so guys my question is does it bother you that girls sometimes use guys at bars/clubs to get free stuff?
and my question for the girls is have you ever done this? and do you feel bad afterwards?
Well, as far as the girl being out there and talking about how she gets free stuff from guys, or how she consciously tries to get free stuff from guys, that doesn't make me have negative feelings towards that girl. On the other hand, I do face palm on the inside at the thought of how retarded whatever guys she's talking about are, and how bad I feel that there are guys out there like that.
Now, as far as her saying something retarded like "my friends don't like to spend our money on drinks and food (I got rent and school stuff that pretty much takes up all my money)," or "he makes these jokes like were such users and stuff. and I mean I just feel like that's how it is when your a girl. I know were not the only girls out here doing this so what is the big deal."
As to the first comment, an appropriate sarcastic response would be: "Obviously! It's not like guys make a finite amount of money in a given time period. Plus, it's not like a guy's expenses include rent and school stuff, or their own drinks and food. Duh! Everyone knows men live on air, and are just money making machines that are abundantly present to pay for any woman's drinks and food, in order to free up her budget so she can allocate it to things like her rent, school, clothes, iPhone, and taking care of herself." A girl who thinks that way is going to repel quality guys from her life, and doom herself to a life of being nothing more than a vagina for hire, or lonely crazy cat lady lol.
As to the second comment, the principle you are advocating for, or at least using to justify something, is: "if many people do something, then that something is not wrong, in fact, that something must be right, otherwise, why would so many people do it?" You know, like murder, or rape, or robbery, or white collar crime, or cheating on taxes, or discrimination, or using girls just for sex by lying to them, or using guys for free stuff by leading them on or lying to them. Right? It's the same exact principle, with a wide variety of applications.
Well, I guess that girl would probably not score too high on her LSAT, if she genuinely believed what she claims is her actual thought process. That's what's going through my mind lol.
"A girl who thinks that way is going to repel quality guys from her life, and doom herself to a life of being nothing more than a vagina for hire, or lonely crazy cat lady lol."
Yep, pretty much
i'm allergic to cats.
If a guy offers you a drink at a bar...its a sign of his interest in you.
You accepting the drink, is you fueling and reciprocating his interest.
He will show more interest and continue to flirt with you and display his interest.
-----
Unless you tell him when he offers you a drink that you're "taken"...you're signaling interest in him.
THAT is what your boyfriend doesn't like; a girl that is his, fueling interest in other men instead of shutting them down politely.
Now I do get your point, QA; you want to save some dollars by accepting whatever freebie alcohol you can get.
You can save your dollars, or you can keep this boyfriend that you have. Frankly, you're gonna have to make a choice between one of these two, before he makes the choice for you and drops you.
Can't do both.
i agreee. I am choosing him.
That's an awesome way of putting it. Relationships come at a cost, and it isn't a case where you can expect your boyfriend to wine and dine you, and on top of that, get freebies from other guys. I'm not saying you're like this necessarily. I'm just saying it would be utterly sexist. No ifs, ands, or buts.
yeah because guys have really strong empathy for other men and don't like to think of another guy getting used. it's kinda like how some girls would feel if we heard a guy bragging about using girls for sex.
Maybe it's just because I'm a girl, but I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. It's less than $10 drink, these guys are not going to be crying in the morning because they bought a girl a drink and she didn't suck his d*** afterward. Big deal lol and I'm SMH at some of these girls in here getting mad. Most guys would use the f*** out of you and not feel bad about it, but yall are in here getting mad at QA for getting free drinks from guys.
equal relationships ? eem..no no no ...no such thing !...ehmm..well your doing fine, its just don't ask guys you don't know like to pay for stuff ( like drinks and meals sure but nah beyond dat)..i only do that with my bfs ( gifts that really hit the pocket) hun they are there for a reason..lol so I say go for it..as long as you and your girls are safe. its normal believe me, sooooooo normal to get guys to get you stuff cos I ve been der ;) and nope I don't feel bad at all..My time is more valuable than any gold necklace or ipad he bought me ..i deserved it -_- yes I think like so lol
peace~
Well, back in university, my very good friend who is Ethopian. She is so beautiful, guys always offer her rides, food, drinks. She is very modest and rejected most offers. It is important for girls to have respect for others and themselves. Taking for free is not okay. Even though the guys offered, you should always be appreciative and say thank you and hope to return a favor, not necessarily sexually. But a nice smile, chat with him get to know him and if you are not interested, tell him. No games and be nice.
I think if you're intentionally chatting guys up to get free food or drinks out of them (EVERY TIME you go out?), that's pretty reprehensible. Granted, if I'm out somewhere and somebody offers to buy me a drink, I'd accept it, but I would never, ever go up to someone and ask them to buy me something. That makes you seem extremely entitled, and feeds the idea that women exist only to leech money off of guys. So, for Christ's sake, be a grown-up woman and buy your own drinks.
nah, I'm good thanks. I'll keep my money.
are you like feminist or something?
and when we go out I don't go out of my way to get them to buy me stuff they just offer.
Yep, girls like this do makes us guys resent women as entitled bitches who want to leech off of us. It's true its one thing if a guy simply walks across the bar and offers you a drink, but I doubt that's what's happening. I'm sure you are flirting with these guys which is what's prompting them to buy you a drink.
You really didn't make it very clear in your question that guys are just coming up to you out of the blue and offering you things - that changes it a bit. I'd still be a little hesitant, though. In my experience, men tend to interpret that as "I bought you a drink, now you owe me (sex)," which is a situation I like to avoid.
You're also using "feminist" like it's a dirty word. I'm mostly just offended by the idea that there are certain prescribed roles that men and women should follow.
yeah I'm not banging some dude cause he brought me some drinks, I'm strait forward enough to tel them that's not gonna happen when we first start talking but I mean at the same time if one of them was cool and I actually liked I would certainly give him a chance like we could hangout forreal. but that usually doesn't happen cause bar guys are sketch.
You don't owe someone sex because they bought you a drink. A date is more like an interview. What you owe them is good faith. If you're having someone buy you drinks under the pretends that maybe it will go somewhere and it ends up not going anywhere, it happens. But if you know you're not interested but don't make it clear, you're not acting in good faith.
Opinion
28Opinion
I think you guys are biting her head off unnecessarily. Sure, there are some 'users' out there, but I don't think bunnyfrancis qualifies. But yeah, if you like a girl, you buy her things. And I have no sympathy for any guy who throws his money away on a girl he meets at a bar. Probably serves him right.
I am assuming you're American. Just remember, U.S. culture is changing. Women are becoming more independent, and a lot of younger guys actually like that. As a result, sometimes we will get the impression that you are trying to mooch off of us because the standards are changing. Younger guys sort of expect women to have their own source of income in the U.S. now. You're in school though, so you have an excuse.
So once again, lets be real people. Bars and clubs are designed for people to 'use' each other. You should be smart enough to expect that. As for the OP, you have nothing to be ashamed of. However, I do question your taste in men if you go to bars a lot. Anyways, I thought you were being nice and asking an honest question.
She has everything to be ashamed of. She's using people for money. How is that not wrong?
thanks for not calling me a user. I'm not sitting here begging guys to pay for my car and stuff I just would prefer not to spend money when I go out and if some guy walks up to me and ask me what I want to drink I'm gonna tell him.
Girls that do this are looking for trouble, because most guys will always accommadate a girl with a drink when in company, but they would refuse if they knew the girl was just out to get a freebie, so this behavior is really uncalled for, show an interest in a guy and allow him to buy you a drink, but don't be false about your intentions, because if you have no interest apart from what's in his wallet, then your showing that your worth is lower than the side walk piss that stinks out the street, every girl should offer to get a rou in, it should be left up to the guy to accept or refuse, but he should never be expected to buy you a drink just because you show him some false attention, this is just shallow and cheap.
i never expect anyone to get me anything! I just accept it if its offered. and false attention? I mean I'll talk to them if there not being weird and if they aren't that bad they can get my number. lol and no I am not buying sh!t for a guy at a bar. unless he is my boyfriend or friends or something where I know him.
I'm fine with being considered a girl.
If a girl walks up to me and basically asks me to give her a drink or something, I'll order it. Then I take the drink and drink it up in front of her (usually pretty fast).
When I am done, I most of the times say something like this:
"Sorry, but you're going to have to try harder"
She usually becomes shocked, and it's a very amusing sight indeed.
haha yeah I would respect that.
Well, see, you're taking advantage of his generosity in order to not have to pay your own way.
It's like a middle-class person roughing themselves up and going on the street asking for change, because he doesn't want to buy his own soda.
There was a woman who would go on dates with men every day for a month on the assumption that they would pay, so that she wouldn't have to spend her own money on her food. Any decent person would know that that behavior is just deplorable.
JennaMarbles does:
Double-like, Sir - for the message and for quoting JennaMarbles
i don't think I fit in her little explanation there. I am not wealthy by any means I work and I am trying to wrap up school so I can get a better job. I only date guys I really like, none of them particularly spoiled me (would I have liked them too? obviously. but it didn't happen and I was fine with it). I don't think me getting free drinks its so "deplorable." I'm not begging for them to do this. I am just standing there and they offer and I accept. big deal.
But that's not usually the case of girls getting free stuff. Many go out with the intend of drinking without spending anything. Others are like the girl I mentioned above. And there are quite a few who are exactly like the girls JennaMarbles talks about, and don't even think it's a problem.
When guys get upset about girls getting free things, that's what we're talking about.
yeah I mean I'm not sitting here demanding to be brought stuff BECAUSE I am a girl. if I am somewhere and no one is offering to get me something and I want it bad enough I will get it. its not that serious. I'm just saying I like free stuff.
It's not a joke... He doesn't like that you are doing it, thus why he keeps bring it up... Just because you can get away with something doesn't mean it's in good taste. Then talking about it with other guys on top of it just makes you look bad.
I suppose it would be like if a guy went and talked to a bunch of girls and he was like yeah I was banging this chick the other night. I told her I love her and all, I can't believe she believes that crap what a little slut. She's a good little sex puppet... Nice and gullible. I'm sure that would go over great with the ladies in casual conversation...
yeah but that so mean. I mean sex is wayy more personal then buying a drink lol
well that seems to be what I'm hearing. I didn't realize it was so morally opposed. . .
hm I hate that I am so cheap then! really puts me in a predicament, be a better person. . . or be able to buy myself more important stuff with the money I'm saving from not buying drinks. . .
. I don't want to drink gross shots and cheap beer I'm not 14. I want a cute drink in a pretty glass.
yeah making the drink at home sounds like I have an alcohol problem. I only drink socially so I have no need for alcohol at my home. the point is I wanna drink/hangout with my friends out somewhere.
So now you're concerned about your image, but you're fine with using people for their money and then gloating about it to other people? OK... I think you just do it for the attention... All of it, the flirting with bar guys and using their money, the gloating, the cutting, and even the questions on GaG. =)
who are you?
you know what nvm I don't have to explain myself to you.
you are no one.
You should be ashamed of taking freebies from guys when you have an sorta-boyfriend or whatever you want to call it. You have a boyfriend, even if he's considered "sorta". Guys are offering you free stuff because they think you are available. You're not telling them the truth by telling them you are "sorta" committed. That's deceptive. That $10 drink times many girls over the course of a year means that guy is out of a lot of money. If you and other girls don't want to be objectified sexually, you can't expect to see men as wallets that walk around for you own benefit. You seriously need to examine your behavior and ask if you'd like to be viewed as more than a pair of t*ts and ass. Respect is a two-way street.
I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you're not leading the guy buying your drinks and things on if he's thinking he has a chance at being more than a friend. In other words as long as it's on the line and he knows soon enough that you're not interested in him that way. If he just wants to spend his money for a girl that he likes or maybe to gain simply friendship it's fine, let him. Just remember otherwise and don't lead him on because he may have things like his own rent to pay for like you do.
i never act like its going any further, like to a date or something unless I'm serious, cause that could happen if I like a guy and wanna hangout again. but if I'm not feeling him by the end of the conversation or w/e he'll know it.
I see nothing wrong with that. Some guys buy girls drinks because it makes them feel good to gain her attention and expect nothing more than that. And there is always the guys who expect at least conversation or at the very minimum at least a thank you for the drink.
of course I say thank you! I'm not rude. and usually we talk and he is drinking too its not like I am just getting free stuff and walking off.
In that case it's on the level. He gets to at least meet a girl he obviously likes even if he knows it won't lead to anything romantic. That's the way I see it. I didn't do buy drinks often because didn't frequent those places so I wasn't a drinker. When I did I wasn't expecting a sleep over in return. If sex is a guy's thoughts or expectations when he buys her a drink, he deserves every dime he looses.
Read what you just wrote:
" me and my friends don't like to spend our money on drinks and food"
you are trying to get things for free. Clearly you look for guys that will give it to you, and you basically just use them - there's no other explanation here. Those guys probably try to be nice and hope you like them or something.
Your type is exactly the reason why I never offer girls a drink in a bar, unless I'm dating her.
No matter how little I got to spend, I'm not going to scout around for girls that will give me stuff for free. I'm not a leech. When I want extra money, I do extra work and get paid for it.
I could just rob someone on the street, but I'm not going to. I could jump of the Empire State building, but I'm not going to. I could do a lot of things, but some things I don't do.
well the anniversary thing happened before I showed him the post. And uh yeah I have brought him dinner before lol. But those last four times were to prove a point. Although he thinks most of you lot were being too hard on me. But he also thinks I asked for it provoking a bunch of 'internet' guys.
I think you didn't write down your story properly. The way most guys answered suits the way you wrote down your question. We don't know you, so if you let out important things that may influence the way we think about it.
Plus, you asked a general question and you got your answers. Again, we don't know you so we can only base our opinion on what you write or ask, not the way you actually are.
That's fair. Maybe I didn't explain my question fully, reading over it it seems that way. But some guys left me some very hateful answers. Calling me a flat out whore and such things. And that was unnesscary.
Yes that's unnecessary, you're question was "so guys my question is does it bother you that girls sometimes use guys at bars/clubs to get free stuff?"
But you should realize that when a guy offers you a drink, he has a reason for it. And if you accept a drink just because of the drink, not wanting to get to know him then you should decline the drink. Otherwise you're giving him the idea you're interested in him, which is pretty mean because you know very well why he's buying you a drink.
That's the reason I think most guys got furious, because they have met those girls that will accept a drink but reject the guy. It's not something nice to have to experience, because what it comes down to is one is being used to get a free drink nothing more. It's better to first be honest about the fact you're not interested and if they still want to get you that drink then it's their problem.
Do girls get mad when guys talk about how they manipulated women into putting out?
"like I'm not saying I'm a user or anything "
"so when we go out we always find guys to pay for our stuff."- this suggests that you are.
If one of your goals going out is to find guys to buy you things, then it suggests you are a user.
((I got rent and school stuff that pretty much takes up all my money)
Being poor does not justify theft.
"I know were not the only girls out here doing this"
Just because one person is doing something bad does not entitle another to do the same.
" he could easily get some older ladies to be buying him stuff if he wanted"
False.
Its much harder for men to use women for money regardless of how good-looking they are.
Women are just not as looks focused and easily manipulated by looks as men are.
"so guys my question is does it bother you that girls sometimes use guys at bars/clubs to get free stuff?"
No one likes to be used for any reason. Male or female.
i guess.
"doing anyone on this earth any favors by continuing to exist."
ha
Girls probably get a kick out of getting guys to pay for them and buy them stuff, both for saving money and the attention. Smart guys look at those guys and think "what idiots..." and then they look at the girls who do that and think "wow, what sleazy girls, I'm glad I'm smart enough to not get used like that."
sounds fair, if a guy thinks he is better then me then by all means don't talk to me.
If a guy just buys you stuff because you're acting flirty or whatever, and he's not your boyfriend or family, he's an idiot who's being used, perhaps because he thinks buying you stuff will get him something in return. I'll buy a girl stuff on a *date*. I'm not such a moron that I'll just buy a girl, even a girl who is a friend, stuff at a club or cafe because she's acting nice.
I would add that that likens a girl to a hooker. Let's compare.
A. Girl flirts with guy to get him to buy her a meal. He is attracted by the tease/implied offer and buys her something, hoping it will get him something in return.
B. Girl offers to guy, who pays her in exchange for something.
The only difference is whether there's a promise, or just a teasing, implied offer.
well he shouldn't be so presumptuous.
lol well he isn't gonna get anything from me just from buying a drink or like a a salad or something. and I never act like its gonna go any further unless I'm feeling it.
that sounds like a question you should pose to him. I'm not forcing anybody to buy me anything. that's rude. I'm just saying is it so wrong to accept stuff your offered?
ok I won't (:
Hey if you can find a sucker who will pay for you then more power to you! However, I never buy girls drinks because I don't let myself get used.
Oh and I also got rent and school stuff that takes up most of my money.
well guys are better at spending money then girls. I like clothing and stuff alot.
well then why offer to buy stuff? I don't offer things to strangers just for the fun of it.
I wish more people would update their questions months later, it's nice to know how things progressed! I still think your boyfriend shouldn't be upset. Hey, he has a girl who is attractive and loyal who lavishes him with gifts. If you can get free drinks because guys are coming up to you (you are not going up to them) then you should take advantage of it!
Of course you are using men and you should feel great about it. If others are doing it then of course it makes it the perfect thing to do. The new American way is to take what is not yours or use and lie to get it. I rated your question 5 stars! Keep up the good work and be a Kardashian someday and make your family proud.
nah eventually I won't be so cheap and feel like doing this so much. but for now if someone offers to give me something for free I'll appreciatively accept it.
I never buy drinks to people I don't know so it doesn't really matter.
But I think it's pretty sad that you see most guys as walking wallet that you are free to use.
But we are all different.
Some are always looking for what they can get from people while others what they can give.
i'm not this selfish in all aspects of my life I know that's how its coming off but its simply not true.
well it fair to say their is something wrong with everybody so I guess I'm selfish.
well I feel like I'm only looking for 'excuses' cause people are telling me what I'm doing is wrong. I don't really feel like this is so bad. I don't ask them to do this, they offer.
you're a joke, love trolling girls like you, come back with a drink pretend I slip and spill it all over you then walk off. no respect what so ever and your lucky your boyfriend tolerates seeing you do this sh*t. your boyfriend probably pays for everything you do out of the clubs because you have no sense of responsibility. get a job and get some money.
uhh dude I work and go to school so good job reading my question. I have my own money it pays for my rent, my car, my phone and my school books. that's why I am frugal at bars and w/e, if I can save money I will. at least until I can afford to spend it how I want too.
so that gives you the excuse to rob unsuspecting guys of their money? What you are basically doing is scamming someone, but of a few $$. You are really a joke. Have you noticed 98% of the guys have said what you are doing is wrong? Or do you have no moral conscience at all. I'm assuming the latter since you tried to justify yourself.
i've never felt any need to justify until I posted this question lol. I don't see anything wrong with saving money by chatting up some guys for free drinks. they offer, I'm not making them. but ohhhh yeah I am ROBBING them because they VOLUNTARILY spend 5$-20$ on me. bfd.
i bet you don't even go to the clubs/bars and if you do your probably one of those guys that doesn't offer to buy a girl anything. so why do you even care? if some more well off dude wants to waste his money on me and his friends its his right. this is America isn't it? I'm 'sorry' if me taking advantage of a social situation like being one out of 5 girls in a bar and it working in my favor to get free stuff pisses you off. but you can get over it.
i go clubbing at least once a week, and yes you are misleading someone to buy you drinks, its like those internet scams, misleading someone to give you money, pretty sure the law doesn't justify them as being alright because the people that gave away their money are idiots. I used to buy girls drinks when I first turned legal to go out, but then I wisened up and realized that's all they want, a drink. its not the fact you get free stuff that pisses me off, its your attitude. You have no morals.
sounds like your eating some sour grapes. and I have plenty of morals, I just feel like if a guy is willing to act like money is dispensable then why shouldn't I treat it as such. don't offer something if you don't want someone to take it.
And now even though you know guys get pissed about it, you will still do it regardless of what your boyfriend thinks, f***in ganga. wouldnotf***/10.
As I said, you are a scammer at the lowest level, get some responsiblity and save up some money to go out, everyone else seems to be able to do it.
If you have a boyfriend there isn't even really a need to go out and get drunk, you go out to try get with the opposite gender not have a dance in the corner. Ganga.
who are you to tell me what is appropriate? like seriously I don't think you have any right to judge or think your better then me just because I get free drinks from guys. these guys know exactly what they're doing when they ask me what I want. I don't pressure them into buying me anything. and I express that its not gonna go any father then them maybe getting my number. guys are the ones with all the 'ulterior motives' here.
you are seriously a joke. tell them you have a boyfriend first and you won't do anything and will never message them and then ask them to buy you a drink. But no that wouldn't work and you don't do that, you lead them on then most likely tell them. So you do have ulterior motives.
ok the boyfriend thing is new and complicated. he tells me all the time to go out and do exactly this cause he 'claims to not care' whatever that's entirely different issue. as far as me getting free drinks from guys, I still don't see it as a big deal. these guys I am getting drinks from aren't the sad little 'suckers' you guys all feel so sorry 4. their overconfident sometimes douche guys that don't even ask my name until they got me a 2nd drink. they're grabbing me by my arm and pulling me next
to them. I am not forcing these guys into this. they act like they got it so I treat them like they do.
haaaaaaah omg I'm weak.
"clearly I am better than you"
what a hater.
that really sucks that you feel the need to belittle others online to validate yourself. that sounds exhausting.
no I don't find it wrong in the least. some other person responded on here saying 'we all have to follow our own moral compasses' for you its apparently its okay to be rude to strangers. telling me I am getting a useless degree when you don't even know what it is! I personally wouldn't say that to someone so unwarranted. I mean insulting my choices is one thing but my intelligence or in your opinion the 'lack their off'? yeah I'm not taking it that far.
i don't see your 'point' to begin with so this makes no difference to me.
I don't think you'd be asking this question if you didn't feel at least a little guilt in your actions.
I think you should listen to that little voice in your head that's telling you what you are doing is wrong.
"I am not leading them into an alley and robbing them."
A man does not rape a woman when he manipulates her and uses her for sex either.
yeah, I guess not?
Overcompensation due to a lack of guilt does not prove someone is not a gold digger.
Although the guilt itself is a good start.
If in fact you feel guilt about it at all.
Think about a man who beats his wife and suddenly stops doing it for a month, does that mean he will stop forever?
Not really.
But its a start.
Lol I paid for dinner like that because he thinks me bragging about getting free stuff online (which wasn't my intention) is crappy (it was also my turn) I have never 'used' my boyfriend for free stuff even when were just starting out. He isn't the type for that anyways, he is a confident, attractive guy who gets free stuff from girls himself. I still don't see anything wrong with this behavior as long as the girl doesn't act slutty/impolite about it.
Yes bragging about it pretty much shows you have ZERO guilt about it. Its something a gold digger does.
If someone does something wrong and commits a crime and then BRAGS about it, do you think he thinks he did anything wrong?
NOPE.
And I don't see how its possible to "Act slutty" when you steal from someone.
Do you take your clothes off when you get stuff from men?
That would be weird.
The point is its terrible behavior. Your boyfriends reaction should tell you that much.
Hes right.
how is it stealing if they offer? gosh I think a lot the guys problems with this on this site is because they are usually the poor guys who try to get a girls attention by buying her drinks and then end up being blown off. how is that my fault that a girl did that to them?
It would be the same if a guy asked you out to a movie that you wanted to see and you said yes just to go see that movie.
Its closer to fraud than it is to theft.
Its still dishonest
The problem is not the guy offering the problem is when its your GOAL to go out and manipulate guys into offering.
Whoa so now your saying its wrong to go see a movie even if I don't wanna hook up with guy? That's doesn't seem wrong to me. And it's not always the goal it just was occasionally when I was single but now that I'm thoroughly taken I never do it. I only get free drinks if the guys my friends are flirting with feel generous. Is that wrong too?
"Whoa so now your saying its wrong to go see a movie even if I don't wanna hook up with guy? "
No what I said was its wrong to go see a movie IF you you're not interested in dating a guy.
Most guys are buying girls drinks in hopes to start a conversation and get to know you. You and I both know this intuitively. To accept it and disregard the mans feelings is what's wrong. Not the actual act of drink acceptance.
Basically, we consider women who do this to be manipulative bitches. I'd have zero respect for them and zero pity if they got lied to and manipulated by a guy.
lol whatever
I wasn't really trying to target you, and you sound 'mild' i.e you're not actively trying to get this to happen ... I was more giving a general answer.
But saying things like 'drinks are expensive' or 'its nice to get free stuff' - is just obvious. Everyone likes free stuff, everyone finds drinks expensive. They are expensive for the guys who are buying them and probably lack the confidence to chat with girls without buying them a drink. Its really taking advantage of their desperation.
but there are plenty of guys here saying they wouldn't do this. these guys your saying are so "desperate" are the same one's grabbing me by the arm as I'm walking away from the club, they're they same ones that ask me "what do I want" before they even ask my name. I just feel like you guys are feeling bad for dudes who know exactly what they're doing. I would say I am an average looking girl, you know! I'm not sitting here wowing these guys into buying me something they offer cause they got it
Most guys now won't buy drinks because A) they know that a lot of girls are just taking advantage of it, and B) the standard internet advice now is to NEVER buy women drinks because it seems to make them think you're a loser.
Maybe you are very clear, maybe these guys understand, and maybe you shouldn't feel bad about it.
I think the comparison to guys who are 'players' is a good one ... not because the severity is the same, but there's a similar idea ...
Its obvious that people who lead others on are users.
What if they are silent about what they want?
What if they are clear and the person (stupidly) goes along anyway?
I -think- that you have some obligation to be clear about intentions (in both cases). "I didn't say I wanted more then sex" and "he didn't ask if I was single when he bought the drink" are not good enough. You gotta be clear.
If you're clear, and they go forward, even though they'll be upset, its their choice.
But you will be judged by some people.
Incidentally, my original 'manipulative bitch' comment was directed more at lines like "so when we go out we always find guys to pay for our stuff." That doesn't come across as 'guys happen to approach us without us doing anything and offer to buy us drinks even though we make it really clear we have boyfriends/aren't interested in anything". Perhaps it came across wrong ;)
i don't feel bad. I don't make it seem like its gonna go any further then getting my number and that's only if their not terrible. and I don't know what you mean by the last line about comparison to players but ok.
"so when we go out we always find guys to pay for our stuff. I guess I should have worded this as "we wait untill guys offer to buy us our stuff." cause that's generally what we do. stand around and talk and then they come talk to us.
I would not take this personally - however I would seriously lower my opinion of a girl that whores her time for free meals. I mean I might still be with her and be nice to her but my long terms prospects for her would vaporize.
yikeess 'whores her time' that makes it sound bad. but I mean god stuff is so expensive and they offer! I know I'm not the only person that likes getting stuff for free. we're in a recession.
Yup, good stuff costs money, and the more money, the more/better the stuff. My point was it is NOT different to (a) spend time with them in exchange to all that stuff, and (b) to also let them touch you - and get much more in exchange for it. It's a slippery slope once you set foot on it, and in many people's eyes, once you set foot, it does not matter if you choose to linger in the beginning or slide all the way (the Eliot Spitzer girl) or stop halfway (the Tiger Woods girl)
idk who your examples are. but I will say screwing someone for money is a far cry from accepting free drinks at a bar. your at a bar.
It is a far cry, definitely. I don't think drinks even cross the line unless one repeatedly and deliberately fishes for them. And drinks are not as bad as a dinner. The Eliot Spitzer girl was a high end prostitute (thousands of dollars per visit). The Tiger Woods girl was what they call a "halfway whore" - girls that would crowd and entertain the wealthy and celebs at clubs, and occasionally sleep with them, in exchange for top-rate food/drink/some gifts and vacations.
I've never done it. I can imagine you would feel kind of guilty inside for those poor boys. I'm too much of a believer in karma to do that.
Plus nobody ever offers me free stuff anyways. So yeah that's what's going on over here #singlecatowner
I have no idea how a girl as beautiful as you feels she is doomed to be a single cat lady, especially if you have the morals to feel guilt in committing such an act as this. But yes, karma will bite this girl in the ass.
truuuuu karma. that does exist. so I do think about it sometimes and I have cut down slightly on them buying me food but it still happens occasionally. and pft w/e you probably get free stuff all the time. I'm like a 5 and I get free stuff, although to be fair there are more men in this town then women. its an odd fact.
+1, Grace.
I would like to live in a world where a girl talks to me because she likes me not because she is hoping to get a free drink from me or generally go out with me because I have money. I would like to live in a world where guys don't crudely take advantage of girls either, so girls over 20 don't have rotten and beaten up luggage. So when is the next flight?
honeyltsme
"so girls over 20 don't have rotten and beaten up luggage. "
idk what your implying by that. but uhh no.
@asker I mean, I've been offered free stuff a couple of times, or like...discounts when I'm 3 dollars short, but I get all bashful like "Nahhh I couldn't possibly ever!" and they're like "No, dude it's fine" and then I'm just like "I would be in such internal debt to you, you fantastic and charitable human being" and then they're like "It's not a big deal" but then I sense that they're kind of freaked and awkward out so I'm all like "Never mind, I'll go back to my cave now".
lol I mean I'm always really appreciate when I get stuff but I mean they wouldn't offer it to you if they didn't wanna do it. they don't know you their is no pressure for them to do anything their being nice.
For me there is. If I'm going to take from somebody, I like to think that I can give a little back to them for their generosity (in a super appropriate manner, of course). I don't like to go with out repaying. It's kind of a guilt thing that I can't explain. Like...when you get a really nice present from someone you feel all guilty inside because they spent all that hard work and money on you and they wanted to see you smile and be happy and it's just so nice and sweet. I like humanity.
your probably rich. I am poor and average looking, I'll take whatever break I can get.
Woah woah woah. I work 25 hours a week as a lifeguard on top of school to afford a car and apartment rent, and I'm doing the airforce ROTC full ride scholarship right now just to afford college..soo. No. I work hard for everything that I have, and in a few years here, I'm going to be paying a lot of that debt back by being an active duty member. I'm not used to just taking from people. I was not raised to believe that behaviors like that are okay. This is why I feel guilt towards such situations
Also, stop putting yourself down and denoting your looks to being just average. Low self esteem is bad and it makes me sad when I see people that have it.
well I guess your just a better person then me. I work 2 jobs and go to school trying to get a little degree in something. so I don't have to be miserably broke my whole life. its bullsh!t I get tired of going out and seeing rich girls get whatever they want so I guess me and my friends find it at least at little fair if we can get free drinks at the bar. I mean we're girls and they offer. Low self esteem I is bad but it also keeps people in check with reality.
Ahhh I know seeing those girls with daddy's credit card is the most annoying thing EVER. But hey, they'll be weaker people in the long run. We have an advantage.
Some random guy buying things for a lady I'm with isn't a serious issue.
It shouldn't be cause your the one she is going home to at night!
Just comes to show you that women only want equality when it benefits them
You want money for food? GET YOUR BUTT OUT THERE AND EARN IT like most people do!
i actually have two jobs but I'm just cheap like that I guess.
i mean they offer! like what am I suppose to say no? for what? so I can have less money, I think not.
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