How do we even know what love really is? Is it a feeling we are actually capable of feeling or is it something that is purely physical? Webster’s definition for love is:
(1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
(2): attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
In this I am going to explore all the different aspects of love and everything that leads up to it.
This is the first step for all of us in the whole relationship stage of life. We at almost any point of life have someone we kind of like, it could be just a person who is cute or a person we want to actually date.
There isn’t a whole lot to really say about crushes since most just kind of come and go depending on if you are around the person enough or it takes the next step of flirting. To basically sum up crushes it is a hit or miss thing and always a spur of the moment thing but always a nice thing to have or to even know someone may have a crush on you.
This is the thing that is either really good or really bad but never a nice medium. Flirting is something we all do consciously or obliviously but we always have to remember to keep this in check because if you start flirting with too many people, it can cause unnecessary drama that could have easily been avoided. I know I am really guilty of flirting too much and with people I really shouldn’t but sometimes through flirting you can build a good friendship with someone that may have taken longer if you hadn’t.
"Sometimes through flirting you can build a good friendship with someone that may have taken longer if you hadn’t."In the movie When Harry Met Sally Billy Crystal’s character makes a very true statement that males and females can never be just friends because there is always something else that gets in the way either it is for the guy, the girl, or even both flirting is something that is bound to happen. You never know when the flirting is going to be a good thing because sometimes you can move on to the person who you will either just date or even fall in love with.
Now I haven’t really been in the dating game for too long since I only started dating four years ago(which is crazy to think about since it seems like much longer). In just these four years I have gone through almost everything most people have falling in love, breaking up, rebounding, getting your heart crushed, being with someone you really didn’t care about dating and just did it for the companionship or physical aspects, cheating, wanting to be with someone you can’t be with, even questioning if love is real.
Now I know there are other things but I haven’t been through them and some of them I don’t ever want to. In that list you can see I have done some things I am not proud of at all but with each mistake I learn and become a better person than I was the day or even the second before. As of right now the whole dating scene is a little sketchy for me, but I believe fully in dating even if you don’t really see anymore than you saw in the first place to even make you think of dating the person, because you never know what may happen. It does suck when things don’t work out the way you wanted but that is how life is - a series of disappointments one after another.
4. Things that occur when dating
This may get a little naughty but it's stuff that has to be said. A lot of different things tend happen some good, some bad, some just sexual (I won’t talk about everything just the general things since I don’t want this to last 55 pages)…
"You can find a person who is just nice to be around, even if there isn’t really anything else there."
Let's start with the bad, you can find someone that just pulls you down and makes you feel horrible about yourself and about life or someone who is just abusive. The good things that happen are you can find the person who is a perfect match/fit with you and gives you a great person to talk to when you are bored and just feel like talking, you can fall is love, and you can even find a person who is just nice to be around even if there isn’t really anything else there.
Now hide the kids away unless you want to have the birds and bees talk now… Ok well it isn’t that bad I never even had the talk with my parents but now here it comes the naughty side… This is a thing all parents should realize/ recall from their childhood teenage years we are all crazy and basically horny young adults some can keep it in check and not do anything, others may do just a little touchy feely, some may do everything but the dirty deed, then there are those that have had sex and either do it almost constantly or very little.
Either way there is nothing parents can do unless they lock their child away but regardless its going to happen one way or another when people get close enough or get tired of everything else and want to try something new. I have done everything but the dirty deed, do I regret doing it? Not really but I do with some people but that’s part of life and it has pasted and there is nothing I can do about it now.
5. First Loves
I have had a first love (and was hers also) and even been the one who was someone’s first love. After going through both of these I have concluded that it’s very rare to find that person who you share a true, genuine, and long lasting love with the first time you fall in love. We never seem to know what we are getting ourselves into when we admit these feelings to each other because once the words “I love you” are said and said back things take a brand new approach and you have truly developed into a thing people my age and younger just aren’t ready for and that is a full long term commitment (I will talk more about this later). In conclusion of this part first loves are a great thing to have but generally they don’t last just because depending on the age people just aren’t ready for a long commitment at that time.
6. Breaking Up
Breaking up is a thing that is hard no matter what unless you are just a heartless bastard/bitch this is a necessary evil in the world of relationships even though one person (in some cases both) may have their entire world rocked and just torn apart. Break-ups can bring people to some of the lowest points of their life even if they knew it was coming and was already for it. I have been on both ends and with me being a person who hates hurting peoples feelings and making people cry to me both are about the hardest thing to do and have done to you.
I’ve broken up with two girls who were in love with me, and two girls that things just had to end for various reasons. I have been broken up with by a girl who things just needed to end though I didn’t really want to at the time but it wasn’t that devastating and I have been broken up with by a girl who I had pretty much fell in love with and though I kind of knew it was coming I still hated it and that there made me a little different than most break ups do. Though her and I are really good friends sometimes its hard to keep those thoughts from popping up remembering previous times but I manage and care more about her being happy and being friends with her than anything else since she can keep me in check law wise ha-ha.
7. Rebound Relationships
Rebounding is something that seems to happen a lot after you really liked someone and things end we tend to go after people we normally wouldn’t and basically doom the next relationship unless enough time has passed and your previous feelings have long passed or the person is out of your life. I have had a rebound and you just look for those feelings that were with the last person and easily mistaken them for something else. It’s a terrible thing but sadly part of the human psyche where we try to make up for that which we lose.
8. Finding that you lost something after falling in love
If you have ever been in “love” or put a lot in a relationship and had everything you invested in it basically flushed down the toilet then you know it takes quite a bit for things to start to be easier to deal with. What is the best way to deal with this and make it easier faster? Some of you may ask people or even me this but the thing is there really isn’t a clear thing that makes it easier. First off if you break off contact and don’t really talk to them it helps a bit but isn’t the only answer. Some people never recover after this but the thing is no one can really say one thing is a definite answer because every human being handles things differently.
"With each relationship, you learn something new about yourself, even if you thought you had it figured out."9. False feelings
This is something everyone has happen to them. You may mistake lust for love but this is for certain you have to be very careful and for all the guys reading this you especially should be careful with this! I have been there I have had feelings I thought were one thing but turned out to be something else and I had a girl think I had these strong feelings… “Love” for her but it just didn’t work out. It’s a hard thing to control because you never know at what points and how easy people get these feelings confused. I thought I had them figured out but with each relationship you ever get into you learn something new about yourself and even if you thought you had it figured out and never had to deal with them before you will find a person who will make you realize all this.
This is the worst thing anyone can ever do in a relationship and I regrettably have to say I have made the mistake and I have hated myself ever since. It is a wonder how some people especially us guys can be able to cheat time and time again and not learn anything from it. I don’t know if it is because most of us have a hard time actually realizing we have feelings and a brain that works 90% of the time or if some of us find it some sort of game but one thing is for sure it isn’t good.
"Some guys care about what they do to girls, realize that what they did was wrong, and they DON'T do it again."
I have had this conversation with a couple of my friends who are girls and before I start don’t get me wrong and think I am condoning cheating in anyway, shape, or form! But you hear girls say that they hate cheaters and how once a cheater always a cheater. I don’t believe that last statement because some guys actually have a brain that we use most of the time and also care what they do to girls good or bad and in my opinion the guys that realize that what they did was wrong and don’t do it again are better than those that cheat, cheat, and cheat some more and do it because they think of it as some sort of game.
But if you have been cheated on and hate your ex because of that, you shouldn’t hate them and forgive your friend and say that people make mistakes because if you admit that about them then why can’t you do that to someone who did it to you? It’s kind of contradicting don’t you think? If at all possible all you guys just keep yourselves out of situations where you may be tempted because if you let it happen and you have a heart then you are going to hate yourself for the choices you made and probably never forgive yourself.
11. Getting physical…When is it right?
Now this can mean sex, fooling around, or even making out. This has no set period that you must be going out (or in some cases known each other) but you have to be careful when getting into anything to serious especially sex. Though I haven’t done it all I do know you have to use caution when going through with these actions because very easily the girl can become pregnant and you guys will be preparing to become daddies.
All I can really say is if you feel like you and your partner feel like doing it, keep in mind the things that may happen because of it and just be prepared! I don’t mean having condoms I mean the stuff that may happen after because condoms do break and I don’t really support abortions because you can’t say your not ready to be a parent if you decide to have sex because you should have already had these things go through your head and been ready for the worst. So just use caution and if you happen to get pregnant then just keep the baby and if anything put it up for adoption so someone who can’t have children can finally start a family.
12. Finding that right person...Is it possible?
Just about every girl I know has this dream of finding the man of their dreams of their “Prince Charming” though this is idea or fantasy can be very far fetched it is always nice to have an idea of who it is you want to end up with but how do we know if the person we think is perfect for us really is right? This is a question everyone asks themselves after getting their heart crushed and there really isn’t a clear answer but even if you keep getting hurt after you think you find that one person what ends up happening is that perfect person becomes more and more vivid and eventually you won’t fall for these fake perfect people.
Now is it possible that the person we are “meant to be with” is completely different than what we had in mind? Yes very much possible because we honestly have no definite knowledge of who we are supposed to be with until the very end where I believe we will be sat down and all the questions we have ever had will finally be answered so is it possible? I don’t know but I sure hope so otherwise we have no hope of ever being happy because we will automatically expect things to go bad.
13. Soul mates… Fact or fiction?
This goes along with finding the right person but can also be something different. In my mind when I think of soul mates I think of that one person who was created with me specifically in mind and will complete me and hide my flaws as I will hers. Now do I believe in soul mates? You tell me… Ok already gave your answer? I do maybe they aren’t created for a romantic need but for friendship that all depends on who you think your soul mate is. I don’t know if I found mine yet but I won’t stop keeping an eye out for a sign and I will then be able to know if it is for romance or friendship. So if you think you find that person who completes you but you only end up as friends then don’t worry about it because they were created for that reason and they will help you through a lot of stuff, that I am sure of!
14. Marriage… When is too young?
Years and years ago and even now in some countries there are males and females being forced into marriage by their parents for various reasons some as young as like 6 being promised to the other who can be from 1-55 years older or younger than them. Sometimes you have to wonder what gets in families minds in these countries maybe it’s the land, the money, or even because the girl got pregnant I do know this in our country there are couples that want to get married before they even get out of high school or a few years after why do they do this?
I really have no idea and always wondered why the huge rush to get married because the quicker you are to rush into something, the better chance you have to fail at it and it isn’t just the increased chance of divorce but there is the financial aspect also just like single moms with little babies have to work multiple jobs so they can try and raise their kid the right way it sets you back so much and when you are married you have to have your own insurance, home/apartment, car, utilities, etc… there is just so much that few seem like they ever realize when jumping into marriage. Now back to the question when is too young. I personally think that anyone under the age of 24 should seriously reconsider waiting till they are financially stable and can prove they can hold their own.
15. Falling out of love… Is it possible?
This is a question I have asked myself numerous times just because my parents are divorced and it just doesn’t make sense how two people who got married and pledged their love to each other can end it and move on. If you were ever really in love with the person and I mean with the person and no the idea of the person then there really isn’t any reason to end it, no matter what the problem is, unless the person is threatening your safety or your children’s.
It just seems that if people get bored of the person, they do what you do in any dating relationship and either cheat or break up but instead of breaking up its getting divorced. Though I have never been married and don’t know what goes in the minds of married couples but no one should take the easy out and divorce, they should just talk and figure out how to change and make things easier and smoother for each other and grant each other independence and understand why the other may have suspicions on what is going on in the others life and just work it out. (Wow this is the first I have really talked about my feelings on divorce in “public”)
16. Losing the one you love
In this one I am talking about death. This will be a relatively short part because I have never had this happen and only have my personal opinions to talk about. I can’t imagine losing someone who you had really strong feelings for or were seriously in love with. No matter the age losing someone special to you to death is never easy and to be emotionally involved with them I can’t even fathom it and I hope to not have to find out for a long time. I know there is a bird that (either rumored or true) when its partner dies it lives a few more days in sorrow and eventually passes as well to be with it. Can true love have that kind of power over a person? I believe so if you have been with the same person for 50+ years then there is that connection and without that constant in your life things can seem in disarray.
17. Miscellaneous thoughts
Though I really only have one and it isn’t really that big I will most likely post random blogs about things that come to mind as time goes on.
Can a person really have feelings for a person of the same sex? Scientist had said that it’s a genetic thing and not a choice but I personally disagree. Unless they are saying that over the course of the next 10-20 years almost everyone will be gay. Where is my logic in this some may wonder? It is due to the fact that years ago (like 30+ years) this was a very taboo subject and there were very few openly gay/lesbian couples. If what the scientist are saying is true then I understand it as them saying that even back then quite a few people were really gay but decided to be straight…
Why would someone not have a choice to be gay yet be given the choice to be straight? Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with gay people as long as you keep your private life in private and don’t hit on me. I really think most people who say being gay wasn’t their choice are just to afraid to admit they couldn’t find someone of another sex that made them happy so they decided to try their own sex if your going to make that choice you should at least be proud of yourself to admit it was your own choice and not your brain told you to do it.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."Final Thoughts
So this is it… and finished ahead of schedule I might add. After reading this I really hope it does any of the following…
- Guys - made you realize some of the things we should work on and made some things make more sense.
- Girls - to have a little better understanding what may go through some or most guys’ minds or to just see what I think if you had been or are interested in me.
Love is a complicated thing but here are some quotes that I really like that deal with love.
“Love gives you courage, being loved gives you strength."
“The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
“Love is a many splendid things, love, lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!”