A few weeks ago, I asked my husband to fetch my slippers out of my closet. He came out with my slippers in hand and a very perplexed look. I inquired about the nature of his perplexity, where after he said in a small, quivery voice, "Why do you have so many pairs of shoes?"
Since humans started wearing clothes in the first place, women have usually had more fashion needs than men. Why? Because all men need to get by are a couple of pairs of serviceable jeans, a few Dockers, a couple of changes of work clothes and shoes and a dilapidated pair of sneakers and they're good to go. Ladies, however, couldn't begin to get by on such meager fashions!
"Are you joking? I can't go out to dinner in that!" and "I wore it last week! What if someone sees me in the same outfit?" are common battle cries. By "someone," we always mean other women. It simply won't do to wear the same outfit twice in a row, or wearing heels with a scuffmark. We even scope out what make-up and jewelry other ladies are wearing. Your purse had better match your outfit, or there will be some serious eye-rolling at the office or in the classroom.
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Jeans are the indispensable casual wardrobe-maker. Jeans are not simply jeans; they're the foundation around which many differing outfits are made. Why is it simply incomprehensible to the men in our lives that there are jeans for every occasion? Gentlemen, kindly pay close attention to this life lesson about women and jeans.
"Ask not why we need so many pairs of jeans; ask only, "Why don't you wear those great new jeans to dinner tonight?""
First, there are strictly casual jeans suitable for minor outings of minimal exposure and importance. Grocery shopping, general errands, that sort of thing. Then there are the "classy" jeans, worn only on occasions where others (women!) will be sure to notice the label. This, naturally, means we must wear a tuck-in shirt so that all-important label is visible. Then there are the seasonable jeans; these are the Capri-length styles and colors that look fabulous with a nicely cut sandal. There is even the new wave of overalls, decorated in all sorts of embroidered designs and really turn heads when we wear them with a snug-fitting T-top.
Oh, okay, so there are other categories of jeans. We have our "fat" jeans for that premenstrual bloating, we have our "skinny" jeans when we've been dieting ourselves into a stupor, and there are our "shlumpy" jeans that we reserve for household chores and maybe washing the dog. Never would we be caught dead wearing these out of the house, even if we're only taking out the trash! What would other people (women!) say?
So, what do you say, gentlemen? Are you getting it? Not all jeans are created equal. It took us a while, but we managed to teach you the correct answer to "Do I look fat in this?" With just a little effort on your part, you can also learn the correct answer to "Do you like my new jeans?" Ask not why we need so many pairs of jeans; ask only, "Why don't you wear those great new jeans to dinner tonight?"
If you're quick learner, it's only a simple leap to apply this same technique to our twenty-two sweaters, our ten pairs of heels, our drawer-bursting collection of Victoria's Secret lacy things, and our carefully chosen name-brand sandals. By heeding the advice in this article, you may well save your relationship!