Why do I lose interest in a guy when he seemed interested in me too?

I used to be on the same boat

Don't worry about it, it's gonna go away with time.

I was at the same point in life. I used to be indifferent to girls and the opposite sex. No desire for sex, no desire for love, no desire for relationships. But at the same time, I had all these girls trying to get my attention, having feelings for me, and wanting more.

So in my head, it was always a question of if they liked me. Even though I wasn't interested in doing anything with these girls, I just wanted to know, for myself, for my own self-esteem, if they wanted me. How much control & power I had over them. And when I got what I wanted (that information), I was content. They were of no greater or further use to me. They had validated my self-esteem, comforted my insecurities about how sexy & desirable I was, so why risk ruining that? As soon as I got the validation I wanted from them, my motivation for entertaining them dropped to zero.

That mentality was my bread & butter. I wanted to be the one being pursued, not the one doing the pursuing. I wanted girls to chase me, I didn't want to be the creepy loser at the bar trying to bribe girls with drinks just to give him 5 minutes of talking-time. I wanted to shoot people down, make them feel rejected, so I can tell myself that I'm too good for them, or they're not good enough for me (rather than risk being rejected & unable to positively rationalize it for myself). I was insecure. That was insecurity talking. Controlling my mind, my actions, my feelings, my dating life, my loneliness, my emptiness, my unhappiness.

It wasn't until this 28 y/o girl seriously pursued me, when I was 20. Her technique was fascinating. Her charm & seduction was brilliant. She knew how to work a man, how to stroke ego, how to flatter, how to make me feel great. She literally got me from a point where she would text me and I would ignore it, dread answering it, responding to her, calling her, or making fun of her behind her back to all my friends.. to actually liking her, going crazy about her, constantly thinking about her, and really enjoying being in a relationship with her.

What left an impression on me, was how boldly she would compliment me. The things she would say. "You know how to work a woman, you know how to touch a woman, you're like god's gift to women, you must be the best lover in the world, I love how you can read my mind, you're one sexy motherfcuker"

I realized I was afraid to compliment, because I was afraid to "gas-up" the girl I was talking to. Doing so would make me feel as if I was boosting up her value, but she wasn't returning the favor (so I'd be lower in a relative sense).

But all of that was insecurity. And honestly, as soon as it left my system. Holy sh*t. I was a new person in every sense of the word. I'd make people feel great; that was my emotional gift to them. And I liked pursuing, because I made people feel good. And I was no longer afraid to feel things for others, and accept love.

Three lessons here ...

1) You're being immature and impulsive. This is actually okay at your age. That's how you learn about the world, social etiquette, and you find out what makes you happy. As you grow, mature, and experience men, you'll start developing a better understanding as to why you do what you do. Be patient.

2) Attraction isn't a choice. You can't choose to feel the way you do, it just happens.

3) Attraction is tension. When there is no more tension, the attraction fades. Dramatically when you're young. This tension happens when you don't know if he likes you. This unknowing causes you to stress, and FEEL tight in your body. You will label this "attraction", or a "crush."

But as you start answering the "unknown" answers you're seeking (does he like me? will he kiss me? what will he say about me tomorrow?) your tension will fade away.

You like a boy but you don't know how he feels about you = tension (attraction.)

You discover he likes you = no more tension (no more attraction.)

This is why I tell guys to take it slow with girls they date, because dating causes the tension to fade, and the attraction to fade.

You'll likely meet some joke who finds you both amusing, cute, and annoying all at the same time. And you'll discover that you can never quite get his full attention. This will cause you great grief, and you'll likely start obsess. Then you'll be SURE he's the one, simply because you can't win over his affections.

You'll be chasing a guy when they usually chase you.

Then you'll say, "Oh, he's sooo unique and special!"

But three years later you'll find out you were just being silly, and that he's a dork like everyone else. Then you'll turn 30 and you'll fall in love with some geeky mechanic who's a great boyfriend and lover.

The end.

~ Robby

My blog ( link )