Are dumpers usually mean and likely play silly mind games?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up about 2 months ago. Basically she wanted more spark and aggression (I am a nice guy, she wanted a wife-beater like her ex). She hated the fact that I had friends and good sports and social life. I gave all that up when I met her as she doesn't like me going out (my mistake but learnt from it). She said there is no future and dumped me.

I was hurt but started moving on with my life. Went NC and spent my time in the gym, partying with friends and took on salsa dancing etc. I changed my clothes, style etc with the advice of my female friends.

I knew my ex was flirting with one of her old flames before we broke up. It did hurt me but I tried not to show.

I am starting to get more attention from other girls and my FB photos would show that I am looking really toned up & I eventually got my confidence back (after she destroyed me).

Suddenly she started liking my photo and added flirty comments. I asked her what was going on, she was mega nice but suddenly turned nasty after I asked her if I can help with anything let me know.

She said she finds my new lifestyle weird and feels that I will be a lonely guy as "I am not trying to build strong relations with people (friends) and making a base on those quite temporary people who don't have anything important to say".

She then said, Sorry. If I am being mean, that is me!!!

I made a lot of new friends and hanging out with them as part of my healing process. I am still hurting from time to time but she can see that I am happy. Then she called me 'loving myself too much' as I am all toned up (not chubby as she used to call me) and looking better now.

I don't think she likes the fact that I go out all the time after she dumped me. She is stuck at home because of the kid from her past but I didn't expect her to be this mean. She used to be such a lovely and kind girl but I am now seeing a different side of her.

Is that because she is a dumper or other issues?

[BritneyPershika]

Women don't like when they see someone they used to care for talk to other women or even guy friends because they know those guy friends will bring girls around and she doesn't want you to have another girlfriend because she's jealous. She also sounds like she was cheating at the end of your relationship and that's definitely not a good thing. Furthermore, it also probably made her upset when you categorized her in the friend zone by saying "if I can help with anything let me know." When you didn't flirt back that upset her. She wants you to get back with her and it's making her jealous that you aren't paying her any mind. I wouldn't worry about it and not talk to her again because she sounds insecure and very controlling. It's good to have a controlling girl, but not one that won't even let you have your crew of guy friends that she knows well and doesn't mind you hanging around. So basically she's jealous that you're through with her and she also sounds unhappy, so she wants you to be unhappy as well, but for some reason, some women are attracted to aggressive and possessive guys, and that's a bad thing because the outcome is almost always negative. Just forget her and find a girl that loves you for you and will help you push you towards your goals and you can help each other! She sounds like she's hindering you and that's not a good thing, she'll get you nowhere in life and when you try to talk back with old friends, they won't want to have anything to do with you because you stopped talking to them for a girl. You sound like a sweet guy and you probably weren't her type, but that's okay because she'll just keep getting boyfriends that beat her. Just put your good/bad memories in the past because she's not worth it. You need a good person who is going to help you, but be careful because some women will take nice guys for granted and run it in the ground like she did. Be cautious because some women can be a trip and you won't even realize! Good luck! :)

[Asker]

Wow. You are spot on. She was very jealous when we were together (even asked me to change my hair dresser to a male one as my current hairdresser is a female & my friend of 14 years). He ex cheated her in the past so she was very insecure and controlling with me. Even now she doesn't love me she wants me to chase her. Not doing that!
I want to see her happy even though she treated me pretty badly at times (shouting at me in front of her friends for not knowing how to clean the kitchen properly etc). I was blind as I loved her. You are right. She is an unhappy (not being able to go out much) so seems like she wants me to suffer with her comments - still trying to put me down after our breakup. Soon she will start turning up to salsa with another man and will try to make me jealous and suffer.
I will put this in the past. I will find someone who is similar to me. I will just take away good memories from this relationships and lessons to the next one. Very grateful for your views :)

[existing_not_living]

Block her on Facebook. Why are you even friends with her after you guys broke up?

[Asker]

Thank you. I should have done this before. I thought maybe we could be friends but I was wrong.