Today I write this article to inform all of my Aspie brothers and sisters out there there is hope for us in the dating world. Yes, just like in all other general aspects in life we aspies do pack a great amount of strength in relationships. I also write this article to educate all of the Neurotypical mass and hopefully help them understand that having an aspie boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t anything out of this world. On the contrary it could be a magnificent thing and this article I will try to explain as much as possible.
Before I start though I would just like to simply point out that everything I say in this article is purely based on both my research I’ve done on my spare time and on my experiences in life as an aspie.
Ok in case you dont know what an aspie is, an aspie is simply a person who has been officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger Syndrome is simply a neurological disorder that fall under the autism spectrum disorder. The symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome are pretty complex, so if I try to explain them all here I'll probably end up writing a whole book of contradictions instead of an article. but just in case you're really curious and want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome perhaps this site will explain the symptoms a lot better than I would...
Anyways, whether you checked out the link or not you probably might already know or probably already figured out by now that do to our Impaired Social Skills, Inability to Empathize, and Impaired Language Skills we aspies are technically pretty handicapped in the world of dating. Do to all of these complexions...
§ it is difficult for us to express our feelings and emotions
§ it is difficult for us to read other people's feelings and emotions
§ it’s difficult for us to start conversations
§ we are unable to read body languages
§ we tend to be really antisocial
§ we don’t enjoy common activities that others enjoy such as partying and clubbing
§ it’s difficult for us to approach someone we are attracted to
§ it makes it hard for us to see if someone is interested in us
§ and the list goes on
So now you can obviously see why we are handicapped in the world of dating. But again this does not mean we are doomed to never finding someone to love and it definitely does not mean we aren’t interesting people to date. We aspies in fact are very unique people. We possess lots of strength in life that make up for our general weaknesses in society. We aspies have the power to change your life in lots of positive ways. in fact, if you look back in history the top most smartest and successful people to ever walk this planet were actually aspies, such as Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Isaac Newton, Wolfgang A. Mozart, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Michael Angelo, Abraham Lincoln, Bill Gates and many more.
So as you can see from the people I previously mentioned, we aspies are...
- Really smart and creative
- we love learning new things
- we are really talented people
- we show interests in hobbies that are often neglected by the neurotypicals
- We are really observant and often see things that often appear invisible to neurotypicals. We never stop at the “big picture”
- We don’t mind being different and going against the current or standing out among the crowed
- We aren’t scare to be labeled as “lonely, losers, geeks, nerds, dorks, etc.”
- We are really good friends
- We are less likely to be troublemakers
- We don’t care about approval from others or the opposite sex
Keep in mind though, this does not mean all aspies are a clone of Einstein, Newton, etc. But I myself am a perfect example of all the above. I mean I just knew that it couldn’t be just a coincidence that I learned how to speak, read and write in English within the first few months into the first grade. I was also the only on in class that knew how to count from 1-50. In third grade again I was the only one that knew the time tables from 1-10. So with all this said I bet you can now see why we aspies are in fact strong individuals when taking statuses in our society. Who wouldn’t want to have such magnificent people like us around? But of course now I will get to the main point of the article and explain how we also pack great amount of strength in relationships and in the dating world in general. You see when It comes to finding a love one we aspies…
We are very honest
§ Let’s face it, we aspies are notorious for being logical and and honest do to our nature of being straightforward. If you are the type of person that gets easily hurt by the truth my advice to you is, never ask an aspie for an opinion. Not only are we not good at sugar coating things, but that is one of the top things that will annoy the living out of us. So with that said if you are in a relationship with an aspie “hidden motives” during the relationship will be the last thing to worry about. With and aspie, what you see is what you get
We are faithful
§ This is a deadly giveaway. Since our brain obviously isn’t hardwired for us to be social animals in life, such as wanting to go out and meet new people, taking part in all other social events such as bar, clubbing, lounge and mall shopping, etc. obviously concludes that we aspie again are shy thus giving us a disadvantage in meeting and dating others.
We understand your needs to have your own space
§ We aspies love and value our solitude since being around people makes us feel weird and awkward. So because of this we understand and know how respect other people’s spaces. We also understand how important spending time with your friends is to you even though this isn't within our own nature. So to put it simple, if you have an aspie boyfriend/girlfriend you will never have to worry about him/her interfering with your life.
You are in luck if you share the same interest as us
§ We aspies are really smart and creative people and we take pride in our hobbies. We always dedicate most of our times to our hobbies such as researching and rehearsing them every chance we get, Music for example. We aspies are so curious and smart that we always look up the artists, producers and composers. We always identify our favorite’s artist just by listening to how the melodies of the beat of the song goes.
We love and accept people for who they are
§ An aspie will always love you for who you are regardless of your status in society, popularity, looks, body shape etc. We only love those who love us and accept us for who we are. I mean yes Don’t get me wrong, we aspies love physical traits such as beautiful faces, big booties, big boobs etc. as much as the Neurotypicals do, but that does not mean that if you have a miserable attitude this it will make up for it.
Anyways with all this out of the way, what is there not to love about an aspie? I bet by now you must be telling yourself “I should go out there and find myself an aspie boyfriend/girlfriend!” but I must warn you that approaching an aspie for dating purposes is a really extremely difficult task to accomplish, but is possible, and lucky for you I wrote this article to also explain how to approach the aspie that rocks your world. And now here are the Do’s and Don’ts when approaching an aspie…
Disregard eye contact: we aspies are really shy people. We are most famous for never making eye contacts during a conversation. If you ever approach an aspie and he/she never makes eye contact with you please do not take this personal. This does not mean we are ignoring or disdaining you. Again we aspies are really shy by nature so words can’t explain how anxious we feel while trying to make constant eye contact with the person we are talking to.
Be as straightforward as you can: when approaching an aspie always avoid using any types of pickup lines, flirtatious speeches, sentences with double meanings, etc. we aspies never pick up on these sort of things, so it’s best to be as straightforward as possible, drop an anvil in our foot in you have to (kidding). Now don’t get the wrong idea, this does not mean you have to put us on a pedestal in order for us to fall in love with you and defitnitely does NOT mean you have to buy us anything. Believe me, buying your way into an aspies heart is the worst you can do. We aspies don’t like to feel used or forced into doing things, and this is exactly how we’ll feel if you try to buy your way into our hearts.
Try to be patients: during a conversation we aspies have the tendency to talk too much over the same subject over and over again. This doesn’t mean we are being rude or trying to get under your skin. Just simply try to be patient and steer the conversation to a different direction.
No physical contacts!: unless we know you really well we aspies feel really uncomfortable with holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc. all of us have our own limits and boundaries on this so is best to always ask before taking any of these actions.
Don’t force your way into our life: the majority of us aspies love to keep a daily routing in our lives. This includes everything from the time we go to bed, the time we wake up, what we eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the shows we watch on TV, etc. and we always tend to feel really distressed when anything or anyone interferes with these life routine we keep. So because of this we might come off as antisocial people. So if you are dating an aspie please don’t take it personal if you feel that he/she doesn’t keep in touch with you on a timing basis and don’t be surprise if we never invite you inside our homes at first. This does not mean you don’t matter to us as a friend, it just simply means that we got really strict life routines that subconsciously feel entitled to stick to.
Always ask before engaging into any sexual activities: remember we aspies lack the ability to read or express feelings and emotions, so this may make us perform really dull or mechanical during sex. This might even make us feel really uncomfortable during sex, but of course it does not mean we are prude. Once again as I mentioned early, always try being as straightforward as possible when it comes to things like these. Avoid provoking acts such as trying to get undress in front of us, offering us to give you a backrub etc. remember that we aspies never pick up on these sorts of things.
Always explain your feelings emotions as much as possible: again we aspies are unable to read feelings and emotions, so always try to patient with us in this area. If you are happy/angry/sad etc always remember to name that emotions to your aspie s/o and why you are feeling this way in as much detail as possible.
Disregard our tendency of reacting to things in a problem solving type of way: because we aspies are unable to understand or pick up on emotional concepts we tend to react to these types of things in a problem solving way even if it isn't a problem at all. If you ever catch your aspie s/o reacting to these types of things this way please don’t take this personal as we aren't doing this on purpose. Then again it’s a good thing that not all aspies do this.
Try to avoid situations that would trigger emotional meltdown within us: we aspies could be somewhat mentally unstable humans. We tend to get really stressed and panicked when we are force to do thing out of our norms such as boarding an airplane for the first time. If this ever happens again try to be as compassionate as possible and get your aspie boyfriend/girlfriend away from the things or situations that are triggering these types of feeling within them.
Always keep in mind the things we value the most: we aspies always have a really strong and special interest on things we love. We usually love to collect valuable things such as baseball cards, video games, movies, albums of our favorite artists, etc. always keep this in mind as practically there is nothing better you can do for your aspie partner than to get him/her any of these valuable items as a birthday or Christmas or even just a gift in general.
So there you have folks! There really isn't any negativity in having an aspie boyfriend/girlfriend. It could be really fun and I hope this mytake can be a big help in the future. And for all you aspie brothers and sisters out there, I want to remind you to keep your head up and keep on enjoying and changing the world! We are gifted people after all.