My house party starts jumping, the music shattering sound records and ear drums. Instinctively she sways to the music, and I gravitate to the seductive movements.
Hours later, we find ourselves smoking on my back deck, exchanging names, numbers, kisses. I don't mind that she refuses to put down the plastic cup of beer. Somehow it's normal that she is getting text messages from other guys at 1 am. Things are going just great, and to show what a great time she's having her shirt comes right off. All the guests cheer.
By 2:00 am, I've lost track of her. The guests begin to leave, and I start to clear out the trash. In a bathroom in the back, I find her.... asleep on the toilet, poo laying in places poo doesn't belong. I spend the rest of my night making sure she doesn't have alcohol poisoning and ensuring she's safe.
Total time wasted on this dead-end girl: 5 hours.
Another night, another scene, another round of beer. It's a small bar, me and two of my guy friends. By the end of the night we've met a few girls, the one I'm talking to is a short girl who goes by "June." She has soft eyes but harsh words, and the contrast intrigues me. The bartender makes last call, and she and I grab one more foamy beer.
That night her friends and mine all converge on my house for some late night video games. We're all just seeing where the evening leads. I'm really starting to like June. Then she tells me that her dead beat husband won't pay child support, her therapist doesn't have enough time to spend with her, and she really thinks that GW Bush good social policies.
Total time wasted on the man-hating woman: 3 hours.
The Internet seems a likely place to meet someone. This girl seems articulate and educated, both pluses when using the written word to communicate. We're talking about philosophy, art, current events, and how much she likes be on top during sex. Both my heads want to explode. This chick seems to have it all. We decide to meet in person.
As it turns out, the Internet is some sort of weird fun-house-mirror, which makes people look better than they otherwise do in person. She smells somewhat like rotting banana peel, which could be a new style... I'm not very up on current trends in the fashion industry. Her hands are rough looking and...holy hell what's that?
"Why do you have a wedding band on your finger?"
"Oh, I just forgot to take it off."
She stops short as she says the words.
Total time wasted on ugly cheating girl: 10 minutes.