Getting over the feeling that you're pestering them

[blaze]

I talk to the girl that I want to go out with every couple of days. Sometimes, however, I just feel like I'm talking to her to much. I have no reason to think this, it's not like the conversations are boring or she seems not into them. I just always have this feeling that I'm smothering her if we talk for a few days straight.

It gets kind of annoying because I really want to talk to her but I always feel like I should leave her alone.

Do you guys have any suggestions of how I can get over this?

[wilbur12]

I agree with the lady anonymous. I used to do the same thing, I would text her like everyday and sometimes she wouldn't respond. I got to this point that I started to become that guy that's chasing her and that she would look at her phone and say, hmm him again? nahh ill talk to him later I don't feel like it now. At this point I decided to make a change...

What I started doing was NOT texting her or calling her anymore, UNTIL SHE CALLED ME. So basically what I did was talk to her and have a great convo for close to an hour (which is too much really), then she would say, OK ill talk to you later (which sometimes I wouldn't hear from her), then I would agree and hang up. Well, I never called her or texted her initially. Because I was on great terms with her (never fought much, threw in hints of interest to stay out of friendzone, etc.) she would eventually MISS me enough to call me. At that point I realized this and kept washing rinsing and recycling. Now I NEVER call her and she is ALWAYS the one that calls me. Ill talk to her one day and sometimes she will suggest playing a videogame later on in the night and I will not even sign on to play. Eventually, usually in the next day or so, she will call me.

What this does to a girl/boy is it gives them the opportunity to miss you. When you are on the phone for hours, you have a great time as well as her , HOWEVER, you quickly put out the spark in the end. What's best to do is allow HER to initiate contact, then have a great convo with her (teases and flirts included), then after about an hour hang up and tell her that you have to handle something and that for HER TO CALL YOU A LITTLE LATER. Then do not initiate contact and sometimes if she texts you, do not respond right away. If you can actually "disappear" for a couple days, she will begin to think and miss you A LOT and she will want to spend MORE time with you. This as a result, will keep her interest and build attraction for you. In the end, you will not feel like you are pestering and you will know that she is growing love for you.

Keypoints: Let her initiate contact, have a great, but not very long, convo., excuse yourself, then tell her to call you a little later. When she does, let her know that you had her on your mind and whenever you leave, she will think of you and when you talk/meet again, she will be absolutely excited to hear/see you again.

Main Objective: Create Space and let HER MISS YOU!

GOOD LUCK MAN! AND TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. WE ALL MUST GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE TO MISS THE OTHER, SOME DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER!

[wilbur12]

BTW try not to talk to her EVERYDAY. Talk to her like every 2 days sometimes so she can have that space to think about you and want to hear from you. :)

[candlewax]

Sounds like some complicated little game.

[wilbur12]

how is it a game. all you are doing is giving her space to think of you, but making sure everything is at an upbeat before you give the space. Do you always want somebody in your face? I think not.

[wormyrug]

Hey, I know how you feel. I talk to a girl every single day, and when we not able to see each other, we text. Our conversations last hours, we once started talking around 7 and finished around 2 in the morning, but even though she's told me she loves talking to me, I feel the same way as you cos normally I'm starting the conversations.

rest assured, if you are pestering her, or she has something to do, or something she wants to do more, she'll let you know. Most likely she's simply flattered by your attention.

[windy-rose]

Ahhh! I get like this all the time, with basically anyone who isn't one of my good friends of multiple years.

If you were actually bothering her, she'd be less attentive to whatever it is your saying. If via text/fb/etc possibly give more reasons/excuses to not be online as frequently. Otherwise, you're totally fine. I know on the rare occasion I really don't want to talk to a pest, I'll make it look like I'm not online...but that's happened all of twice. (one was for someone who would only talk to me when drunk and ask about my boobs...yeah. blocked.)

I'm not exactly sure how to totally queltch the feeling of pestering, except to assure yourself that you guys are on friendly terms and that chatting is totally encouraged. Maybe at this point it come off as weird if you suddenly didn't talk to her.

Basically, if she's engaging in the conversations on a regular basis, you're 100% good to go.

I wouldn't read into the occasional half-there chat, she might just have other things to be working on but doesn't want to just drop on ya.

[Kain6th]

*stumbles in drunk* so hao big Rur bewbs?!

[windy-rose]

*block*

[Kain6th]

:'-(

[windy-rose]

Hahaha, That could've been a direct quote from the actually situation there.

[Anonymous]

Are you always texting her 1st? If you are, then maybe that's why you tend 2 feel like your smothering her. If she is texting you 1st sometimes,then I can't imagine you feeling like your smothering her, so here's MY opinion, give her a chance 2 text you 1st. If you stop texting her & she doesn't text first then MAYBE se got comfortable with you txting her 1st. If she do text you 1st sometimes, do she always end the convo quickly, give one word replies, etc these MAY be hints your smothering her. But I don't think you should have the mentality that your smothering her if there's no super obvious reasons that you are , for example, if you text her 5 days out of the week & she usually respond to one & its an ongoing thing. Just my opinon, & its some of the stuff I do if a guy is suffocatin me & I always end up telling him so if she hasn't mention your suffocating her, then maybe she don't wanna hurt your feeling or maybe your not suffocating her & thinking tooo deep into the whole thing.

[whydogirlsmesswithme]

Good points

[Anonymous]

I feel that I'm doing the exact same thing as you to a guy that I like.

I caution to talk to him all the time since I don't know how he feels about me. If she feels that you are pestering her, then she'll definitely react to it (like taking a day or two to reply, or replying half-heartedly). If she is still talking to you continuously, then you're fine.

[Guysensei]

well, you MIGHT be pestering her, but if you sit there and worry about it is that gonna help you or her at all? Not one bit.

You have to let her worry for herself, because right now your trying to predict what's good for her, and it's impossible to know that. Open and honest communication is the only way to get on the same wavelength. If your bothering her she'll let you know. Assume things are OK until something in reality gives you evidence that its not. Right now the only evidence is your fears in your head(worrying about random possibilities)

[gaggleii]

So you're not actually going out with her yet. I would suggest giving her a bit of space (maybe wait for at least a week without talking/calling) and actually giving her the opportunity to MISS YOU. And if she does like you, she WILL miss you. Who knows, she might actually be the one who calls you.

At this stage, it sounds like you're making yourself too available and too easy. Go and find some other activities to take up your time for now.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly how I feel! :(