Going to a strip club ... how to convince my girlfriend it's not that bad?

[computernoob]

One of my best friends is moving across the country for good and he wanted all us guys as a last big night to all go to a strip club.

My girlfriend (dating for a yr) has always expressed how uncomfortable she is when I mentioned about going to strip club in the past. She's uncomfortable with the fact that I'll be around lots of topless girls and basically everything else that could possibly worry you about a strip club.

I'm not going to stop myself from going because 1. it's a huge occasion (best friend is moving away) and 2. nothing but a lap dance is going to happen.

I just don't know how to explain to my girlfriend that its really no big deal. I only love her and I'm not looking for sex or whatever else she thinks will happen. Any suggestions? (please don't say "just don't tell her")

Also, I will probably tell her after I go because I know she'll be mad and I just don't want to be feeling guilty the entire time while I'm there.

Updates

+1 y

Alright, I can see I didn't properly word my question. I understand why she would be scared and upset about me going to a strip club - but I'm not really going for me, I'm going for my friend - as ridiculous as that may sound.


I would be upset if she went to a male strip club as well but I'm not going out of sheer interest and excitement of going there.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Well, I would advise against a lap dance. A private show, maybe, but no lap dance. That's kinda pushing it. But seriously...

I'd say, tell her straight up that you're going. Tell her you're really just being dragged there, and that nothing will happen. Just overpriced drinks, a shitty "stage show" where some stupid, fake looking girl will be walking around on stage and generally being boring and not putting on much of a show. Looking upon the crowd with disgust, and making it entirely clear the only reason she's there is because she has bills to pay. Bouncers watching you and everyone like a hawk ready to jump the first guy who makes the wrong kinda move. And after a couple hours of bullshit,you're out of the club, and headed home.

Tell her this is not your choice. Tell her this is entirely for your friend, and not for you, and you have no desire to actually be THERE, but you do want to give your friend a sendoff. Tell her it's not your idea, and for god sakes leave out the lap dance. if your friends are going on about a lapdance, fine, reject them before you get there, and make sure your girlfriend knows. true or false, it's damage control. you know what else you can do? Refuse the lapdance when you're there, and tell your girlfriend. But yeah, when you tell your girlfriend about all of this, try to make it all sound as boring as fucking possible. Because in most cases, it's not a lie. Strip clubs are boring as fuck.

Look, it's damned if you do or don't because your girlfriend isn't thrilled if you go, and if you don't you let down the friend you send off. Either way I think that if you go, you can probably reassure your girlfriend in that these places really suck. most strippers I've seen are NOT like movies. they sorta walk around a stage or a runway. They crawl around half naked. some of them have pole skills, but not enough, and not like on movies, and nearly all of them have attitude.

strip clubs are for retards. I don't get them. Way I see it, I can see a woman naked... for free. And... if I got that far, I probably can have sex with her.

If this doesn't make you disinterested, then feign it. If this does give disincentive to go, then show it to your girlfriend. Play it up if you think it helps. As for your friends who say "oh why're being a little bitch - its just a lapdance .. blah blah blah", you tell them that you have a fucking girlfriend, and both you and her agree that it kinda feels like cheating, and if they can't respect that, they're not very good friends. Maybe add on a "go fuck yourself" at the end for good measure. I mean who the fuck are these guys? Stifflers?

Anyway, I say just tell your girlfriend how it is. That you don't want to go, but this is for a friend's sendoff, and nothing more, and you have little to no desire to actually be there, beyond respect for your friend, or the vaguest interest in what a stripclub is like as a guy who's never been to one. Oh, and refuse the lapdance.

Good luck out there, buddy.

[Brontosaurus]

Basically when you're in a relationship you submit to the right of your wife or girlfriend to prevent your from such "bonding activites" with your "bros." Sorry. Most women will disagree with the wording because they don't understand that in these "party" scenarios men are generally not going there to get their rocks off over nude girls with big breasts, but it is what it is.

I also let my girlfriend go to a male strip club with her friends, so what do I know ...

Regardless, if you plan on going you *should* bring it up with her IMO. If you are very lucky you might be able to negotiate some sort of agreement with her. I recommend at the very least agreeing to call her when you leave and promise to do something special for her in the near future. Likewise, you're going to have to agree to give her "bonding time" with her female friends under the same rules without complaint. No lap dances is a reasonable concession also IMO. They're expensive and generally pointless anyway unless it's you're party and everybody is buying them for you as part of the "ritual."

If you're not VERY lucky then you get to have the whole "So I guess I can't have friends anymore!" fight. Good luck!

[jrose]

Ok- you just said it " I would be upset if she went to a male strip club as well". Don't have double-standards for your relationship- that's not fair nor is it going to build a healthy relationship. Some women are just not comofortable with their boyfriends going to strip clubs for various reasons (everything from the trust issue to thinking they're participating in exploiting women). Your girlfriend has her own reasons and while you might not agree, you need to respect them. And saying you're going because of your friend is a cop-out- if you're planning on going and getting a lap dance good luck getting ANY girl to buy that justification. (If you find one, send her my way, I've got some magic beans to sell her!)

Now, you want to go and celebrate with your friend- I get that and personally, I'm not strictly against my boyfriend going to strip clubs once in awhile. Maybe it's because I've been to a few myself, but it doesn't make me that uncomfortable if a boyfriend wants to go. I do have some limits though-

1)it's an occassional visit rather than a regular one

2) NO lap dances. Sorry- but that becomes way too personal and it would bug me.

Maybe you could go but avoid the lap dance- might make your girlfriend slightly less uncomfortable?

[XepherStar]

It's not a matter of trust, it's a matter of respect and boundaries. She may know that you won't cheat on her but that does not make it okay for you to go if she is so uncomfortable with the idea. There is nothing wrong with strippers or going to a strip club, but if you are a taken guy in a loving relationship, then going to a strip club is disrespectful to a majority (but NOT all) of girlfriends. Would you be comfortable your girlfriend checking out hot naked guys and them grinding their naked bodies and junk all over your girlfriend? Why is it any different that your paying to check out nude women and getting a lap dance with their boobs hanging in your face then if your girlfriend catching you with a naked women giving you a lapdance in your bedroom? Some girls may consider it emotionally cheating, and there's nothing wrong with that. I can't tell you what to do, but try to get your friends to go somewhere else. No matter what, you'll either disappoint your friends or disrespect and hurt your girlfriend. Also, don't lie to her that your not going and then tell her where you went. You will lose some, if not all, of her trust.

[Alynaresque]

I don't think anyone is letting you peer into the jealous side of the female psyche that makes a good chunk of us deranged and often, to seem controlling. It doesn't really matter who she is, all women seem to me, to be in competition with each other. I would tell her if you are going or not, ask her to come, ask your friend to change "venues."

But the jealousy thing here, why she doesn't want you to go... If it we me, it would be because I am swlf conscious about everything. I try to look confident but I'm often self conscious of that as well. What if her ass is better than mine? What if her face Is prettier? What if her eyws are a nicer color? What if her hands are softer? Why can't I just give him a lap dance? Is he getting bored of me sexually? Is he looking for a way out? Questions can go everywhere depending on the girl and how emotional she is as well as how dramatic she tends to be.

If I were her I would think I wasn't good enoigh because I'm too embarrassed to give my boyfriend lapdances, so he was getting bored and looking at hotter, tighter bodies that would, albeit for cash.

[Alynaresque]

So, I would want to go with.

[SpeakNoAmericano]

Just talk to her about it, ask her if she'd be comfortable with it and to help ask her to set some boundaries for your to follow while you're there?

But to be fair if she isn't don't push it, I know you probably wouldn't like it if she had a man grinding all up on her for an hour or whatever, so you should really respect her wishes on this. Being in a relationship isn't doing whatever the f*** you want and then hoping the aftermath doesn't end you, it's compromise.

The fact that you're going to tell her after because of a bad reaction should be sign enough not to do this without discussing it with your girlfriend and making sure she's comfortable with you going and or/what you could do there. But if she says no lap dance, don't get one, I'm sure if your friend is a real friend then he'll understand. You can go and say goodbye without rubbing a naked woman all over yourself.

Sounds to me like you're just gunna do whatever the f*** you want and want us to support your choice to go behind your girlfriends back so you don't feel guilty. Well, I highly doubt anyone here will support your choice to go behind your girlfriends back even though you know she'd be really upset, and the fact that you don't care that she'd be mad or insecure about that makes me question why you two are still together because that behavior doesn't scream "I love this woman" to me.

[Invalid_Username]

"You can go and say goodbye without rubbing a naked woman all over yourself. " EXACTLY my thought.

[SpeakNoAmericano]

Hell yeah ;D

[Nomoremrniceguy]

wrong.. do not "ask" her like your some little kid. Do what you want and stop being so worried about it. A man doesn't need anyones approval, he just uses his own judgement. You already stated several times your going for your friend.. so stop defending it already and just do it.

[SpeakNoAmericano]

Don't tell me I'm wrong, if you disagree then just keep it to yourself, don't have to give your opinion when I don't want it. It's all good and well being a "man" (although that doesn't make you a man, not even close) but if all he's going to do is do whatever he wants instead of considering someone elses feelings like a DECENT human being, then he won't have a relationship for much longer. Also, he can go for his friend, doesn't need a lap dance to say goodbye.

[SpeakNoAmericano]

No offence but maybe not post a comment if you aren't prepared for people to know who it is. If you wouldn't say it with your username showing maybe not say it at all? D:

[irishgal]

Well that's kind of silly because it invites you to make a comment anonymously in some instances, and I expect that the whole point of it is that you can speak up without having some psycho who disagrees with you tail gating you around the site, which I've seen others do. And then not give you the opportunity to delete. GIrlsaskguys administrators = cocksuckers!

[Nomoremrniceguy]

im telling you you're wrong because you are, I don't give a damn if you don't want to hear it this isn't for you. he already said like 6 times that he's not going for the girls and yet you constantly bring up his gf's feelings.. are you blind? read the f***ing question again!

[SpeakNoAmericano]

Oi, a**hole, no need to be f***ing rude to me. That's the point I'm making you ignorant little prick. He isn't going for the girls, so he can go but not get a lap dance. READ MY ANSWER BEFORE YOU GET ALL MR. BIG BALLS.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a stripper, and it is that bad. You are not just going to be looking at naked girls. You will see p**** right in your face. I don't think a lot of people realize just how graphic a strip club gets. I would hate to be anywhere knowing that right at that moment, some other girl is sticking her p**** in my boyfriend's face for cash.

i would ask her to come along. If your mate won't let girlfriends come to his strip club night, then the whole occasion is clearly for the sake of being a bunch of dodgy ****s more than some sentimental "he's going away" horse sh*t.

Don't go without her, for f***'s sake.

[Opinion Owner]

PS...good thing your mate's leaving if you ask me. He sounds like a little sh*t. If he's happy to cause a rift between you and your girlfriend, and most likely other mates and their gf's, well, he's quite simply a stupid little f*** hole.

[elliesaur]

THIS!

[Fiona83]

Best answer.

[Winteredrose5162]

Best answer for sure!

[yopyopyop]

Firstly, you can say no to the lapdance. I did the only time I went to such a club (with a friend bringing me there when I visited him in the USA).

Secondly, don't tell her after you've been there. It would be bringing a trust issue, which would have far bigger consequences on your relationship than going there. That's the type of things girls will always remember.

All in all, if you really want to go, go there. But be totally honest and trustable. Maybe tell her to come with you. It would be the best way to make her comfortable. You'll see your friend, and she won't have to wonder what you are doing.

[islands7]

The Girlfriend needs it explained to her in equally selfish ways as are her fears. She cares nothing about you getting cheap thrills, looking p**** whipped/mistrusted, getting it out of your system (some grow out of this need).

1) If we have sex prior, there's little drive left to be tempted by anyone.

2) You could benefit from my elevated libido upon return, sexually.

3) I could bring home some moves you could learn so I'll never have to go back.

4) Go with us and rub my d*** through my pants until we have to leave horny.

[cazza3]

You're going to have to get into her head that an actual club can be much more detrimental to a relationship that a strip club. But it doesn't matter what you say if she doesn't trust you. My fiance has gone to stripclubs on many occasions, bachelor party, weekends away, friends leaving(same as you) and while its not my ideal thing for him to do I don't have a problem with it because I trust him.

I know I'm probably going to get grief for this but I'm going to say it anyway. I've noticed that some answers have called you selfish or inconsiderate because you're trying to find a way to convince her to be OK with it. Well, isn't she also being inconsiderate and selfish by ensuring you know that she isn't at all happy with you going, and seems quite OK with you missing a friends farewell because of it. Relationships require a lot of compromise, communication and honesty otherwise what's the point.

[Loysi]

Nothing but a lap dance is going to happen."

Dude... I don't think you realize how bad this is. There's no convincing her that it's not that bad, because it IS that bad. Try to think from her perspective: She can't stand thinking how another girl will turn you on. Get my point? If I was someone's girlfriend, I want him for myself. I want to know that I'm the ONLY girl that he finds attractive. Now, how will I feel if he goes to a strip club with more than half naked girls hiving him a boner?

[Nomoremrniceguy]

You should just not be overly concerned about it.. you already said that your going for your friend, so why get defensive about it at all? Let her be upset if she's going to be, you can't go around trying to behave in such a way that never upsets your girlfriend, otherwise she's basically controlling you.

This is a common theme among guys, they can't be free and themselves because they are over worried about upsetting a girl..

why? Do what you want and stop caring so much, because if your girlfriend loves you she would know that your not going for the other girls and wouldn't let her insecurities ruin your good time with your friend...

[Fiona83]

But only if he lets her do the same thing as well, right?

[Nomoremrniceguy]

nope. if she has to do it back just to spite him , then she's still trying to punish him for doing nothing wrong. you clearly don't get it

[sephora]

right there: "nothing but a lap dance", which you think may not be a big deal,would probably be a big deal with your girlfriend.

Just wondering would you be fine with your girlfriend going to see male strippers, and have them grind on her?

[tahlzay]

provided they were straight strippers :p

[sephora]

ssssh :P

[computernoob]

I made an update. I know why she would be upset but I didn't initiate the idea and I don't want to go whole-heartedly. I'm just going for my friend. Would you think she would understand my reasoning behind going?

[Nicefuture]

He will probably break up with her after calling her a hoe and maybe after taking revenge.

[sephora]

well you said you would be upset for her going to a male strip club, so she has every right for you not wanting to go. If you don't want her to go, then you shouldn't be allowed to go.

But you can still talk to her and see if she would change her mind, but I would think getting a lapdance would be off limits.

[Anonymous]

You can't convince a girl that it's not that bad.

She's either the kind of girl who knows it's not a big deal and isn't bothered, or she's the kind of girl that worries.

You can't rationally convince her to change her emotional state.

[Nomoremrniceguy]

this is the nice guy trap they all fall into... put her before your self.. cause its not like your BEST FRIEND is leaving town or anything! F***, guys are so stupid and wimpy... wtf is the matter with you dude? Why are you tip toeing around your gf's insecurities and trying so hard to please her? If she was going to chip and dales because her best friend was leaving that wouldn't be a big deal at all and most you guys would just accept it, but because she's a GIRL you give her special treatement..

[Nicefuture]

Don't go just don't, how would you feel if she ignored how you feel about the strip club and went to it for her friend? I mean really? You guys are selfish.

[Cephei]

If it makes her uncomfortable like that, why do it. What about if you ask your friend if you can go out another day before he goes, just you two, cinema or eat or something?

[Fiona83]

So if she went to a male strip club "for one of her friends" as well, you'd be OK with that?

[Fiona83]

Oh I just read the "just a lap dance" part. Are you in an open relationship? Cause if not, then that's NOT OK. Dude, seriously...WTF?

[Blubb]

Just a lap dance? How would you like it if your girlfriend got grinded on by a male stripper? Would you feel OK with it?

[Anonymous]

If you would be upset with her going to a male strip then I don't agree with you going. I am surprised at me saying this but strip clubs are the armpits of society and I am somewhat ashamed that I used to go to them a lot. You will end up going anyway but just behave and enjoy yourself

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if it were the other way around. But anyway, you're gonna do what ever you want to do so be prepared for what ever.

[michael0314]

take her with you. anybody who thinks most girls wouldn't love to go just doesn't know girls.