What does a lady do when a coworker who always flirts and leads her on fails to give her a Valentine’s gift?

[Naturaad]

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, the thing is... you were probably unrealistic in expecting/hoping he would.

I don't know your situation. So its possible that I get this whole thing wrong. But based on the single line you wrote:

First of all, keep in mind this is a coworker. That does make a difference. There's more than just emotional rejection that someone risks by OVERTLY sending some romantic signal to a coworker. So do keep that in mind.

Second, if he flirts with you a lot... then that suggests that you haven't given him a sure-enough sign for him to take it to the next level with you (or he's chosen not to for whatever reason). Since you guys aren't actually a couple. Aren't actually dating and aren't even OPENLY acknowledging (even to each other) that something is going on between you two.

Therefore, if he HAD gotten you something for Valentine's day. He might as well have just asked you out. Those two things are equally overt signs that he likes you and wants more. So it was about as valid to expect a Valentine's day gift, as it is to expect he'll ask you out today.

Since you don't' expect he'll ask you out today (it would be nice, but you won't be disappointed when it doesn't happen)... the same goes for the Valentine's day gift. In this case, a gift would be the first overt sign he likes you. That's nice in movies, but not ideal in the real world.

I think your expectations were unrealistic here. 🙂

[Babyititj]

Thank you so much for explaining that to me. I can be pretty dumb and a bit self centered so it’s hard to get over my expectations and be realistic so thanks again!

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh please don't call yourself "dumb." There was nothing dumb about that assumption. It was more like "blindly hopeful."

You like the guy; and it would be awesome if he DID get you something. That's sorta... ideal. Like it's a very regular thing to fantasize about happening. Even to hope in the back of your mind that it happens. That's... all normal, and good. That's part of liking someone.

What would not be ok, would be if you EXPECTED a gift. As in, you would be disappointed if you didn't get a gift, and take the lack of gift to mean something about his feelings for you... when it doesn't.

Partly, I think it's the wording you happened to choose for your question. I'm not talking to the girl I thought I was talking to.

You sounded like you might be expecting a gift, and or be taking it as something significant in your calculations when it comes to you and this guy. I don't think you were ever "that girl." But whether or not you were thinking that way... your willingness to accept the criticism is admirable.

I did not expect this reply from you. I think it speaks highly to your character that this is your reaction.

I hope things work out between you and this dude!

[Babyititj]

I appreciate that thank you. You are kind. :-)

[TheSpaceGnome]

Valentines day, in most men's minds, is something only children do in school to tell their crush they like them. it's not something adults tend to do, and is typically not part of actual relationships, but more akin to things like Easter egg hunting or santa (something you outgrow basically).

I don't even remember what day it is.

[TheSpaceGnome]

It was also one of those holidays boys usually think is dumb, and so most boys didn't participate in it, otherwise their peers would mock them.

9 times out of 10, the girl would write something in an envolope, give it to a boy, and he'd act like most boys that age do, say thats "gross" or "dumb", and then she would start crying, the teacher would scold him, the other kids would poke fun, and then a few days later everyone just kind of forgot about it, maybe 1 or 2 kids made fun a bit longer.

When you view it this way, it's not exactly something a guy would want to incorporate into their actual relationships as adults. it's just "dumb awkward girly stuff"

[Ms_Facesitter]

You sit there in defeat because he successfully lead you on. I mean, you Did expect a valentines gift after all.
You should not expect anything and look for someone who doesn't play games.

[sarahstar13]

Honestly, if they aren't dating, there is really no obligation to exchange gifts. Flirting is one thing, but when you go a step beyond that, then you are getting more serious.

[Babyititj]

Thank you I appreciate your help

[Avicenna]

She finally comes to the realization that he was just playing games and she moves on

[Naturaad]

Excellent answer

[Avicenna]

Thank you!

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You're not dating. In addition, one day ago wasn't even Valentine's day across the world. You expected too much from someone that may or may not be interested in you.

[Iron_Man]

If he doesn’t date you you how seriously, can you take him?

[Babyititj]

Thanks you’re right. I guess I need to calm down and take it day by day. He’s not my boyfriend lol he doesn’t owe me anything.

[In_Trance]

Lower her expectations

[Babyititj]

True. I think I get caught up in fantasies and wishes easily.

[driven159]

then they are just a player