Is this double standard exaggerated?

Question

I see some people say there is a huge double standard between men and women when they have sex with much younger people. Men have it much worse than women apparently. Get hate etc.

But most people I ask say it's the same if it's a man or woman so I don't understand this double standard

Friendlybro79 · Accepted Answer

Here's the thing the idea of a double standard is stupid. No one really is or can police these types of things. You have to care what other people think for the double standard to have any power over you. If your adults your adults. This should not even be a thing. As long as minors aren't involved, I think who cares how old the two people are if they are both adults and happy

MittParekh15 · Accepted Answer

Don't think much , not all men are same, nor all women are same. Similarly all people have their own versions.

NamerOfStars · Answer

What people say when you ask them to consider a theoretical situation is usually not the same as what they'd say when confronting it in reality.

Consider Mary Kay LeTourneau. She was caught having sex with one of her middle school students in 1996, and was: 1. fired, 2. arrested, 3. tried, 4. convicted, and 5. actually sent to jail- and 6. when she violated the terms of her slap-on-the-wrist parole, went back for the whole of her sentence. Newspapers at the time the scandal broke actually referred to it as "rape". NONE of that beyond the first point- being fired- would happen to a woman today. And none of it does- these scandals pop up, on average, about once every six weeks, if you look for them.

By contrast, a male teacher, in that position, would probably not be arrested, either- but that's because he'd be lucky to live long enough to. And that's not an exaggeration.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that adolescent boys aren't extremely sexual, and that many, perhaps even most, of them have the odd crush on a pretty teacher- I certainly did. And while they ARE capable of distinguishing right from wrong, arousal can make them, same as anyone else, overlook that- but I'm also not going to pretend that the same isn't true, down to the last detail, of adolescent girls.

So why the disparity? Perceptions of hyper- and hypo- agency. Men are seen as actors; what happens to them is their fault, and what happens to others is their fault. Women are seen as the acted upon; what happens to them is NOT their fault, nor is what happens to others- even others around them. Women are told that they're powerless, and have no ability to improve their lives or meaningfully affect their world. Men are told that everything they do is of vital importance, and every flaw of the world is their responsibility. Conduct a little social experiment, if you like: have two friends (separately) sit on a bench in a public park and start crying. The woman will get a fair few people coming up to her to offer comfort and support; the man will have an impressive bubble of space surrounding him, because no one wants to be near a crying man; he's perceived as weak, and failing to do his duty in stoically suffering to built the world into something better. The exact numbers will vary based on where you are, but no matter the culture, he's ALWAYS going to get less support.

Worldwide, there isn't a single form of violence that has more female than male victims (even rape, if you reword laws that specifically prevent women from being rapists)- but every campaign you'll see that isn't gender-neutral is about protecting women. Of course, there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to protect women, but efforts to do so almost invariably focus on what MEN should be doing- not merely in the area of "don't be violent against women", but in those of "endanger yourself to protect women who take foolish risks with their own safety", which ultimately just makes violence against men worse.

If you're dubious- which would be reasonable, since this goes against what you're constantly told- take a look at domestic violence statistics for same-sex couples. It's little short of a epidemic amongst lesbians, since women are treated like their violence doesn't matter. Among gay men, raised from birth with a sense of the gravity of their actions, it's basically nonexistent.

Most people think of themselves as solidly moral people, if not fanatically so, and as having a strong moral compass. Confront them with evidence that their actions don't match their words, and cognitive dissonance sets in; few indeed are intellectually honest enough even to reflect and change one or the other.

Just like how there are no atheists in a foxhole and vanishingly few Feminists in a war zone, there only a handful of egalitarians in the real world.

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

If a guy hooks up with an older woman, he's lucky.
If a girl hooks up with an older man, she's a victim.

That's just how society views sex. Since the man is perceived as the hunter, who has to seduce, convince or trick women to have sex, if a young man can do that, he must be incredibly skilled. However, that logic positions the woman as the hunted. And the younger you are, the more naive, the easier it to manipulate for sex.

Obviously this perception completely ignores women's sex drive and autonomy (does she really have to get persuaded into sex? Can't she just want it?) but it's still a VERY common belief. I don't think it's exaggerated. It's untrue, but so many people believe in this double standard.

ohsheeT · Answer

I think it's all in who you ask or who you talk to if you talk to a girl that has never been approached or has been searching for somebody for long period of time they hate it when a man is with the younger woman because all of their insecurities all of their things they've been programmed as a person as a woman they have to express it and they have that right to I guess.

When I was way younger I went out with way older women in any way older now that I'm older there are younger girls that are attracted to me there are some that I have gone out with there's some I have not depends on maturity and have a see life.

I honestly could care less what people think as long as the person I'm with has good intention and is in love with me and I am in love with them and have nothing but the best intentions.. . That's all I care about is between me and that person nobody else

JacobJordan · Answer

There seems to be more stigma of a different sort for women who sleep with younger men vs men who sleep with younger women. Some of the jokes I have heard for women is calling her a cradle robber, or saying she wants a young cat to teach and exploit. Where as older men getting with younger women is far more accepted. The younger woman typically sought out the older man and vice versa. People are less likely to believe that the older woman and younger man sought each other out.

patrick994 · Answer

Yes, in Italy no one would say anything if a woman had sex with a younger man, maybe some might have something to say, but they are few

On the other hand, if an older man has sex with a younger one, they call him a pervert.

Surely · Answer

Between two consenting adults of legal ages. There shouldn’t be people sticking their noses in their relationship.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Fact: Women of ANY age can have sex whenever they want and age doesn't matter for women. Men not so much.

normalice · Answer

Men tend to feel like they shouldn't have to control themselves.

Billlewis · Answer

Because just about everything is going against men right now.

Amur8711 · Answer

Yes, women don't get scrutinized as much for landing a younger man. The young man may get teased for landing a Milf or Cougar. Where men that land a younger woman get labeled a pervert, the the woman may get called a gold digger.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Why do men have it worse. I'm 18 and have only had sex with girls my age or 2 years older.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I think anyone with wrinkles, is gonna be judged, on any gender lol 😆

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

I don't like it unless they have a genuine intention to marry and have children. Otherwise it is degeneracy on both parts

tfan1 · Answer

I wish I could be of some help but my wife is only one year younger than me

shortster · Answer

If everyone is an adult I don't care. It should only be an issue if the younger person is underage.

krin_m · Answer

I really do not pay attention to what people say. I date based on our mutual attraction and interests. Most women I date are younger than me.

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

There does seem to be a double standard against guys

BLP11520 · Answer

Relationships are very complicated. Some people care about things others don’t lotta judgment.🤔

noohair · Answer

Double standards are part of the world.

Anonymous · Answer

It's true.

Is this double standard exaggerated?

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