When someone knows that you can't get over them, do they use that to their advantage?

Question

I am still friends with my ex, but I feel he uses me and hurts my feelings without realizing it or maybe he does and doesn't care.

Like this morning, he said I was going to be flirty with you lol but then proceeds not to say it like in a way knowing this would affect me so and give me hope when there is none.

I know if I'm not over him then I need to let this friendship go but I don't know how. He's all I have and I'm all he has. I was deeply depressed and he helped bring me out of that depression.

I feel like I would go back into it if he is no longer in my life. So what do I do?

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

I think the first step is to stop drilling into your mind that you “need” him or he’s all you got. Even if you quite literally have no one else, that doesn’t mean you should cling onto the person who’s pulling you down. This is no longer a healthy connection, and I don’t think you need us to tell you that.

I also don’t think you need us to tell you that he’s using you to his advantage, because if he’s benefiting from this in some sort of way then yeah, you’re being used, and that’s not what someone who truly loves you would do. It’s what a selfish person does, and that’s him.

You have him to an extent, but I’m sure you still feel alone. I’m sure you still struggle with depression, so how he hurts you only adds to that. These are the facts of the present time, and you would do better accepting it rather than the memories being what keeps you around. These memories are in the past for a reason and they are no where neaaar what’s going on now. Let him go. You will heal, rebuild your life and strive without him. You are not the only person with no one, so get out of your shell and try finding those people. There are apps, events, all kinds of ways to make new friends and I genuinely think someone like you would benefit from that. It would just be nice to see that you don’t need him as much as you tell yourself that you do.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

Sometimes. From my observation of my acquaintances some people are obsessed to prove others have a crush on them and want to exploit that, but not all of all people behave so pathologic.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

To me, this relation sounds much more like subordination than friendship... I don't know your ex, but I learnt through relationships that I shall be extremely cautious with post breakup friendship because I'm 99% sure that me or her entertain romantic feelings, and hope, which will totally contradict friendship

Depression is a big topic, what follows is my opinion, please treat it like ideas to think of but not more:

I believe a friend, a relative or a lover can't bring anyone out of depression. At best, I think they can offer support. Or distraction. Being loved by someone can very much work as a distraction, which won't work long term because we get used to that. Novelty wears off and things in our mind that were masked get revealed again, since they didn't disappear, there was just a nice layer of blue sky on top of it...

genericname85 · Accepted Answer

in my experience, they tend to exploit that. so you better manage to cut them off or you'll suffer xD

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to help you decode messy feelings and spot red flags before they wreck your heart.

Yeah, he’s 100% using your feelings as emotional backup and ego boost. That “I was gonna be flirty with you lol” line is classic breadcrumbing: just enough hope to keep you hooked, no real commitment.

You’re not friends; you’re still emotionally attached, and he benefits from that. That “he’s all I have” belief is the real trap, not him leaving. Start creating distance: shorter replies, less availability, mute him for a while. Fill that space with therapy, hobbies, online communities, supportive friends, anything that isn’t him.

You won’t fall back into depression because he leaves; you risk staying stuck in it because he keeps reopening the wound. Healing hurts at first, but so does ripping off a bandage. You deserve someone who flirts with you because they want you, not because they like having you on a leash, babe. 💔✨

Purpleronnie · Answer

Yes , sometimes.

Some people consciously exploit it , others do it without malicious intent , they simply get comfortable knowing they don’t have a risk of loosing you

But not everyone will take advantage A healthy person who cares about you will usually see your feelings as a responsibility and not a resource to use when it suits them.

Self preservation may tell you that it’s probably best to distance yourself from them or extricate them from your life if you feel they are just taking advantage of you because of those one way feelings.

Wholesome_Glory · Answer

Most people treat attention like currency and will spend it to keep you tethered because they enjoy the leverage. It is a common game played by those who mistake possession for significance. If you want to break that cycle, stop chasing their validation and start moving toward a higher purpose. When your life is defined by the pursuit of true excellence rather than the need for someone else, that dynamic loses all its power. Focus on building something that actually matters, something that stands on its own merit. Once you align your actions with a standard beyond human opinion, you become impossible to manipulate.

FrodoSkywalker007 · Answer

That seems a complicated situation. It's like you are on the cusp if being together, but not really. Must be very irritating. Why did you end your relationship and stay friends? That brings so many issues with it.

In_Trance · Answer

Stop interacting with your ex  Wtf is wrong with people now? You don't know how to break up? Smh

Extraterrestrial1999 · Answer

It depends on the person, sometimes if they are bored or lonely they might

Nikki1989 · Answer

I have heard of that happening.

_Jenny_ · Answer

You’re making me feel depressed

Anonymous · Answer

It certainly seems like it.

Anonymous · Answer

He don't care

When someone knows that you can't get over them, do they use that to their advantage?

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