Why Your Ex Is Contacting You

I've seen many questions asking why their ex is contacting them again and for most, it's self explanatory. For those who genuinely don't know why their ex is contacting them, here are some possible reasons.

1. They want you backWhy Your Ex Is Contacting You

This is usually the case for an ex contacting you again. If you don't want them back, make it clear to them and discontinue contact. Talking to them will only give them hope and they won't give up.

2. They're playing with you

If they broke up with you and they're contacting you, then they may be playing on your heartstrings for the fun of it, especially if the relationship ended badly. If you've been trying to get them back any way possible, showing how upset you are without them but they don't feel the same, they may find it amusing to humiliate you by leading you on or contacting you after saying they would never contact you again. If you believe your ex is doing this to you, don't give them the satisfaction and break all contact. Work on moving on alone, it is possible! Someone like that never deserves a place in your life.
If you broke up with them, then they might be playing with you out of revenge or to give the impression that losing you hasn't affected them, though making such an effort to play with you shows it has affected them.

3. They're making you think about them

Following on from #2, they may miss and love you or they may not, yet in both instances, they still want to know that you're thinking about them. We've all wondered if an ex thinks about us but for some, wondering isn't enough so they'll take matters into their own hands by contacting you. Even if you think about them negatively, they're getting what they want. To them, the more you think about them, the more likely you'll reconsider getting together again. An ex who still loves and misses you may resort to this if they feel they aren't getting any closer to getting back with you after all of their attempts have been exhausted.

4. They can't move on

Not being able to move on doesn't necessarily mean they're still in love with you, they're just finding it difficult to forget a good relationship and good memories. It's not easy to move on from, possibly, a very happy period in their life and from someone who they thought was their everything. If you dated for a long time, made plans for the future and they told you that you were their soulmate or the one, then it will naturally be difficult for them to move on. You might feel that continuing talking to them would be in their best interest to numb their heartbreak, but it would only prolong the healing process for both of you.

5. They're drunk

Maybe you received a text/call from your drunken ex in the early hours and wondered what their intentions were. Being drunk often comes with some deep thoughts and it is believed that who you think about when you're drunk, is who is on your (subconscious) mind for good or bad reasons, so being under the impression that they're thinking about you a lot, couldn't be too far from the truth. However, this doesn't necessarily mean they still love you, miss you or want you back, it could purely be that you're on their mind because they're still moving on and drunkenness makes you do things you otherwise wouldn't do. If you're on the receiving end of this, don't think too much into it. If they truly wanted to talk to you, they would do so when they're sober.

6. They failed to get a new partner

An ex who has been in a rebound relationship or has the tendency to do so, may contact you for this reason. People who go for rebound relationships after a break up don't know how to move on alone so they need something (a person) to soothe the pain as time passes. But what do they do if they can't find someone new to soothe the pain? They go back to the person who once brought them the happiness they previously enjoyed, even though their pain is from the break up. Be careful about mistakingly believing that this means they want to rekindle the relationship. You're their rebound "relationship", no matter how twisted that appears to be.

Conclusively, you're the only one who truly knows why your ex is contacting you seeing as you know what the relationship was like, why it ended and what type of person your ex is. Don't let your feelings convince you to do something you don't want to do, unfortunately, you have to be fairly selfish during a break-up.

Be aware that constant unwanted contact, either through technology or in person, from an ex partner is considered harassment. If your ex partner is making you feel uncomfortable and/or threatened, contact your local authorities.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Exes are a waste of time - like a shit stain that doesn't go away.

    I saw my ex on New Year's eve and she was acting butthurt since my GF was there too.

    She took me into the kitchen and asked if I "had a problem" with her... and hen proceeded to patronise my GF and her achievements.

    If a ex contacts you, take it as #2 suggests... she's playing with you, end of.

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    • Not all Ex's are that bad. I have a good recall with two of my ex's. We broke up on good terms and the last thing that I would do is meddle in their lives and get butthurt if they started dating someone else. That's not my business. Why did she feel the need to ask you if you had a problem with her? Maybe she has a problem with herself.

    • She might do. I'm not friends with her anymore, and she knows I don't want to, but she came up because I wasn't really talking to her. If she came talking to me I'd answer, but then she complained that I wasn't going up to talk to her.

      All the exes I've had, 6 ... have ALL been selfish bitches.

    • I truly believed my ex was different to all the other girls, but she's actually no different. Playing a game with my heart. I may have broken some hearts along the way, but one thing I have never done is to give false hope to them. I leave them alone so they can properly move on... she chased me for over 2 years since our break up, only to turn me down when we finally saw each other again. Feel like a fool for not seeing all those other girls I could have had fun with!

Most Helpful Girl

  • My ex ended it 2013 . I pleaded it to not leave but he still did an even said he had someone else ages ago. So cheated and rebound. I was so hurt. He stopped talking to me and I moved on dating months later. Then sporadically he messged 20dec2014 saying Shan.. Then saying did u really love me I said no only liked u when we dated. He said so u over it I said yes. Cus I begged when he ended it. I think he thought id wait around forvever for him but I moved on an feelings were gone. He found me on Facebook and tried to reconnect. Eveb saying lets go for meal as friends I declined it. An hewanted my number I said no point. It felt like revenge me saying no to him for a change. I dislike him a lot he is hideous for thinking he coukd walk back in my life. I shut the door ages ago and he will never get another shot

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What Guys Said 14

  • All true, you forgot to mention because that pussy is also solid gold.

    Use it on the right guy please.

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  • Haha.. amazing take again, TakeQueen.
    I agree all of the above points.

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  • Superbump

    excellent take, short and sweet and rings true

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  • Totally disagree with this. I recently contacted an ex of mine to see what she was doing in her life. We found that we still click as people despite our rather messy break up. We agreed that (and it was apparent anyway), that we had forgiven each other, and now I have an awesome new friend. :)

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    • Yeah, I guess I could've included in an honest friendship but I feel most of the time, ex's have an ulterior motive.

  • Thank you. All true, logic things.

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  • My ex was guilty of number 2, she strung out the break up for an extra 6 months after we broke up just purely (I'm sure of it now) to mess me about. She broke it off and I was struggling with depression badly at the time and she took advantage of it.

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  • Pussy can be the best drug in the world... indeed

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  • second to last was to show off that she got married and to wave her wedding ring in my face when i kicked her to the curb for being disrespectful and a gold digger. nice to know she hadn't changed much.

    the last one contacted me to tell me that she got the dna test back and i wasn't the father which i already knew i wasn't because she was already prego when we had sex last and thought i wouldn't do the math.

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  • Take That did a take on this back in the day. It's called 'Back for Good'.

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  • because theyre weak and you're weak for picking up

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  • S/he could not forget

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  • Well... if your ex wants you back why her him out?

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  • 有道理agreeit

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  • #6, depends on the person but from my experience when a person you really like uses you as a rebound and goes back to their ex, it isn't that they failed to find a new partner but rather failed to find someone like their ex which is really shitty and not fair to the reboundee.

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    • Not to mention the girl who used me got back with the ex for the 10th time and talks shit about me to him. No wonder she's so fucked in the head.

    • My ex broke up with me got with a girl shortly after that and never stopped messaging me.. eventually he left her because she felt he still had feelings for me... helloooo!! Lol

    • Yeah well the thing is I'm ok with a casual relationship but you shouldn't mislead someone romantically if you don't want anything serious. I gave up opportunities with other women because of how strong she was coming on. But she had serious baggage. She said I'll tell the ex she's with a cooler guy and asked me to make fun of him for his babydick in case we ran into him.

What Girls Said 11

  • Mines is number 2... he contacTs me in one form or another to rub my face in it... he gets his friends to join in with putting me down... the girls he gets to join in are the opposite of me where im slimming and like to dress nice they are on the bigger scale frizzy types... they don't know me only what he is telling them so they join in calling me names

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  • all true statements, I've had a few boyfriends whom have tried to come back.

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  • My boyfriend is still friends with his ex but she has a new boyfriend... there relationship didn't end bad so should i be worried that they might try and get back together?

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    • yes absolutely YES!! dont fall for the trap... if he did not have a bad breakup he is still going to have feelings for her... its a risk situation where you might get dumped if he gets even a little chance of going back... dont be a rebound... :D

    • Ask him why he wants to be friends with her. He most likely hasn't moved on from her, especially if you got together within weeks/months after their break up.
      My boyfriend has his ex's on his FB but doesn't talk to them and he's open about who is his ex. His last one (longest relationship before me) added him a few months ago, he added her to see if she'd message him but she didn't so he asked and she said she wanted to be "friends". I asked if he wanted that and he said no so he deleted her and stopped all contact. I don't think I would be comfortable with him talking to her regularly.
      However, if the relationship didn't end bad then maybe they're happy being friends, especially if they didn't date for long. They probably know they weren't compatible. I would say, him having you and her having a boyfriend makes it less likely for anything to happen. Express your concerns with him.

  • This really depends on so many circumstances. If my ex texted me hey how's it going or what's up every once in a blue moon than I wounldnt go making assumptions that they still want me. If they did it everyday, than we would have a problem though. However, being friends with an ex is OKAY if boundaries are set. In some instances, ex's cannot be avoided, especially if children are involved.

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    • This is more like, not talking to them since the break up and months/years later, they randomly contact you despite saying you'd not talk again. If you get a message every month and you're okay with that, then that's all good!

    • Yeah that's true. Right after a breakup is silly in my opinion

  • Very true. Although it is possible to be friends with an ex later on, it's usually not good to keep in touch when at least one of you is still emotionally/romantically attached.

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  • Good take :-) My ex tried to contact me a few months ago and since we ended on good terms I was like hello! Trying to be friendly but he then proceeded to ask to hang out in his truck at 1:00 a. m... Knowing full well I had a boyfriend. So I stopped contact with him. I'm faithful and love my boyfriend. :) And he sorta disrespected me by assuming I'd fool around with him while in a relationship. (He made it clear through his message he wanted to hook up...)

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  • The only reason a bloke texts an ex is for sex.
    The only reason they stop texting an ex is because they don't want sex. It's that simple

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  • I just asked a question about this! I work with my Ex and he cheated on me with another girl in the office next door, and I learned the "don't poop where you eat," lesson. He's been straight p ignoring me for a long time, but now it's like all of a sudden I exist again and he is ruling me up and seems to enjoy it and is flirting with me. This is interesting and gives me a few possibilities as to why

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  • Mine wanted sex tho he has a new girlfriend ! Sickening

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  • My ex was guilty of 2... Then after 5 years he tries talking to me again and he apologized but I ignore him... And my other ex is guilty of rebound I just ignore him too... i ignore all my exes

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  • My ex broke up with me ans has asked me he wants to be friends and of course that's not possible us being along together brings back emotional feelings and we start hugging and kissing. . but he doesn't want a gf right now

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    • Break off contact and don't hug or kiss ever again. You both haven't healed or moved on, you're just holding onto the good feelings (hugging and kissing) but don't truly love each other.

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    • Something to think about.. thank you'll. .. I don't know how to let go yet but hope I get there soon as I know it will either make me stronger and he will also see what he's missing out on

    • @zorro8888

      Damn, when did you become so smart, Rorona Zoro? I bet you got lost again. :3

      PS! I am referring to a One Piece character if you didn't get it. :)

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