Is there really such a thing as using someone?
I ask this for this reason, I've seen and heard it a lot. Imagine this, a guy does not show interest in a girl unless she has money, unless she's dressed up and groomed well, sometimes even be a certain weight, have a car, a job, be smart and lively, have her own place. If not he won't show interest and when she does have these things he will show interest again. And even though he asks the lady to have these things he may not have them himself. . And society, her friends her family will say
"Honey he's just using you"
But then let's say we have a girl, she insists that the guy she dates has a college degree, a job, money a house and a car, be well dressed exc. If he doesn't have a job that provides money then he's a dead beat if he doesn't have a car or his own place he's immature and childish and not a grown man. She may not have a job at all no money still live with a friend or at home, and yet this isn't her using him. It's "her standards"
See, personally, I don't believe there is such a thing as someone "using another person" and this is why.
1. To get you gotta give
Let's have the old situation of a old old man rich and a hot young female. Many assume she's their for the money. In some cases that's very true. But its not like she doesn't have to sacrifice to get that money. He standard is she wants someone who has the cash, who can buy her things, and his kids will say "dad she's using you". Yet in some (not all) cases he KNOWS this, how could this hot fox want to be with a guy her dad's or older than her dad's age, which she can have a smoking hot guy. There are cases where the 2 actually have feelings for each other. But in the cases where they don't. She has to out up with a role of girlfriend or wife with a older guy who may not physically or spiritually be around her age. But her stranded is he has money and his life together so she'll skip the 20 so.etching year Olds and cut to the chase. She's not taking advantage of the old man, I say this again because he knows how unrealistic things can be. Yet he allows it to happen. Even if she was there for money and nothing else, he knows it's a possibility and doesn't say no. He gives consent and therefore he's not being used. It's a give and take relationship.
2. Well what about people around the same a?
Again can you really be using someone without them knowing and being okay with it? We've all heard the story of the guy "using" the girl for sex. But there's 2 ways this happens. One he shows up for sex or affection and that's it. The moment he's done with his side and satisfied he's gone, he's out, he won't text till he's hot and ready again and he wants to go straight to bed and in between your legs. It's pretty obvious he's there for sex, he not there for dates he's not there to cuddle he's not there to talk to, but she'll sleep with him again. And again and again. And then she'll approach with the "what are we'?" And when he tells her the truth, she's shocked."he used me for sex!" She claims broken hearted. But did he ever suggest wanting anything more? His standard may have been that he wants a girl who is open to sex, in return hell pleasure her for a few minutes as well.
And then there's the guy who just wants sex but does the most, he does text you he does go on dates with you, he is there for you. When he's done he leaves the "relationship" and the girl is heart broken. I understand feelings could have grown. But he didn't take without giving. He gave you affection, his time, exc. To charm you into bed, so don't act like things were just taken from you when you were given things in return.
More often than not the people I hear or see using the "he/she used me card" saw the s! They had a feeling and they new deep down and they admit to it. They know what their partner or that other person was there for and they with a naive perspective thought they could change that. In a result they are the victim and use the "used me" card to demonize the partner or other person. Yet they knew what was going on or had a feeling and even if it was the smallest feeling they should have a dressed it.
I'm not sure if it is because of the type of person I am or the the things I've been through or have seen others go through. But I do not believe there is such a thing as someone being used. And if using someone is true than we all use someone I don't believe there is one sided usage.
What do you think?
Note: For those who have gone through the situations I gave as an example, I am not calling you stupid or foolish, these are not ideal situations, and if emotions were added I'm sure they were hard and it's reasonable that someone would struggle with accepting that type of information.