Girls, Why You're Not Getting Asked Out

Girls, ever wonder why that guy who has been talking to you hasn't asked you out? Probably, because GAG is filled with questions like these. So let's dive into it.

The typical pathway to a first date has three basic steps.

1) The approach

2) Building rapport

3) Asking her out

This myTake will only focus on 2 and 3 because it assumes a guy has already approached you. If you can't get guys to approach you then see this fantastic myTake by @WeaponZero.

The timeline for a guy to go from the approach to formally asking you out is variable. It can be as short as a single interaction or it can take weeks of feeling you out, trying to figure out whether or not you're interested. Building rapport on his end is essentially a risk assessment. The guy is trying to figure out if he's gonna be shot down if he asks you out. So if you want to be asked out, it would be to your benefit to build strong rapport and implicitly communicate to him that you want to be asked out. This is where a lot of interactions stumble and the guy never gets the message to ask her out.

If the guy isn't asking you out, it means that 1) he doesn't find you attractive or 2) he isn't comfortable with the level of rapport that's been built to ask you out

So how exactly do you build enough rapport to get the guy to ask you out.

  • Start conversations with us. Don't expect the guy to always approach you and start a conversation. That doesn't really inspire feelings of confidence in us if we always have to start everything. You might not want to come across as "desperate" but the more you act aloof, the longer it will take the guy to ask you out, if he does at all. See this myTake on playing 'hard to get' for further information. If you can't stop and talk to us then at the very least give us a wave and smile or something that shows us that we're on your radar instead of ignoring us.
  • Act interested in the guy. It can be really discouraging if the girl doesn't show any interest in us, so ask us questions about ourselves.
  • Flirt with us. Don't be afraid to playfully tease us. It shows us that you like us and that you're fun to be around, which will make us want to be around you more.

If the guy isn't asking you out, it means that 1) he doesn't find you attractive or 2) he isn't comfortable with the level of rapport that's been built to ask you out. If he's approached you then we can almost certainly rule out 1, so you must be doing something (or not doing something) that is giving him doubt as to whether you're interested in him or not. Remember, he approached you so you know he's interested, but he can't say the same about you. By being interested in the guy, flirting, and initiating interactions you will vastly increase your odds of being asked out. All of this probably seems pretty intuitive but seeing all the questions on this over the years makes me doubt the universality of this information. Hope this helps.

Girls, Why You're Not Getting Asked Out.


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What Girls Said 10

  • Did it... doesn't work. I think those guys have too much grey matter. The male psychology is fascinating.

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  • I say girls should start asking out guys.

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    • I agree but it won't happen in our lifetime.

    • I already ask guys out, it's the reason my boyfriend and I are together. If only other girls were as progressive.

  • I swear this is all common sense & people still can't get it right LoL!!! Great advice!

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  • Finally a rational guy who accepts how things are. You can say, "Why can't girls do this or that?" all you want but it's not going to change how things currently are, unless of course you support "feminism", which a lot of guys here seem to oppose. So either keep complaining about it and remain single or jump on board, it's up to you!

    Girls USUALLY are the ones being approached, that's just how things are. I'm a rare case because I pretty strongly pursued my current boyfriend only because he had social issues and I knew he would never go after me because of them. He just isn't that type of guy. I probably came off as "desperate" but whatever, I thought his personality was perfect and we got along physically so I went for it lol

    Any girls reading should do the same :* (but again guys, don't bank on it..)

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    • No guy thinks girls come off as desperate for making the first move. Perhaps a girl will, but guys won't see it that way. And isn't that all that matters?

      Anyway, kudos to you for making the first move! I wish it was more common for girls to do that. There's no need for girls to sit back and wait.

  • Thank you for information👍

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  • I think I have a crush on you. Which is weird :/

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    • Why is that weird?

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    • Awwww aren't you just the sweetest thing

    • Lol don't be weird

  • Are you saying a guy won't ask me out if he thinks I'll say no?

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    • Some guys are afraid of rejection. Why dont you ask him out? Go for it girl!!! He might surprise you and say yes!

    • It's going to vary from guy to guy. Some guys are more like players, and will ask a girl out if he thinks there's a 1% chance she'll say yes.

      Most guys haven't slept with 15 girls, and don't have that confidence. So they'll only ask a girl out if they think there's a really good chance, or a definite "yes" waiting for him.

  • I need some of the action going on in this beaver picture.

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  • Risk assessment? Does this also apply to relationship potential? I thought guys were simple. .

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  • I knew this take was written by you because of the beaver picture. I was like, "Oh, beavers, I know who did that."

    ;p

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    • It's my signature. I can't not put it in. But aren't they so adorable!

What Guys Said 6

  • Great take!!
    Awesome information, and perspective from the "Love Beaver"

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  • Amazing take. Lots of good points.

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  • Girls don't get asked out because they can sleep with any guy.

    Logically, this means that most girls, even average looking to below average looking ones, will sleep with the most attractive men.

    These men rarely ask out mediocre women, since they can easily score with female counterparts in their own tier of attractiveness.

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  • Why does this rule exist, anyway? Why are guys expected to ask girls out?

    I say that girls should start asking guys out as well. Have it go both ways, you know? There's no reason why women should sit back and wait. It's demeaning to both men and women.

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    • Its not a rule but you gotta play the odds. The odds are higher that a women will want to be asked out vs will ask a guy out.

    • Women, by genetics or upbringing, want a guy who will take charge, show confidence and charisma and wit.

      That usually involves him making advances on her, and showing he's not timid or shy.

  • How about asking the guy out instead?

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    • I don't know. My husband an i just sort o mutually agreed to start dating and did the same thing for getting engaged and married.

    • Agreed, more women should ask out guys. I love how this question is getting vote brigaded by women who make up excuses as to why they can't ask guys out. The reality is that they enjoy being able to sit around and having guys fall from the sky. There's pretty much no other reason. All this talk of guys thinking it's "desperate" is completely false, I have never heard a guy say that.

      I have only heard positive things when I asked guys out, including from my current boyfriend.

  • Good take! Excellent advice for women, I hope more of them take it to heart!

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