Dating as a woman vs Dating as a man. You thought you had it bad!

[Anonymous]

I've never written a myTake before so im gonna be anon..touchy topic.

So, men and women have different dating experiences based on there sex.

I see many men complain about having to muster the courage to talk to a woman and face many rejections. I also see that women and from my view complain about the worng guys coming up to them and being on the waiting end is frustrating. And I have to say I agree.

Here's why. As a woman, to have to wait and hope someone worthwhile comes up to you, not even having the choice to seek them out can be so frustrating and disapinting. It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man with half the fervor that a man will pursue a woman.

So where does this leave us? sifting through the offers we do get. Even if they are terrible. Men seem to be advantaged that they dont have to dust off or avoid creepy men (homeless drunks if you're in NY) coming up to them for there...lets say D in this situation. How would you feel? and these homeless 'women' want to do no more than to well, you know. No undying love, no affection, of course but maybe some infection. *sigh*But women tend to offer men so much more.

For example, the other day, I saw this girl who just couldnt stand me (I'd never spoke to her, or said anything outloud to be hated or have ben connected to her circle of friends) but I found out its because i had something with a guy she liked a year ago basically, and it wasn't really anything.

She seemed SO happpy and not hating me for once, as she clung on to her new 'boyfriend' who seemed uncomfortable. Her boyfriend, practially stalked me last year with the intent of sleeping with me. Now, I eventually made out with with him ONCE (because he was there) and the guy that I wanted to choose me 'didnt', completely regret it. So, crazy thing is after I turned down sleeping with him he was so butthurt and upset that he couldnt be cordial or friendly with me and when i needed a friend, promptly invited me to his dorm and no concern about me emotionally as he once 'did'. So with no friendship, suport, I cut him off because he didn't understand boundaries or what no meant. I told him, not matter how many times he tried, to never speak to me again. Not to mention when I tried to be kind and spend time with him alone, unanswered texts etc.

So enter this girl who treats me rudely, gets her friends to give me the mean eye, and feels like she's in competition with me and with our only connection being this guy and almost gets people to exclude me , 'the new girl' to the class. She now hangs on to him, and seems clingy, when this guy doesn't seem to want her or anyone. But you know what... she gets a guy.

I hate, hate hate, to think I would have to stoop to this level to get to be with someone that I like, but I often wonder, is that how it works? Does a man womanize and treat women poorly because who he previously 'chose' rejected them? And so now they spew garbage, manipulate, and lie but some woman, somewhere runs after this wounded puppy ignoring there own pain and human dignity and just acts as a recipient for all of there garbage? While the women who refuse to deal with it, are just met with more ridiculousness?

Well, Apparently so.

In the end of my situation, I was treated like a sexual object of value only, devalued or ignored when I acted as a friend, and then villlainized and hated by this insecure girl(his now girlfriend) to badmouth me which prevented me for making friends in a new area, when I did absolutely nothing but make decisions as a female. While being upset that I would not sleep with him and he couldnt tell his buddies that he 'got me'. But, behold, he gets love and undying afftection of someone and I'm basically treated like crap from all parties. Cheers.

Wow, to be a man must be wonderful.

This is why I can't stand men a complaining about there rejections.

Because I think they dismiss a tiny detail. You. Chose. Her. You can choose, with no backlash or emotional suffering or being shamed as a slut or as desperate none of your fellow men coming after you.

You likely, went up to her, amis the other women in the room, chose this person to pursue. In the end, it was your choice regardless of the situation.

As a woman who isn't shy, or is up front about what I want, I find dating to not have equal opportunity for both parties. I can be seen as too outgoing and shyer guys or just plain not outgoing guys who will tell me in the future that they felt I wasn't interested or they felt nervouse about going up to me...

How unfair is that?

I honestly think we have it worst on the recieving end. But is there another way?

I guess I'll just hope and wait for the right answer to come along. ugh.

[AleDeEurope]

I'm sorry, but women can CHOOSE to either sit down and wait, or stand up and walk up to guys. Men don't have the privilege to sit down and wait, and have lots of women come up to him. Yes, you gotta deal with crap, but you will still get approach by some decent men.
You hold on to the negative idea that a girl approaching is seem manly. That's not true at all, you just use it as an excuse to not get your ass up and go for what you want.
Do you wait until someone offers you a job, or do you get up and send your resume to dozens of companies?
"Oh no, I got the douchebag" well no SHIT, you were sitting down and the douchebag was the one who approached, if you would have moved and talked to that good guy you like, you wouldn't be with the douche.

I'm sorry but all the "we have it more difficult" is bullshit, you don't have it more difficult, you make it more difficult in yourself. YOU. Blame yourself.

I hate when I see girls crying about being single or being with the wrong guy when they do nothing to change that. MOVE!

[Anonymous]

I found this mytake to be completely misleading. Men have it just as hard as women, if not harder these days. You have proved it. You just said (in a round about way) that us women have to choose from the trashy men who approach us and weed through to try to find a man worth keeping. Do you realize that that statement alone is going to make men hate us further and think we are all the same? Men hardly approach girls anymore because of women like you. The women who believe the men whom approach us aren't good enough for us. That's pathetic and bullshit! I'm so friggen lucky that I found a man as amazing as my boyfriend when I was 17. I don't have to deal with shit like this. But if I had to deal with this, I would give the men who approached me the benefit of the doubt regardless of who they seemed to be on the outside. This mytake really makes my blood boil. You're making out like men are trash and the ones who aren't are taken. You are the definition of what is wrong with women today.

[mikemx55]

I think she meant more the homeless and the drunk ones, when she mentioned the trash. And on that, I understand it must be frustrating.

[Transigence]

"Do you realize that that statement alone is going to make men hate us further and think we are all the same? Men hardly approach girls anymore because of women like you."

You are absolutely right! This is why I am single and making no effort to change it. I've essentially given up entirely.

But women like you are changing my mind!
Since coming to GAG I've found that what I thought once was maybe 5% of women is actually more like 50%!

Keep fighting this bullshit! The more vociferously the better! Women like you give us hope!

[Transigence]

And now all I have to do is figure out if a girl is one of you, or one of her. It's not going to be as simple as "who approached whom," but the distinction will still be critical for us to make.

I will never, ever date a woman who can take what is clearly an advantage for women and describe it as a disadvantage. Such a woman is bound to make every moment a living hell.

[Transigence]

In fact, I would never date a woman who WOULDN'T use her power and advantage to make things easier for me where I am disadvantaged -- after all, that's what I would do for you.

[Opinion Owner]

@Transigence thank you! There are many women out there who feel just like I do on such topics, but as you said, it is hard to tell who is who anymore! I wish you the best of luck for your dating future.

[alisenn9922]

most men are trash esp the single ones and the ones who aren't are taken. Most men are jerks they are mean to nice women and chase the bitches.. you have issues

[the_rake]

' I also see that women and from my view complain about the worng guys coming up to them and being on the waiting end is frustrating. And I have to say I agree.'

Then do some of the legwork yourself meeting attracting the right guy. Problem solved.

'No undying love, no affection,'

Why would there be undying love or affection before you get to know and build up some rapport with the person you approached?

'of course but maybe some infection.'

One word: contraception.

'women tend to offer men so much more.'

Yeah: marriage, two kids and a mortgage... great!

'Her boyfriend, practially stalked me last year with the intent of sleeping with me. Now, I eventually made out with with him ONCE (because he was there)'

Yeah, I know these things just 'happen', amirite? There is no such thing as will power or self-control. If something happens 'in the moment' as a woman you have no choice but to get swept off your feet.

'and the guy that I wanted to choose me 'didnt', completely regret it.'

What you really mean to say that the guy that was aggressively persistent got action and the guy that preferred to sit at the sidelines and respect you got nothing.

And now you resent the fact that you can't find Mr. Right.

'So enter this girl who treats me rudely,'

So really and truly, dating as a woman, your problem is not so much MEN as it is other WOMEN.

'And so now they spew garbage, manipulate, and lie but some woman, somewhere runs after this wounded puppy'

I think women are just attracted to the Machiavellian impulse (lying, cheating, backstabbing, etc.). Probably related to survival somehow (men like this would have been more likely to survive in nature).

'Wow, to be a man must be wonderful.'

Only if you happen to be in the top 20%.

That's because only the top 20% of men get to sleep with and date the most attractive 80% of women, while men in the lower ranks either have to sleep with prostitutes or settle with the least attractive women in the population.

www.examiner.com/.../the-80-20-rule-theory-explains-a-lot-of-today-s-problems-among-dating-singles

https://youtu.be/ORfz0ku0ixMhttps://youtu.be/HGEO6ig8WsM

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22977-girls-on-tinder-do-smash-a-lot

Having your pick of the most attractive men must be wonderful.

'This is why I can't stand men a complaining about there rejections.'

One reason is because women are often much more discourteous in the way that they reject men:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmP1ier3R30

'I think they dismiss a tiny detail. You. Chose. Her.'

Nope, men have considerably LESS choice in available women. It should be: You. Chose. Him.

[CaliforniaMe]

Guys don't like when girls approach. ..

[CaliforniaMe]

That guy said I'm not looking. . Yeah For A Girl Who Comes on to strong lol

[Words_and_Wisdom]

@CaliforniaMe Bullshit. I much MUCH prefer women approaching me. And you know what, most guys actually would too.

[the_rake]

@CaliforniaMe

I think you'd rather just address a small part of my argument, conveniently ignoring the points that are much harder to refute, while using a lame excuse not to approach, and one that doesn't even apply anyway.

[the_rake]

It's better than saying 'fuck off'.

Also see this video where the majority of men agreed to the woman's proposition:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBtF3I7fDfU

[myTake Owner]

I really like this opinion, but I will say that attractive women date poor men, they just may be poor themselves too... but there are plently of attractive women who are poor and date otehrs who aren't financially stable or really attractive I dont understand why you think otherwise.

[the_rake]

'[A]ttractive women date poor men, they just may be poor themselves too... but there are plently of attractive women who are poor and date otehrs who aren't financially stable or really attractive I dont understand why you think otherwise.'

I'm confused why you'd bring this up since I never mentioned the role that wealth plays in attraction.

But yes, wealth contributes to status and therefore makes (wealthy) men more attractive, since wealth is a kind of evidence of success, ambition, confidence and other (attractive) qualities.

Women can still find poor men attractive because they can possess other attractive qualities, including, but not limited to the ability to BECOME wealthy. Confidence, optimism, presence and natural leadership are all highly attractive qualities in a man.

Essentially, it is status more so than wealth that attracts women. A positive and confident mindset is often conducive to money-making anyway, and poor men can still BECOME rich with this mindset

[the_rake]

*this is not to mention the fact that wealth does NOT necessarily evidence a confident, successful mindset in and of itself (wealth can be inherited or unearned, etc. etc.). Not everyone that is wealthy is a stellar example of 'from rags to riches', and therefore not everyone that is wealthy is necessarily attractive.*

[ranma187]

@CaliforniaMe Wrong I like it when girls approach. I've had it happen. It's okay with me.

[Dipsy]

"Wow, to be a man must be wonderful"
Yes only the guys who get women have it more wonderful than the majority of other guys left, who you didn't even think of.
Let's take the 20/80 (roughly) rule and divide both men and women in parts of 20% and 80%.
So we now have 20% of guys and 80% of guys, and 20% of women and 80% of women as groups.
80% of women go after 20% of guys. Those 20% of guys are the 'top' guys, THEY have it easier than the 100% of women and the 80% of other guys left. They have it the easiest of all.

The 80% of women have it easier than the 80% of men. Those women have it relatively easy compared to 80% of men, they can have sex like whenever spreading their legs, because most of those 80% of guys are willing to have sex/relationship with the 80% of women. Those 80% of women are in place 2.

The 80% of guys are not liked as much as the 20% of guys in the eyes of women. Women usually like a man when other women like that guy too, so that's why most women go for the 20% of guys, and not the 80% of guys (and of course those 20% of guys are more confident, more fun and more charming and stuff). The 80% of guys usually want a woman of the 80% group, but she doesn't want him, unless the guy manages to go from the 80% to the 20% group, or manages to prove himself worthy of her in some other ways. They are in place 3.

The 20% of women have it the hardest, sadly. They too want a guy of the 20% group, but they settle down for a guy in the 80% group, because they know for sure that they can't get a guy in the top 20% group. They are in place 4.

So basically, the 'top' of the guys have it the best of everyone, while the far majority of women have it better than the far majority of men. The far majority of men have it better than the smallest group of women.
So if you'd give points to each group on how good they have it, you'd give 4 points to the 'best' group and 3 points to second group etc.
This results in:

4*20 = 80
2*80 = 160 +
--------------------
240 points for guys

3*80 = 240
1*20 = 20 +
--------------------
260 points for girls

Girls have it easier.

[Dipsy]

And by the way, I don't really mind that guys have it harder, cuz Im prepared to work for it, to work for getting a girl.
Accepting facts that either girls or guys have it harder don't really matter (but I've proven it anyway), what matters is your own effort.

[Plamen-1982]

First of all let's begin with the fact that there are "idiots" from both sides. About the "slut labeling", it matters how have you market yourself and build as an individual through the time! Because the one who have behaved so called "slutty" if you ask people what do you think about this girl, people automatically will say she is a slut. On the other hand if you have behaved in a manner that you are person of value with dignity no one will label you as slut, unless he or she is really stupid. Let's be honest, woman in general is more sexually appealing then man, it is not an excuse but how the humanity is build that we go after the woman, I personally disagree, because if you like something or somebody go for it take a shot and let the odds play. Creepers are everywhere, just ignore them do not give them any kind of value-meaning considering that they even exist. You are empowered to CHOSE, you can chose with who you are going to surround yourself as social circle of people, in that way you are managing the environment around you and eliminate the risk of being womanized and treated poorly. Also, if you like some one just go for it, otherwise other woman will get the guy before you and you will regret. It is misconception that only man have to go after woman, we enjoy being hit on as much as you do! Everybody complain about rejection, it is human nature, however it is very stupid of man to use this a bases when approaching other girl. Listen, anyone can be perceived the way they want as long as they take control of the environment and manage that environment-be the manager and you will be perceive like the way you want. If you let frustration take over you, you are going into dark hole and it is very difficult to get out of there, trust me I have been partly there. There is no ultimate approach to woman or man because we are just different, so if you like a shyer guy just take it easy and encourage him. You have to analyze people I know it sounds too business, but it is true, because you have to decide is it worth it to invest your time and efforts. You will be fine, just turn every disadvantage into advantage for yourself and you will be fine, how?-just learn from life and think what have gone wrong and also right-replicate the things that works for you. And remember shyness will get you nowhere, I do not say that you have to be bold and confident. Everybody like well manged confidence when is applied correctly at the right time.

[CaliforniaMe]

Omg, thank you, you finally said it! I'm dealing with this situation now, having had all 3 of the people I've ever liked and love leave me for someone else whom they consider better. One is currently still in their 5th year of that relationship. But my previous guy, cursed me out 7 months straight on twitter, calling me out of my name because I finally decided to move on from him after a year trying to enter a relationship with him to no avial. We were in the talking stage for a whole year and I talked about how much I wanted to be with him, but he claimed he had trust issues, he would back off when things where going great and we where getting ready to be in a relationship. So I moved on officially and now he's in a happy relationship with someone he respects and trust, completely forgot about me.

This next guy has been flirting with me for a year and half now, and when I show interest back he ignores me. So now I'm officially moving on, and he's chasing me again, but what will happen next? Eventually he will treat me like crap for not giving him a chance, he will move on to get married, while the one with good intentions, is left to repeat the same cycle. ... I can't help but see through the manipulation of the males on this site taken I've been through it enough. .

[NatashaJ]

I agree and apparentally from the guys from buzzfeed guys don't want to settle down because they always think better out there. Utter bullshit because then they will want you back when they realize you were the best for them.

[NatashaJ]

apparently*

[CaliforniaMe]

I know. . Idc they all downgraded and they aren't as happy as they pretend. .. I'm happier single @NatashaJ

[NatashaJ]

Me too!

[CaliforniaMe]

3 thumbs down for what, lol because I'm right. ..

[myTake Owner]

Im sorry about you're experience, but maybe choose who you like more in the future, I might try this out!

[meowcow]

A woman has no choice but to sit and wait? No choice? That's complete BS. The moment anyone, man or woman, logs into Plenty of Fish or Tinder, it is a BIG STAMP on your forehead saying you're single and looking. You are single, desperate and everyone knows it. Whether the woman asks out first makes no difference when you're advertising to everyone like that. If we're talking about real life interactions, all a woman has to do is LOOK and SMILE at the man she is interested in. This will essentially alleviate the fear of rejection that most men have, because you're giving signals that it is OK to approach her. Instead, most women play this Stone Cold Bitch game, where she looks away when the guy she likes makes eye contact. That's the Go To Hell message that she's giving.

It sounds like you enjoy creating drama in your life. Amongst the people I know, none of them play the catty games and shit that you do. But then again, your experiences sound like that of a high school kid. Which is probably why they don't seem to have the same problems dating men that you've described.

As for much of the other stuff you wrote, it's difficult to understand. Please learn to write sentences correctly.

[Anonymous]

Haha it's your pride that's your problem m80! You 'have it so bad' because you expect the right guy to fall at your feet, instead of pursuing a meaningful relationship (which is what I think you want) by talking to the guy and putting your best foot forward. You don't have
That girl may not be the nicest, but she probably gives you the evils because you badmouth her boyfriend and insinuate that you're better than them both. Actually no... You're not.
Girls can approach guys, there's literally nothing stopping you except yourself. You're too full of pride to accept that he doesn't like you anymore and you missed out on the chance of a relationship with him because you didn't want him. Then I think you changed your mind and you're a little bit annoyed.
I'm 17 and I've always asked out the guys I've been interested in- sure, some have rejected me, but I took it on the chin, because it obviously wasn't meant to be.
I was rejected by my now boyfriend, who changed his mind and fell in love with me 10 months afterwards- we're still together a long time later.
I've never been called a slut, told I'm 'desperate' never had people slag me off behind my back of badmouth me because of asking out guys.
Honestly, I don't think that's the problem. I think it's something else... I don't want to be mean but I think it's you...

[myTake Owner]

probably is! lol but I'd say you misssed the part where i say 'I have no idea who this girl is, and didn't want to know her...' No, acknowledging someone being rude and nasty to you when you are kind to them doesn't mean you badmouth a person and I think theyre great people, just not to me :) aside from the wild assumptions, great opinion and keep it going! That courage is great and I may start to put my best foot forward and not settle for guys because theyre just there. Thanks for responding!

[Opinion Owner]

Haha yeah I did have to come to some conclusions on my own, so it's not a totally fair representation, but thank you!

[LeoLionEye]

I think this is a load of bull. You were talking about how men are able to approach women and ask them out but women just have to choose from who approaches them. Why can't you go up to a guy you like and ask them out? I think it is just because you want to accept the normal gender roles and don't want to go up to a guy and ask them out. I mean a woman is able to go up to a man and ask him out just as well as a man can ask a woman out. From my point of view as a man women actually have this easier. I mean you can ask men out if you want and you have men asking you out to choose from as well. I can honestly say I have never had a woman come up to me and ask me out, so as a guy I think it is the norm to never get asked out. So we are only left with the option to ask women out since we don't have to option to choose from women who ask us out.

You also talked about how girls can be mean and turn against you because a guy showed interest in you. The same thing happens with guys but we are just more straight forward about it and deal with it better. But there have been time when I have lost friends because I've showed interested in a girl who is a friend and then getting rejected and then having friends shun or ignore me because of doing so. So really I think it is hard for both genders.

[archiz]

You know what you re saying is something felt by a lot of girls. I thought it was only common in conservative societies but I was surprised that a lot of westernized peeps felt the same way like 2 of my french friends who are pretty liberal.
But I just simply don t agree with this. I mean you get to turn down the guy no? So you have a choice.
Some guys would disagree and complain that they have to do all the work and it s stressful for them.
Do you think it s easy to put yourself out there? Not really.
And I don t think it s needy nor desperate to approach the guy yourself if you like him and don t want to be a passive person.
If it s done on a decent and chill way there is nothing wrong with that and the guy will be so grateful and eased to know that you re direct and interested in him.
Plus if guy misbehave they get frown upon too, if a guy gets rejected or go out with a lot of girls etc...
He also gets the silent treatment and critics.
Not all guys want sex, some of them seek friendship too, you ve just met the wrong type.
I have guys messaging me everyday until I friendzone them and they ignore me completely and others that are considered my closest friends.
Don t generalize you re own experience.

[OpenClose]

Honestly, I wouldn't bother being so afraid of public ridicule for approaching. I think when people say "a real man should approach" and "a desperate woman would approach", it is the kinds of girls who already get a lot of attention, wanting to continue a structure where they do jack shit. And it is from guys who want to make sure the chest thumpers are on top. Not those "wussy dudes", who are usually the best fathers, the most likely to stick around, and the best in the sack.

There is nothing that makes a woman who approaches any less valuable. She usually gets tons of brownie points from me and a lot of guys I know. All except for, you guessed it, the chest-thumpers who talk about "alpha males" and whatnot.

I've mentioned this before: Rejection isn't bad at all. It's not bad when someone says "sorry, I'm not interested." But it's totally different when you can be publicly humiliated for saying "you're cool, wanna hang out some time?" on an elevator.

See, when girls keep telling you how uncomfortable it is to be approached all the time, and create videos of women being cat-called down the streets of New York, any guy with a bit of empathy would back off and approach more cautiously. That is, the guys who really CARE how you feel will be filtered out more than the guys who never gave two shits.

Plus, as long as women don't approach us, guys don't really have a choice, even those who don't understand boundaries. We are pushed TO approach, and not doing so is considered juvenile.

[Anonymous]

"It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man with half the fervor that a man will pursue a woman."

FALSE- Guys don't care if you come up to and ask them out. Shy guys such as myself actually prefer it. Don't believe me? Ask the guys on this site!

Does a man womanize and treat women poorly because who he previously 'chose' rejected them? No he is a womanizer, and doesn't care about you or anyother women. Don't date them!

"Wow, to be a man must be wonderful." No, not really. You know how mean and vicious women are? Imagine encountering that nearly every time you went up to and tried to talk to one, because God forbid if she is interested she talks to you.

Couple things:

1. If a guy doesn't respect you just because you went up to him and said "Hi" chances are they are womanizers who don't want relationships anyway.

2. Guys who do want relationships especially SHY guys who do, would love to have a woman ask them out!

So in conclusion, if you like a guy or just want to get to know him better start a conversation with him. If it goes anywhere consider asking him out!

[JSmuve]

I see this as a non-issue that you're biasing towards you side. As a woman you have the choice of waiting for guys (guys that you may not be interested in) or going after guys you're interested (and possibly facing rejection). If a guy rejects you for approaching him then you're back to where you were had you not approached him. If you don't approach a guy then you'll never get anywhere because you can't rely on him to approach you. The same logic works for guys as well. The only constraints that exist are the ones you impose on yourself.

As per your story, yes it sucks the way you were treated but I don't see how his position is grossly different from your own. He chose you and you rejected him. Now he has to settle for someone who he's not overly interested in. So he can only choose from the girls that are interested in him, which is what you were maligning earlier about your plight in the dating world. You say he gets love and undying affection but he probably doesn't want that. That's what you want. He wants sex with you. If you wanted undying affection and love, then you could've got that from some of the guys that are interested in you but you wrote off because you weren't interested in them.

So, as a girl, you either wait around hoping you strike big, settle, or be alone, and as a guy, you either keep approaching hoping you strike big, settle, or be alone. We all have it difficult, just in different ways. No gender is more difficult than the other.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Well this is nonsense.

No one is forcing you to stand around and wait. "It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man," what? No, just no, because no, literally, just no. Maybe *you* think that, but *guys* don't think that.

If guys choose to sit and wait, nothing will happen. They have one option and it's the active one that requires effort and tact, and putting yourself out there.

You've made a lot of assumptions about how people feel about you and each other. A girl likes a guy and she's expressing it to him, big whoop. What's dignity got to do with it? So they like each other, or maybe only she likes him... ok. [shrug]

There's a bunch of assumptions about how this guy felt about you but no reason why we should think he felt as you said.

All in all, literally everyone involved in your story seems like a moron.

How unfair is what? Guys being nervous to talk to you? Shame on them for not coming and talking to you even though you're not a shy person, what privileged shitlords they are even though that's what girls apparently feel and for some reason it's totally ok for them.

There is another way, it's brand new, revolutionary in fact; just talk to them. Use your mouth and lungs to form words as to make a connection with a guy. How would that not be effective? smh

[RationalLioness]

You made an assumption saying how guys dont thino that women who approach are masculine. I've met some.

Why do so many people on here lack basic sense?

[Zeanobia]

@RationalLioness When the amount of people who is calling you stupid, wrong or lacks common sense out number you and people who agree with you.

Suddenly, you looks like the person without common sense.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Based on numerous polls I've seen; upwards of 95% of guys can get behind being approached - and if most guys don't think that then it's not an incorrect assumption; it's a correct observation. So then I have to think that this "masculinity" is mostly invented by a woman's discomfort/insecurity and is rooted more within the self more than anyone else - and furthermore, interpreted negatively. Basically, women who express this concern feel some degree of discomfort or don't like the aesthetics of the action/situation and decide it's a problem for others to solve.

Now, you can do that and still have things work out ok. You can sit around and wait for events to unfold in the way that you'd like them to - even though there's pretty much nothing to lose everything to gain. You're just limiting yourself, and again, you can do that, but if you're externalizing an internal problem; blaming guys for your self-perception as being too masculine, that's retarded. *That* is an incorrect assumption.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

@RationalLioness

[sexytsigurl]

I'm extremely shy when it comes to guys and they make me so nervous I'm sometimes on the verge of a panic attack. However, recently, I actually kind of approached the guy.

I was in a group with a guy and another girl. I thought the guy who was in my group was really cute, but didn't think anything of it. But then I felt like I had to talk to him so I did. I'm so happy that I did because I really like talking to him. Last week was our last time working in our group. There were some signs I felt like he may have been giving me, but I'm not sure. He would say bye, but wait for me next to my desk so could walk with each other, get in my personal space, we laughed, smiled a lot. I hated the thought of never talking again. The one day I was going to say something, total disaster. He came to class late, waited for me so we could walk together, but of all classes his friend started talking to him.

So I said "fuck it." I texted him that I liked talking to him in class and that I think he's cool. If he ever wanted to hang out to send me a text sometime. He texted me back ten minutes later that he looked working with me too and for sure about hanging out.

Just this past Monday I sent him two picture texts. One with me looking like I'm thinking ava said, "guess where I am?" Then sent another picture of me at central park and said, "I finally made it to Central Park! Yay!" We had a conversation awhile ago about New York City and how much we like it. He texted me back less than a minute later saying how awesome it is that I was there and if I was there right now. Yesterday he texted me because he noticed I wasn't in class for a test.

I'm so happy that I sucked it up and said something. I've come to the conclusion that just like we do with anything in life, if you want something, go for it. You could miss a huge opportunity just waiting around for something that might never happen. I wasn't letting that happen this time around.

[alisenn9922]

its obvious if u send a text to someone saying u like hanging with them, they'll usually reciprocate, esp if they do like u. it does take courage- sometimes u want to but can't. If u got that text you'd be pretty happy too

[jack151]

If a girl walks up to a guy it doesn't mean she is desperate , If a girl walks up to a guy he knows that he can r make a friend or get a girlfriend.

Do you know how bitchy girls are when they are at the shopping centre. And they are never alone.
Or they are there with their friends/family or boyfriend.

If they are there with their boyfriend :
You have no shot of getting her.

If they are there with family :
You dont want to seem weird to her family.

And when her friends is there:
If she (the girl who is being approached ) feels that she is way out of his league, she will shut him down and let hi and her friends know she (feels) is better him.

Girls is also too shy to walk up to guys... For the same reason... (true?) Rejection...
The only difference is that if you go to a guy... and his friends he will feel so badass!
All the guys would be impress with him...

Look...
Iam not saying that a girl should act desperate... But an act of kindness isn't equal to desperation.

[Dragonstarterplus]

You bring up a good point. Many women don't make themselves easily approachable. It's already nerve wracking enough to approach a woman you don't really know and somehow ask her out when she's by herself. Adding a group of people around to witness just makes it much more intimidating for the average guy

[Moose2coolvargas]

This seems highly accurate, though I don't believe rejection is harder on women as it is men. Unapprochable.. yes.. I see a pattern with some of the women I try to begin a relationship with, my current situation, read my question about 'potential interest'. A man can only do so much, then it's out of your hands, the other persons turn. No response from her, no I'm not obligated to receive one but if the flirting continues, you wait for an ungodly amount of time it seems and if you try to push again, in an friendly reminder it whatever you overdo it and mess the whole thing up and waste all that time.

[chuppachup]

I have this excellent video that I have for you to watch. Made by a woman for this exact issue with dating. It won't take long. Please do watch this.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1736678-what-do-you-all-think-about-this-video - Skip into about 5:30 if you don't want to watch all of it.

As for my reply to your take...
Quote: "It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man with half the fervor that a man will pursue a woman.
So where does this leave us? sifting through the offers we do get. Even if they are terrible."
Answer: Here's a solution. Don't give a fuck if you are viewed as "masculine" or "desperate". The men who view you that way are punks and you are weeding them out when you decide to go on the offensive instead of "having" to sift through the "terrible" offers you do get. You truly are desperate if you decide to act how society wants you to, just to get a relationship. Even if you don't want to. That is desperate.

[Jager66]

Approaching isn't just a confidence thing.

Rejection is the pain of death, it can cause physical pain and cause life long emotional scars. Survival for humans is attachment, to their tribes, families, peers, lovers, etc...

Living is a small tribe, as humans evolved too, you would know who your mate will be by the time your a teenager and would have likely had an already established peer relationship most your lives.

Pain is a response to teach you not to do something again, so when guys get rejected by the women they like, often many times before they find one who likes them back this can have a lasting effect on that man. Now apply that to the entire male population... Going to cause all kinds of problems.

It's not natural for people to ignore rejection like is expected of men in modern dating. Meaning that men with a good emotional intelligence are likely to do much less approaching then men who don't care about the women they chase.

I'm sure you can see why society had gender rolls in dating, until the last few decades when why were social engineered out. Now without the old ways of doing things dating has gone feral and men have to respond to the dating market in the best ways that work, women hold the sexual power so they stipulate the rules. If you don't like the dating market blame women because they are the ones setting the standards, as your starting to notice.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, cry me a river!
You have the horrible situation of choosing out of all the options available to you. While still having full ability to seek them out but choosing not to because why bother when you don't have to put in the effort. The "view" that women can't is a female created falsehood because we would LOVE to not have to do the chase/fail bullshit.

You have zero idea what it's like to be invisible to the opposite sex, and then having to deal with being ridiculed, verbally attacked, or shamed if you do try and approach someone. The feeling of constant attempts and fails. The mental bullshit that is required to get back up when you have been kicked down at every attempt, and try "just one more time".

You are in the situation where food is offered to you and you get to "pick" what you want to eat and when. You have zero idea what it's like to go hungry.
We men are the starving 3rd world children begging for food, getting shunned and ignored by those who have it, eventually having to settle for scraps because the good food is being left for the scumbags who don't deserve it or need it.

[RationalLioness]

Women not approaching men due to it being masculine or non traditional was NOT created by women. This dates back to the preFeminism era.

[Opinion Owner]

@RationalLioness Seriously. I don't know of a single male who wouldn't like a female making the effort to approach first. SO "whoever" you think is making it an issue... is fictional. It's like all other feminist "issues" they are fictional self created ideas based on shit that may have existed decades ago. Like back when a female approaching a male would have been considered a no no. But it doesn't take a shit ton of common sense to see that we don't actually live in that society anymore, in reality.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. Unfortunately its how the dating "game" works these days. My sister was in a very similar position to you and she has practically given up on seeing guys now. I wish i could tell you whats causing all of this mess up but i would be lying if i knew exactly. My only advice is just to focus on the things you love doing for now and give dating a break just to boost your spirits a little.

I came from a time when a guy would go up to a girl and ask her out and i did that with my current girl, and we recently got married. I feel sorry for girls these days and i wish i could change it but i think this is a good time to reflect of why society has changed to be like this mess. Anyway i wish that the guy who truly loves you does find his way to you and makes you happy. In some way call me old fashioned and sexist, but i feel some distinction in masculinity and femininity needs to be there in society so that men and women can learnt to appreciate each other more.

[tyber1]

This is all bullshit. Women don't ask out men because women tell women that men don't like it. The truth is that A) many women are too cowardly to approach a man and ask him on a date and B) jealous women don't want other women approaching the guys they are interested in. The fact is, guys would very much LOVE to be approached more often. You will get no sympathy from me for CHOOSING to sit back and wait for a guy.

[AleDeEurope]

"women tell women that men don't like it." < This. Just an excuse to be lazy, cause you don't need a doctorate to know that men also like being approached.

[tyber1]

And there's the second factor as well, they don't want braver women approaching the men they like so they discourage each other. But it's bullshit and cowardice, just excuse making to prevent them from having to make themselves vulnerable.

[myTake Owner]

interesting you say this... Im so glad you put your opinon, this may be true. I never walked up to a guy and said i liked them before. Also, you might notice that the men 35 and up find it share the view that women seem less attractive if they appproach the man. This could very well be a generational thing, not just women tellin other women.
Because I have older (34) family mmembers say a man should do the chasing and like you more or else it doesn't work.
Im really changing my perspective on these things

[myTake Owner]

tellin lol telling*** woops

[tyber1]

It may be generational but I think even among older people there may be mixed opinions.

I saw one poll on here earlier this morning where a girl asked if guys thought women should do more approaching. Some girls voted as well but the results for men went as follows.

43 agreed
1 disagreed

I somewhat doubt only one older man voted. Anyways, among younger men the opinions are overwhelmingly in favor. Men want women to approach them, and many wish for them to split the check as well.

[pavlove]

Do you really want to sleep with a guy who isn't confident enough to approach you at all? I get turning down the first few guys but I don't see what's wrong with you girls limiting your pool of choice men to those who at least have the courage to approach you. Also, not to be a dick, but not every guy WANTS to approach you. Some actually have girlfriends, or you're just not the their type but it seems like maybe they don't want to approach you. However, instead of having to make the first move in this scenario and get blown out you just ignored which I don't which is better or worse from that mindset.

[Thor696]

Awesome answer... you are wise beyond your years, my friend!

[pavlove]

thanks man!

[myTake Owner]

i have no idea what you said at the end. This wasn't in the least bit helpful. No where did i say every guy wants to approach me or insiuate that. Im glad you have it all figured out.

[canadianLAD]

THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH AMERICA AND THE MAJORITY OF MASSES WHO ARE UNEDUCATED. ITS ALWAYS BASED ON SENSUALITY AND IMAGE. ALL EGO BOOSTING SELF ABSORBING AND ALMOST AS TO PLEASE OTHERS. MORALS HAS A HUGE IMPACT ON THE STABILITY AND SECURITY OF SOMEONES LOVE LIFE.

WHY SPEAK OF CONFIDENCE BEFORE MORALS? WHY NOT TALK ABOUT THE DEEPER THINGS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER IN A PRACTICAL SENSE? CONFIDENCE IS BUILT, HOW DO YOU KNOW THE CULTURE OF THE DUDE doesn't CONDONE THE SAME DATNG RITUALS OF THE US?

BLIND LEADING THE BLIND I TELL YOU AND YOU GOT a lot OF LIKES FOR THIS POST. SAD

[pavlove]

@canadianLAD calm down, fella.

[canadianLAD]

capital was a mistake.

calm as a cucumber