Let's talk about the step to becoming a real man, or more accurately a whole man.
To better illustrate my idea, we'll need the help of Sigmund Freud's idea's on id, ego and super ego.
The id is the base nature of a person. The one that acts on impluse and instinct.
The super ego is the lawful nature one. This lives by laws created by self or others.
The ego is the balance between the two. It tries and satisfy both inherently, opposite and intrisic needs.
Id: I want cookie!!
Super ego: That cookie is not for us. so no.
They argue, and ego steps in.
Ego: Ok, you can have the cookie, you promise to buy another to replace it.
All three agree.
What does this have to do with being a real man?
Well, there are nice guys (super ego), there are bad boys (id), and there’s you (the ego)
Let’s break it down.
The reason why bad boys are "successful" (define success in relation to them), is because they are men. The Id type of man, to be clear. The very BASE nature of a man that naturally attracts women, since men and women have been made to attract each other.
The reason why nice guys are "successful" (again, define success in relation to them) is because they treat girls nicely. More the super ego. They have rules on how they want to interact with them.
The reason why both are unsuccessful is because id doesn't know how to treat a lady, leaving some women angry, and the super ego doesn't know how to speak to the nature of a woman, leaving itself frustrated.
It takes the ego (whole man) to mitigate the two into a working relationship. The ego says, "I find this girl beautiful, and I'll let her know that," satisfying the id. Then the ego says, "I'll treat her well, but not to the point I'm not treated well," satisfying the super ego. He talks to her respectfully, let’s her know his interest, and, if she accepts, takes her on a date straight up. He always shows his sexual interest in her all the while being a proper gentleman.
All men (and women, in their own right) have it. Consider this, if your ancestors weren't able to attract the opposite sex, then would you be here? No.
So, your birth and existence means your genes are good enough to find a mate, scientifically speaking.
The problem is that we, humans, can override our base nature, no other animal can do that.
We can deprive ourselves of basic needs if we want, like food and water.
So, through social conditioning, we men have deprived ourselves of our base nature, relying on our higher selves only. That alone is not attracting women in a sexual/romantic level. We have to remember to be our lower base selves at times. It is a delicate balance.
Take care good people.