To the women who think "All men are the same"

To the women who think

I have learned the hard way, a couple times, that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have been with my boyfriend off and on for 5 years. We have had many, many ups and downs. I will take blame for that, because it was my issues that held us back. I watched my dad walk away from my mother and I when I was very young. I have watched my mother go through abusive relationships and end up hospitalized. I woke up to my mother screaming that my 5 week old sister was dead when I was 13. And shortly after, the rest of my siblings were shipped off to foster care because the claimed my sisters death was "mysterious", even while the autopsy showed her death was caused by SIDs. I become an alcoholic and got myself into a mentally abusive relationship. Just to shortly turn around and be sexually abused by a man 15 years older than me, whom I thought I was in love with. And obviously, there were little things in between all this chaos. I've been suicidal, In my younger years. And it took a long time to bounce back without help. I was forced to do things on my own. When it came to everything. I was working from age 9 till 17 (minus the year I was in foster care) and supported myself through every aspect.

Now with this being said, I was a very depressed and lonely person. Now, when my boyfriend came into my life, I was pregnant by the man who sexually abused me. At this point, I was 17 and he was 32. Yes, disgusting. I can honestly say I didn't feel like that at the time though. However, this man left me and claimed my child wasn't his. Leaving me alone and afraid. Anyways, my boyfriend knew I was pregnant. He accepted it. He didn't care because he wanted me. No matter what sort of baggage I came with. He was committed to me 100%. It was about two months after I gave birth to my son that my boyfriend took him in as his own. He didn't care what other people thought. And I can tell you right now, I was speechless. Not any normal 17 year old boy would take in a child as their own, but he did. Now.... Fast forward a year and a half, we have a daughter at this point. Our own apartment. Jobs. Our family was growing into something bigger and more beautiful that I imagined. And that's also when it started falling apart. My part came back to bite me in the ass. I can't tell you what triggered it because I honestly don't know. But I fell back into depression and started drinking heavily again while hr was home with the kids. I got into the wrong crowd. People who didn't care about me or my family at home. And the state of mind I was in, I welcomed every bit of anything that took my mind off of the inner battle I was facing. My boyfriend did everything he possibly could to help me. I hated him for it. Thought he was trying to control my life. But he didn't have to help. He could have walked away. But he didn't. He helped me get my ass cleaned up. I stopped drinking. He forced me to talk to him even when I didn't want to. And you know what, it built me up. HE built me up. And here we are, almost two years later, stronger than ever. New apartment, new goals, bigger dreams and brighter future.

So ladies, here's the thing... Not every man is the same. And men, sometimes the "bad boys" aren't bad at all. My boyfriend is considered a bad boy. The way he walks, talks, and even acts. He gets criticized everyday for it. But he has the biggest heart ever. And all of his actions over the years have proved it. He never cheated. Never left. Never put a finger on me. When honestly, I probably deserved to be left on a number of occasions. So ladies, maybe your problem is you always go after the same type of men. And men, maybe you're focusing too hard on why women go for "bad boys". Instead of viewing men and women as a whole, try viewing them as individuals. The more you focus on yourself instead of judging others around you, the further you will go. I know that now. I was the girl who lived in the past and was envious of everybody who had something more appealing than I did. When in all actuality, I have absolutely everything sitting right in front of me.

I know most of you will question this post. And wonder why I even bothered writing this because this post will "not change the way people are." BUT if I can make at least one of you think twice and hear my words, then my job is done. I might not be able to help people as a whole, but I can help certain individuals. I hope you all are having a great day and God bless!


6|3
17|26

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 26

  • Upon examining the potential veracity of your expansive essay and seeking the unequivocal nexus between what you write and any semblance of fact, I find it to be the biggest load of fucking bullshit I have ever read.

    0|0
    2|0
  • I'm very happy 4u, but whoever thinks ur dude is a "typical" bad boy is just plain stupid

    2|0
    0|0
    • I have said that to so many people.. I don't believe he is a bad boy. But that is what people call him unfortunately.

    • Lols, people can be stupid

  • Wait.. are you saying all men and women are not the same? What is this? Am I being trolled? People can be different? Oh no.. now I have to rethink every one of my life decisions.. what is happening to me..

    1|0
    1|0
  • Yeah he's a better person than I am. I'll be honest I would've never have helped you out. But he's a good person for that.

    1|0
    0|0
  • story time :D

    1|0
    0|0
  • Absolutely fantastic take

    1|0
    0|0
  • Women are not the same? No... really? Just kidding.. It is a great take :)

    1|0
    0|1
  • It is not that all men are the same, it is the type of men to which a woman is attracted that is the problem. Because that is the sort of male to whom she is drawn and with whom she forms relationships, it seems to her that all men are the same.
    Between the ages of about 15 and 25-30 women go through the bad-boy phase, during which they mistake the traits of the bad boy for the markers of an alpha male. A true alpha male has little in common with the bad boy, but the developing adolescent female brain becomes confused.
    Between the onset of puberty and about age 25 the brains of males and females are rewired as part of the process of sexual maturity. Nerve pathways are culled, others are created and the way that we think and perceive the world changes. This is the transition from childhood into adulthood. This subject has been covered well in medical literature, for those who want to read more about it.
    It is during this time that decent young men hear the truism "nice guys finish last" echoing through their brains as they walk alone past one loved-up couple after another. Usually the couples are comprised of a girl from a good family who is with a Neanderthal throwback, or someone whose face would not look out of place on a wanted poster, or an oily nightclub Romeo.
    Girls cannot be told, of course. The young female knows everything and tell say things such as: "If only you could see how well he treats me."
    I call that a case of Stockholm Syndrome.
    For girls who are thinking that all men are bastards, I suggest this course of action.
    Write down where and how you have met each man whom you have dated.
    Write down the distinguishing characteristics of his behaviour and personality.
    Then write down what would be the personality and characteristics of your ideal boyfriend, with a view to him becoming husband material.
    Compare the lists. I am certain that you will find that they are different.
    Then give some thought to where you met these males. Chances are, you met them in the same sort of place.
    The solution is to apply some thought to where the men on your ideal boyfriend list might be found, then go there and see what there is to be found. Do not settle. Do not slide back into a comfort zone of picking the same sort of bad boy again. Pick someone who appears to be your ideal man, then spend the first few dates finding out if your first impression was correct.
    Rinse and repeat until you find a keeper.

    2|0
    0|0
    • I've already found my keeper. But otherwise good advice! Very well written.

  • you just had to include the word period in that picture didn't you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Take owner... don't you feel even a little bit bad that the child isn't your boyfriend's?

    0|0
    0|0
    • No I don't. I did in the beginning. Men take in women's children as there own everyday. You are 15 and don't have children. When you are older and have kids, I hope if you are ever in my situation that you except it (if it happens). I did not force or even ask my boyfriend to take it my son. He just did.

    • Okayden

  • we R all the same ;)

    1|0
    1|0
  • 1|0
    0|0
  • Great take and a great story :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • What are you on about? Of course we're all the same. Speaking of which, you guys are all light for the 5:00pm hivemind meeting.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I am happy you found such a caring boyfriend and it's eye opening to know that not all outwardly bad boys are actually bad. I wish the best for your mental health and happiness to your family.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'm terribly sorry for what you had to go through, i'm really glad you were able to build yourself up and improve yourself instead of getting worse like many others in similar situations do.

    1|0
    0|0
  • i know a better one. "where have all good men gone today... ?"

    0|0
    2|0
    • There are still good men out there. Plenty good men. But they get put on the back burner by all the women who classify them as being "all the same".

    • Show All
    • I guess everyone is entitled to my opinion.

    • "to his opinion" but yes thats what i believe. the top notch people i've met were monks and nuns, either in a monastery or in the world. i guess you can't relate cause you are probably secular, but believe me a really humble person has gone past the childish stage of horniness, relationships and al things mundane... .

  • Wow he's such a superhero and you're very strong and courageous person. I'm glad that everything is alright now :) best of luck for your family.

    And I must say, a very good message.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I know a lot of guys that started off like your boyfriend. As you stated you hated him for trying to help you. This is exactly the type of behavior that many girls complain about to the next guy she dates making her ex sound like an asshole. Which is where part of the belief comes from that women only date assholes.

    Too many women have issues with men before they even start dating and it taints how she views every aspect of their relationship. These are issues that will taint every relationship she ever gets into until she learns to accept that not all guys are the same. I believe this is basically the point you are trying to make. I am glad you have been able to work through your issues and can accept your man as having the value in your life that you now see him as having.

    3|3
    0|0
    • Yes, exactly. Your comment only makes my post that much more meaningful. You are 100% right. Many, many females don't know what they are really looking for while walking head on into a relationship. We claim we do, but we really don't. Therefor, as the relationship goes on and the man starts showing the qualities she claims she wants in the beginning, she shys away from it because she doesn't know truly if that is what she desires or not. I realize that now and I thank God everyday that he allowed me to come to this realization before it was too late. It definitely makes me feel horrible, even today, for the way I treated him when he was far from deserving of it. And I just hope that some women will read this post and see my story as an encouragement to do better and treat their special someone better (if they aren't already) because every person is deserving of a fighting chance. Just like my boyfriend was, and still is.

  • Thanks for the post. It's a great testimony. I'm sure anyone can benefit from this.

    1|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    6

What Girls Said 17

  • Wow you are really lucky he stood by you. A rare guy indeed.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I dont even know what the point of this post was... anyone who thinks all men are the same are completely stupid and should be locked away.

    0|0
    1|0
  • You're really lucky to have found someone who was there for you.. And will always be there for you. He seems like a really great guy.
    God bless you both :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • Wow. this is such a great take :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • i think this is a great post i really do. i think your boyfriend sounds a little too perfect. i hope that things go well for you in the future but since you never mentioned your bfs faults its kind of weird. i mean no ones perfect. you're both young and maybe you haven't seen his bad side yet. if he really is that perfect then thats great! i hope you guys always do well

    3|0
    0|0
  • The type of man's your boyfriend is, like a beautiful Prince in some old story sorry but man like your's doesn't exist just in some old books or novels..

    0|0
    0|2
    • Well that is quite funny because I am staring at him. Maybe they don't exist to you because of your attitude on men.

    • Many women generalize men based off what they have heard passed throughout the generations. I know many men who are like my boyfriend. I should have read what I commented before sending because that came out harsh. I didn't mean you persay, but women like you in general.

  • Such people exist o. o?
    But the story was beautiful and I agree with you on so many levels :)
    You need to write one of these to guys who think all girls are the same lol

    2|0
    0|0
    • Good idea! I will have to get on that! LOL

  • I'm glad that everything is alright now best of luck

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't think all men are the same but I think most men are the same, at least in my age group.

    1|0
    0|0
    • not true... I think all women are the same in my age 18 ;)

    • @lovethelife So you're going to disown my claim of "MOST" men being the same but you'll make a claim saying "ALL" women are the same at 18 years old? That's sooo ironic lol.

  • You didn't explain what "all the same" means.

    Different women can have different explanations for this. i. e. All men are pigs/all men want is sex etc

    0|0
    0|0
  • In my opinion, only a minute amount of women think in such a manner. But of course they've mostly been through horrid situations as you have. Agree all around though.

    2|1
    0|0
  • I'm glad that this story has thus far ended well and I hope that things continue to look up for you and your family. You're obviously a strong and courageous person and I'm sure your boyfriend is great too. I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk you know Gag has your back.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you! Yes, he is great. I wouldn't be where I am today without the support of him and our beautiful babies! That's for sure :)

    • That makes me happy! I'm glad you are doing better now. Hold onto him 😜

    • I will definitely try my best hahaha It will be a cold day in hell before I let him slip through my fingers ;P

  • This is an amazing story. Your boyfriend is the best.

    4|0
    0|0
    • He definitely is! Thank you!

  • Damn straight bad boys aren't all bad! It's good you've found happiness :)

    2|0
    0|2
  • I feel like the people who actually claim men (or women) are all the same don't really see others as individuals and instead just see them as conquests or put them on pedestals. If someone takes a tumble from the pedestal you put them on, honey, that's your fault, not theirs.

    3|1
    0|0
  • That is so amazing. Thanks for sharing this, I hope your life and family continue to be blessed.

    4|0
    0|0
    • Thank you! And best wishes for you as well! :)

  • Thank you for having the strength and courage to come forward and share your story. I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through, and amazed at what you have been able to do.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Thank you! That means a lot :)

Loading...