"Run and Hide! Because He/She is USING YOU"

Is there really such a thing as using someone?

I ask this for this reason, I've seen and heard it a lot. Imagine this, a guy does not show interest in a girl unless she has money, unless she's dressed up and groomed well, sometimes even be a certain weight, have a car, a job, be smart and lively, have her own place. If not he won't show interest and when she does have these things he will show interest again. And even though he asks the lady to have these things he may not have them himself. . And society, her friends her family will say

"Honey he's just using you"

But then let's say we have a girl, she insists that the guy she dates has a college degree, a job, money a house and a car, be well dressed exc. If he doesn't have a job that provides money then he's a dead beat if he doesn't have a car or his own place he's immature and childish and not a grown man. She may not have a job at all no money still live with a friend or at home, and yet this isn't her using him. It's "her standards"

See, personally, I don't believe there is such a thing as someone "using another person" and this is why.

1. To get you gotta give

Let's have the old situation of a old old man rich and a hot young female. Many assume she's their for the money. In some cases that's very true. But its not like she doesn't have to sacrifice to get that money. He standard is she wants someone who has the cash, who can buy her things, and his kids will say "dad she's using you". Yet in some (not all) cases he KNOWS this, how could this hot fox want to be with a guy her dad's or older than her dad's age, which she can have a smoking hot guy. There are cases where the 2 actually have feelings for each other. But in the cases where they don't. She has to out up with a role of girlfriend or wife with a older guy who may not physically or spiritually be around her age. But her stranded is he has money and his life together so she'll skip the 20 so.etching year Olds and cut to the chase. She's not taking advantage of the old man, I say this again because he knows how unrealistic things can be. Yet he allows it to happen. Even if she was there for money and nothing else, he knows it's a possibility and doesn't say no. He gives consent and therefore he's not being used. It's a give and take relationship.

2. Well what about people around the same a?

Again can you really be using someone without them knowing and being okay with it? We've all heard the story of the guy "using" the girl for sex. But there's 2 ways this happens. One he shows up for sex or affection and that's it. The moment he's done with his side and satisfied he's gone, he's out, he won't text till he's hot and ready again and he wants to go straight to bed and in between your legs. It's pretty obvious he's there for sex, he not there for dates he's not there to cuddle he's not there to talk to, but she'll sleep with him again. And again and again. And then she'll approach with the "what are we'?" And when he tells her the truth, she's shocked."he used me for sex!" She claims broken hearted. But did he ever suggest wanting anything more? His standard may have been that he wants a girl who is open to sex, in return hell pleasure her for a few minutes as well.

And then there's the guy who just wants sex but does the most, he does text you he does go on dates with you, he is there for you. When he's done he leaves the "relationship" and the girl is heart broken. I understand feelings could have grown. But he didn't take without giving. He gave you affection, his time, exc. To charm you into bed, so don't act like things were just taken from you when you were given things in return.

3. Defense

More often than not the people I hear or see using the "he/she used me card" saw the s! They had a feeling and they new deep down and they admit to it. They know what their partner or that other person was there for and they with a naive perspective thought they could change that. In a result they are the victim and use the "used me" card to demonize the partner or other person. Yet they knew what was going on or had a feeling and even if it was the smallest feeling they should have a dressed it.

I'm not sure if it is because of the type of person I am or the the things I've been through or have seen others go through. But I do not believe there is such a thing as someone being used. And if using someone is true than we all use someone I don't believe there is one sided usage.

What do you think?

Note: For those who have gone through the situations I gave as an example, I am not calling you stupid or foolish, these are not ideal situations, and if emotions were added I'm sure they were hard and it's reasonable that someone would struggle with accepting that type of information.


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What Guys Said 5

  • You live a. Sad life

    • Not really, obviously life ain't perfect I've lost relatives and taking college classes in high school wasn't fun but for the most part very happy life.
      Wouldn't change anything about it accept wanting to finish college

  • Well, if I get laid consistently, I don't mind getting used.

  • I agree with you on this. I've never been comfortable with the "He just used me for sex!" line (usually said by girls). Unless the guy raped you, weren't you a willing partner? It's not like girls aren't free agents in all of this 'cause they are. They're sexual beings with the ability to say yes or no and choose or not to have sex. So as far as I'm concerned the "He just used me for sex!" line doesn't hold up. Why would it only be the guy who's using the other for sex and not the girl?

  • I agree with it you touched on so many things

  • I'm sorry but you need an editor, and I need a job. Are you guys hiring because this website could be generating millions. You're taping into very powerful things at GaG and I'd like to be a part of it. In any capacity

    • Well I am not hiring for an editor actually I just expressed and options and gag sent me a message that it would be put on the home page and a congratulations, you should probably email or message Gag's editors if you want a job

What Girls Said 4

  • You're making the assumption that every case is clear-cut and that it all boils down to being naive or not thinking for yourself. And that's wrong. The world isn't as black and white as you think, there are a lot of scammers and manipulative people out there. Sure, in some cases it's clear that person A only wanted one thing from person B, and that person B was aware of this. When that's the case, person B can not claim that he/she was used.
    But in a lot of situations, person A isn't honest about their intentions. Person A might lie. Person A might say that they (for instance) want a relationship, that they want to be serious with person B and that they're now exclusive. So person B ends up treating it as a relationship and then has sex with person A (because that's what a lot of people do in relationships). As soon as that has happened, person A completely changes and leaves person B just like that. Person B was used for sex because person A lied about their intentions.
    And then we have some more extreme cases that have to do with rape, stealing someone's money/belongings, scamming someone, holding people hostage, kidnapping someone etc. All of these things happen against someone's will. The rapist uses the body of the victim to express hatred and dominance, or to get off. The thief steals another person's hard earned money. The scammer lies about their intentions to get what they want from their victims. Those who hold other people as hostages use these hostages as bargaining tools when dealing with the police. Kidnappers often do the same.
    So yes. There definitely is such a thing as "using someone". Especially if you lie about your intentions, manipulate them and do the extreme things I just mentioned.

  • usually people who defend users and try to justify using others, tend to be users themselves. are you a user? lol just sayin

    • I would say I'm not, I tell people straight from the get go what's going on and what my intention are. If they continue to go along with it after being told what's going on and what's going to happen they aren't being used, because they gave concent. The only individuals who could and can be used in my opinion, and that I did not add to my take because my take only involves teen to adult individuals. Is children, and those with mental delays or illness because they can not cognitively understand what's being said and done to them.
      However because I am brutally honest to even strangers in my life I do not consider myself a user, I don't put my time or energy into lies or manipulation. But since your option is that users tend to defend users, who knows. Everyone has their own opinion.

  • If the transaction is clear and you agree to it, you have made a successful transaction.

    If the terms of the transaction are not clear because the other party is making them unclear on purpose, even if you agreed to it, you have been wronged. Or more accurately, conned.

    If I sell you coke that looks like coke and tastes like coke and I charge you price of coke, but it actually contains poisonous crap making it cheaper to produce that I DID put on the label in tiny writing but you didn't read... I conned you. I counted on you not reading the label so I could earn money of you.

    Same with feelings. People in love are blinded by feelings and people who use them count on that. Users also remain ambiguous in expressing what they like, or say it in ways that sounds like a joke not to be taken seriously. It's a con. They don't want you to read the fine print.

    Sometimes the person who has no feelings is VERY clear, but the other person hopes to change things, lies to themselves, or simply refuses to accept the truth. In this case they are to be blamed, but these situations are rare as few people are THAT delusional.

    Leading someone on is to con them in order to get what you would not have gotten had you been upfront and CLEAR with the person. A lie by omission is still a lie.

    And the conned have been conned whether they are idiots for falling for it, or smart people who never could have seen it coming. The perpetrator has still committed a crime.

  • Great take...