How to get beyond the touch barrier with this shy girl?

Question

I have gone out with an amazing girl three times now and things are going well (I think). She is very shy and it has taken her a little bit to open up verbally but she has and the conversation has been great. The only real problem I see right now is getting across the 'touch barrier'. I gave her a hug after our second date and she accepted hesitantly giving me the pat on the back hug. After our third date I went in for a hug and a kiss but she turned away. Is she really that shy or should I be concerned I'm falling into the friend zone? Shy girls, I need your input!

zazaboomboom · Accepted Answer

I've been hanging out with this one guy that I knew from back in high school. On a night, which I thought that he just waned to hang out and play music, he decided to get stoned and drunk. 1ST MISTAKE! I'm shy and conservative, and if anything, I'd love for a guy to take the initiative to kiss me, but if he's not all himself, that is a major turn off. He then thought it would be okay to put his arm around me, that's okay...but then he pushed to far and tried putting a hand on my leg...sooooo not cool. By the end of the night, he was soo eager to push it to the next level, I lost complete interest in him.

So my advice, from a shy girl's perspective (I'm 21 and have never been kissed or have dated):

1. Just be yourself and don't use substances to boost your ego

2. Be respectful and patient. There's nothing worse than a guy who keeps trying too hard to kiss or grope you. You'll just end up scaring her away.

3. Chances are, if you tried to kiss her, and she didn't accept, but yet again accepts an offer to hang out with you, then she does want you to kiss her, just not soo publically or aggressively.

4. If she leans towards you, slow down your pace and just hug her. Make her feel comfortable to having you near her. When she starts to look at you more in the face, it means she's getting over her shyness of viewing you.

5. If she leans her head down or never looks at you when you try to kiss her, she probably doesn't want to kiss you at all.

6. If you're desperate. Just ask her if it would be okay for you to kiss her. She'll tell you if it's okay or if she wants to wait.

Good Luck, and hopefully you'll be a better gentleman than my guy!

Brit86 · Accepted Answer

ok.As a shy girl.hint the fact that I have never been on a date, partly because guys come on to strong. Just take your time with her. I agree with what Jesse63 said. We like to be handled with care. if you want more, right away, then maybe you shouldn't be with her, because rushing her isn't going to help.

I have to feel comfortable and get to know someone more before I decide to let them touch me. So, take her out more and continue to show her that you like her, listen to her and ask her if its ok to touch. Also if she didn't like you, then she wouldn't go out with you in the first place, that's for any girl, shy or not.

Good luck and I applaud the idea that you maybe willing to take your time and that you want to stick around to get to know her:)

i-rock-hard · Accepted Answer

well she might have a reason to not trust you. I was the same way with my boyfriend when we started datin beacouse I have been rapped multiple times and I have trust issues so it took me a while to trust him and let him touch me and stuff. if its anything like that I wouldn't worry about it just stick around and show her you can be trusted.

or she might just be nervous give her some time I'm sure she will come around

jessie63 · Accepted Answer

Shes just shy I'm exactly the same way haha! give her time nothing is worse than when someoen rushes you just ask her if you can kiss her instead of the element of surprise some girls aren't into the SURPRISE thing lol.

tex151 · Accepted Answer

Dude you went out with her 3 times and haven't kissed her yet oh man your in trouble, you are prob in the friend zone, hate to say it. Well hopefully your not, but let me give you this example, I went on a date the other night, I touched the girl by tickling her, poking her, stuff like that, and I kissed her on the first date, in my experience if you don't kiss a girl on the first date you are now seen as a friend.

Do you talk to her a lot on the phone and have you set up another date with her, cause if you have you really need to kiss her good luck.

l-hedoniste · Accepted Answer

You're reading the vibes wrong. Does she touch you at all? Does she look like she enjoys being around you? You might want to lay off and she if she initiates any contact.

mrphree · Answer

I am not a shy girl (not even a girl). Here is how you handle your situation. The first thing is patience. If she is just shy, then you need to take your time. If she just likes you for a friend that will continue to reveal itself. Break the touch barrier by offering your arm to her when you are walking somewhere. You are allowing her to make a conscious decision to reach for you, not forcing her to react to your advances. It is romantic, gentlemanly, and as I mentioned, she is mentally reaching for you. Think of it as offering to meet her half way, this really connects with a woman on a psychological level. It is rare that a girl will leave a guy hanging for a simple thing such as this. If she does leave you hanging, then you have a chance to ask her where she thinks the relationship is going. Either way, progress is made. Does this make sense? Hope it helps.

girlanon · Answer

sorry to break the bad news.

although I've never been on a date,i know what's going dowwwn.

i'm super shy as well,and if the guy I had been dating wanted to kiss me after our third date,and I liked him in that manor,i would have not turned away.

therefor,it sounds like you are wasting your time,my friend.unless you just want to be her friend.

Flynn · Answer

If you gone out on three dates I think your out of the friends zone just take things slow. Its only been three dates. What's your hurry?

l-hedoniste · Answer

Given that she hangs around but flinches at contact with you, I'd say you've been friended. Don't waste your time on this one, and in the future, make your intentions clearer sooner.

How to get beyond the touch barrier with this shy girl?

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