Best Facebook Status Quotes

Best Facebook Status Quotes

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Have you ever noticed that "lol" looks like a drowning man? I don't think he was laughing out loud...(:

This is my guy cousin's face book status:
"I am on the toilet,.....I feel like I am going to have a baby"

I don't know why he thought the whole world should be informed of that. :P

"So, I'm easily amused by spending hours on Facebook becoming a fan of things, so much that they start to tell my life story--I either need to get friends or a life.. Or both. :D"
This was mine a few days ago. Haha

"Well behaved woman rarely make history" by now I have my own chapter. All life lessons I have learned came from misbehavin..if you are going to risk it make it worth it.

This is from somebody else.

"I am going to (insert place) to meet my future boyfriend while he is gambling next to me.."


yea don't we wish we can find our boyfriend/girlfriend that fast lol

I wrote, "Sitting in class right now, teachers wondering what I have in my hand, and coming over gtg.." And got busted for it. The next day she saw my stats and forgave me. ... Then she laughed at me.

My name isn't B, I'm not saying anything and no you can't have my number.

Hahaha. I love this Status.

'Sorry I haven't been online in a while, 2 weeks ago my PC beat me at chess, so I challenged it to kick boxing. Just got the screen fixed...'

"My oven has a button that says 'Stop Time'. I know it's probably supposed to say 'Stop Timer', but I don't touch it, just in case."

(:

"Does anyone have any good marinade recipes for Dolphin"

Not sure if they were serious or not?!

...is dreaming about the day, when you wake up and find, that what you're looking for has been here the whole time.

<3

I made up a quote ages ago and I still love it :)

"You can wait... but don't wait forever"

Lost love does not equal a lost heart, it equals pain from that you get strength to find a new love that will open your heart up again.

"My ex's relationship status would be more accurate if it read, 'In a Relationship with: brain-dead, poor-grade 2x4 disguised as a professional ice cream scooping wench who has all the intelligence of your average pencil.' But there's a character limit. Pity."

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction" lol, I thought it was clever.

something something something.

"Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing."

I'm Sorry katy... If I could devote my penis to just you, I would do it.. But my penis is a democracy... he's for the people

Now Accepting Applications For The Mrs.David Cole Position, Qualified Applicants Apply Within

thats what god invented kissing for miss.elena marie... too prevent entirely way to beautiful girls from scaring off potential mates with their obnoxious, excess of speaking

watev.... slap a bitch.. I don't stand for that value sh*t.. that bitch better f*** me on the first date or I'll never talk 2 her again.. lol, that's why my top friends changes so very often!

Hunny there's nothing wrong with STD's.. The doctor just said that becuz it means that I'm "scientifically teresterone driven." I like to f***, that's all?

Guys, Please don't use lol any more it looks like a person drowning... and when you use it like this ____^_____lol it looks like a shark is coming to get you!

__(Facebook user)__ just heard that apparently the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is so big that Sarah Palin can see it from her house.

My joke statuses...
is in your bushes... and thinks you need a treadmill for christmas this year

ok so your practicing abstinence... why do you need to get better...

An ode for the Facebook status

"my Facebook status guide me true,
my Facebook status born a new
from morning light, through trials and fray
stay with me Facebook status... till my last day"

This was my status, today:

"Happy Star Wars Day! May the fourth be with you."

Apparently my entry is too short or too long. Great tech there GaG. Ignore this filler so I'm actually able to post my comment.

This was my best friend's face book status one day:
My three easy steps to shut a man up in bed without sex.
Step1:You tell him your gonna try something new.
Step2.You hand cuff him to the bed frame.
Step3.Duct tape his mouth shut
and roll over to get a good nights sleep for once.

It Solves Complaining,snoring and the complaints about it being That time of the month again.

I put this as my Facebook status a few weeks ago...I promise not to fart while your licking my ass...

This was my status one day.

"DONNY: *throws wrapper on the floor* MADISON: That's why I can't keep this house clean DONNY: Babe, its job security"

I checked my friends status to find he posted what he calls the "Conversation of the Day." This is what it said, "Steve: I bet if I tried hard enough, I could find anything. Hell, I could even find the Ark of the Covenant. Dakota: Bullsh*t, that's only in Halo. Steve: You're an idiot. You should know this, YOU'RE CHRISTIAN!"

I was on facebook and me and my friend was just bored so we decided to just make something up.I said, "My Grandfather told me to tell you to tell your grandmother "Wats gud shawty". She said," her grandmother said is your grandfather gnna book her or what. Because He Fakin'".

Saw this on Facebook the last time I was on it person says: what's up sexy......what are you up to today?
answerer: f*** you bitch...

The best one I have seen was "Anyone wanna give me $500 for my child support? I can't pay it this month...help a brother out!"

The funniest Facebook quote I can recall is when a local artist and promoter put on his status "All the sexy ladies say baow! Well I guarantee you that the women who responded with "baow" they weren't sexy in any way. More like some groupies looking for some attention. But it was so funny cause when he saw all the not so sexy feedback all he could say was "Ahhh man, come on..." lol

This was my status a couple of months ago after finally watching the half blood prince. "I just watched harry potter, bit unrealistic if you ask me, a red head with two friends?"

My brother dis last year... He had joined this group that said"when I die, I give my friends permission to change my status to 'is dead'" lol... every once in a while they'll change it to something like "is partying with Elvis" its pretty funny.lol

Yesterday I joined one cause "Stop Cutting Tree".I sent invitations to my all friends.Today my 4 friends joined it.And Facebook sent thanks my for this noble act.

Yesterday I read : "mom, I am 14 years old now, am I allowed to wear a bra?" - "no, phil!! " xDD

Someone wrote -"I went to bed early for the first time in a month (YES!) so I woke up early before anyone else in my house to get to school. Drove to school only to have the principle tell me there was no school today...wtf!!!!"

This face that you see is destined for history (:

when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time

My friend wrote

Jane Smith: is.
the comments that followed were all on the lines of "how profound" and "that's deep". and then she wrote "i can't figure out how to use my blackberry Facebook!"

Three of my recent ones:

"Judging by my healthy consumption of what I would normally label "insipid pop music" this week, the only logical conclusion that I can reach is that I obviously sustained a major head injury of some kind without being aware of it."

"Writing a petition that seeks to create an annual national holiday on the date that Justin Bieber ceases to be a trending topic on anything."

"Wow. She's 5'7", part-Irish and works with animals...you never stood a chance, son." -- My mom, commenting on a woman I had met.

In my bed trying to sleep, but I'm tossing and turning, thinking and wishing if I can have some moments from the past back ....

Ill put a condom on his heart and start f***in with his feelings. yea I say ii love yu but it got no meaning.

Young men speak of the future because they have no past, and old men speak of the past because they have no future.

"Without me, it's just aweso."

"I miss you like a retard misses the point."

"If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?"

Life is a big canvas, throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye

"I never think of myself as an icon. What is in other people's minds is not in my mind. I just do my thing."

97% Of Teenagers Would Stand There Crying To See Robert Pattinson Fall Off A Cliff Put This On Your Page If Your The 3% With Popcorn Screaming Do It Go On I Dare Ya!

"And then this old man that saw it happen was like 'No! Don't do that!' "

"Ya like you thought it was perfectly normal to be spraying gas all over the place"

The following provides some insight as to why it is never good to assume. Question: How big is too big 'link' am I too big? Answer: Hey bro. You should definitely throw a warning up about that next time. Figured you were talking about muscles or something... Nope... clicked the link and got a fat d*** in my face... Not cool.

Would like to thank the man who is operating the concrete saw this morning for absolutely nothing. Jesus f*ck that thing sounds like a dinosaur dental drill.

My friend wrote.

"had to get up at 0430 hours just to pee in a cup...love this Army life."

Glee! - you get like 100 comments if you write it because everybody always has something to say about it!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures...... ranging from below freezing to 300°C. The Russians used a pencil.

DONT TAKE WHAT YOU WANT BUT ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED.
IF YOU AINT SATISFIED THEN MOVE ON .... YES INDEED!!