My girlfriend has slept with 20 guys and I am having a hard time dealing with that?

Question

My girlfriend of 8 months has informed me that she has slept with 20 some odd guys and she is only 22 years old. She has also slept with a 35 year old when she was 20. I love her but my gosh some days it makes me feel like I don't want to touch her because of it. Am I being a jerk for not being able to get past that? How do I get past her past? Am I the only guy that thinks like this?

pwl0lwp · Accepted Answer

i think your initial reaction is quite normal, especially if you've not had many (or any other) partners yourself. (of course, if you've had a similar number of partners yourself, get over it ;) )

now that you've had your initial reaction, though, take a step back and be a bit objective. the very first thing to bear in mind is that regardless of what she's done before, she's with *you* now, and if she's quite experienced at, ahh, "meeting" people but has stayed with you for 8 months then that can be taken as something of an endorsement.

it you continue to struggle with your feelings, talk it over with her; be sensitive about how you bring it up of course - maybe turn it to your feelings rather than being judgemental ("gee, sometimes I feel kind of naiive compared to you", is better than "i can't believe you've been with so many guys!")

my guess is that you're probably feeling a bit inadequate & worried that she's comparing you unfavorably to former lovers. you may also be worried that she'll go off somewhere else & leave you (or simply sleep around). about inadequacy, see above: she's with *you* now; for the chance she'll leave, only you can answer: if she's being faithful to you then it would be a stunning blow to her if you accused her of infidelity simply because of her past experiences. think carefully about whether she's actually given you a reason to mistrust her since you've been together.

as a modern guy, consider this: if a guy friend of your said he'd slept with 20 girls, would you think of him in a similarly bad way? imagine an older friend saying he'd slept with a woman 15 years younger? would you say "you creep" or "you lucky guy" ? consider whether it's appropriate or fair to hold on to some of the old-fashioned views about sexuality.

at the end of the day, there's no easy answer to the imbalance in the number of your sexual partners; I'd suggest it's *not* a question that you'd usually want to know the answer to, beyond the three basic options of "none", "only one" or "more than one"

good luck

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know I'm not a saint however asking how many men or woman slept with. Is quite normal he actually is in a better off position then myself.

I have just recently ask the question of my girlfriend/fiancee. After we decided toI've in together to prepare for our wedding.

"How many men have you slept with just kinda popped up in our conversation"

Glad I asked her first reaction was you,

"didn't just ask me that".

I basically was like baby I'm sorry but what made me ask again was the fact that she just turned over in bed. An said leave me the fuck alone.

I so I asked again I felt at that point I deserved a answer. From the woman I'm about to spend a few grand on for a wedding ring and couple more on new house and a few more on taking care of her kids.

She told me I don't know I lost count I really don't know. I said I've been with 7 women married one have three kids from the one that I married. So could you stop joking around and just tell me.

Her answer fucking more than 100 Whaaaaaaat the fuck.

Was in my head I said ok whatever in hopes of her playing. An she says maybe about 300 and something.

I thought she was fucking joking so I said or you fucking kidding me baby and she says no I'm not I'm fucking serious.

Now all honesty I was like fuck I can't do this.

Please give me your opinion she is a beautiful smart woman. She does IT makes a good living I'm a marketing agent and owner.

No money problems but this I need help with.

What do you think?

Shlei3 · Accepted Answer

Does the number intimidate you a little. The thing is I have a pretty high number for my age too. I am clean and have never gotten an STD. The reason for having such a high number is because as a teenager I went through a wild stage. Am I proud of it? No. But it's what I chose to do. On the plus side it has helped me gain sexual knowledge. Not only that but I will never cheat on my fiance for the sake of sex. Sex with a man you love cannot compare to sex with a guy you are attracted to but aren't in love with. As long as she's clean than really it's just a number. She may have had a wild side too. It's normal to be a little freaked out. But what matters is the here and now.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I personally would feel the same way if I was with someone who had slept with that many people. just think about how many people each of themm had sex with. ew. I guess you have to sit down and decide if you can live with the fact that she's been with that many people & if you'll be able to accept that. [i also hope she got checked before you two became intimate]

JudgmentDay · Answer

You still have to look on the bright side of this, AT LEAST she's straight up and honest about it than keeping it completely secret from you man. I mean would you be even more upset and agree after you've been with her for many years or even married, etc. and either she never tells you about it, or tells you only after years and years you've invested emotionally, financially and whatever into her? I bet you'd be even more upset, hurt, angry, frustrated and disappointed if she kept it from you the entire time and then told you about it much later. Either stay and feel unhappy about something you can't change or just let go of what you never had any control over in the very first place. I personally think it's best to start all over again and try again. But if it was very hard for you get to this point and have a relationship, perhaps it's your very first one, then I can see why it's difficult to let go since you've already have established emotional attachments and invested emotionally into this relationship. But take your pick, either just treat this as a learning experience and lesson and move forward by taking what you've learned and just hope for the best that you'll find someone new and hasn't done something you have trouble accepting and dealing with.

What do my bros think about this? Am I right @Unit1? @decentguy?

mghowmasculinist · Answer

Lol at some of the answers to this one. It has nothing to do with feeling inadequate or insecure and everything to do with self respect, faithfulness and being with a woman who hasn't given herself away so freely and one who has similar sexual values to the ones you have.

Whether man or woman, there is no difference.

Really, is Gold still valuable if every tom dick and harry has a bar of it in their bedroom? I think not. Note, the phrase 'the past is the past' is exclusively used by people who have been promiscuous, are ashamed of their past, know they acted in a disrespectful way or are in denial.

If you are going to sleep around, I think you should stop pretending it's a good thing and own it too, stop hiding and stop the bs of 'the past is the past'. I bet the ones who say the guy is the one with the problem have slept with just as many people, if not more.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it shouldn't be a huge deal. Just make sure she hasn't caught anything from any guy. Make sure she's taken tests. But other than that, women are becoming more sexually free these days. Some men have done the same thing, and it's okay for them but not women? I can see she may be promiscuous but it may also mean that she is insecure and if she's with you wants to be committed. I see your concerns but I knew someone who has 25 partners and it was because she was sheltered her whole life. When she finally discovered sex, she wasn't really educated enough about control and thought that sex would mean love. Her parents were super religious and very antisex. I think it just depends on the situation.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Until women behave equally as men, they cannot be judged equally. Statistics show that no matter how many sex partners a man has, the likelihood for a divorce once he commits is flat, it makes no difference at all. Statistics for women show ever single sex partner she has is a significant increase in likelihood of divorce once she finally settles down. And in many places where the man is the one who loses the most in a divorce such as the US, you can't blame men for being extremely interested in knowing about a woman's past sexual past.

the3211 · Answer

well dude, there's a few ways to look at it.. yeah its in her past and it was before you, and she's been loyal to you for 8 months but at the same time, What does that say about her past and who she is? Girls like that typically have a lot of baggage and are constantly talking to other guys. you can say its a double standard for guys if you want, but I know guys and girls who are very attractive and have only been with like 4-5 people, its called morals and standards. she's been around...some girls just go through a wild phase and move on, but some are just crazy...and honestly she's probably lying about the number cause most girls will. really man, that's about 5 guys a years, sounds like a whore that anyone can pickup..nothing special about that.

OnlyYouKnowThat · Answer

I wouldn't worry about it because she probably won't be your g/f for very long. The more promiscuous women are the more likely they are to be unfaithful and the less likely they are to have successful long term relationships. A study has shown that women who have had multiple sexual partners are usually most unhappy when they are married. So if you don't break up with her first she'll end up leaving you.

Anonymous · Answer

I have a similar situation. It's not easy to get past this but one thing you should keep in mind is that everyone has a past. I was told the news at the beginning of our relationship and as much as I hate it I was glad she was honest with me. It takes a lot for someone to come out and confess something like that, even when that means risking the relationship. I would be careful on who she talks to. One thing I demanded is that she didn't have contact with any of those partners anymore. That was one thing that helped me get past it. There is no reason to talk to those partners if she has moved on.

stepyo99 · Answer

I would drop her quick before she hurts you. She's a massive slut. Think about it. She's fucked more men than years she's been alive. Women who are like that aren't going to be committed to a relationship and they're sleazy. They are bad, bad news and I would advise you to run away as fast as possible.

Cyberdog900 · Answer

No, you're not, but you either deal with it, or become a muslim. Women are people too, and get to experiment as much as guys do. Anything else would be hypocritical. Get over it and love your slut, as she no doubt loves you.

banker · Answer

I think it is quite normal to feel that, especially if she has slept with more number of people than you. You are not a jerk, just normal.

pearl1979 · Answer

Get over yourself!  Her past should be no concern to you, you weren't there. And yes you are being a jerk. We all have pasts whether they were great or not so great. who are you to judge?

Blonde401 · Answer

You won’t get past this. Break up. There’s nothing wrong with what she has done - her body and her choice but you will never get over it so you’re not compatible.

hellacray · Answer

Actually I would be very bothered if the woman I liked told me this. And she's only 22 also which I think makes it worst.

If I were you I'd just break up. I'm not going to deal with a young girl that got legs that's always open for business.

l-hedoniste · Answer

One of my hobbies is stealing the girlfriends of men like you. Get over it if you want to. If not, someone will.

Blessmore · Answer

STDs man. Be careful. I think you're not being a jerk. I judge girls by their past because history repeats itself. I would not be surprised if she would cheat. When you do things over and over again, they become a norm. She might not find it a problem to sleep with other dudes while she's in a relationship

Ninakumari · Answer

No that's normal. I won't date a guy who has a high number at my age. 20 random guys is very high at age 22.

LiamJHayden · Answer

That number wouldn't phase me because I was worse as a teen, but I can understand. What is weird to me, though, is in all of my encounters I have never been asked in person what my body count is.

Kidanis · Answer

I wouldn't care she has slept with many guys but I would suspect she is easy and might cheat, personally

Anonymous · Answer

No, I would have a very difficult time trying to deal with that. Which is why I'm going to state at a beginning of my next relationship that I just don't want to know this about her past

Gent207-2 · Answer

I'd be more concerned about the possibility of sexual abuse in her childhood my guy

Calzone2018 · Answer

Dump her those 20 guys are 20 dicks that were probably dirty and she might have STDs you don't want to be the guy who ends up with the town whore dump her ASAP

Masterodd · Answer

Girls sleep around (have sex)... There are no more virgins anymore... better get used to the body count... If you think it is too high to deal with, dump her and find a new girlfriend.

ChocolateCheesecake · Answer

That's kind of stupid if she's with you now that shouldn't make any difference

Aynsof · Answer

Why do you care? Why does it matter? Judge her by who she is with you and how you feel about her  What she did before you... Irrelevant

Anonymous · Answer

The question in your mind should be, will your relation last for a long time cause she has been 20 guys at such an young age. What if she gets bored of you.

ThisAndThat · Answer

I'm not trying to influence your decision, but me personally, that's a big NO go.

adat1408 · Answer

she can't be good news man.you better be careful

Anonymous · Answer

I would move on.

Anonymous · Answer

dump her.

My girlfriend has slept with 20 guys and I am having a hard time dealing with that?

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