Break Up & Divorce
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Addiction, emotional abuse, and a new house: should I stay or leave my husband?

I’m 25, and my life has become a tangled web I’m trying to untangle. My husband, J, is 35, and my ex, B (the father of my child), is 24. I met J two years ago after a long, on-and-off five-year relationship with B. We broke up about six months before I met. Our romance developed quickly—three weeks in, he told me he loved me, which felt both endearing and alarming given my typical caution. From the start, red flags existed. He has REALLY bad ADHD which makes communication tricky. J rambles for hours about his interests; when I speak it often feels like I’m talking to a wall. He’s slow to show affection, quick to give up on things, and has a temper that can flare suddenly. I hoped these traits would smooth out as we built a life together. About two months into the relationship, B initiated a custody case. J jumped in fully to fight for me and my child; I was deeply grateful. Gratitude perhaps blinded me to harder truths about J. We married eight months into the relationship, which feels rushed in hindsight. Things started to unravel. J started Kratom, an addictive strain, which led to rehab, job loss, and noticeable changes in his behavior: he grew mean. I tried addressing issues in a loving way, hoping to preserve us, but the meanness intensified, making open conversations hard. I later learned he had been drinking heavily after rehab. He recently completed a one-week detox, but over the past six months his behavior shifted from irritability to emotional abuse. Warmth faded into controlling remarks, accusations, and temperamental bursts. I face a reality where the person I married became someone who undermines my well-being. The emotional abuse was sometimes subtle, other times glaring, and has eroded my sense of safety and self-trust. How do I protect my child and myself? Is there a path back to a healthier version of him and us, or is separation the necessary course? He wants to restart but I don't know if I can get past all of the horrors he has put me through.

Addiction, emotional abuse, and a new house: should I stay or leave my husband?
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