[sheikalana]

Not exactly afraid but if I didn't have to do it I wouldn't do it.

[ab2shifty]

Honestly it’s been a thing that i was pretty good at

Its even better when I’m with my homies because then we’re all laughing at each other 🤣

[jamesgoldman]

I don't like it but it's amazing what a whisky will do for your nerves

[genericname85]

depends on the topic and how much i know about that topic.

[Unit1]

Not at all. In fact it might be beneficial for me to do it a few times.

[tierrlamé]

nah but i dont go out of my way to hold speeches lol

[Iron_Man]

I can handle It I gave a best man speech before at a wedding

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Yea one my biggest issues. Presentations at university and highschool were a nightmare to me

[handsomelad70]

Yes, because I'm articulate, but naturally somewhat reticent among strangers.

[Tractorguy13]

Terrified of it….. I overcame it by just avoiding it all together

[BLP11520]

I have done Public speaking it’s not pleasant, very common to be nervous in the top 10 fears like heights spiders, the dark those things

[Twalli]

I took a speech and debate class and got over my fear.

[Sonorous]

I'm afraid of public

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t like it but I can do it

[Dargil]

If I have notes, I am OK. Can't memorize.

[laly520]

in past yes

but now, not really

[talka20]

i am yes... and you overcome by actually doing it

[Lokiion]

No however I would prefer not to

[jahaims]

Nah, I don't care what random people think

[Aiko_E_Lara]

No way. I keep things to myself

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I mean yes I don't like public speaking.

I thought the question is asking if I like public speaking

[MemeSupreme]

yeah i suck at it

[serious]

Honestly. Yes

[Rnjura]

Just by thinking about it I get scared.

[Simslover92]

Deathly afraid

[Anonymous]

Afraid… No. I just don’t like it.

[parlance]

Nope.