Girls, ever wonder why that guy who has been talking to you hasn't asked you out? Probably, because GAG is filled with questions like these. So let's dive into it.
The typical pathway to a first date has three basic steps.
1) The approach
2) Building rapport
3) Asking her out
This myTake will only focus on 2 and 3 because it assumes a guy has already approached you. If you can't get guys to approach you then see this fantastic myTake by @WeaponZero.
The timeline for a guy to go from the approach to formally asking you out is variable. It can be as short as a single interaction or it can take weeks of feeling you out, trying to figure out whether or not you're interested. Building rapport on his end is essentially a risk assessment. The guy is trying to figure out if he's gonna be shot down if he asks you out. So if you want to be asked out, it would be to your benefit to build strong rapport and implicitly communicate to him that you want to be asked out. This is where a lot of interactions stumble and the guy never gets the message to ask her out.
If the guy isn't asking you out, it means that 1) he doesn't find you attractive or 2) he isn't comfortable with the level of rapport that's been built to ask you out
So how exactly do you build enough rapport to get the guy to ask you out.
- Start conversations with us. Don't expect the guy to always approach you and start a conversation. That doesn't really inspire feelings of confidence in us if we always have to start everything. You might not want to come across as "desperate" but the more you act aloof, the longer it will take the guy to ask you out, if he does at all. See this myTake on playing 'hard to get' for further information. If you can't stop and talk to us then at the very least give us a wave and smile or something that shows us that we're on your radar instead of ignoring us.
- Act interested in the guy. It can be really discouraging if the girl doesn't show any interest in us, so ask us questions about ourselves.
- Flirt with us. Don't be afraid to playfully tease us. It shows us that you like us and that you're fun to be around, which will make us want to be around you more.
If the guy isn't asking you out, it means that 1) he doesn't find you attractive or 2) he isn't comfortable with the level of rapport that's been built to ask you out. If he's approached you then we can almost certainly rule out 1, so you must be doing something (or not doing something) that is giving him doubt as to whether you're interested in him or not. Remember, he approached you so you know he's interested, but he can't say the same about you. By being interested in the guy, flirting, and initiating interactions you will vastly increase your odds of being asked out. All of this probably seems pretty intuitive but seeing all the questions on this over the years makes me doubt the universality of this information. Hope this helps.
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