When he does not include you in his life that much?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for one and a half years now. My family and friends have met him but I have never met even his friends. I include him in some of my activities but he has never invited me to any of his though he does tell me about them. It's like his life goes by and I just watch from the sidelines. That, and the fact that he's only affectionate in bed, makes me question where this relationship is headed for. I have told him I love him and all I got in return was he has feelings for me. I know he genuinely cares for me and when I talked to him about all this he said that he would need time to get used to the all the intimacy stuff. But I'm starting to get impatient, especially when I do show him affection so he can learn the ropes. Am I wasting my time?

[tacitxbliss]

I am going through the exact same damn thing! I'm so glad I'm not the only one dealing with this bullsh*t because I'm nearing the end of my rope. It's literally the same situation. Since it said that you wrote this question a month ago I was wondering if anything has changed? We've been in a relationship for 5.5 months, but beginning about 2 months ago was when I began to notice how little he included me in his life, and we'e had the conversation four times since, the last being last night. I told him that I couldn't keep doing this because it was extremely important to me. I told him that although I wouldn't tell him when, based on the third conversation on the subject I had a timeline for if he didn't really change by then we would have to break up. The conversation only happened last night so I can't really give you any advice if it helped... apparently I broke through this time because he finally got it? Or whatever bullsh*t thing he said... it would be greatly appreciated if you have any advice for me! It's slowly tearing me up...

[Tamikaze]

Not sure how this is going now, after 3 months, but I can say the golden rule for having a relationship with a guy who loves you is that you never introduce him to your friends and family until he has first introduced you to his. A guy who is in to you will want to basically show you off to his friends and family. That he is only affectionate in bed and he is not including you in his life at all is a bad deal. A guy who is in love will say he is in love and he won't need time to get used to "all this intimacy stuff".

[Anonymous]

He does not really care and you're wasting your time. Stop wasting your time, you are doing too much and getting jack in return. He is telling you through his actions that you don't mean that much to him.

[dario82]

You can't teach someone to love you sweet heart. It's either there or it isn't. The warning signs are all there:

1. He's only affectionate in bed

2. You haven't met any of his friends

3. He doesn't invite you to any of his activities

4. You feel detached and as you put it, on the sidelines

You are not valuing yourself as a person. I suggest you find someone that will give you everything you want and more. Doesn't seem like this guy has any intention on doing so. If you feel like you want to continue to pursue this guy, talk to him and tell him you want to be more involved in his life and you want to meet his friends. See his reaction. If it's not what you want then you have your answer clearly laid out in front of you. Good luck

[Littletad]

It sounds like he's hiding something or maybe he's really only got you in his life and hes' afraid of you seeing how he was without you. The good thing is that he is there, he does seem to care about you and has met many of the people close to you, including your family. I think he needs to confess, but it's going to take some time. It's up to you if you simply want to put up with it.

[Asker]

I don't think he's hiding anything. I am his first serious relationship. He did say that all this is new to him and that it's not just me, he tends to push everyone away and not let them get too close. I do understand all that and, considering I was very much taken care of in my previous relationship, I have to say I am trying my hardest to be considerate and to make things work. They say loving someone is giving without expecting anything back but is it really too much to ask for simple stuff?

[Anonymous]

sounds shadey and untrustworthy to me. I would be very concerned. it sounds like he may have something to hide...why else wouldn't he be including you in all aspects of his life? giving him time is one thing, but a year and half...come on now!

[lochnessmonsterwang]

Crucial question: Have you ever been to his house?

[Asker]

No, I haven't. He says I'm welcome to come over anytime but I told him I'm the type who doesn't like just showing up without even a casual invite. He always comes to my house as it's very close to work (we are office mates).

[lochnessmonsterwang]

You are in all likelihood a side girl. If he decides to stop talking to you, he'd be pretty hard to track down, now wouldn't he?