I was in a similar situation myself. I am now 23 and she is 18. We do not have a sexual relationship and I am not interested in that right now. We meet about 1 1/2 years...maybe 2 years ago. It started out innocently...I own a paintball store and she came by just to look at the paintball things. She started asking for advice and my opinion on different things, nothing dirty or anything, just things about school and her other boy friends. She tried to date one of my employees who was just 2 years older than her and when that broke up she needed someone to talk to and that was a little awkward to me. I made sure I was never alone with her and that the conversations never went in the wrong direction. She works next door to the business I own so she would come over a lot after her work while she waited on her mom to pick her up. We have got to know each other over the time.
I did make sure her mom knew that she came over and over time her mom got to know me and knew that I was a honest guy and knew nothing would happen between us plus my other profession helped her mom feel safe about her daughter coming over after work. It was never for more than like 20 minutes a day anyways.
Be sure to check your state laws it might even be illegal for you to be with her!
I think it's fine. Our overbearing government on the other hand disagrees, and they'd love to tell you more about it several hours after you've had sex with someone they've decided is old enough to pilot a metal death machine known for killing roughly 40,000 people each year, but not old enough to do what their body is telling them they should be doing. xD
For your own sake, find someone 18+ or write your congressman with a *really* persuasive argument about why they should lower the age of consent.
im 21 my boyfriend is 30, there's nothing wrong with a gap in age at a approriate time. 16 is still a little young I've dated 20 year olds at 16 and now I look back and I'm disapppointed in the guys. Wait till she's a little older before you guys date, I think when she turns 18 it would be the best time. It doesn't sound so bad 22 with an 18yr old that's normal but 16 nahhh she needs couple years to catch up. And she will be of legal age to make decisions, in my job of law I've witnessed many parents okay and trusting at the beginning but turn will quick into a problem you don't need the drama. Good luck if you like her wait two years is my advice to date be friends no sex! and wait the years go by fast. And if she dates other people I'm sure when your ready for her she will come back around to you because your the one she couldn't have, and that makes you irresitable. Plus her parents will love you for having sense and will trust you
I don't think age should be a problem, but there are a few things to consider like how old she acts and such. You should also ask yourself why you like her, if it's her personality then fine but if you like maybe the fact that she still looks young then obviously, that seems a little dodgy so be careful. Also, do not go further until she is of age and ready to go further, you can't just expected it straight away when she is of age, she needs to be ready too.
Age wise however; I don't see a problem, I mean it shouldn't be too much because if she was 20 and you were 24 it wouldn't stop you two being together then because she would be fully developed physically and mentally and there would be no laws against it. It shouldn't be to different from that situation now, you've just got to be more careful with it.
a 4 year age gap for the 16yr old girl represents 25% of her age,
a 4 year gap for a 20yr old represents only 20%
a 4 year gap for the 24yr old represents a mere 13% => quite a difference!
In presence of an older man she will (even whithout being aware of it) tend to copy the older man's behaviour and trying to be what she feels he expects//what women of 20 do => she will not be her true personnality.
16 and 20 is not the same as 20 and 24.
My stepsister (16) is seeing a guy your age too.
They've been together for about a year now, and everything's cool.
But what I do think, is that the relationship is immediately more mature than a relationship between two sixteen year olds.
There is a little difference in their relationship tough... I'm pretty sure they are having sex, since my sis freaked out when she forgot to take her pill...
So, as long as you care for her, and love her and you're sure she does that as well there shouldn't be a problem.
It's just age... I mean, in a couple of years the difference will become less and less... When she's 18 and you are 22, people won't notice it anymore..
Good luck ^^
i have a question pretty much the same as yours.
But my personal opinion is,
if they make you happy,
then you shouldnt worry about age,
its just a number,
but do keep in mind that they are going through different times in their lives,
your paying the bills; they are trying to pass English exam.
things are different.
But if you care enough about the person,
a few years difference in age shouldnt matter too much,
im prefectly happy in the relationship I'm in,
im 17 and he is 22.
Only people too young to know any better, and older people counting on younger people not knowing that say age is only a number. It is a lot more than a number. To say otherwise is self-delusional or self-serving.
Erika, just because you don't agree with it, doesn't make it wrong,
there are lots of other things that do matter in the relationship, besides just age.
I just want you; and everyone else to know, that I'm turning eighteen in a month so when that happens, it will be completely different because then I'm going to be an 'adult'. So then its legal and then its okay.. hmmm okay. But my boyfriend and myself are happy, and are planning on moving in together next month.
And we have been seeing each other for 9 months now. and I couldn't be happier. I'm just really glad that I never listened to what EVERYONE had to say about the difference in age, because I would not be nearly as happy without him in my life.
Opinion
23Opinion
I don't agree with it. Why?
Ok so 4 years age gap isn't that big but she's a child and your a man, I think its ok if she was 18+ and its 4 years age gap but its not is it?
She's 16, still a child. Still growing up. Still at school possibly? Still finding a lot out about herself, she's learning all these new emotions growing up. 16 years old is really babyish, I could never date a person that's 16 and I'm 21 years old I think its just sick
Your 20, a man now. Should have a job. You should have found a lot out about yourself by now, emotions matured much more then hers.
what possibly could you have in common with a school girl when your 20 years old?
When I was 16 years old I would never come home with a guy in his 20s and my father and mother would have went berserk.
Xgirlygirlx,
Right you are!! The difference between a school girl and a man, living in complete different worlds, with different liberties, possibilities, obligations and expectations.
a 4 year age gap for the 16yr old girl represents 25% of her age, a 4 year gap for a 20yr old represents only 20% => quite a difference
Funny how right up until 11:59PM on the day before your 18th birthday you're just an immature, irresponsible child but the next minute you're a full grown adult.
There is nothing wrong with it, in 2 years nobody will give it a second thought. It's only because American culture has set that standard that people think it's so horrible. Most other countries she's legal.
Now if he was in his late twenties or thirties or older, then that would be sick.
that's kinda weird, to me. I think the fact that she's in high school a soph or junior and you're in college, soph or junior, is really weird. you should really date someone your own age or at least in college or 18 or something. I don't care how mature a person thinks they are at 16, but when they're 20, they can look back and see the difference. just because y'all aren't having sex, it doesn't mean you won't and isn't that illegal anyway? idk, man. it's whatever you want to do. I just think that you should probably be with someone older and maybe deep down inside you feel the same way which is why you're questioning it here.
First, take into account whether this is legal where you live. Different states/countries have different ages of consent. Because while you may not be having sex "now", it's really just "yet". And it will happen eventually. So sort this all out, and if it's illegal...just drop it. If it's perfectly lawful for you to date a 16-year-old, then keep this in mind: the campsite rule.
Campsite Rule dictates that you leave someone or something in better condition then how you found it. As the senior, you are obligated to not abuse, manipulate or mislead the minor knowingly. If anything happens, it's your ass. So be the adult and take care not to hurt her or take advantage of her.
So be careful, as this is some tricky terrain you're walkin through...
Depending on what state you are in, legally it probably won't be any issue as the majority of the states set the legal age as 16, contrary to popular belief that it is 18 (that is the age in which one may appear in or purchase porn as set by the federal government whereas age of consent is state by state). If you are worried about the social implications and what people will think, it varies from person to person, but a good formula to follow is your age (20) divided by 2 (10) plus 7 (17). Since she's one year under your lower limit so to speak society may frown upon it. As a side note, to get the upper limit you double the difference between your age and your upper limit (which is 3, doubles to 6, meaning at age 20 your socially acceptable dating range is 17 to 26).
if you were a bit older it would be fine, but at the mo, its just a little bit purvey. I know its unjust and there have been odder matches in the world (92 year old rock star and 18 year old friend of GRANDDAUGHTER!) but it might take some explaining for some people. her Parents for example, are they freaking out yet! What do her friends think? basicly, how is this relationship affecting the rest of her life, and what about her school work. 16 is a pretty important year for school. and you might not be having sex, but does she feel pressured because you are older and might expect more?
As long as you are a good fit for each other, that's ok, but think about the more complexed aspects of the relationship that might be affected by the age difference, like the difference in your maturity and views, it might get in the way sooner or later.
What?! So, going by your logic, I guess you could date an infant and it would be ok as long as you did not penetrate...DOUSCHEBAG! I'm sure that when their daughter who hasn't even been confirmed yet is statutorily raped by you who is obviously aware of the fact that you must be sexually Inadequate and socially stunted because no self-respecting man would stick it in (or give society the impression you are) a girl who has just entered high school. Good luck, I'm sure ill probably catch ur rapist ass on the news soon enough.
Um...she's only 4 years younger than him and a teen so there's no reason for you to say that he might as well go someone who's way younger and still a child.
That's a tricky one. I know at sixteen I was more mature than most my age. When I was a Sophomore I dated older guys, but they were Seniors in highschool, not college guys. I think even if she's mature and not like other girls her age, you two are still in totally different stages of life. She's either a Sophomore or Junior, who's still living with her parents. Even if she's mature her thoughts are on things like Prom, college applications, getting a summer job, her friend's recent break-up, things like that. You're most likely in college and are preoccupied with paying your bills, studying, and getting used to life on your own. No matter how well you two get along I think the age difference will get in the way sooner or later. Not to be critical of you, but why would you want to date a high school girl when you're twenty? Most college people I know are glad to get away from high school.
its one of those things. once she hits about 20, a four year diffrence wouldn't be a big deal at all. but the gap between 16 and 20 is huge. its not so much about the numbers as it is life experiance. the average 16 year old in this country can't even drive a car, she's never had a real job (in fact she only JUSt became eligable to work in most states) and she's been under the gardianship of parents her whole life.
Your seeing someone that isn't quite there yet. Yeah, sure, she may be a very responcible and mature teenager, but she is still a teenager. Go and find someone who is an adult.
and BTW, since this seems to be contested on the rest of the answers. in the state of virginia, I know that a 16 year old is old enough to have consensual sex, and I believe (I am not sure, obviousely, as it is not something I have neeeded to know) that a 16 year may have consentual sex with someone up to the age of 21.
It's really bad, because she is under 18. I know a man who has a 16 year old daughter who just had a baby with a 23 year old man. The father of the teen mom pressed charges on the 23 year old guy, and the 23 year old guy got probation and had to register as a sex offender.
She is a minor and she is more trouble than she is worth.
4 years is not a big gap in age, but when you are talking 16 & 20 it is. She is still young. When I was younger I dated older guys. Now I look back and think "what the hell were these guys thinking?". For her own sake you should back off and let her grow up.
I think its wrong...she is impressionable and you will eventually have sex. That's the age difference my ex and I were when he got me pregnant he knew what he was doing as do you...just my thoughts. BTW when my parents found out I had to BEG them not to charge him with that crime...Not saying you have bad intentions just saying becareful
I think right now that the age differance is not appropriate. She has so many things she needs to focus on as far as school, PROM, college (if she's going), being a kid and what not before she dates someone who is your age. You will be turning 21 and will be able to go to bars or clubs. She won't be able to do that. Not only that but I think it's just weird to date high schoolers when you are out of high school. Down the road it won't be so awkward but right now it's just not right.
I think you are getting enough advice on both sides of this debate. Fact is, if you do decide to take it to the next step and her parents don't like it or she gets pregnant or something, her parents could have you put in jail. Statutory rape,man. Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Where are all the girls over 18?
100% sure that it PROBABLY is?? That totally negated itself...
1) most states 16 is the cut off age and 2) he already pointed out that they're "not having sex or anything"...why does everyone assume that if an older person is dating a younger person they're having sex, and, thus will automatically be put in jail?!
I think it's funny how the opinions here differ with the ones where I live. I don't really see a problem, been there, done that, would do it again. It only matters how the two of you feel about it.
I'm from Holland but went to the US when I was in a relationship like that. Pretty much everyone I met was shocked and tried to convince me to stop it.
@Mehszie,
To find a bit of Holland on the www, try SWB
ugh! I'm sixteen, and really, my dad would pull out his gun if I dated a twenty year old! she is still in high school. you better watch out. have you met her dad yet?
i won't tell you what to do, but I suggest you think this through.. and think it through GOOD before you go "there" skippy.
Let her grow up! lol she's just a kid to date, trust me, you want a girl wo is mature...because a teenage who's just 16 has a LOT to learn and usually they are not serious in relationships and just take it as a fun time being in highschool..u have passed that time so you should knnow how it is, so she needs to reach her 20's in order to seriously get involved. Move on and find someone older than that!
Age shouldn't matter if you really care about someone. However, her being only 16, you could get in trouble if you were to have sex. I feel that at that age, kids should be more worrying about passing classes and college. Plus,I never thought too much about people out of high school dating high school kids. I would advise to maybe just stay friends and wait till she's 18. Two years really isn't that long. If it's meant to be, things will work out.
If I were her father then I would have problems with this. I see a horny guy trying to get into my little girl's pants and would have to shoot you :)
Keep in mind that teenage guys are also very horny...
Lol, this is pretty much why I'm afraid of introducing any guy to my parents; that and usually whoever usually looks like my type [longish hair, skinny jeans, maybe some piercings] is certainly not their type for me.
Well that's only because you have what I've dubbed "parental steryo syndrom" you see a guy who is a couple years older than your daughter and automatically assume he's after her ass. Granted, quite a few young men these days are only after tail, but you don't take into consideration that maybe he's legit and so don't even give him a chance.
I can understand keeping a very close eye on him (and her) but do your homework first, does he drink? Do drugs? Smoke? have a record? Continued.
Again, PSS. You're jumping to conclusions and making assumptions without doing a shred of research. How do you know he initiated it? What if she came onto him? How are you so sure he's having sex with her?
Typical steryotype, young guy=horny and only interested in sex. You're not even taking a look at him, you have no idea what kind of person he is.
My 16 year old cousin is dating a 19 year old guy, he looks like a gangbanger but I sat down and talked to him, he's acctually really nice.
I had the exact same concerns as you with my cousin's boyfriend, but instead of jumping to conclusions and profiling him like you would, I sat down and got to know the guy, let him know that I was on edge about him being with her and laid down some ground rules. I don't need to go into detail about the exact words in the conversation but he knows that he has several people watching him.
On top of that your mind is just as poluted as everybody else's who has issues with this, typical american.
Man, what part of I don't want to get to know him don't you understand? 20 year old guys don't date 16 year old girls, so I don't care to know anything else about him. The concensus of opinion here is that it is wrong (and it is). You can be ok with your cousin and her guy if you want to; I'm telling you that it won't be me.
It's also not the point, we americans always have to be "better" and have "higher standards" you go to any country in Eruope and mention decentcy laws people will ask you what you're talking about.
And look where it's got us, all the "political correctness" and standards we follow has us hated by every single other nation on the planet with few exceptions. It's also made (most of) us ignorant and niave.
The age of consent here in the UK is 16, so it's cool over here, as long as you both care for one another. One of my 16 yr old friends is dating a 23 year old. And it's a fact, the average female matures faster than the average male
I think that only 4 years apart is not too bad. Because people say that she's still a baby and you're a grown man. Yes is true but only 20 and 16, thats ok. Next thing you know she's starts having sex with someone her age a 15 year old boy and he leaves her. What now is she still a baby? Is all about your intentions and your personality man. Age has nothing to do with who you are. You can be 20 with a good heart and positive intentions like marriage or 16 on probation selling weed with a gun and trying to get her pregnant to leave her or use her. Is all about how you feel about her. If you really care then sure but if is about sex you better off with somebody older to avoid a serious charge.
Plus a 20 year old is smarter, mature and more grateful a 16 year old boy ain't even worried about brushing he's teeth.
4 years is not bad. what is bad is her age!
u got her at a young age where she still prob can't think for herself as much as she would if she where your age!
u guys should break up after awhile of being together to let her and You know if that what you guys want!
Go for it! I'm in love with a guy 4 years older then me! My family is totally cool with it and we don't have sex. It's really nice and he doesn't take advantage or anything. Make sure whatever you do she is comfortable with everything! If you really love her then go for it! People in my family have dated older. Girls mature faster then boys so I'm thinking if the maturity level is the same and you guys are comfortable with it go with the flow! Stop worrying so much and make sure you don't do anything jail like material. Like some other people said below watch out making sure she isn't just with you because you are older and she thinks she is cool for having an older man. I hoped I helped.
I don't think age really matters in a relationship...i mean think about some couples in your own family, some in mine were like 18 years apart, 9 years apart, and some 2 or 3...I think age is just simply a measure of how long you've been here lol I say date anyone no matter what age (just not majorly illegally, like 35 year old dating a 15 year old lol) soo yeah you never really know until you try anyone and if you put an age barrier on, then you might be missing out on some awesome people :)
Check up on the age of consent in your state because whether you are sleeping with her are not doesn't matter. In some states all it takes is her parents to freak out and accuse you of it and you go to jail for statutory rape. Other than that I don't see a problem with that.
aside from the legal difficulties if you were to have sex, I don't think it's a problem. I met my boyfriend of 6 years when I was 14 and he was almost 18. my current boyfriend is 7 or 8 years older then me... its maturity level that matters much more than age.
I think it matters if one is under age.If the both of you were older say in your twenties then it would be okay but dating a highschooler is just plain immature on both your parts.She is too young and is not mature enough yet.Plus she will get clingy.Trust me all my friends in highschool dated older guys and they wound up dumped and left for someone his own age.
Four years isn't bad in my opinion. I'm sixteen too and I would rather date someone who is 19 or 20 because I'm too mature for my age and I'm not attracted to guys my age. Although I do think you would be lucky if you didn't get confronted by her parents. I also agree with margothenobody.
4 years apart is not a big deal but when he or she is not 18 yet it is. YA if you were to have sex it would be statutory rape. Best bet be friends. When she is 18 ya maybe then you can have a relationship.
If you aren't having sex (thank god), why are you dating this girl? Leave her alone. It's statutory rape if you do sleep with her and either way, you two are obviously going to be in different planes of existence in terms of where your lives are at as well as the law. That you even asked this question suggests even you know within some part of you that this situation is not acceptable. Stick to partners that are legal and within your age bracket.
i'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19 which is only 3 years, but when my parents first found out they kind of freaked. but now they're ok with it. I don't really see any problem with it, but I'm a pretty open minded person...
i say there's no problem as long as you two are happy together.
Four years isn't bad, but when it's 20 and 16 it's a little weird. I knew my ex girlfriend at 16 but we stayed friends til after she was 18. Not because legality, but because life. A lot of questions will be raised with her being 16. Plus you probably have two completely different lives right now.
its all up to you guys what you want to do. most people won't agree with it, thinking its bad and that you will get in major trouble and you will. but if you love each other it won't matter what other people think.
Gross. If a 20 year old was dating my 16 year old sister he'd be getting his ass kicked. Now if a 24 year old wanted to date my 20 year old sister that is a whole different story. There is a huge mental difference in a 16 and 20 year old.
No problem^^ Same difference as my boyfriend and I, I was 16 when we met and he was 20^^ now it's 17 to 21;) just make sure not to do anything she doesn't want, take your time, there's no rush^^
Dude, so many peoples parents met when they were about that age so don't even worry. By then she should be old enough and mature enough to decide if she wants to date an older guy. Just don't give her parents a reason to call the cops lol
honestly age doesn't matter but the state in which matureity stands in. I was 15 and my boyfriend was 18 he is 3 years older and we are still together. we had our problems but everything turns up to be great. so good luck in your realationship.
well no one said you guys can't be friends? maybe what till she's older. cause I use to like this guy and I'm 15 and he's 19. and when I'm 16 hell be 20 well duh. but just keep it safe. don't let anyone know.
Listen...to be honest. If her parents are cool with it then it ok. Because feelings for her aren't going to matter when your standing behind a defendants desk in front of a judge over a statutory rape charge. Make sure the parents are cool with it first and foremost
It no big deal, its just that there is only so many years that can be put between you guys.As long as its close and you guys have things in common then its all good. My boyfriend told me flat out age is but a number as long as there is some kind of love behind it all.
I don't think the age difference here is a big deal. It's only four years. The question you have to ask yourself is if she is mature enough for you.
I think it's okay but it depends on your culture and the law.
It would generally be fine in Europe I think. In the US it will make you a 'pedophile'.
Personally, I think you are to young for a 16 year old. At your tender age, you should be learning from an older woman. Leave the 16 year olds for the sugar daddies.
i don't think it matters at all.
However, despite how it may feel, she could just be with you because it's flattering to be with an older guy. On the other hand, some girls are just really mature and it just feels right to be together.
Obviously, legal difficulties play a huge role...especially with her parents
I think now a days though, its not a big deal at all.
4 years is ok
If you could've been in high school at the same time, it's fine buddy
what state are you in?
thats a child. dude wtf
i was 16 and my boyfriend was 20 when we first started dating, I actually liked it because the fact he was so much more mature.
i mean, I could understand if she was 20 and you wer 24...but she's 16. she doesn't know what she wants yet. your a lot more mature
A 4 year age difference isn't bad, but seeing that she is still a teen possible in high school, her mentality might be dangerous. I guess it depends.
I'm 18 though when I was younger I didn't mind older men..4 years is nothing..as long as you treat her as a mature person and not pushing her around!
Too much. When you are 24 and she is 20 that is fine, but at 16 girls (guys too) really are not that mature. Even if you wait until she is 18 and you are 22 that is different than 16 and 20.
should be alright. but
it depends on how mature she is too.
4 years isn't a big deal
4 years isn't a big deal when you are older, but for a teenager 4 years makes a big difference.
A coworker of mine once said "We haven't needed that for forty years, I don't know why we need it now"
Take that same concept and reverse it, "We don't need it now, why did we need it then?"
It doesn't matter how old they are, they is always going to be a four year age gap between them, four years more experience in life than her and guess what makes you mature? Life.
True, I 4got to include that it doesn't make much of a difference if you're older, both older. besides I type fast
Nothing to write home about, but I suggest you keep things in the "PG" area until she's "legal".
"you go to any country in Europe and mention decency laws people will ask you what you're talking about." That's why we shouldn't be looking to Europe for an example to follow. And as to your point about 16 year old girls initiating relationships, of course we do, but that is because we are stupid and think we are so much more mature than the guys our age when we really are silly immature school girls. The older person in the relationship needs to recognize that.
At least Europe doesn't have terrorists highjacking their planes and flying them into buildings. It's up to the older person to decide if he/she wants to date the younger, personally, I won't date anyone who isn't on my level of maturity, which rules out the majority of 16 year old girls, but there are exceptions.
Sorry, age is just a number to me.
You have to be kidding! Europe has just as much if not more terrorist activity than the US--Madrid train station, London subway, riots in Arab sections of Paris, tension between Turkish immigrants in Germany and native Germans. Why don't you expand your education and erase your ignorance before you spout such foolishness all over this site.
And 16 year olds are not that mature even though most of them think they are.
They were attacked because they backed us up on 9/11, and more education isn't going to teach me about anything current.
Let's be honest here, he posted this question to get opinions, I doubt he really cares and is just trying to satisfy his curiosity. So just because a bunch of people tell him they think it's wrong doesn't mean he's going to break it up.
I just see the world in a different light then most everybody else, deal with it.
Nothing really wrong with it, as long as you don't have sex.
I'm not gonna say age should play any factor in your relationship. But f***, Legality should.
That's weird at your age... When your older it should be fine though.
There isn't really much of an age difference.
You just have to aware that she is illegal.
when I was 16 my boyfriend was 22..it wasn't that bad
Great! we dated for 3 years and loved eachother. I moved away for school., though.
4 years is okay but I'm with starling
link
mine?
4 year age difference isn't much, but I don't think it's a good idea, since she isn't legal. You could get in a LOT of trouble, dude.
It should be all right if you really like this girl! Just make sure you both are comfortable with each other's lifestyles !
I've really liked this 18 year old and I'm 4 years younger, he's getting married soon and its complicated, I don't think that it is bad because she should love you no matter what ur age is!
Nope, age matters. You will understand that in 5 or so years from now.
When you are older age matters much less, but when you are still a teenager there is still an exponential maturation gap because you change so much during those years. 20 and 24 is not a big deal. 16 and 20 is.
Age doesn't matter, what matters if she's mentally mature or not
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