Rising from the Ashes of Shame: Ramsey Carpenter Bearse Story


A girl or guy wants your private pic, maybe it's a "dic pic", maybe it's something else. But they desire you, it's sooo fun, it feels so good to be desired, to connect, the mystery. In an instant, you click off a photo and it's done. You've fallen into a private hell...

Why did I do that....my life...is so over! Tears...
Why did I do that....my life...is so over! Tears...

An instant decision is made, it feels good, getting that hit of dopamine and the ego boost. It's human nature to want to feel good, for a woman to feel desired. But then, in a social media instant, your face is plastered all over the internet and you've been busted! You are a CRIMINAL! SHAME. GUILT. HORROR. REGRET. You've lost it, possibly everything, your job, family is shocked of your behavior, spouse is shock. Who really knew you? The inner you is now exposed to all to see and it feels awful. As stress mounts, suicidal thoughts are all too common as despair can set in.

Don't give up hope, know that you are loved! But I know it doesn't feel that way right now.
Don't give up hope, know that you are loved! But I know it doesn't feel that way right now.

Such is the story of a former Miss America contestant. What is it about people falling from the highest levels that strikes us? Maybe it is that it makes us feel better about ourselves, our own human flaws. This is just one instance...but it happens all the time doesn't it

Ramsey Carpenter Bearse story

There is an essence of right and wrong and she knows it. What emotions do you see? I see shame, guilt, that it was wrong. She has normal emotions in my view. Soon enough, despair could set in. But something is going wrong in her inner reflex world of emotion, she isn't behaving the way society requires or even she would require. If she were a man, it would be viewed as even worse as a man preying on a girl is...awful! A woman, doesn't feel as bad.

Note to self: Be careful what you do out there in social media, as the old human emotions of shame, guilt, regret is all there. This sort of thing happened when I was in High School, it isn't new. It happens all the time sadly, but strikes me as it is a lot easier now and a lot more exposing and painful.

NOOOO! STOP and ask, would I stand before my community and send this?
NOOOO! STOP and ask, would I stand before my community and send this?

For those of you who read the Bible, an old old text, Earliest recording I know of shame: Genesis 3:10 the emotions start to show up. "[Adam] answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Fear and Shame!

What is it that is going to control your instant impulses? She's a "Christian" one might say...adding deeper to the sense of guilt and shame. That action to snapchat, FB, twit, etc.. can be an instant, our deep emotional self that is designed to respond instantly to fear, fight or flight, or desire and passion. There is no way around the human reality that a male looking at a female can cause that "connection" to occur, and attraction ensue. That's chemistry! And it can be very wrong without emotional control. Does she have a hormonal imbalance as many women do.

Was it influenced by the medication she takes to manage MS that jack her hormones, a neglected marriage where she doesn't feel desired and needs not met, impulse control problem, messed up childhood unexposed, or just a stupid instant emotional decision a girl would feel to boost the ego...like all she'd get from her years of pagent days..feeling that old ego boost?

Not trying to make excuses, there is right and wrong and punishment for it. A male colleague of mine I knew had a way with girls. He became a police officer and then educator and ended up losing it all and going to prison for a year for an affair with a student. Destroyed! That's expensive romance.

Media is highly destructive...take the vantage point of her family, husband, etc.. Think they are going to have a Merry Christmas this year? A lot of turmoil and pain...

These emotional wounds can be deep, we feel isolated, we feel awful or mask our feelings and may want to destroy ourselves and end life. The root emotions are powerful. We are social beings and connectedness is essential to our feeling of well being.


Mytake on how to handle this, call it a process and formula of compassion, whenever we can muster it!

Transparency! Vulnerability is the antidote to shame! It cuts it's power. The thing that is the scariest and being used in media as a weapon to destroy, has a solution. Add in compassion, love, understanding, support from family. Then propagate the learning and value to others so others can avoid being hurt and heal others. Doing this helps the family to heal, accept each other as flawed human beings, builds love, feeds the deep desire to connect with others, as we are social beings

1) Family and friend Support - compassion, love understanding

2) punishment fitting the crime. Whatever that is. I do not think isolation is the right answer here, but may need control so she doesn't hurt herself.

3) Understand what went wrong - psychologist, doctors, counselor, etc..

4) Transparency - create a blog site (or whatever) to track her healing so THERE IS A POSITIVE SIDE TO THE STORY. Media so much just wants to say what is awful. Media is sick, it's all about tragedy. What do you to with tragedy then? Make it better, find the good and propagate that! This is essential as it removes the poison power of the negative emotions and lets others know, could happen to you, and you will be ok too.

5) Propagate wisdom to others, apologize, grow. Speaking tour, more healing as it is verbalized and processed and others are helped. Saving even one feels great!

All this takes time and is a process. An instant to create a mess, and years to heal. In the end she may lose her job, may lose her husband if he concludes she is much more than he knew and can handle in life. But do you agree this is the right steps for her, for you, for all of us?

The Weight of Shame Lifted off, is that Feeling of Heaven
The Weight of Shame Lifted off, is that Feeling of Heaven

Would you give her a 2nd chance at a job in teaching or is she done? That, I have no opinion on.

Rising from the Ashes of Shame: Ramsey Carpenter Bearse Story
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