Real-World "Shy Girl" Shares Her Valuable Insight
I've seen a lot of questions from guys asking how they can get a shy girl to open up to them. Now it often happens to me where I'm put in that shy girl situation where a guy is trying to talk to me but I just get so shy that I can't keep the conversation flowing or even relax and feel comfortable around him.
"The more confident and sure a person is of themselves, the more I feel shy and tense around them."
Ironically, many of my friends would never be able to imagine me as a shy person, but that's because only certain people make me feel this way. I started thinking, and I noticed a pattern. I realized that the more confident and sure a person is of themselves, the more I feel shy and tense around them. Now don't get me wrong here, being shy doesn't mean that a person has a low self esteem. It can just mean that they lack some confidence or are quiet by nature.
The following information is more accurate when approaching a girl who lacks a bit of confidence, which is the case in most shy girl situations. She is afraid to say the wrong things in case people reject her.
But, what makes her feel shy?
When a guy approaches her with a lot of confidence, he always seems to know what to say, is completely relaxed, that's when she can start to get really shy. Because he is so confident and sure of himself, it makes her feel very inferior to him and she becomes very cautious in how she should reply/react. He seems to know exactly what to say all the time, so it can make her feel nervous because she on the other hand, has no clue what to say!
What helps me to open up and relax?
If a guy shows her that he's not a judgmental person, but a kind accepting one, and that she's not a nobody to him,then it would be much easier for her to be herself around him. It also makes it easier if the guy notices what makes her uncomfortable and tries to avoid doing it around her and vice versa. For example: I'm health conscious, so if a guy talks about smoking or wasting himself around me, that would make me feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't know how to react. But, if I like to play sports, talking about sports would make me feel more relaxed, get the drift?
How can you show her that she can be herself around you and she doesn't have to worry about you rejecting or hurting her?
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First, show her that you actually want to get to know her and that you aren't just randomly talking to her. You can do this by listening to what she has to say meaning you are giving her your full attention when she speaks and not always talking about yourself. Please note that you don't want to put her on the spot too much, as you start to learn more about what she likes, if there's anything you two share in common,you might want to talk about that instead of making it all about her or both of you. By initiating a conversation of this type, it helps her to get more and more use to you meaning that she'll start to feel more comfortable and accepted around you.
Next, make sure that you don't gossip too much around her or speak negatively about other people.Speaking badly about others will make her very self conscious around you. It tells her that you aren't a loyal person and that you can easily turn around when she's gone and speak the same way about her. This will definitely make her more conscious of what she does and says around you, preventing her from opening up to you.
If she ever goes to say something to you, even when she just starts to open up, if she changes her mind and says never mind,tell her that you want to hear what she has to say and ask her to tell you. Be careful though; don't be too pushy about it. If after a couple of times you see that she really doesn't want to tell you, just let it go and assure her that your all ears if she feels like telling you later. Usually, she does this because she wants to tell you something, but is afraid to because of her lack of confidence. If you do this, it can help her feel more comfortable talking to you.
Don't make a move too fast.
Shy girls take time to adapt. If you ask one out on a date right when she starts feeling comfortable around you, she most likely will have a heart attack! Do fun things with her first and then if you think she could be a potential girlfriend, then slowly start hinting things to her. This way, it will give her time to start considering you as more than a friend and then later when you ask her on a date she'll be ready for it.
OK, so I know what you are all thinking. Is it seriously that much work to get a shy girl? Is it even worth it? Well, yes, and no. Every girl is different. Some require more work than others, just like some are more of a prize than others. But sometimes, you don't know what you can get unless you try. The best girls are often the ones you have to work the most for. The process of it all can be very fun and exciting anyway.