Show Me You Love Me, Wear This

The tokens of love that woman crave include flowers, chocolate and framed pictures of the two of you walking on the beach (or some similar romantic, albeit ridiculous, pose). "Aww, you remembered!" gifts can be a compilation of her favorite songs or a bowl of popcorn and her most treasured movie from her childhood years. Surprisingly thoughtful ways of showing your love could include a candlelight dinner at your place (after shoving all your clutter into the closet and dusting the cobwebs off of the fancy plates your mother gave you) with a small, handwritten poem to start the evening.

And, of course, the surefire way to prove your love is to sell your car, re-finance your house and buy her a piece of jewelry that causes permanent blindness in all who stare directly into its' shining carats. These are a few of the 4,973 ways that she wants and expects you to show and prove your love for her.

Ladies, we just have one - "wear this." Women don't seem to understand that sex for guys is the answer to all of life and relationship woes. It is the best way to end a fight, the fastest way to get us to apologize, the only way to show your love that means something to us.

My girlfriend has finally, thankfully (praise Jesus!) realized this and now consents to wearing whatever strikes MY fancy (on Tuesdays, after Pilates as long as she doesn't have a headache or isn't bloated). I've put her in lace stockings, see-through teddies, lingerie with holes cut out for easy access, black leather, cheerleader uniforms and the list goes on.

I ignore the, "I look fat in this" comment and focus on the goods. When I see her dressed as The Naughty Nurse, I feel so cherished, so appreciated, so understood and oh-so-loved. When it comes to bedroom attire, thou shouldn't judge. Bring my sexual fantasies to life and you never have to buy me a present, whisper some sappy thing in my ear, listen to my work horror stories or remember to pick up a case of beer on your way over. "Wear This" and I'll know you love me!