Basically, I am letting go of my first ex, since he decided to date my friend, and wanted to keep me as his side chick. (I did not continue to sleep with him after I found out he had a girlfriend, my friend). But first I need to express how I feel. I don't think we are at the same level of maturity, and therefore this letter will be of no use to him. Hence, i am sharing it here as a cathartic means of truly letting him go. I hope you enjoy.
I felt like since we rekindled on Facebook , this is the perfect medium for me to address the situationship we developed over the past few months/years.
Basically after the situation yesterday, I decided that I can no longer put myself through this. It was too similar to the past, and I can't help but feel poignant about your presence in my life. You see, I am a caring, loving person, and you just never saw that. I was someone you toyed with, and you were someone I kept making mistakes with. I will say I am proud of your accomplishments and I am happy for you.
However, I am also emotional and I reacted the way I did a few weeks ago because I was jealous, but more so disappointed. In the past you have expressed that I was too immature, I needed to change. Somehow the gullible part of me thought since I did change and mature, you probably would have seen that, and at least respect my journey, and appreciate the woman I have become. Yet, you some how are ashamed of acknowledging me, and I won't do that to myself. I clung to the fact that you repeatedly said you would marry me in the past if I changed, although your actions proved otherwise.
You said we would have spoken when we initially rekindled, yet that did not happen either. Your words are brash, it made it difficult for me to move on confidently, you broke me, you really did. You made me think I was unworthy of receiving love and capable of keeping it. You have emphasized that notion by the way you treat me. Yet, I can't seem to decipher, how you think that I somehow owe you unconditional loyalty.
I am not a woman that forgets what I am told, especially by people I care for. I think we are both at different levels at our lives and one day you may see where I was coming from.
As for why I slept with you on many occasions, that was the insecure, soft spot you created acting; but recently I have been working on that too. Out of respect for my relationship with myself and your current relationship, although I truly think that yours is messy and again disrespectful and won't last, I offered you the other room.
I am in no way shape or form trying to belittle you, I am just expressing that I have grown up, and I respect and value myself and my emotional health. Thus, I am truly letting you go. I do not know what your intentions were, but I wanted a genuine friendship and since we cannot get along. I think its best either of us go on independently as we were for the last three years.
Regards,
Amanda
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