Alright so I've been dumped after going with this girl for about 3 1/2 years. I've been working on a few personal flaws while we were going out but she says she doesn't feel that I should have to change for her. We discussed about a few things but she never went into how she really felt about some of the situations. From what I gather the breaking point was when I was stressing out about getting into a college (took me a few years to get myself together.) I blew up at her after she said she was tired of hearing about it.
After the breakup I sent her an email thanking her for everything she did for me in our relationship and I hope I had a positive influence on her. She then sent back an email listing out what she felt was wrong in our relationship and why we couldn't go back. I then sent her an email saying I understand. I also added a warning for her (nothing malicious). She has an STD and I knew about it before we got together (thought she was worth it). We always used protection but I eventually got it. I found out about it around the time we got into our argument (don't know if it contributed to me blowing up at her). I kept it from her but figured that if she was to go with another guy she shouldn't think that because she didn't think I got it, some other guy wouldn't either. I didn't do this to make her feel guilty (I'm serious).
So she texted me the next day asking why and said it made a big difference. She said I still hurt her but she didn't know. I don't want her to get back with me because she feels sorry for me. She said she couldn't talk to me anymore about this and that she felt like shit. She said she needs space and time to think about stuff. I've been giving her space but just wanted to know what other people think.
Update: By the way the thing about taking a few years to get myself together was that I fooled around for a couple of years after high school. When I met this girl I started taking college seriously.
3 months ago
First of all, I think you are a great potential to be a perfect bf/partner because you have been determined to pull yourself together, find out what you want and taken the girl seriously.
However, without knowing what she wrote in the email stating the list of what she thinks is wrong with the relationship, I can't offer much advice here - because that email is the crucial thing to decide whether this relationship will still work for you guys or not.
Telling her that even though she has STD you still think she's worth it could give her a huge indication of your commitment to her and make her trust you more (and also that she won't have to feel "sorry" and thus get back with you).
My advice is go back to that list she gave you, look at them and decide whether fixing any of those issues requires you to "change" too much of yourself - hopefully not, and tell her that a relationship requires the merging of two identities - so there will always be times when compromises are needed.
Really allot of the things she said was because of my unability to motivate myself, that she was my "saving grace", that I have raised my voice w/her (nothing threatening just escalating arguments and she also yells.) That I couldn't get along w/her parents. All of these have happened on one occasion but I've done more for her in each of these categories. Her mother is verbaly abusive and I walked away (she was drunk!)her mother got pissed at me. She only looks at what she has done. - 3 months ago
Answerer
Hmm. You could message me if you want to discuss this more. - 3 months ago
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