Ten bisexuality myths that need to die

Ten bisexuality myths that need to die

1. Bisexuals can’t be monogamous

I have yet to have someone properly explain to me why this is supposedly the case. As far as I understand it, the logic is that bisexuals are attracted to both men and women, ergo they must want to be in relationships with both men and women at the same time.

I wish someone had told me this two and a half years ago. I could have had a boyfriend AND a girlfriend for ages now! (Alison Brie, call me!)

Seriously, though, while monogamy isn’t for everyone, bisexuals are just as likely to be monogamous as monosexual people are. I mean, think about it – are you in a relationship with everyone you find attractive? No? Then why would I be?

2. Bisexuals are more likely to cheat

Brought to prominence by poorly-scripted television and bitter men’s rights activists, the idea that bisexuals are all cheaters is an annoyingly pervasive one. Again, I have to ask – if you don’t cheat on your partner with everyone you find attractive, why would you assume that I would?

If anything, being openly bisexual has made it easier to have honest conversations with my partner about my attractions to other people. I’d say there’s a good deal more transparency in my relationship than in many other people’s. Turns out bisexuals can be open, honest communicators too! Cheating has nothing to do with sexual preference and everything to do with making the decision to cheat, and it turns out that that’s one particular decision that monosexuals are just as capable of making.

3. Bi girls will make out with other girls for your pleasure

A bi girl is every boy’s dream girlfriend, am I right, fellas? Not only do you get to have sex with her, but you also get to watch her have sex with other ladies! Bonus!

Yeah…not so much.

Some bi girls are into group sex. Some aren’t. Some enjoy making out with girls at parties (with their partners’ blessings, if they have partners), some don’t. Some bi girls have girlfriends and aren’t really interested in inviting male voyeurs along for the ride. And, you know, some bi girls just don’t think about sex all that much at all, which leads me to the next myth…

4. Bisexuals have really intense libidos

All right, all right. Guilty as charged. I think about sex approximately a million times per second (yeah, my brain works that fast), and I rarely ever turn it down when it’s offered. But not all bisexuals are that way. Our libidos run the gamut from always-on to totally absent. (Yes, there are asexual biromantics, that’s a thing!) While TV tends to present us as sex-crazed fiends who will do anything to get laid, in reality, we have standards just like pretty much everyone else does, and if you’re the creepy guy at the bar winking at me when I mention that I’m bi, you probably don’t meet them.

5. Every girl’s a “little bit bi”

Thanks, exploitative creators of Girls Gone Wild! Because what women really needed was even more assumptions about their sexualities.

Some girls are bi. Some girls are gay. Some girls are straight. Well…most girls are straight, actually. I’ve met straight girls who’ve identified as bicurious, but they’re not nearly as common as you think. Stop pouring drinks for college girls in the hope that if you get them drunk enough, they’ll suddenly realise they’re into ladies too. Almost 100% of the time, that’s not how it works.

Interestingly, nobody claims that every boy’s a little bit bi, probably because the straight dudes who come up with this stuff aren’t all that excited by the idea of two drunk guys making out. Pity, huh?

6. Bi people just can’t pick a side

Yes we can. We “picked” bisexuality.

This one is particularly hurtful because it comes from both straight and gay people. I’ve had straight people tell me I’m “only doing it for the attention” (only doing what, flirting with girls while in a long-term committed relationship with my partner? you got me!) and gay people tell me I’m “bi now, gay later” and that I need to come out of the closet (despite my deep and abiding love for sex with attractive and interesting men). To monosexuals, the idea that someone might be attracted to more than one gender is apparently so foreign that they have to rationalise it by assigning some kind of motive to us – we’re attention-seekers, we’re scared of coming out, we just don’t know ourselves well enough yet.

Personally, it’s straight people I don’t get. Straight dudes, how can you not want to sleep with Idris Elba? That man is sex on a stick. You are missing. out.

7. You can’t know you’re bi until you’ve dated both men and women

The weird thing about this one is that nobody says this to straight people.

Take a straight virgin. They’ve never had sex with anyone. So how do they know they’re only attracted to people of different genders? Surely they should have to get empirical proof of their attraction, or how else can they know for sure that they’re straight?

If that sounded ridiculous to you, that’s because it is. And yet, it’s something people say to me all the time. I’ve only ever been in relationships with men, so how can I know that I’m attracted to women and would be interested in having sex with them? What if I just find women aesthetically attractive but wouldn’t actually sleep with one given the chance?

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. You know that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you see someone you think is hot – that little rush of blood that’s your body’s way of telling you that you would definitely be interested in seeing that person with fewer clothes on?

Yeah, I get that when I see a woman I like. That’s how I know, genius.

8. Bisexuals are attracted to everyone

I love my mother to bits, I really do, but she’s a bit clueless about things sometimes. A while back, she confided in me that she didn’t know if a bi classmate of hers was inviting her out for lunch as a friend, or because she found my mother attractive.

“Are you attracted to every male friend of yours?” I asked, to which she answered that of course she wasn’t, because that would be preposterous. No straight person is attracted to everyone of the opposite sex.

“So why would you assume that just because she’s attracted to women, she’d be attracted to you?”

Oh. Yeah. Guess that’s kinda silly, right?

Like everyone, bisexuals have taste preferences. I personally love tall, dark-haired girls with a wicked sense of humour and a sultry voice like something out of a classic noir film. If you’re a petite blonde who sounds like Reese Witherspoon, I’m sure you’re swell, but you’re just not my type.

Don’t take it personally. I’m notoriously picky.

9. Bisexuals are greedy

“Best of both worlds, eh? Couldn’t just settle for one or the other!”

Yes, because that’s absolutely how sexuality works.

Bisexuality isn’t about greed – it’s about being able to feel sexual attraction to people of both your own and other genders. I didn’t choose to be bisexual – I was born like this. When I like someone, I just don’t care that much about their gender. Call it greed if you want – I call it the way I was made.

10. Bisexuals will never be ready to “settle down”

Ah, the roving bisexual – always hunting for something better, something their current partner can’t give them. A bisexual will never settle down because whether they’re with a girl or a guy (or someone of another gender entirely), there will always be something they want that they can’t get from the person they’re with.

Some day, I will meet this mythical insatiable bisexual and ask them how they do it. It sounds exhausting.

Like most people, bisexuals are perfectly capable of making a commitment to one partner (or multiple partners, if they’re poly) and sticking with it. Ask yourself – would you leave your partner of a different gender every single time you came across someone who could offer you something they couldn’t? Probably not, right? After all, you presumably love the person you’re with for who they are and are willing to accept, like all rational beings, that no one person can ever be completely perfect.

No, my partner doesn’t have the things I like in women. But he’s got a lot of the things I love in a man, and that’s more than enough for me. Might there presumably be a girl out there who would satisfy me in ways my current partner doesn’t? Sure. Would she be able to satisfy me in all the ways my current partner does? Probably not. Am I so tormented by “what I’m missing” that I’ll some day leave my partner to in search of someone who can satisfy me in different ways?

Let me just say that you wouldn’t be asking that if you knew how great this boy was in bed. (Love you, baby!)

When it comes down to it, bisexuals are just…people. They tend to like what most people like, dislike what most people dislike and want the same things most people want. Our sexualities don’t make us special – they’re just a part of who we are, the same way your sexuality is. Yes, there are bisexuals who are poly, bisexuals who cheat, bisexuals who will do anything for great sex, bisexuals who will never settle down, bisexuals who will later come out as either gay or straight – but there are monosexual people who do all of those things as well. These aren’t sexuality-exclusive behaviours – they’re just human ones, both positive and negative and in between. That’s because at the end of the day, bisexuals are human. And the funny thing about that is that it means we tend to act like other humans do.


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What Girls Said 21

  • I'm attracted to both men and women but I wouldn't say I'm bi. Though that has to do with me being sick of trying to work my own sexuality out. I'm queer. That is it.

    But I love that somebody finally wrote a take like this with some intelligence. I need to get my mum to read it. She seems to think that just because I'm dating a guy I am now automatically straight. No. I'm still attracted to women I just so happen to be dating a guy.
    Buh. I can't be stuffed arguing with her.

    It is really annoying to hear people talk about these misconceptions and believing them. I tried to convince one guy on here that bisexuals were just as monogamous as anyone else but he kept saying otherwise. So I switched to telling him he was thinking of polysexuals.

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  • As a bisexual I was really, REALLY happy to see someone on here finally decided to clarify some of the myths and ridiculous stereotypes we face a lot!
    You forgot to mention the "Bisexuality doesn't exist"-myth since that seriously seems to be something that some people on here actually believe as I've had two guys tell me that exact thing already. -.-
    Anyways, this was a great take, thank you for sharing this!

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  • Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I'm not even bi but I get so fucking frustrated when I see people making these assumptions. Can't even imagine how hurtful it is to someone who's actually bi.

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  • This take is stop on. I'm not even bisexual but the misconceptions that people have about bisexuality grind my gears. Especially when people think that all women are bisexual or that because bisexuals are attracted to both genders, somehow their chances of cheating or leaving them for someone else is doubled :/

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  • I'm bi, thank you for this take <3 <3 <3

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    • Would you date a bisexual man though? Just curious.

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    • People suck :P

    • I just want to be loved, so serious right now. I have to deal with this fucking hate 24/7.

  • I loved everything of this mytake! This is so true! I don't have problems with making out with girls at parties and with group sex, I would love to try that, but it doesn't mean that all people think the same way. I've met bi people online and they are nothing like other people think.

    The other myth that should die is the "it's just a phase" thing, everyone tells me this and I'm tired of it. I know what I am and what I like, so stop thinking you know more about myself than I do.

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  • I love this!! I'm not bisexual myself but have lots of bisexual friends and stuff and people always say things like that!
    I don't know how bi people stand all the stupid questions! They drive me crazy and I'm straight!!

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  • thank you!!! omg these stereotypes are endlessly tiring :|

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  • I agree with this take wholeheartedly. I'm pretty sure I'm bi, at the least bi-curious. Of course, I don't intend on telling anyone (except my boyfriend who knows) because my parents are hardcore Catholics and we fight enough already, and since I happen to be dating a guy, the confrontation isn't necessary yet. But the most common thing I've heard is "bisexuals just want to fuck everybody" and even when it's meant as a joke, it's extremely offensive.

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    • But would you date a bisexual male?

    • I don't see what difference it would make

    • I am just asking out of curiosity because I like evaluating people. I am a marketer.

  • Thank you for saying that, nice take :)

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  • my only problem with bi people is a lot of them act like they talk for the gay community i have no problem with bi people but in my opinion you shouldn't have the right to talk for people who are fully gay or fully straight

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    • Do you think being bisexual is lesser than being fully gay or lesbian?

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    • they are basically half gay half straight because they dont care about the gender

    • Half gay half straight.

      That is the best description I think anyone has ever come up with.

  • I'm bisexual. Thank you for this take.

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  • I'm Bisexual. I have been since I can remember. I've dreampt of being with both genders. I believe in having 1 partner.
    No, I haven't been with a woman before, but that doesn't mean I don't know what I like.

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  • Great take. I don't get why people believe all of these myths.

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  • Agreed. I'm Bisexual, and I'm tired of people claiming these false statements.

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  • Interesting take, many interesting points

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  • I'm attracted to both men and women. I dated women for about 5 years. I would never date a woman again. So I wouldn't classify myself as a "bisexual", but more or less a woman who loves and cherishes another woman's beautiful body. I have slep with both men and women. I loved how gentle women were, but love how rough men are more so. So people do consider me as "bisexual", whereas I really don't want to be labeled just because I am attracted to women. If that makes any sense..

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  • amen to that sista!!! :)

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  • I still wouldn't date someone who was bisexual. Also you said you've been with men. So you have never been with a woman?

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    • What? You aren't making sense?

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    • Do you think people are born straight?

    • Most are and very few aren't. Depends on your environment (peer pressure) and sometimes if there is an abnormality in your DNA on whether you choose to be a homosexual.

  • Thank you! I am bi, but I haven't come out because I am not ready to face it yet. I am struggling a tiny bit to come to terms with it, not because I don't like it, but cause I never looked at myself that way. This is a great take. Thanks for showing people what it is actually about :)

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What Guys Said 42

  • This was a really good take. I found it very informative. I had some of these beliefs too, however my personality is not one where I would really confront anybody on their sexual preferences. I say this because while I'm pretty open minded in this regard. I also believe that quite frankly who you are sexually attracted to is none of my business, and the ONLY time it becomes my business is when you express an interest in me. I know this sounds selfish. I don't mean it to. All I'm trying to express, is you can tell me you are straight, gay or bi-sexual if you like and that is fine. I'm not going to judge you, but unless you really want to open a dialog with me about your sexuality I'm not going to start making assumptions about you. I suppose some people might seek my opinion about this sort of thing, which is fine ( I have been told I'm easy to talk to) and I will answer these sorts of questions, but the only time these sorts of exchanges really affect me is if the person in question expresses a sexual interest in me. Up to that point in time any discussion about sex and sexuality are more academic than personal and as such I won't make any assumptions about these very personal choices.

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  • Great take. I am so tired of trying to put down the ignorance on here revolving dating and bisexuals... I am straight, but my last serious girlfriend was bi, and yes she dated a girl in the past as apparently you are just confused unless you date both... ugh.

    I never saw her as more likely to cheat, nor did she. She did have the highest sex drive of any girl I dated, but she attributed that to having great self confidence and good self image as well as just not getting hung up over sex...

    She also would never have made out with another girl for me, nor would I really want her to, that is cheating haha I think I would get at least a little jealous if not pissed..

    Honestly, I would never have know if she did not tell me.

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  • Ok, just have to say. On #7 where you said, " The weird thing about this one is that nobody says this to straight people." is bullshit.
    I've had several gay guys tell me I can't know if I'm gay or bi, until I try making out with or having sex with a guy. So that absolute statement is just not true at all lol.

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  • Well just like I can't say that bisexuals are more promiscuous/more likely to cheat, you can't say definitely that they aren't.

    As far as I'm aware there haven't been any scientific studies that have compared infidelity rate of bisexuals to those of heterosexuals.

    It is possible that they have a higher tendency to cheat/sleep around but without evidence we can't really say one way or another.

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  • Ha ha ha VERY WELL written and aptly described :) LOVED point 3 & 4 especially :) good job there :) <3

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  • Im gay and my last boyfriend was bi and after that relationship i said i was never going to date another bi guy again. Because he cheated on me a lot and he said "Im bi, so i want to be with a girl every once in a while too" and then he tried to convince me to let him have sex with girls anytime he wanted. So ever since then I've been avoiding bisexual guys completely cause im afraid of that happening again. This take made me realize that im being stupid and i can't generalize a whole sexuality based off one experience i had. So thank you :)

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  • This is easy appearantly all girls want to fk girls and all guys wanna fk girls , heck i am a straight dude who wanna bang girls , just girls... seriously madafkas read your comments apperantly 80% of girls on here are bi , what the fk is bi even? you want to sleep with guys and girls? how many names are we gonna call that before we figure out how to deal with it? comeon now thats the dumbest thing i've ever heard you are either straight or gay if you like everyone then you have a problem with you , sorry its not normal to date a guy and sleep with girls that means you have a problem that need fixing , also how come all girls are always bi and they want somekind of special treatement? who puts these thoughts in your minds? why 15,16,17 year olds are talking about their sexual history and what gender they prefer , fkers at that age you shouldn't have a fking preference or sexual histoy , iam sick of these naming their issues and getting mad at normal people.

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  • The number one bisexuality myth that needs to die:
    It exists...

    Bull fucking shit, you just believe it does because the media tells you it does. The reality is that it serves absolutely no societal value or biological value ergo it doesn't exist in reality just is the veil of reality that the media presents to us.

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    • Who the fuck are you to decide what sexuality is real and which aren't?

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    • You are clearly trolling because that is not remotely true. Maybe for you it is. @Gommers

    • You are clearly brainwashed and a member of the proletariat.

  • Actually bisexuals ARE more likely to cheat because they have twice as many opportunities.

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  • I am a straight guy.. but I never had any ( okay.. to be honest.. a bit of #7.. a bit :P) of the opinions as mentioned above. I love people for what they are- humans. But I have to yet meet an openly bi person.

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  • Ya Know What? Nobody gives a flying Fuck who you Fuck! Stop pretending you're something special because you get down with both. Do you want a goddamn cookie, here ya go chocolate chip. Happy? I'm glad I could help. . Go fuck yourself too so you could claim tri-sexual status too.
    Hugs, kisses, hotdogs and doughnuts!

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    • My point is its not the 50s anymore, if people are dicks about it ignore them! Live however makes you happy!

    • Actually a lot of people do give a fuck about who others fuck. It shouldn't be like that, but it is. Otherwise there wouldn't be such a thing as homophobia. And LGBTQ+ people wouldn't be killed for simply being LGBTQ+.

    • @lumos that's just sad, isn't it? WTF is wrong with people? ?

  • Let's say a girl is bisexual and she like guys and girls equally. Do you think they are more likely to date more men just because of society? If they like both genders they might as well date a guy because most girls get married to men. Vice versa.

    So my question is do you think bisexuals are more likely to do that?

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    • are more likely to date men?

    • yes are more bi women more likely to date men

    • no, that is what society wants you to think because of the damn patriarchy.

  • Lol #7 is bullshit hahahahahahaha!

    People know what they are or who they are without the need of dating the same or different gender.

    You hear people coming out as gay saying "I just knew it from when I was 4" or a transgender going "Yeah, well I really liked wearing my mum's tights".

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  • Good take and I agree with all of it apart from point 6, you dont "pick" or choose a sexuality, no one does.

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  • Well, in my experience with bisexual women who are friends, 1,2, & 4 have decent truth to them. All 6 of them were like that. However, obviously there are exceptions but from my observations this has been the case a majority of the time.

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  • Duh! Whatever that first pick is so hot it boosted my morning boner

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  • I can relate to some of these. Great take!

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  • Three cheers for this guy! Thank you very much for explaining this for everyone else.

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  • LOL This made me laugh!!!

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  • Love the pic...

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