Different Ways and Places to Meet Someone

What’s the first thing you think of when you find out a friend met someone online? What if they met someone through work? What about the bar scene?

How we choose to find someone, or where we are at the time when we meet someone has got its pros and cons. A lot of people complain that they can’t meet someone the conventional, natural way – which would be in person and probably by chance. When there are so many other ways to connect, you simply have to find out what’s right for you, and what kind of person you might attract.

These are my observations only, and I don’t speak for anyone else. I’m usually a fair-minded person, so just know that the pros and cons I see for all methods are because I know that people can find love and blow an opportunity all because of circumstance. The perception that follows each method are just my opinion.

Meeting in person… by chance

Different Ways and Places to Meet Someone

By and large, the hardest way to find someone. Do people really hook up from squeezing lemons in grocery stores? This method usually relies on perfect timing and no amount of planning can see it coming. You could be sitting in a restaurant with a table close by to someone and offer them a bite of your dessert (yes, this actually happened to me once). Seize your opportunity because no one will seize it for you when you’re on your own out in the world. Go to more sporting events. Do volunteer work. Get involved with your community. Whatever it takes to get you out of the house and meeting people is the way to get this done.

Meeting online

This is the easiest way to go “shopping” for what you want. The problem is weeding through profiles that are meant to catch your eye that aren’t genuine. Ask the person why they’re online. If it’s because they have a job with long hours, guess what – admitting this means you won’t see them much either. If they are too shy, you probably will have a barrier to break down. Also, the stigma attached to dating sites, even though most people have or are using them is that you have a dependency online and the intent is for a relationship which seems pushy once you meet. Try using it as a tool for friendship, this way you can establish some bond together that has nothing to do with being online. Telling friends, “We were hiking every Saturday, and then finally she agreed to go to dinner with me,” might quash that online-dating stigma.

Meeting at work

Unless your employer has strict guidelines about dating your co-workers, then meeting someone at work is a great way to connect with someone who you already have something in common with. This is a perfect opportunity to offer to help someone with tasks, ask them to help you, and be there for each other when it comes to references. You also see each other often which is a great excuse to talk to them. The drawback of course is when things might not work out, and the awkward feeling of continuing a good working relationship. Don’t jump in to things. Your workplace is a great opportunity to sort of “date” before you even date so you do get to know if it’s worth it.

Meeting through friends

This is very good and very bad. Your social scene is already formed with an opportunity to be hooked up by friends, people who should care enough to see you with the right person. Often times, friends just don’t want to see you lonely, so though their intentions might be good, finding someone good for you doesn’t always happen. You already can meet the person with friends, rather than the terrifying “first date” where you can be comfortable with people you already know and like. You also get a chance to “know” the person before knowing them. Collecting information from your friends makes it easy to tell if you think the person will even be right for you. But always show some respect because if this person doesn’t work out – remember they were someone’s friend—the person who thought you might like meeting them, and you will have to choose your words carefully if you didn't find them appealing. Also, if a breakup happens, will you be able to deal with a possible division within your friendships?

Meeting through family

Great news…Your family will automatically be approving if your mom knows that her friend’s daughter is looking for someone. Or maybe your dad took some liking for a guy he knows at the golf club who he thinks would be good for his daughter. These are almost noble-like set-ups because for most, who knows you better than your parents? They’ve heard your woes and cries at what didn’t work out in your past dating experiences. So before you scoff at the possibility that your parents will have found someone totally sexually unappealing for you, and only someone they might have thought was good to have for an in-law, consider that they’ve gotten to know your type and know that they just want to see you happy. A parent who tries setting you up with someone who is just terrible for you really isn’t the goal. Downfall: girls, your father truly is looking for someone to keep his meathooks off of you and it shows.

The bar scene

This is just my opinion, but I think this is a terrible way to meet someone for anything long term. Many people tend to be plastic at bars. They get dressed up and act in a way they wouldn’t outside the bar. You’re getting a version of someone who is not going to be the person you will eventually know. Also, many people go to bars to spend time with friends, and don’t take kindly to be interrupted. As for me, the type of woman I am, the leering and expectations that we’re there to hook up are off-putting since I only had gone to bars to enjoy live music or be with friends. As for hooking up, the only good thing about the bar scene is that you have loads of selection, and often times casual sex can be a probability. But do you want a relationship to form from casual sex? Also, knowing that someone is carousing at bar is sometimes an indicator that they’ve been there before. Alcohol is usually the crutch, and to me that’s not a genuine way to start off. The bar might be a better choice if you see what you like, but end it there and offer to see them outside the bar the next day for dinner so that you can eliminate the fussy bar scene altogether and get to know the person in a natural setting.

Meeting through your religious group

For those who are religious, this might just sound like the best way to resolve any conflict between you and your love’s possible contrast in beliefs. You see each other probably once a week, and you both know where you stand when it comes to your faith. Easy connection for religious compatibility, yes, but what if religion is all you have? Ask yourself if the main goal in finding a partner is in fact your connection to faith because when the chips fall, faith will be what you both turn to in hopes to make it work. If there is no other compatibility, will you feel your higher power is disapproving? Also, many religious groups are intertwined with family, community, and gossip. Much of your being together will come with expectations that others have on you. One wrong move and suddenly everyone knows about it.

If I am missing examples, please feel free to add them. I see a lot of people on Girls Ask Guys trying hard to meet someone and don’t even realize how easy some of these methods really are. Know where your comfort zone is, and grab a hold of the opportunity when it strikes.

Ozanne is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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What Guys Said 13

  • So looks like by chance is my only option. Meeting online is very risky since you never know who the person on the other side really is. They can make up a persona that pleases you but be complete douchebags in real life. Meeting through work is something I have a rule against. I would never date someone that I have any form of business relationship with, whether I work for her, she works for me or we work together. Work relationships and personal relationships must remain separate. Meeting through friends or family is a big problem since they usually try to set me up with someone that I do not find attractive.

    Bar scene, where do I start there are so many things wrong with it. For one, I don't drink so there really is no point in me being there. I also understand that women may just want to go there to have fun with their friends and not necessarily be hit on by guys which is why more women are going to gay clubs now.

    The last option doesn't apply to me because I'm an atheist.

  • Lol interesting, I've only really dated people I've met by chance in person.

  • Personally I'll go for "Meeting through your religious group", but being very religious it make sense to me, and that is also how I do volunteer work.

    Meeting through family and friends make sense as well, since they for the most part share my religious beliefs - although I do have both non religious family and friends as well.

    I don't go to bars and work relationships are risky for you working environment, besides is not professional to get involved at work.

    But all the options are good options depending on our specific needs and situations.

  • Meeting in person is the best way, even though the rate of rejection is higher than in online dating? In online dating, men's success rate is FAR WAY LOWER THAN women's! (I'm average looking attractive, that's my honest perspective on it)

  • Online dating worked for me. (If it had existed a decade earlier, I could have avoided my first marriage.)

    In July of 2005, the week my divorce became final, I joined eHarmony. Seven months later, I met the woman that would become my wife. @GraySailorsBride and I just celebrated 9 happy years of marriage this June.

    I liked online dating because it accomodate my situation very well.
    - I work odd hours (at the time, 2 pm to 10:30 pm)
    - I had custody of my 4 year old son
    - I was attending college full time (old man in the room by 15 years)
    - I'm an introvert (meeting in bars was right out)
    - I'm a blue collar worker with all-male work colleagues. Most are married and all are geographicly dispersed (No one from work accociates with anyone outside of work... it's just not done.)
    - the dating pool at my church had this many member: 0

    I'm not sure how I would have done it WITHOUT going online.

    What I really liked about online dating through eHarmony was the extensive screening that was done on my behalf.

    I was only matched with women that were:
    - geographicly close
    - religiously compatible
    - of similiar political views
    - accepting of my child
    - having similar views on sex
    - having same views on work-life balance
    - home bodies that liked outdoor activities

    This was all established BEFORE the first date.
    Dating itself was then not about compatibility at all, only attraction and chemistry. I would be hard pressed to achieve the same result without online dating. In all my 48 years, I regard that eHarmony membership as being my single best decision.

    • I met my current boyfriend online. We met through an online game though, not a dating site. Been happily together 3 years now, and been best friends since we met 5 years ago. Thank god for online relationships! We probably would never have met if it hadn't been for that online game.

  • I agree with bars, clubs and culture houses are the worst place to meet someone for relationships.

  • man I miss college!!

  • Well... looks like i'm doomed in all departments.

  • Well you hit them all. It usually comes down to people not having the choices.
    No guy goes to a bar looking for anything other then a hookup.
    I work from home and only have my lifelong best friend as a friend. So work and friends are out.
    I think the majority of women would think it was creepy if a guy just walked up to them and asked them out when walking on the street... maybe I'll post that question...
    Online is the best way. It has worked well for me since I started dating after a unwanted divorce after 25 years of marriage. Stay clear of Match. com it is just shit. Tinder and POF are by far the best choices.

    • "I think the majority of women would think it was creepy if a guy just walked up to them and asked them out when walking on the street" Possibly, but the women that have that poor of an image of a guy trying to talk to them, are really women you want to avoid anyway. So asking women out on the street is a great way to weed out the undesirables.

  • Meeting through friends doesn't work since I don't have any.
    Meeting at the bar scene doesn't work because I don't have any friends to go to the bar with.
    And the religious group is out since I'm atheist.

    • I used to go to the bar alone. I enjoyed just sitting back and people watching and enjoying live music - if there was any to be had. I always had an open-mind that if I did meet a guy, I was no threat because I had no female friends with me when I went alone making it much easier for guys to talk to me. It worked sometimes, but I disliked most of it because the guys were drinking and out to over-impress. The bar to me is miserable unless you go during times like weeknights when you don't have that sloppy drunk overly dramatic crowd. Anyway, going alone isn't such a bad thing if you're not opposed to it.

    • Show All
    • I know that. I was just putting it out there that there's quite a lot more pressure on lonely guys in bars than on girls. Pressure that can make the whole endevour just depressing. I mean, if you go to a bar and no guy approaches you, you might just get the "oh well, maybe next time I'll be more lucky". It's like a waiting game for you. It's entirely different for guys but that issue has already been established and I'm not going to repeat it.

      So yeah, you're right but I'm just pointing out the difference in in the struggle.

    • Fair enough.

  • I've met a lot of new friends at house parties. Participate in local league adult sports like soccer or running groups.

    Attend local music or other themed festivals in your hometown. they may be small and less than extravagant, but so what. Local dance clubs may also host themed dance nights. I met a big group of friends going to those.

    In general pick an interest that exercises the mind and body and requires you to leave the house and requires you to participate with a large group of people. That's how you get out and meet people.

  • Just here to say tinder ftw

  • good points.


What Girls Said 4

  • I've found that the best ways to meet someone that actually tend to lead to healthy, long term relationships are by going out and doing things you enjoy and happening upon someone you click with, and meeting through friends/acquaintances. With the second one, I don't mean being set up - I find set ups are usually awkward, feel forced, and are too-often based on nothing more than "you're both single and it makes your non-single friends feel weird!" What I mean is meeting people at a party or social event that are a friend of a friend or acquaintance.

  • Gotta agree that bars are the worst place to meet someone if you're planning on having relationships with that individual. Awesome take! :)

  • (laughing)
    I just leave my house