My boyfriend doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because he thinks it’s a material holiday, what should I do?

Question

I’ve never had a good Valentine’s Day. I’ve either been cheated on, dumped, or just alone on feb 14th. My boyfriend has made it clear he plans on doing nothing on valentines even though I’ve told him all this. I told him I see Valentine’s as a day to show you appreciate your significant other and it doesn’t even have to be an expensive day, it’s the thought that counts. It makes me really sad because so far I only have negative impressions of holidays with significant others and I want our first Valentine’s Day to be special. I don’t care about giant teddy bears or flowers or chocolate (though it would be nice for once), I just want it to be special. I just know how bad it’s going to hurt seeing everyone else’s s/o doing special and nice things when I’m forced to just accept that it’s just another day. I want to talk to him about it but he just shuts anything I suggest down. What do I do?

VanillaSalt · Accepted Answer

I think there’s a song for this… you can’t always get what you want… da da da and so on… the fact you hold a holiday to such regard is amazingly toxic. The fact he’s making you feel like you need this holiday days a lot about him as well…

I don’t need holidays. I randomly used to grab roses and stuffed animals for my ex’s and we dated several times a month. Hell even when I was struggling financially I took my ex to the pet smart to pet the animals lmao. Pretty proud of that date actually she loved it. I surprised her with a random date to a sex shop once as well. We looked at everything on the shelf’s and had a hell of a laugh at the gag items… we’ve been to the zoo, 3 different museums, the Alamo, the forts, random pools of water, a duck pond with particularly aggressive ducks, fishing, camping so god damn many times lol…

You expect too much and his performance is too lacking. But that’s just from the little info I have.

Lionman95 · Accepted Answer

Maybe you could ask if you two just spend some special time together. Maybe do something together that it´s not typically Valentine´s day theme but it´s the two of you spending time together like an activity or something that you both like.
So you can keep the idea but without the frame where he might feel it´s all about him paying and you enjoying it.
Maybe if you show him that you really want to spend time with him and you want to be with him, he might also be pleased because it won´t create in him the feelings that he´s used at that day.

crimsonandclover2 · Accepted Answer

Relationships are about compromise and respecting each other's beliefs... Even if he personally thinks its silly, he should be willing to make an effort if he cares about you.

There are so many people that say "screw establishment" and say they skip days like Valentine's day just because they think it makes them cool (or maybe they think it makes them unique, I don't know). But the truth is, if they're going to be stubborn about it, it shows more to their personality than hating the day in the first place. You don't have to get swept up in the hype or spend $100 on chocolate to enjoy the day. That being said, if he is loving and romantic 364 other days of the year, cut him some slack.

sockandshoes · Accepted Answer

If he truly cares about you he should be able to compromise. Seeing other couples enjoy this holiday can definitely leave you feeling lonely and unloved. If it’s your love language you can’t help that! Now you have to sit and think if you’re willing to pass up all the upcoming Valentines for years to come because of his beliefs, if your beliefs don’t align with his and your love language is not the same, find a guy who’s is. My boyfriend and I go CRAZY on valentines. It’s equally important to the both of us.

MrNameless · Answer

I get both sides...

Because its customary to get flowers and chocolates on valentines day.. and its very much a couples thing

But at the same time, valentines day is very much a hallmark holiday to make money off of people. Dating wise you aren't really doing anything different than any other day you date.. you're kind of celebrating each other all ready being in a relationship in a sense.

I wouldn't mind getting them chocolate and flowers, but that's really all there is to it.

Star_88 · Answer

Why are you settling for less? If other's partners are making grand gestures and he can't even give you something as simple as a good date where you spend quality time?
He's just making excuses and lying.
Nothing is materialistic IF you clearly told him that you don't want expensive things.
Can't he exchange EVEN a small gift and a nice ice cream date with you? This is the bare minimum!! If he still doesn't know the meaning of 'feelings behind celebrating' despite you requesting him, THEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE. HE'S NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU. You don't need neglectful partners to waste your life on.

Finchie40 · Answer

I agree it’s a made up day for stores and shit to make money. But Whether he celebrates it or not , he should still spend the day with you to show he appreciates you , he sounds like a cheap ass so his best bet would be to make you something or write you a letter , the fact that he doesn’t want to do anything with you just shows he doesn’t really appreciate you and you are just a convenience to him , if he does appreciate you he will do something to show his love to you , but one thing for sure is don’t compare your relationships to others , that’s one thing you girl’s do that makes a guy not value you , when you compare your partner or make your partner feel what they do isn’t good enough you won’t have a partner much longer , Remember it’s you and your partner that matters , nobody else

Stoner710 · Answer

Get me a get out for dinner let him know how important is to you I don’t particularly like celebrating Valentine’s Day myself but I understand it’s important women unless you’re in Japan in which case it’s important to dudes. What’s weird is women give gifts to men on Valentine’s Day and on St. Patrick’s Day men give gifts to women in Japan. I love the Japanese culture but they have some weird shit like it’s traditional to go out for KFC on Christmas KFC did a good marketing campaign, because Americans who are living there we’re looking for turkey for Christmas dinner and there’s no turkey in Japan so they went to KFC and KFC use this as a marketing ploy to appeal to the Japanese people and it became a somewhat recent tradition to go to KFC for Christmas. Trust me I’ve been there in December and they have a very good deal it’s ¥40,000 for an entire family dinner which is about 40 bucks in the United States

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I'm going to preface this with I'm full of crap because I also think Valentine's day is ridiculous but I have never ignored it for the sake of how folks like you feel about it. It's not hard to participate and you do it for the person you love.

I understand this is important to many people. My outlook has always been it's more important how someone treats you the other 364 days of the year. That's how I feel.

Valentines day always seemed so boring. I always liked doing something randomly nice for no reason. That seems more loving and not commercialized.

That said you asked what should you do. I say if he doesn't want to celebrate then why force it. If he's a good person to you otherwise just leave it alone because it truly is just a made up holiday. I would however ask for a random nice day that he surprises you with and then one you for him. I think that is so much more fun and spontaneous.

Joker_ · Answer

Celebrate it with a different boyfriend ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎

MartianBuddy · Answer

Tell him that it's important to you, and you can still celebrate in a non matirial way. Just because you do something special (watch a romantic movie together or go for a romantic walk if the weather permits). You don't have to buy a big stuffed bear or something, it's just something that people do to show appreciation and love for one another. If it's important for you that's all that should matter. I mean, try to understand where he is coming from but he should do the same for you. Just try to explain this to him with grace and kindness.

Anonymous · Answer

Suggest something that doesn't involve money at all (or have you). Example could you have a romantic dinner at home? Watch a movie. Just spend time together. I agree with him in that there shouldn't be a "special" or specific day for this, it's a "cash grab" and capitalization must definitely, however you can have the best of both in my opinion by having a romantic day still, without spending money (or very little). Does he like romance at all? Is it just the day he has an issue with? And if it's such an issue for him (where he's not even open to suggestions), it makes me wonder if there isn't more to it also? Meaning does he care about you? Or has he been hurt before on Valentines Day, and now "hates" it because of that?

Heartache0405 · Answer

Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday. You shouldn’t have to do special things for your significant other on a specific holiday that comes around once a year. Also it just makes single people miserable. Why do you care if he doesn’t celebrate a fake holiday? It seems to me your relationship means nothing if you aren’t receiving something. Maybe you two should break up

lightbulb27 · Answer

Avoid all media and social media.

Ask him to go for a walk somewhere around that day. Book a place to eat…gotta eat. Ask him to share what he likes about you.

Nothing material.
Need to figure out what he’s afraid of. Maybe he’s had failure or ridicule.

Nomoturtle · Answer

Have you tried showing him propaganda?

More seriously, just do it yourself. You want something special? He doesn't see it as something special? Then show him something special. Plan something nice, have a good time together. You'll get the special day you wanted and maybe you'll change his mind that way too, and if he's worth it he'll reciprocate your effort if nothing else.

jjaasminee · Answer

I can see his point of view. I honestly think thst it means more to do something special on a random day... not a day that is designed to force people to be romantic for one day out of the year. I can see how to him, it might be considered a "hallmark holiday". I also see your perspective. I can see how you seek validation for your feelings, and want to be included in the love day festivities. I think it's great thst yous rent seeking materialistc things. Maybe suggest you do something at home such as cooking together or watching a movie. Just voice your feelings of desiring a night alone with him where you can connect. There doesn't have to be valentines day cards or chocolates exchanged to feel loved and appreciated. Words of affirmation can go a long way! Honestly communication is key in a relationship and it's important that he understands your perspective on the holiday as much as you understand his!

DarkCarousel · Answer

How does he treat you the other 364 days of the year?
I’m on the fence about Valentine’s Day. I’ve never really had a special one but I’m slightly more ok because it is a commercial holiday. I DO however go out of my way to make Valentine’s goodies for the kids in my life, nieces and nephews etc.
I can understand being a little bit sad about it but I wouldn’t let something like this end your relationship.

Emogirl999 · Answer

Depends on how he treats you every other day, if he always shows his love for you and that he cares then you dont need a "special day", but if he acts like a jerk about everything or just doesn't give you the love and affection you need then dump his ass and get a man that knows how to show a woman he cares. The longer you stay in a relationship you aren't happy with, the worse it gets and the harder it is to leave.

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

Just cause he doesn't celebrate doesn't mean you can't, do your part anyways, let's see what happens, at the end no matter what happens, there's no regret on your part that you put the effort that you had to, or you can treat yourself instead 🤷🏽

TrueConfection · Answer

Let him know that Valentine's Day can still be romantic without material items and that you feel it's a special day. If he is really into boycotting the 14th, maybe he'd be willing to celebrate love with you on a different day that you pick together.

exitseven · Answer

I never really though much about Valentines Day. I saw it as a scam by hallmark to make more money. However my wife made a big deal about it so I went along with it since it meant so much to her.
Your boyfriend should do the same thing and if you want you can show him this opinion. It is not about commercialism (even though Hallmark makes a bundle) it is about your feelings.

David_Kek · Answer

Tell him it might be fun, like the 14th of March should be fun.
And I guess you could ask him more in depth why he feels the way he does, actually listening and communicating in your relationship. I know it's a crazy idea, but it's such a crazy idea to communicate with your partner that it just might work.

loveslongnails · Answer

I ignore V-day because I don't need a special day set aside to appreciate my significant other - I do it on a regular basis. If yours doesn't do it on any other days, then doing it just on V-day isn't very special at all. If you're not feeling appreciated the other 364 days of the year, what you need is NOT a special Valentine's Day - you need a new boyfriend.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Tel him this. You'll make him a deal. You'll agree to his wishes regarding Valentines Day, if he treats you the way you want to be treated the rest of the year.
If he agrees, trust me, you'll get the better deal.

ReasonCalm · Answer

I can fully understand his view on it to be honest I think 70% of males and females understand it's just a day for sales... That said as you have put it, you just want to be doing something so he should value that. However it's not life or death and if your relationship is good why would you ruin it over a day not created by you or him...

boobliker · Answer

? dose he love you every other day of the year? yes I think he dose... Vday is for shops to make loads of money from silly people, i been with my SO for 40+ years if i was to bring a rose in on the 14th she would kick me out think i been with some one else. so have a good think on it and you will understand

Jackblue · Answer

What it is with people equating being cynical and intelligent. Everything in this world is material. Remind him the shirts he wears were likely created in a sweatshop. Valentine's day is the celebration of Saint Valentine. Companies sell us stuff everyday, but they don't define holidays.

Anonymous · Answer

"I told him I see Valentine’s as a day to show you appreciate your significant other and it doesn’t even have to be an expensive day, it’s the thought that counts."

... That's what your anniversary is for... I mean Valentine's Day IS just a materialistic made up holiday that means nothing that most men hate

Guanfei · Answer

You could do something to show him that you can celebrate V Day without buying gifts and stuff. Like, invite him for a special date, make him a handmade gift, spend the day with him...
He probably only had the "material" kind of V day before, and has no example of what you want to show him. So give him an example. No gift, only you, him, and a spacial day together.

Anonymous · Answer

Why couldn't he make an effort. You don't have to buy things to have a nice Valentine's day. Make a picnic in the park or go for a walk along the river. Come home and make love.

Blonde401 · Answer

He’s not wrong. It is a material holiday. But I also feel you, I’ve not had a good Valentine’s Day since high school... ask him if you guys could cook together or do something inexpensive just to spend time with one another?

Shy80sgirl · Answer

My husband and I have always looked at Valentine’s Day as a reminder to be sweet and kind to each other. It is a material or made up holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good reminder to show some affection or caring.

NathanDavis · Answer

you could stop caring about others... and focus just on your own relationship, and live the present as well

and then, you still have the other 364 days of the year... to make them really special, so focus on all those instead

Daniela1982 · Answer

Tell him it is fine because you are a material girl.

josephinelcajon · Answer

This same argument can be used for xmass! It doesn't have to be. Fresh wildflowers, a handwritten card, light a candle and turn down the lights for dinner. ALL absolutely free and mean a lot! He is obviously the wrong guy! Sorry!

AviatorTom · Answer

Do something "special" for him on Valentines Day to let him know how you'd like to celebrate it. It's your choice what that is.

Anonymous · Answer

Well if you put yourself in men's shoes, can you really blame him? I mean, Valentines day is essentially a day that men are pressured into spending a lot of money on women and women feel entitled to it. It goes against everything women SAY they have been fighting for with equality.

https://instamotor.com/blog/valentines-day-2018-survey

SnakeBoop · Answer

its literally just a con to make people spend money. the every day should matter with your partner, not one day.

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

Get a boyfriend that shares tye same views as you and treat you the way you want to be treated. He is just a boyfriend not a husband. Unto the next.

annabananna · Answer

If he knows that is something that would make you feel special and appreciated even if it’s something small and refuses than I think he is showing how much he values your feelings. Find someone that’ll do the little things that make you feel loved.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

If it’s that important to you you may need to find another boyfriend. He’s not being considerate of your feelings.

Screamsgutter · Answer

You said it's a day to show you appreciate for your significant other. Okay, what did you plan to do to show you appreciate him as your partner?

globetrotter22 · Answer

It’s one thing if he doesn’t like the materialism. It’s quite another if he doesn’t want to treat you special (it doesn’t have to be money)  Tell me honestly. Are you expecting a gift?

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It's a material holiday, just like most of them are. It's dumb to force sentimental things... but allow the stupid people to indulge themselves.

jahaims · Answer

I agree with him. It is a corporate holiday to promote people spending money. If you need a holiday to express your love and buy gifts then that isn't healthy.

molonski2 · Answer

You should do NOTHING , the day is just yet another piece of bs aimed at the commercial return , this has nothing to do with your relationship.

Hangry06 · Answer

Get a new boyfriend or take yourself out to dinner and face embarrassment

InYourHead · Answer

The day is irrelevant. Ask him to make a special day just for you two if he doesn't want to do it on February 14th

Godsvengeance · Answer

Respect the fact that he's right that it's just a material holiday

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

He's not wrong... You can show your appreciation any other day of the year. Heck every other day of the year.

ragooo8 · Answer

Offer to him that if he makes a small token effort you will reciprocate this in the bedroom, also remind him that he will be glad he did this when you choose to celebrate steak and blowjob day

rabbitzzz · Answer

I would not care about this day. But if it meant so much to my so I would take her out. Specially if I loved her. I am sure she would feel relieved after one date.

cookiecrusher · Answer

He is being a shitty boyfriend.
He knows it is important to you, so he should do something for you. Not for himself

If he is a good dude with most other stuff then let it go. If not, pick better men.

Anonymous · Answer

It has to be in someone's heart as a couple. If it is not, Then maybe they are not right for you. It is like anything, If it is not in the heart to start, Maybe part. I feel you.

sdsalyer1979 · Answer

Tell him it’s too bad because you were gonna celebrate March 14th. That’s the male Valentine’s Day. It’s called steak and blowjob day. His loss 😆

IMuser · Answer

Simply ask: i don't want any gift but i need your company. Can we stay together on the 14th?

NamerOfStars · Answer

Hmm... would he open to celebrating something else on February 14th?

Micky26 · Answer

If he thinks it's material and go for something simple, maybe a home cooked dinner with wine and candles and some soft music. It's simple, not material and still very romantic.

Dayman343 · Answer

He's right in a way. It's just over marketing of some old tradition to line the pockets of some industrial fatcat. If you want to do romantic gestures for your partner, you can do that at any time

TheAfrikan · Answer

Let him be since am among those guys who give no Shit about that Valentine's Day since it means nothing to me. If am to love my girl I would need no Valentine's Day celebration. So please do notess up your thing just because of that.

Blackcupcake · Answer

the fact that he's not willing to compromise says a lot about him... he has some growing up to do.

scooogy · Answer

Don't celebrate his birthday because you think it's jerk holiday 😌

Paul09 · Answer

It was created my stores to sell more product at a higher price. They take advantage of your sillyness. So yoh only love each other once a year? Don't be the sheep.

Anonymous · Answer

He's right. Valentines Day is a material holiday that benefits women and costs men. Can't really blame him, can you?

My boyfriend doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because he thinks it’s a material holiday, what should I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

My boyfriend doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because he thinks it’s a material holiday, what should I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.