Why would a wife ignore her husband’s 7-year affair instead of confronting him?

Question

she's in her 50s, sahm, 2 kids in college. She knows he's been cheating both physically and emotionally with the same person for years. She gets angry at his mistress and threatens but never confronts him. Same with kids. She would be OK in a divorce just not as much luxury.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Probably the kids’ and financial reasons , he probably provides for her and she doesn’t have to work, so she isn’t going to leave that lifestyle whatsoever. unfortunately there are a lot of unhappy Married couples that stay together mainly for the kids’ or financial reasons , that tolerate things they shouldn’t tolerate. It sadly happens more than we like to think it does Why so many people don’t want to get married these days. I know a married couple that the husband cheats on his wife like crazy and she busted him and stayed with him , mainly because of the luxurious lifestyle he provides for her , cuz he makes a lot of money and she doesn’t work and they have kids’ together , and that was her excuse as to why she stays , he stays married to her because he said it’s cheaper to keep her. I call them the fake family , because on social media they make themselves look like this happy family , when really they aren’t

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

What a pathetic man. I somewhat understand her position, but I don't agree with her choice. She wants the best environment for her kids to be raised and doesn't want to lose what she has built. But kids will always figure things out as long as you're there for them and try your best as a parent. She has chosen to hide her feelings and emotions, when the best course of action is simply to confront her husband and end things. It's a harder path, but a better one.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

A lot of people don't want to go through the hassle of having to go through a divorce or to have to move out. Too much is at stake and if she is 50, she has long passed the days where fornication has played a major role in her life.

Sometimes, they prefer to keep the burden of having to suffer to be cheated rather than have to lose the comfort of the life they have or had in the past. Who likes to move after being 30+ years in a relationship? There are plenty of downsides and if intimacy does not play a major role anymore, then some prefer to close an eyes on those infidelities.

fantasticass · Accepted Answer

His affair have nothing to do with his wife. His wife is smart. She has built herself a comfortable lifestyle, probably has investments for herself and her children. They probably have an arrangement that works for them. His wife realized a long time ago that her husband is a piece of shit, so she's created her own happiness within a shitty marriage. She will never leave him, Guaranteed

AviatorTom · Answer

Maybe she thinks this is as good a situation as she can have. Maybe he's good to her and the two kids. Maybe she would be worse off if they got divorced.

It's difficult, and usually nit a good idea, to judge others.

Paris13 · Answer

Maybe it is better than losinghim altogether, some women are like that, don't want a divorce.. maybe she thinsk it will fizzle out...

MrOracle · Answer

I suspect that there is more to the story than you know. For example, maybe the wife cut him off from sex, but still wants a comfortable, non-working lifestyle. That kind of thing is more common than many women like to admit, and so perhaps he sought out sex elsewhere maybe even with her permission originally (her thinking no other woman would want him either, or telling herself that she didn't care).

Most of these stories are very one-sided, and your perspective changes if you hear the other side. Women especially love to portray themselves as innocent victims, because reputation management is a huge deal for women, but that also means they commonly spin the story and omit anything they might have done wrong. That's not MY opinion, by the way, it's a common issue that therapists (including female ones) deal with all the time.

Wholesome_Glory · Answer

She likely views the marriage as a structure that serves a purpose higher than their personal happiness. Some people organize their lives around a sense of duty or a vision of order that transcends the messy reality of individual desires. In that mindset, a betrayal is just a temporary disruption to a greater mission. She ignores it because she refuses to let the small, fleeting urges of a human weakness distract from the objective weight of her commitment. To her, staying the course is a form of endurance that carries more substance than the hollow satisfaction of a confrontation. She is playing a different game entirely.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I would think because of the luxery.

If the guy provides, is otherwise respectful, she feels like her image isn't being affected by his behavior and she still feels like there's security in what's been built between them, the math changes a bit.

I also think certain women almost expect men to cheat. It's almost like if they don't, then they feel like nobody else wants him and therefore she's settling for a lesser man.

Which me personally, that's a disgusting view but I think I've experienced it before.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe she doesn’t want to be ok. She’d rather have the life she lives now. Believe it or not a lot of women are willing to share a man if he’s taking care of them financially. Plus at her age what man is really going to pick her? Probably no one really. Deep down pretty much all women want to be w someone. Yes I know there’s a lot of women who say no I don’t, which may be true but before they were screwed up by a man who made them feel this way, that’s what they wanted. If they could change those things they lost likely would if it meant having a man who never did them wrong. Maybe she doesn’t work. Maybe she has a lot of medical issues that require someone to be there besides the children. Maybe she needs someone around to protect her and the children. There’s a lot of “maybes.”

msc545 · Answer

This is just purely speculation but I think that perhaps she feels that if she confronts him too much, he'll want a divorce and she'll be left out in the cold and will be unable to find another man to support her. It might be that she still loves her husband and hopes that when this is over if it ever is she will get him back. Finally, she just simply may not care enough to deal with it. It may feel to her like he's not worth it and whatever they had together is not worth it.

What is your interest in this and why do you care about it?

RavVid · Answer

Presumably she is happier with the current situation than she is with walking away. If it has been 7 years she has tacitly accepted it.

A lot of women do shut down sex so there is good chance that the husband finds sex elsewhere as the husband appears to have done in this case. A lot of asumptions - just my immediate assumptions

FrodoSkywalker007 · Answer

Fear of making a bad situation worse. It could be the end of the relationship or create complications in a developed family

OneViewpoint · Answer

Maybe she's comfy in a lifestyle and doesn't really care who her husband is fucking. She's checked out of the marriage and essentially granting him an open marriage so she doesn't have to fuck him any more.

Anonymous · Answer

I have noticed that with a lotta folks in their 50s... where the wife just settles with a dirtbag husband who does nothing around the house anymore. I think its because she knows it'll be much harder for her to find someone else if she leaves her husband. She also probably shares assets with him.

jshm2 · Answer

Because she's a coward at heart, and knows it's likely her ineptitue that lead to him going astray.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Cause she doesn't want the tap to turn off, and too lazy to get a job

EveryDayIsPretzelDay · Answer

Maybe she's checked out of her marriage as well, and stays married not because she loves him, but because it's easier than getting divorced.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Because she's smart abd she understands that she has a HV man, and him exercising options won't end the marriage. Also at 50 she's not going to be able to attract the caliber if men she used to.

beenherebefore · Answer

Perhaps she doesn't really care because she still gets to be the main wife and have all the benefits of being married.

genericname85 · Answer

It's easier to just blame her. That way you don't have to contend with the fact that your partner is deeply flawed. She's just going the path of least resistance.

molonski2 · Answer

It's far easier to simply ignore and life goes on..

abc3643 · Answer

Ask Melania Trump. She has experience in this sort of thing.

jazzy34 · Answer

Mind your business. You don't know the whole story. Keep your nose out of it.

Anonymous · Answer

I know a woman like this right now. Everybody knows it to. It makes me wonder sometimes if she realizes that everybody knows. I think she ignores it because she knows she's old now. And it's sad, but she isn't going to do any better than him.

ThisSiteSux · Answer

This is my life. I'm 45. Never even hid it. She needs my money to live. I don't need her for anything now that she's done having kids.

Anonymous · Answer

he's a high value man, the fact that other women want him means she wants him all the more.

MrChinaski · Answer

People invent ways to pass their lives without meaning. And then die. Surprise ending. 🤷‍♀️

Tomislav7 · Answer

I think our Jewish overlords say its about the covenant of marriage but I luv BBC in my butt so I can't really say for certain what you civilized cultured perfect humans think. Im just a beast

Anonymous · Answer

Probably a combination of your last sentence, and not wanting to rock the boat until after the kinds are out of college.

Anonymous · Answer

Divorce is complex and at 50 leaves no time to build a career or wealth for herself plus kids at a difficult point in life

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Doubt, fate, guilt, insecurity, reputation, self-blame and loathing…

Hulk30 · Answer

not comfortable with the dynamic but comfortable with the lifestyle

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

There's only physical cheating, there's no such thing as "emotional cheating."

Nikki1989 · Answer

She is past caring. It happens.

DishLady · Answer

They have kids.

Anonymous · Answer

You should ask her

Smileygirl2000 · Answer

Why is someone else's life your business?

Shrimpenjoyer · Answer

Why she even married someone like him

Light_beam · Answer

Because she is cheating on him too

AgentG111 · Answer

You said it, MONEY!

robocop666 · Answer

no confidence and scared

Why would a wife ignore her husband’s 7-year affair instead of confronting him?

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Why would a wife ignore her husband’s 7-year affair instead of confronting him?

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