Why so pale and wan fond lover?
Prithee why so pale?
Will, when looking well can’t move her,
Looking ill prevail?
So wrote the poet John Suckling. Having heard quite a few women relate to me that when they have rejected a man, they are sometimes met with a lot of foul names and horrible feelings (and I am NOT saying sadness is a horrible feeling, I'm talking anger), I decided to sound off on this very subject. I'll deal with it on two levels. First, I would like to tell the guys who cut loose with a few choice words after rejection that you're hurting yourself. Secondly, you are hurting another human being who doesn't deserve to be hurt.
So how does calling her a bitch (or worse) hurt the rejected? Well, a lot of couples met through friends. You don't know that if you keep things friendly with her (and please note I said "friendLY" the "ly" is important), you might meet some of her friends at a later time and it's possible you might like some of them and vice versa. Of course this will almost certainly never happen if you called your crush a bitch when she said she's not interested. And if you persist in displaying your anger, even if you DON'T call her names, how well do you think that will play out?
"Oh, here's my sullen, angry acquaintance. He's a real catch!"
I am, of course, in no way saying that you need to "just get over it" and that the hurt you might be feeling is inappropriate. However, there are better ways to deal with hurt than with anger (more on that perhaps at another time).
But above all else, the most important thing to remember is that (assuming she's a good person...and if she isn't her rejection is actually a favor) she doesn't deserve your anger. She is no more capable of controlling the fact that she's not into you than you are capable of controlling the fact that you are into her. Assuming she didn't knowingly lead you on (and almost always SHE'S NOT LEADING YOU ON), she has done no wrong in rejecting you, even if it's for reasons that you might think are shallow (and I HATE using "shallow" as it pertains to attraction). Keep in mind that very often her not being attracted to you isn't even much of a choice, just like you may never have chosen who you are or aren't attracted to. However, how she reacts to your feelings is her choice, and she is a thinking, feeling woman who has every right to choose her romantic destiny.
I suppose you can't choose not to be hurt, however you can choose to act civil and even friendly. You SHOULD choose to act civil and friendly and carry on to a new vista and see what the future holds