My boyfriend doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because he thinks it’s a material holiday, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had a good Valentine’s Day. I’ve either been cheated on, dumped, or just alone on feb 14th. My boyfriend has made it clear he plans on doing nothing on valentines even though I’ve told him all this. I told him I see Valentine’s as a day to show you appreciate your significant other and it doesn’t even have to be an expensive day, it’s the thought that counts. It makes me really sad because so far I only have negative impressions of holidays with significant others and I want our first Valentine’s Day to be special. I don’t care about giant teddy bears or flowers or chocolate (though it would be nice for once), I just want it to be special. I just know how bad it’s going to hurt seeing everyone else’s s/o doing special and nice things when I’m forced to just accept that it’s just another day. I want to talk to him about it but he just shuts anything I suggest down. What do I do?

[crimsonandclover2]

Relationships are about compromise and respecting each other's beliefs... Even if he personally thinks its silly, he should be willing to make an effort if he cares about you.

There are so many people that say "screw establishment" and say they skip days like Valentine's day just because they think it makes them cool (or maybe they think it makes them unique, I don't know). But the truth is, if they're going to be stubborn about it, it shows more to their personality than hating the day in the first place. You don't have to get swept up in the hype or spend $100 on chocolate to enjoy the day. That being said, if he is loving and romantic 364 other days of the year, cut him some slack.

[Adam1978]

How is that a compromise? However you play that your disregarding his view of the holiday. He shouldn't need to follow cooperate sales holiday by buying something. If you want to compromise it should be to celebrate it in a way that doesn't involve buying anything. But still make it a day that isn't regular. That is the middle ground between both.

[crimsonandclover2]

@Adam1978 did you read my answer? Because I did say "you don't have to get swept up in the hype or spend $100 on chocolate to enjoy the day."
The guy should make some small romantic gesture, since it is romantic to her. But the girl shouldn't expect dozens of roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant.
You can just make a handmade card for your partner or something, cook his favorite meal. All these things don't cost money at all
There should be a middle ground there somewhere.

[Adam1978]

It's supposed to be both ways. Not just for her. Even corporate entities want both to pay up and show love by buying stuff. Removing the guy from the receiving end is even worse deal for him. Personally I think the whole thing is wrong. You should not dictate what day you should do these things and in a good relationship it should happen more than once a year, you should probably have some kind of special event each month.

[VanillaSalt]

I think there’s a song for this… you can’t always get what you want… da da da and so on… the fact you hold a holiday to such regard is amazingly toxic. The fact he’s making you feel like you need this holiday days a lot about him as well…



I don’t need holidays. I randomly used to grab roses and stuffed animals for my ex’s and we dated several times a month. Hell even when I was struggling financially I took my ex to the pet smart to pet the animals lmao. Pretty proud of that date actually she loved it. I surprised her with a random date to a sex shop once as well. We looked at everything on the shelf’s and had a hell of a laugh at the gag items… we’ve been to the zoo, 3 different museums, the Alamo, the forts, random pools of water, a duck pond with particularly aggressive ducks, fishing, camping so god damn many times lol…


You expect too much and his performance is too lacking. But that’s just from the little info I have.

[Lionman95]

Maybe you could ask if you two just spend some special time together. Maybe do something together that it´s not typically Valentine´s day theme but it´s the two of you spending time together like an activity or something that you both like.
So you can keep the idea but without the frame where he might feel it´s all about him paying and you enjoying it.
Maybe if you show him that you really want to spend time with him and you want to be with him, he might also be pleased because it won´t create in him the feelings that he´s used at that day.

[sockandshoes]

If he truly cares about you he should be able to compromise. Seeing other couples enjoy this holiday can definitely leave you feeling lonely and unloved. If it’s your love language you can’t help that! Now you have to sit and think if you’re willing to pass up all the upcoming Valentines for years to come because of his beliefs, if your beliefs don’t align with his and your love language is not the same, find a guy who’s is. My boyfriend and I go CRAZY on valentines. It’s equally important to the both of us.

[MrNameless]

I get both sides...

Because its customary to get flowers and chocolates on valentines day.. and its very much a couples thing

But at the same time, valentines day is very much a hallmark holiday to make money off of people. Dating wise you aren't really doing anything different than any other day you date.. you're kind of celebrating each other all ready being in a relationship in a sense.

I wouldn't mind getting them chocolate and flowers, but that's really all there is to it.

[Star_88]

Why are you settling for less? If other's partners are making grand gestures and he can't even give you something as simple as a good date where you spend quality time?
He's just making excuses and lying.
Nothing is materialistic IF you clearly told him that you don't want expensive things.
Can't he exchange EVEN a small gift and a nice ice cream date with you? This is the bare minimum!! If he still doesn't know the meaning of 'feelings behind celebrating' despite you requesting him, THEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE. HE'S NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU. You don't need neglectful partners to waste your life on.

[Star_88]

You're being used.

[Star_88]

@Frauensindobjekte shut up stingy ass manwhore

[Star_88]

@Frauensindobjekte you street beggars got no standards and will never get one. You might have fucked millions of strippers but I'm not a prostitute like you and your mother.

[Stoner710]

Get me a get out for dinner let him know how important is to you I don’t particularly like celebrating Valentine’s Day myself but I understand it’s important women unless you’re in Japan in which case it’s important to dudes. What’s weird is women give gifts to men on Valentine’s Day and on St. Patrick’s Day men give gifts to women in Japan. I love the Japanese culture but they have some weird shit like it’s traditional to go out for KFC on Christmas KFC did a good marketing campaign, because Americans who are living there we’re looking for turkey for Christmas dinner and there’s no turkey in Japan so they went to KFC and KFC use this as a marketing ploy to appeal to the Japanese people and it became a somewhat recent tradition to go to KFC for Christmas. Trust me I’ve been there in December and they have a very good deal it’s ¥40,000 for an entire family dinner which is about 40 bucks in the United States

[Finchie40]

I agree it’s a made up day for stores and shit to make money. But Whether he celebrates it or not , he should still spend the day with you to show he appreciates you , he sounds like a cheap ass so his best bet would be to make you something or write you a letter , the fact that he doesn’t want to do anything with you just shows he doesn’t really appreciate you and you are just a convenience to him , if he does appreciate you he will do something to show his love to you , but one thing for sure is don’t compare your relationships to others , that’s one thing you girl’s do that makes a guy not value you , when you compare your partner or make your partner feel what they do isn’t good enough you won’t have a partner much longer , Remember it’s you and your partner that matters , nobody else

[Friendlybro79]

I'm going to preface this with I'm full of crap because I also think Valentine's day is ridiculous but I have never ignored it for the sake of how folks like you feel about it. It's not hard to participate and you do it for the person you love.

I understand this is important to many people. My outlook has always been it's more important how someone treats you the other 364 days of the year. That's how I feel.

Valentines day always seemed so boring. I always liked doing something randomly nice for no reason. That seems more loving and not commercialized.

That said you asked what should you do. I say if he doesn't want to celebrate then why force it. If he's a good person to you otherwise just leave it alone because it truly is just a made up holiday. I would however ask for a random nice day that he surprises you with and then one you for him. I think that is so much more fun and spontaneous.

[Joker_]

Celebrate it with a different boyfriend ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎

[MartianBuddy]

Tell him that it's important to you, and you can still celebrate in a non matirial way. Just because you do something special (watch a romantic movie together or go for a romantic walk if the weather permits). You don't have to buy a big stuffed bear or something, it's just something that people do to show appreciation and love for one another. If it's important for you that's all that should matter. I mean, try to understand where he is coming from but he should do the same for you. Just try to explain this to him with grace and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Suggest something that doesn't involve money at all (or have you). Example could you have a romantic dinner at home? Watch a movie. Just spend time together. I agree with him in that there shouldn't be a "special" or specific day for this, it's a "cash grab" and capitalization must definitely, however you can have the best of both in my opinion by having a romantic day still, without spending money (or very little). Does he like romance at all? Is it just the day he has an issue with? And if it's such an issue for him (where he's not even open to suggestions), it makes me wonder if there isn't more to it also? Meaning does he care about you? Or has he been hurt before on Valentines Day, and now "hates" it because of that?

[Heartache0405]

Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday. You shouldn’t have to do special things for your significant other on a specific holiday that comes around once a year. Also it just makes single people miserable. Why do you care if he doesn’t celebrate a fake holiday? It seems to me your relationship means nothing if you aren’t receiving something. Maybe you two should break up

[lightbulb27]

Avoid all media and social media.


Ask him to go for a walk somewhere around that day. Book a place to eat…gotta eat. Ask him to share what he likes about you.


Nothing material.
Need to figure out what he’s afraid of. Maybe he’s had failure or ridicule.

[Nomoturtle]

Have you tried showing him propaganda?

More seriously, just do it yourself. You want something special? He doesn't see it as something special? Then show him something special. Plan something nice, have a good time together. You'll get the special day you wanted and maybe you'll change his mind that way too, and if he's worth it he'll reciprocate your effort if nothing else.

[jjaasminee]

I can see his point of view. I honestly think thst it means more to do something special on a random day... not a day that is designed to force people to be romantic for one day out of the year. I can see how to him, it might be considered a "hallmark holiday". I also see your perspective. I can see how you seek validation for your feelings, and want to be included in the love day festivities. I think it's great thst yous rent seeking materialistc things. Maybe suggest you do something at home such as cooking together or watching a movie. Just voice your feelings of desiring a night alone with him where you can connect. There doesn't have to be valentines day cards or chocolates exchanged to feel loved and appreciated. Words of affirmation can go a long way! Honestly communication is key in a relationship and it's important that he understands your perspective on the holiday as much as you understand his!

[DarkCarousel]

How does he treat you the other 364 days of the year?
I’m on the fence about Valentine’s Day. I’ve never really had a special one but I’m slightly more ok because it is a commercial holiday. I DO however go out of my way to make Valentine’s goodies for the kids in my life, nieces and nephews etc.
I can understand being a little bit sad about it but I wouldn’t let something like this end your relationship.

[Emogirl999]

Depends on how he treats you every other day, if he always shows his love for you and that he cares then you dont need a "special day", but if he acts like a jerk about everything or just doesn't give you the love and affection you need then dump his ass and get a man that knows how to show a woman he cares. The longer you stay in a relationship you aren't happy with, the worse it gets and the harder it is to leave.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Just cause he doesn't celebrate doesn't mean you can't, do your part anyways, let's see what happens, at the end no matter what happens, there's no regret on your part that you put the effort that you had to, or you can treat yourself instead 🤷🏽

[TrueConfection]

Let him know that Valentine's Day can still be romantic without material items and that you feel it's a special day. If he is really into boycotting the 14th, maybe he'd be willing to celebrate love with you on a different day that you pick together.

[exitseven]

I never really though much about Valentines Day. I saw it as a scam by hallmark to make more money. However my wife made a big deal about it so I went along with it since it meant so much to her.
Your boyfriend should do the same thing and if you want you can show him this opinion. It is not about commercialism (even though Hallmark makes a bundle) it is about your feelings.

[David_Kek]

Tell him it might be fun, like the 14th of March should be fun.
And I guess you could ask him more in depth why he feels the way he does, actually listening and communicating in your relationship. I know it's a crazy idea, but it's such a crazy idea to communicate with your partner that it just might work.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Tel him this. You'll make him a deal. You'll agree to his wishes regarding Valentines Day, if he treats you the way you want to be treated the rest of the year.
If he agrees, trust me, you'll get the better deal.

[Asker]

He’d agree but it wouldn’t hold up :/

[ReasonCalm]

I can fully understand his view on it to be honest I think 70% of males and females understand it's just a day for sales... That said as you have put it, you just want to be doing something so he should value that. However it's not life or death and if your relationship is good why would you ruin it over a day not created by you or him...