Getting involved with someone else during a break: Cheating or Not?

[BirdofParadise]

It appears to me that people who get involved with someone new when they are on a break with their current boyfriend/girlfriend don't consider it cheating. On the other hand, people who's boyfriend/girlfriend have gotten together with someone else during the break say it is cheating.

My question is:

If someone gets involved (in any way, be it dating, hooking up or having sex) with someone else during a break is that cheating? Has this situation happened to you? If so, were you the possible cheater, or the bf/gf?

[PinkMaggit]

I think that situations like you describe are not technically cheating.

But I also think they're a disaster for everyone involved. "Not cheating" doesn't mean "a good plan."

I've been in this exact situation:

I met a girl who said she was single.

But she was actually on a 3-month break with her long-term boyfriend, who was out of town for a college internship.

She and I dated for 2 months.

1 of those months, she was seeing both of us, and neither of us guys knew about the other.

What was supposed to have been "casual" between me and her got more serious...

The situation exploded. She went back to him, but tried to string me along as a backup plan. I said if she wasn't broken up with him for good, I was finished with her. She went back to him. I walked away. It broke my heart.

He dumped her 3 months later.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Nothing but pain and misery for everyone involved.

[BirdofParadise]

My ex did that with me. We were on a break, but his idea of a break was keeping me around for comfort and sex until he found someone else. He dated her for a couple months before ending it with me. He lied about her so when it didn't work out, he came back to me. I found out about her (but I always suspected anyway) 6 months later. He didn't think he did anything wrong and didn't feel guilty because we weren't together when they met, so he didn't cheat.

[PinkMaggit]

Ouch.

No fun, is it?

[BirdofParadise]

No, but at least now if I am ever in a situation like this again I can recognize the signs and get out. I don't think he learned anything from it, so he will most likely keep doing it until he winds up all alone.

[lover1995]

this is happening to me, he said technically if you want to get technical were not together, and i never cheated on you but yet he's trying to fix our relationship. But when we were together he was loyal... and rn I don't know what to think or do

[William92]

My 2nd ex used to do that break shit. Every single month of our 2 year relationship shed ask to take a break. I would later find out she was seeing at least 4 or 5 other guys behind my back

[William92]

And of course, each time would last a week and shed come right back to me talking about how "shes so in love with me", "im the only guy shed ever want", "shes so blessed to have me", etc

[Freiburger]

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me and within three days I slept with someone else.
Subsequently she wanted to get back with me, which I also wanted, and I disclosed what had happened. She was understandably hurt and angry.
Why? While she was busy missing me alone in her room, I was having sex with another woman.
On the one hand I can confidently argue that I didn't break any vows, since there were no vows since I thought the relationship was over. She had ended it, not I. On the other hand, it was indisputably bad form for me to do so while still wishing to return to that relationship.

[SongBird3]

there's a difference between a “break” and a “break up” if your just taking a little time apart but are still exclusive (break) than yes it is cheating

[Warren]

If you're on a "break", you're no longer dating. You can't cheat on someone you're not dating. However, if you're on the break with the intention of getting back together with your semi-ex, screwing someone else is what some of us like to call a "mixed signal".

Personally, I don't do 'breaks'. You're either together or you're not. If someone is trying to pull one, they're just playing games.. looking for a better opportunity while holding you in reserve.

[Gal81]

Similar situation. My boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up but was still in contact via txt.. But hated eachother and argued. He started to just have sexual thing with a girl. But after a while we started to get along and decided to try again still not knowing about the other girl. She mailed me telling me everything. Devastated that he didn't tell me and lied to me saying he hadn't been with anyone.

Still don't know what to do?

[Gubar83]

This is exactly what happened to me. She told me she wanted a break on our last day of vacation. When I thought it was going super romantic. For 2 months she kept me along and I felt like she giving her attention else where. When I would walk away she would assure me she cared for me and wanted to be with me. So I believed her.

On New Years I noticed she was acting really off. Like she was trying to over compensate for something. She kept hiding her phone. After she fell asleep she kept getting a text from a guy named "future bf". I didn't read it. I asked her about it and she said it's just a joke and it's a friend. Well I found out later that night from the guy that she had hooked up wth him. And he didn't even know about me. And that she had been texting him while at my apartment on New Years. I cal her on it and she says it doesn't matter cause we're not official. When I've told her for months that's what I've wanted. Needless to say I felt angry confused and humiliated.

[William92]

Technically it can be considered cheating in a way. Taking a break means you're not really going anywhere exactly

[William92]

Its not like you're actually ending the relationship.

[SaltyBooze]

its not cheating. the implicit infidelity contract is null as one enforces the break policy