Today is my ex's birthday. Things ended quite badly. Should I call/email good wishes for his day?

We haven't spoken in about 10 months. I have had a difficult time getting over him, but, I'm almost there completely. I don't want him to construe a call or message as "oh she wants me," and I truly have no interest in starting periodic conversation or even a friendship. I honestly just want to let him know, on his birthday, that I am grateful for him and for everything. The good and the bad. And that I'll continue to wish good things for him always, BUT, I don't want to fatten his head or make him think he has some upper-hand or whatever. I just want to be honest and caring. There's more to all of this in that, as I said it ended badly, and I'm sure that he couldn't care much less about me and diffenetely won't contact me for my birthday, I guess, I just want to close the book in a kind and loving way rather than the negative terrible way we left things months ago. Please advise.

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • I think its ok to contact him on his birthday or other different occasions. In no way does this make you have to restart a friendship that isn't wanted. it takes two people to communicate, thus, wish him his happy birthday with no expectations of a response from him, and in the occasion that he does respond (ex. pick up the phone / answer the message). take control of the interaction and stand tall. If he sees this as a restart that you don't want, simply don't answer his calls / messages and you should be fine.

What Guys Said 3

  • Sounds like you need closure. If you feel you absolutely need it, then do so. But keep in mind that he is probably over you, and it's about time you start fully accepting that you need to get completely over him too.

  • Its over and dead. No good will come of contacting him, even if its for this. Just let it go and don't initiate any kind of contact with him at all.

  • If you want to close the book.then end all ties.the fact that you are wanting to do this.to praise him if you will.by letting him know you are grateful? If he was so great you would still be together.cut ties.time heals all

    • Thank you. I agree. Its just that I'm the type of person that doesn't like to leave loose ends if you will. And it seems such a shame to let things go into history so negatively.

What Girls Said 8

  • I read your line 'he couldn't care much less about me", in a way you've answered your own question. Obviously from a lot of people who have answered, I'de say no. Personally, I have the opposite problem, I have ex's calling me or texting me and I don't want to open old wounds.

  • But you did leave things in a negative terrible way months ago. You know what happened and it was no doubt for a good reason that you guys ended things. When it's over, it's over. Time to move on. If you start this, then you will either hate him because he's not grateful for your call or you will end up communicating with him, thinking he's changed. He hasn't and you haven't. There is nothing so great about him that warrants a call after 10 months other than you wanting to have contact. Stop being week and grow some girl! It's time for you to move on because he no doubt has. Every ending does not need to be kind and loving. Some endings just need to be endings. You got your closure 10 months ago. Leave it alone, you will only be hurting yourself.Kickrockslosers!

  • if your just saying happy bday out of common curtisy or just being polite, just be like, all bullshit aside, happy birthday.

  • Personally I would not say happy b-day to him and then gush on to him if you have to send him a msg do it the next day and just leave it at oh I just thought happy b-day for yesterday. Something like that as if you were not consciously thinking of him on that day.

  • no, just let it go you don't wanna open up any thing from the past

  • Girl, the best is just to leave him alone. Don't even call him, regardless even tho it's his bday. You've got good intentions, but surely enough he may thing the same, and think that you're still strung up on him. So it's better for YOU that you don't even bother. Especially since you don't want ties with him. Plus you had a hard time getting over him, sometimes talking to him would bring back feelings, even though you may think that you're ok. Get out there, keep yourself productive, think about it this way, has he called you to say happy birthday or happy holidays? if no, drop it and move on. concentrate on yourself, and be with family and friends that are important and loves you. Good Luck, It sucks, but we all go through it at least one heart break in our lifetime.

  • If you really want nothing to do with him, then don't call him. You can't be friends with a guy until you are completely over him.and even then it's hard sometimes. And you said that he probably wouldn't contact you on your birthday. Why jump through hoops for someone that wouldn't do the same for you?

  • hey I know its been a while since you posted this question but I'm just curious. I'm sorta in the same situation. I was talking to this guy and I ended it with him in February. we have not had any contact at all and his bday is approaching. I'm debating if I should text him or not. so I want to know did you contact your ex? what was the ending result and how did he respond?

    • No I did not. I let the date go by. I figured if we are meant to speak to one another again we would and not to force the issue. Then, we ended up running into each other a couple of months ago just for a brief minute. So then we spoke by phone to try to clear things up and put unresolved issues to rest. It was helpful in that it allowed me to do just that but also it was helpful because it made me realize that he's still the same jerk I knew that he was. People don't change. Don't call.

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