How To Use Tinder

How To Use Tinder

I've been using tinder for a couple of months now and I've learned a lot from it. I know some people on here are wondering about the basics of tinder, so I decided to write a little myTake for those of you who are considering to use the app.

Disclaimer: I'm personally using it as a dating app, and therefore I will focus on how to actually try to get something serious out of it. If you're just looking for one night stands, then I can't really help you as that's not what I'm personally aiming for. This take is also a bit more for guys to read, but maybe some of you girls will also find these tips useful.

1. Choose your pictures wisely

It seems pretty self-evident, but you'd be surprised if you knew just how many guys I've swiped left ("disliked") because they chose poor pictures to represent themselves with.

Here's a list of no-nos.

• Blurry or over filtered pictures. Self-explanatory.
• A group picture as your first and/or only picture. How am I supposed to know which one of these 5 guys you are? Too much effort to find out.
• Only pictures of you in sunglasses. I want to be able to see your face. If you cover half of your face in sunglasses, then I won't be able to really tell if I find you attractive or not.
• Bathroom/mirror selfies. This might be just a personal preference, but I like "normal" pictures and selfies more, compared to those that have been taken in a bathroom mirror. This is also because some people have a tendency of covering their flaws with their chunky looking phone, so again, it's harder to determine if I find you attractive or not. One picture like that is maybe ok if you actually show your face properly.
• Not smiling in any of your pictures. It just makes you come off as grumpy/serious, and possibly insecure (you don't like your smile?).
• Only having one picture up. Not only is that a tiny catfish warning, but it also makes it harder for me to determine if you're attractive.
• Making too big of an effort to show off your body (i.e. you're half naked in every single picture). If you're only looking for a one night stand, then this might be a good idea. But I'm looking for something a bit more serious, and I can't take a guy seriously if he's only half dressed in most or all of his pictures. If his last pic is one of him at the beach, then that's fine since he's not putting too much emphasis on it. But too much is just an instant turn off.
• Posing with a baby or a girl in any of your pictures. It just raises too many questions. Is that his girlfriend? Is he actually taken? Is that his baby? Is he a single father? What's his deal? If a girl happens to be in a group picture then that's fine, but posing alone with a girl or a baby is just a tiny bit too suspicious.

You might be thinking "wow, that's a really long list, you must be so shallow". No, not really. Most of these points boil down to just showing your face properly and taking the time to take some high quality pictures. After all, the first thing I see is your face. So might as well put some effort into giving a good impression.

Here's a list of some yes-yes'!

• Posing with a dog or some other type of cute/cool animal (it has actually been proven that those who pose with animals have a higher success rate!). Because it's cute and funny, and always nice to know that he's friendly with animals.
• Having a variety of different pictures that show off what you look like and possibly what kind of hobbies you have.
• Smiling! It's so attractive and makes you look more confident.
• Nice, quality pictures with no extreme color-altering filters or blurriness. They don't have to look professional or anything, most phone cameras are decent enough nowadays. You just have to take them in good lighting and not mess the quality up with filters/changing the size etc.

2. Choose your bio wisely

I prefer bios that are short, simple and not too cheesy. Some guys just try too hard to sound sophisticated/well-mannered, intelligent and funny in their bios. It just ends up sounding way too cheesy and fake to me. Some bios are also a bit too lenghty, I just want a simple introduction and not your entire life story. So just try to sound as genuine and down to earth as possible. Mentioning that you'd prefer to look for something serious is also a bonus.
Since I personally suck at telling about myself, I've only used some emojis to describe myself. Some food emojis, gaming/computer emojis, and one skiing emoji. I also have the flag emojis that represent which languages I can speak. That's about it. And it seems effective enough since most guys who message me always end up asking/talking about the emojis I've chosen! :) It's a good conversation starter.

3. Don't drown her in messages right off the bat

Something I've noticed is that some guys have a bad tendency of sending several long messages to me right off the bat. It just feels a bit overwhelming, because then I feel like I have to sit there and type out equally long messages to not come off as rude and disinterested. And sometimes I don't really have time for that and would prefer to keep the conversation a bit more fast-paced. Save the long messages for later when you've gotten to know each other a bit better, as to not overwhelm the other person.

4. Don't be too pushy. Be patient.

Now THIS is a really big red flag to me. Yes, I get that with tinder, the point is to probably meet up at some point. But I'm somewhat shy and introverted, and would prefer to just chat for at least a few days before actually meeting up. Several guys have now tried to meet up with me IMMEDIATELY, one even went as far as saying (in his second message to me) that he wanted to meet up at 12.30. He sent that message at around 10, so he gave me a 2 hour "notice" to prepare. That's just a big no-no for me. It might work on spontaneous girls, so you could always try. But if the girl seems reluctant or flat-out tells you that she can't do that, then don't be pushy.
With all of the guys who have wanted to meet up immediately, I've explained that I'm a bit too shy for that and would prefer to take it slightly slower. All of them reacted negatively. Every single one of them. One asked me why I even was on tinder and kept saying that I "should be ok with it". Another one tried to guilt-trip me and said that a brave/smart girl would happily accept. Several other guys have used similar tactics and practically demanded that I make time for them quickly. Their tones would completely change. That's just too aggressive for me and makes them come off as insanely rude and selfish for not accepting the fact that I'm just shy. What's the rush? Why can't you wait a few days and just chat with me over text? It makes me question their motives. I pulled away from one guy in particular who was way too aggressive and pushy, and he ended up calling me names. All because I'm shy and want to be careful. Dodged a bullet with that one.

5. If a girl stops responding, just move on

I've stopped responding to a few guys, and for different reasons usually. Sometimes I was just not feeling the conversation and decided to end it. Other times the guys were just too aggressive/pushy/rude so I pulled away out of caution. Some guys weren't bothered and didn't seem to care. But other guys started spamming me, writing out my name in all caps (so it felt like they were yelling for me to come back), calling me names etc. I just don't understand the point. If someone seems disinterested, then you should just move on. Calling them names or spamming them will just make you look extremely desperate, and that won't do you any favors. On tinder, you can report a user for inappropriate/rude messages. So if you end up harassing those who don't respond, you might just get banned from tinder altogether. Remember that nobody owes you anything on that app, and you're just wasting your time spamming that person. Quietly move on and unmatch them if you want. That's what I've done with the guys who didn't respond to my message. No biggie.



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What Guys Said 34

  • Online Dating sites are just tools to meet people. Your profile and pics should be like a Guerilla Resume... different then the next persons! Google it if you don't know what this resume looks like. If you look and read like everyone else then you will get passed on by like everyone else. So many people don't take action and instead give excuses. I have so many average looking clients crushing it on these stupid dating apps. Mostly because of advice given in this TAKE. Nice Take by the way. More people should pay attention instead of making excuses.

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  • Lol tinder is effective for a certain type of demographic, but after one week I just deleted it. Getting too old for that baha. I'm all about IRL dating ✌
    Great take!

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    • ^^ translation: "I took a trip somewhere for a week, then decided to delete tinder after I got home"

      hahaha you know I'm right

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    • Hah "too old" at 28 lmao

      it's all relative, my little brother is knocking on the door of 40 and he's still a champ in the slay-'em-lay-'em department.
      As for "growing up", he's become the substitute father for his on-again-off-again-girlfriend's kids, and he loves the hell out of the little fuckers, but... the boy has a gift. lol

    • @redeyemindtricks haha yeah i remember you mentioning that. This was a couple years ago too, well, just over 1 year ago actually. Yeah, dating and banging is zero probs. But, I need to progress in life here. Have babies, like you lol

  • Or, you know... screw Tinder. Have a great life, have a great job. No shortage of great women in this world.
    By common experience, I'd say Tinder is more of a hook up site than anything remotely serious.,

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    • You can have a great life and a great job even if you use tinder occasionally lol. I don't know about where you're from but where I'm from, tinder has become more and more normal to use as an actual dating app and not just for sex. Plenty of my friends have met their current (and some past) boyfriends on tinder.

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    • From my experience tinder is basically a free escort service for attractive people lmao. I don't think it will ever be a serious dating service.

    • Ya IRL is a million times better

  • i keep running into girls who are still buried in their academic careers. lol

    but thank you for your insight

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  • 3mo

    So are women more open to having dirty kinky sex with a tinder or guy who isn't long term material (whether friend or bf)? It seems perverse that you'd open up sexually for them and not the decent guy who is right in front of you behind the phone you're holding up, you know that handsome and good guy in your social circle?

    I wrote a question on it, care to check it out?

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  • How do I take better pictures a girl on here told me that's my main problem

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  • I've heard and experienced that Tinder to most is just for either A: sex or B: just a game.

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  • How to use Tinder:

    1. Don't

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    • If you don't want to, then no, don't. But plenty of people are successful on tinder, both in getting laid and getting serious dates.

  • Interesting Take, I've never used Tinder before, but now... I'll give it a try, I like the advices.

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  • I post half naked pics like polo lol. My bio says "I bet I'm prettier than you" and once I get matched I'm extremely upfront.. tinder is the easiest way to get laid. The shit is not complicated at all. I laugh at dudes saying tinder is a waste of time.

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  • This is a good take. It may be wise to discuss a little more about what kind of conversation starters are good for a guy (or a girl). I used this site: www.tinderseduction.com/.../ I also think some of the paragraphs could be a little more broken up, but I'm not sure if it's possible to edit a take as I've never made one.

    Anyway, it was valuable information. I don't usually read takes all the way through, but since I've used Tinder recently (to little success) it was good to see some tips on it. Keep up the good work.

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  • great mytake. it really just sounds like any online dating they way you've covered it.
    How long do you think people should text before proposing talking on the phone or meeting? texting too much is bad and so easy to mis communicate? or maybre it isn't time but to a level of comfort? I know for me, I don't want to text that much, it is meaningless, meeting in person is the only way I can gauge if there is anything there.

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  • I've gotten plenty of dates from Tinder but the most that has resulted from them is hookups and flings.

    From what I hear match. com, is a more serious dating site. Never used it though.

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  • Pshhh forget tinder, I ain't about that life.
    I have no problem chirping birds.

    No disrespect tho, I suppose this take will be useful for the forsaken individuals out there. I appreciate the time you took to write this. Respect!

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  • How to use Tinder:
    1-Uninstall Tinder
    2- ?
    3- Profit.

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    • I don't understand why all the guys here are so salty.

  • I used tinder once and swiped yes to everyone. As do every male I know. If you don't like my one picture that's too bad. I had one I considered terrible up and got plenty of matches.

    I don't know a single guy that considers Tinder a real dating app. It's a hookup app.

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  • If you're a guy: swipe right on every picture and hope at least one of the girls have done the same.

    If you're a girl: Swipe right on one of the pictures and there's a 99% chance the guy has already swiped right.

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  • In north america, tinder is -mainly- for hooking up, and other sites still dominate the 'looking to date' market.

    I've heard that its more mixed in Europe.

    General results from dating sites are that girls prefer guys who are not smiling. Or looking at the camera. They are supposed to look off thoughtfully into space, apparently.

    And showing off abs, statistically, works. If you're young.

    FOr girls, cleavage and duckface... work.

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  • "... that he wanted to meet up at 12.30. He sent that message at around 10, so he gave me a 2 hour "notice" to prepare..."

    I thought Tinder was meant as a hook up site, find someone you think is hot and if they like you meet up and...

    Aren't there better sites for actual dating?

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  • Does Tinder ever work for Singles that absolutely never want kids? To actually establish and find a relationship I meant, not interested in shit like hooking up or casual sex.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Tinder shouldn't be used for dating. Smh us youngins are active.. we have work and school and social lives. We shouldn't be relying on online dating apps to help us get dates. I met so many great people by just going out.. running errands or just hangin out at the mall. If you take anything that happens on Tinder seriously, we should have a talk.

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    • Hi, apparently you know nothing about Finland. Nobody approaches strangers here and asks them out on dates. We're basically socially inept. When someone does that, it's considered abnormal. My brother has tried approaching a couple of girls in the street because he's extremely extroverted and very confident (and only like 1% of Finns are like that) and every time he has done it, the girls have become completely flabbergasted. Nobody is used to getting approached by strangers, and nobody is used to approaching strangers. The dating scene here is barely existant, most people find their boyfriends and girlfriends through mutual friends and at parties or other social gatherings. And then they don't "date" in the traditional sense, they just talk and hang out until they decide to become official. Maybe that's why tinder is taken a bit more seriously here in Finland since I've gone on a few serious dates with it.

    • Also there's nothing wrong with using dating apps and websites in order to find people. Some people are just a bit more introverted and might not go out very often, so they'd rather use an app or something. And that's fine. How we get the dates doesn't matter at all, as long as we find someone we really like, and maybe end up being with.

  • Nice take! On #4, advice if they're reacting negatively to not meeting right away - I wouldn't say it's because you're not sure about meeting so soon, or you're shy, or want to take it slower, they just take it personally and think it's an excuse and you'll flake on them or you're not interested so they get afraid they're wasting their time.

    Instead, say yeah it'd be great to get coffee or whatever the date is, and suggest a day yourself that's a few days or more away. You can chalk it up to being really busy. Then you have time to get to know them through messages, time to get more comfortable before meeting up, and they don't feel like you're going to brush them off. Also, then you can tell who's really interested, because if they aren't they'll stop messaging you until the day of.

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    • I don't think it was because they took it personally, pretty much all of them just came off as extremely impatient and as if they couldn't just wait a few days, or a week. Which to me just meant that they probably wanted to rush things. But your advice is good regardless!

  • BRAVO!!! :) I must say a lot of the guys on there have creeped me out but I've chatted with a few decent ones.

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  • I've heard of it never used it before though. I spoke to my friends about it and they say its not a good idea. I'd rather meet a person common places like the movies, volunteer work, church, etc. Just because not everyone is who they say they are sometimes. But if you wanna use Tinder, I'd say go for it.

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  • I don't know, based on what I've seen, girls only really go on there for self-esteem/attention. Guys go on there for the same, and also wanna bang. My honest opinion is that unless you wanna get attention and self-esteem, just don't use tinder... too many hoes (male and female).

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  • Online dating is dumb. Never done that, never will. Just a lot of perverts.

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    • Not at all. You just have to pick and choose who to actually talk to. Just like in real life.

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    • Just because you don't have personal experience with such things it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. I've been both groped and catcalled on numerous occasions, even outside in broad daylight.

    • Well, I've never heard of any of my friends moaning about it, so I just guess it doesn't happen where I live. It is a small town where everyone knows everyone, though.

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