At age 41 being single never married and no kids ? Feels like I have been sentenced to life alone!!

Hey Ladies is it a turn off for a guy that is 41 and single to ask you out?

Why is it every time I ask a woman out under say 38 they say I am too old!

What if I want Kids and a Family ..I do like younger women say 21 and up!

I may should just accept that I will be alone and God Willing I won't live to be a lonely old man!

Is it wrong for me to want a younger woman?

or should I just accept that I am Single for a reason? Please no rude comments!

Hey thanks everyone...I guess I waited too long in life...I will just give up and be alone...I don't want to be thought of as a weird pervert!
As the Holiday season approaches I see all the couples and all the kids and realize what I have missed out on in life...It saddens me...Thanks for the support but I realize this will be year 42 of being single and it sucks!

What's Your Opinion?


What Girls Said 48

What Guys Said 30

  • Selected as most helpful

    You have posted on here multiple times on being in your 40's and still single. The men I have met who are still single in their 40's, though they will deny it, want to be single. They simply are not interested in what it takes to be part of a couple. They are often out of touch with the things they do that make it very difficult for them to be married, much less have children.

    Being in a relationship is not for everyone, though I think the desire to have a partner is very high. But, if you are someone who is rigid, or has difficulty expressing emotions, or cannot really understand another person's needs, or loses interest in a partner after a short period of time, or any combination of the above, a long-term relationship is unlikely to happen for you. It's not a life sentence, but it is a wake-up call for you to determine and address what is holding you back. Sure, a lot of people simply cannot deal with being critical of themselves, but you can do it if you want.

    As far as young women, if you have not fallen in love with anyone or sustained a long-term relationship, young women and older women will find that a huge warning sign and they have every right too. I wouldn't want to invest time with a guy and start falling in love with someone who is highly unlikely to stay with me. Consider their needs. There is nothing wrong with them not wanting to take a risk on someone toying with their affections.

    So, good luck, the power is in your hands, no one else's, to change your destiny. Take control of your life, don't just complain.

  • I do not think you should give up. I think perhaps you should think about increasing the age of the women you date a little bit. A woman who is in her early 30s perhaps. Most women in their late 20s are generally not the ideal situation for a man in his 40s. They just do not have enough life experience. I don't think anyone who really reads the depth of thought you put into your question thinks ill of you. When people are young adults they are generally at the peak of their physical attractiveness, so I understand why on that level you would be attracted to a woman in her 20s; however, one must ask oneself, in the grand scheme of things is that the best situation for oneself? Is this person, who is much younger going to be there in the long run when things deteriorate with health and as life's responsibilities intensify with age and time (as it always does). I wish you the best of luck with this. It is interesting to read the responses on here.

  • It is interesting to me that you are experiencing this because, I have had men of all ages who have been attracted to me, asked me out, want to talk to me, etc. until I tell them how old I am. Once I do that, they seem to hit the brakes and then everything ends. I only started experiencing this once I turned 40. I am now 42.

    Now, I do pause a moment and say to myself, that I must not look as old as I think I do because they never seem to realize my age until I tell them. But then I get over that brief ego trip and move on to realize one thing: In the dating pool of attempting to hook up with someone we have a shelf-life. This means that the younger we are as adults the better it is for us to date casually, to learn the kinds of people we want in our lives, who we don't want, etc. It means we have to date a lot when we are young. So, my question to you is, are you trying to hook up or are you trying to find a life partner to connect with? If you are looking for a life partner, then age is not going to matter to the type of woman you want: a woman who is partnership material.

    No one told me how short our shelf-life is for casual dating, so I did the wrong thing and worked while going through higher education. Now it looks like I may have missed that window of opportunity. Plus, I was never interested in casual dating, per se. I wanted courtship then marriage and children, even as a young adult. But to get to that place with someone you still have to be in the presence of lots of people in order to figure out the kind of partner that is good for you...that can help you work through whatever residual effects you have from childhood, life; and vice-versa for that person.

    To answer your question it usually is not a turn off for most women to have slightly older man ask her out. Maybe about five years older. My new cutoff is now 10 years because I am already 42 myself and would like to have children. Most men I know want to be somewhat agile with their kids. I would recommend increasing the age of the women you ask out. Most young women are still trying to figure themselves out, what they really want, how to balance their lives. Plus our society has the roles so reversed for men & women, that most young women now have no idea how a man should really even be treating them. A lot more people who are younger than our generation have grown up without a balance in the home: meaning a nuclear family. So increase that age and see what happens with slightly older women. Good luck to you.

  • btw most women don't want kids or commitment in their mid twenties, most may late twenties or early thirties and then start trying to have a kid around 34yrs old on average. so keep that in mind, old man. lol...

  • dont count out women 35-39 with regard to. dating/kids...I am a woman in that age range, actually just turned 40 in March, engaged, and we only started trying to have kids back in June when I was 39.5. I got pregnant twice within 5months, naturally. I am due in July with our healthy baby boy. you really need to educate yourself on a lot of things, you seem really out of it. many women these days over 35 are having kids. you won't get anyone by not openinb yourself up to other age groups. besides, I think many women like me prefer younger guys ( my fiance is 9 years my junior but that's my limit and I think that should be yours as wel, meet women 33 and up). but if you are kind and have a steady job then you are most likely a good catch. Maybe join meetup groups and meet women with similar interests.

    even women who are over 39 and starting to have difficulty with conceiving have options besides adopting. there's fertility drugs to help with ovulation covered by instance, natural supplements etc. before needing to resort to methods such as ivf or more drastic measures.

  • I know you asked this a longtime ago but I just wanted to say that the only sure way to fail is to give up. So don't . First off, you're a guy, and 41 for a guy is not old at all. I know plenty of men ( even my father) who are older than you and still get women.

    The thing is when you're a guy, getting a girl is mostly about your own confidence in yourself. And you realize that your actual stae of mind doesn't really help you gain some...

    But anyway I'm jut saying this to say that yes, as a men, you shouldn't worry about your age or whetever. I am 21 and a friend of mine was dating this 42 years old who was single, no children,.. her only worry was that he'll turn her into his wife really soon but still she dated him because she fell in love with him. You see plenty of couples where the man is much older than the woman. Now you can also try to date you age range, you'd be more likely to find a woman who has children though .. I mean just be positive and believe it will happen, no one is ever meant to be alone and childless. These are always situations people put themselves into.

    Look at your past relationship, assess what you did that didn't work and well work on your flaws, maybe lower your expectations (nobody is perfect) and date, date, date! I'm telling you it is never too late to start anything.

  • i know this is a long time ago. but you'll find that plenty of women who are younger do like older men because of their maturity(not all men are even when they are older) and want to settle with someone who knows what they are doing and are not into playing games.

    It's the same women are still able to have children at that age and may feel that they are still in their prime. I believe in love. If you love someone it doesn't matter how old they are as long as you two make each other happy and are commited. Maybe the women want a younger man when they get older -who knows. But if you want a younger woman realize that just because she's young doesn't mean that she won't want somthing serious. but you two should be open and talk to one another about what you want. not on the first date but later on if you start to like one another.

  • 38 IS younger... heck, 41 is younger...

    Not having a 21-year-old only means than you need to set a more realistic bar for yourself.

    Reassess your other standards for women. What are you looking for? Is it realistic?

    If you really did not want to be alone, you would not be. As you evaluate your standards you'll find the point(s) that are preventing you from finding your gal.

  •'re right.

  • Oh don't be so negative! I'm 21, the guy I'm currently in love with is 37! you don't fall in love with an age- you fall in love with a person. You shouldn't be embarassed that you've never been married, you just have yet to meet the right girl. My father didn't have me until he was 50!

  • Stop worrying, you are only 41. Think positive, may good news come. I believe there is someone out there meant for you. It's just a matter of time.

  • I feel your pain

  • um...if you make six figures a year...tell them that on the sly BEFORE you ask them out!

  • It's not a bad thing to be in your 40s and single. It's just uncommon. Some women may see this and think to themselves that there may be something missing...asking themselves... "well, why hasn't there been past relationships" "Is he a momma's boy?" "Is he immature?" In all honesty... BUT...You've just got to PROVE to these women that age is just a number, and that you are willing to love, start a family...prove that you're not immature, strong willed, and just a MAN - GRRR! lol... It's definitely not wrong for you to be interested in younger women, but it will be even more difficult to find a younger woman who's interest will match yours. My best advice... DON'T GIVE UP. Never think it's too late to achieve your goals...But also, trying TOO hard is a bad thing. If you give up, you'll come off as negative when it comes to meeting/building new potential relationships since you'll have it stuck in your head that it's impossible...if you try too hard, you'll come off as too desperate, which is usualy not very attractive... just think positive, sit back, and know that you will one day have these things!

  • No you can still get married. Men look better at an older age than women, women look young until they reach 35, after that they aren't so young anymore. It may be hard to get a 21 year old but if you got someone 10 years younger than you, that would be good too. Personally I think if you got someone who is 21, it seems like you can be her father. You can still have children if you want some offspring.

  • If it happens it happens. If it doesn't it doesn't. Just don't get disappointed if it doesn't happen. If it does it will probably be at the least expected time. Never search for the idea of a relationship. Just happen upon a relationship. (: Good luck!

  • Heck no! The last two guys I dated were in their early 40s. I'm 29 and honestly I personally find that guys in their early 40s are much more mature, and I find I tend to have more tings in common with them than guys my age.

  • By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

    • I will have to quote this as anonymous user in my English essay for Macbeth hahahhahhahahhahhah. Yes I'm dead serious this is great

  • If I were you, I'd stay to the 30+ pool. You're only 41, the 38 year olds shouldn't be saying you look old. Do you take care of yourself? shave? dress nice? dye your hair? I know it is vain, but these things ARE important to some degree.. otherwise you're looking at women who expect more but aren't giving them it. Are your standards too high?

    There are A LOT of single women out there that are in the same boat as you, thinking the same things you're thinking. You gotta know where to look. I have no idea where, but a good place might be online :)

    • You couldn't have said it better. And I agree...stick to the 30+ pool. Girls in their 20s aren't as likely to be interested...unless you intend on spoiling them...then you'll get your poor heart crushed :(.

  • Try to find someone in the same boat as you! and about the same age. you're never to old to find love so don't give up on it and let someone pass you by...

  • wow..rarely do guys go for that...but I don't see the problem with wanting what you want..i m 26, and personally, I'd rather older guys...i m not attracted to men my age or younger...keep'll get what you want..pray about it.

    PS - keep a smile : )

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  • I know about 5 guys who met their wives on the internet (not here!), so keep trying.

    Me, when I get too old for hookups I'll just take up drinking.

  • It's definitely not too late.

    BUT. . .

    You'd be better served getting out there and meeting lots of girls and spending less time in front of your computer writing about how much you're turned on by period blood.

    And just as an FYI chief, women are horniest during their most FERTILE period in their cycle, which is NOT during menstration. This is something you'd learn if you got off the computer and got your hands on a living, breathing (and yes, menstrating) woman.

    Good luck!

  • Well I just finished reading what everyone had to say here and I'm of the opinion it doesn't matter how much of an age difference there is between two consenting adults as it's none of society's business anyways. Bravo Mytar. Your advice is so right on! If the younger woman you desire has a problem with the age difference then just move on because true love is a deeper kind of understanding. I just turned 44 and realized a few weeks ago that I didn't want to die alone. I don't look, act, nor feel 44. Furthermore, since it's my desire to start a family and to increase the probability of having one I need to seek out a woman in the range of about 26 to 33 give or take a few years. The way I see it, at least from a statistical perspective, I'll probably end up dying before her but in exchange for the years of happiness I have with her I'd leave to her all of my worldly possessions. She then has the resources to go on with another life, husband etc. What's wrong with that?

  • so I assume you have been single permanently? always have been?

  • I would say pray to God and make a list of things your looking for. I think you come off as a God-fearing man and I know the miracles he can do for you. I have no idea what he has in store for you but only you can find that out. All you have to do is trust and obey and I think you should be okay.

  • Will farell! Tell us a joke!

  • Hmmm... I wasn't aware that 41 year old single women were extinct, lol

    but... if your "skills" haven't changed, neither will your luck...

    keep doing the same things and expecting new results is... crazy

    its normal to like younger women. And, if your still "in your prime" and wealthy, sure, you too can bang a gold digger... have at it...

    just try to not look TOO pathetic while your doing it, k?

  • Marriage and kids are way overrated, there are plenty of things to do! Learn a instrument, its never late! have as much fun as you can, because life is shorter than it seems to be.

  • Dude..this is 1 of lifes karma can't live a life of being a single stud and expect to reach the age of 41 to start settling had your chance to grow up, be a man and have a family the correct your going to need to find a girl that's either crazy enough to go for someone that much older than her...or a girl with serious issues, where like, her fathers friends used to touch her...either way, she's not gona be all their in the head...and women round your age have either had kids or have decided not to...oh, that or they're reaching the menopause stage...dude, in all honesty...ill pray for you. good luck.

  • maybe lary69 is not the best name if you are looking for chicks, it like having mike hunt or I love tofu as you are name.if you are looking for young chicks get a letter-men a BMW and a bottle of soko, also let them call you daddy. just call me Jesus, your welcome.

  • find someone your own age i.e around 34+

  • Dude you can't be so all or nothing about the situation haha...

    Unless you're some sort of super successful ultra hip modern stud, chances are you're never going to get a 20-something to settle down for the family life with you.

    But for god sakes man, that doesn't mean you should give up and be alone haha!

    We live in the age of the MILF, as crude as it may be to say, there's plenty of hotties in your age range I guarantee it.

    If you were 60 I would probably be telling you to start getting wicked good at shuffle board or something, but you're 41. Get out there.

  • Lol man relax. First stop thinking of yourself as some miserable fool. It's not weird to be old and date women. Hell I see it all the time at the mall or at a club/pub. There's some granddaddy with a cute girl always.

    Just take it easy. Be Alpha. And don't blame it on God or anyone else, you're the ruler of your own destiny :)

  • A friend of mine didn't get married until he was in his mid 40s! They had kids and are having a blast. He says he got all the advantages of being single while he was younger, and all the benefits of being married and having children when they could actually afford them!

    One of the tricks is to date in your age group. Younger women usually aren't very interested in older men (unless they happen to have money!) because they can easily find men their own age or even younger.

    Also, be realistic. If you're an average looking guy in average shape, don't expect super models to fall all over themselves for you.

    Lastly, get involved in lots of clubs, volunteering, etc. Those are places that you're likely to find other singles who are also looking. Good luck!

  • Hell, I got you beat. I'm 42, never being married -- no desire to -- and no kids...that I know of. I'm an uncle and that's enough for me. When I hear my brothers kids screaming all through his house,, I need a beer just to kill the headache! I couldnt' stand it. No kids for me, please. Love them, but so long as they're not mind.

    As for wanting a younger woman... hell, who wouldn't want one?

  • Keep trying. If they say your too old, you tell yourself they are too immature to want to be with them. What? Make it about them instead? Why not it is still the truth (if it is only due to your age then she is either immature, superficial etc...) and while she was trying to reject you she made you aware you would not want her anyway. Your attitude about it matters. Your opinion of it is the only thing that matters. The wrong attitude and opinion will hold you back.

    Just because you want kids do not discount some of the older ones just a bit younger than you or your age either. It is a bit harder if she is older (it is going to be anyway since you are older), and can expect it to take a bit more time to conceive but think of how much fun you will have in the process of getting her pregnant.

  • no man, don't by any means give up. if you want a family than that is the sort of thing, once decided, for f*** sakes go for it until your dead. don't give up. if you want a younger woman go for that too, don't set your standards low either. find a girl you like and work at her, if you fail move on. good luck man, don't give up...

  • Has anyone brought up mail order brides yet? If the only reason you want to get married is to have kids, there are girls in other countries that would love someone to start a family with and provide for them. Lots of paperwork, but if this is what you want you can have it.

  • Being alone shouldn't automatically make you feel lonely. If you find you're lonely then I'd suggest you do two things...

    1) Learn to like your own company. If you can't stand being with yourself then it might be time to find out why.

    2) Being lonely likely means you want to connect with people... which is what friends and family are for! Reconnect, be social, and you'll find that being single doesn't mean you're destined to feel lonely.

  • "Update: Hey thanks everyone...I guess I waited too long in life...I will just give up and be alone...I don't want to be thought of as a weird pervert!"

    Come on man... you'd rather give up what you want because you're worried someone you don't even know might think you're a pervert? That's really what's going to stop you from meeting the woman of your dreams?

    Besides, a 40 year old dating a 30 year old will NEVER be seen as a pervert. Unless you're chasing 16 year olds you'll be fine.

    ~ Robby

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